Confused on situation, what should I do? Need a different perspective on this.

So my boyfriend (19 year old male) broke up with me (19 year old female) 12 days ago. We have been together 2.5 years, since we were juniors in high school and I am now a sophomore in college. Basically, the last few months have been kind of rough. We have been arguing a lot lately and he has been getting really angry in the arguments and freaking out.

A few weeks ago we got in a really bad argument and he was trying to leave but I was trying to stop him because I didn't want him to drive since he was freaking out and it wasn't safe.. I was trying to get him to calm down before he left but it ended up making him angrier and he grabbed my arms really tight and was punching his car and was pushing me down then sped off really fast. It was scary and I had never seen him like this.

He has had a lot of stress with work lately and I don't think I was helping his stress because I wanted to see him whenever we had time since I have a busy schedule as well. And I've realized I shouldn't have been like that.

Anyways, the next day he texted me saying he had talked to his mom and he was gonna talk to his uncle who is a therapist to work on himself and work on his anger issues so our relationship could be fixed and we shouldn't be talking for now. But that was three days before my birthday so I asked if he could just keep talking to me at least at until after my birthday, so he agreed. He was planning to visit his uncle who lives in a different state 3 weeks from that fight for four days to do therapy.

So for the next week he was being super nice and we didn't fight, he was being so loving and I don't think it was fake at all because we said we wouldn't talk about relationship problems and I was giving him more freedom and we were happy and being great again almost like we were starting over. Then his mom flew his uncle out here two weeks early. (By the way his mom is paying a lot of money to get sessions from the uncle, who is a family member). So my boyfriend starting doing sessions with him after his work Thursday, Friday, and all day Saturday. Talking to his uncle made him start to get weird and distant from me. For example, on Saturday I wanted to call him since I hadn't seen him all day and he was in therapy for the whole day. So I asked if he could call me and he said no and he was going to bed. I said "can you call really quick I want to tel you about my game and just hear how your day went" and he said "no I'm going to bed, my uncle is accross the hall and he can't hear I'm talking to you, I'm going to come by your house before work tomorrow and see you" but he ended up going outside and talking to me on the phone anyways.

So His uncle wanted to meet with me, my mom, my boyfriend on Sunday at 1. My boyfriend worked from 4-12 that day and he came by my house in the morning at like 3 while I was Asleep and came in and was hugging me and kissing me and telling me not to be sad and it's all gonna work out and be okay. So we finally met up on Sunday, and long story short his uncle told us we should not be together because I am too dependent on him and he has a people pleaser personality and we are too dangerous for each other and I have to leave him alone and not talk to him anymore. He didn't even talk to me though so how would he know... All he had been hearing was my boyfriends side of everything. I asked if there were any other options he said no. There is nothing else we could do and I don't believe that's true (although this time apart has made me realize the mistakes I made etc..) it was so unfair and I didn't even get a chance to try. So he made us say goodbye and he wouldn't allow me to be with him for more than two minutes because he didn't want me to "make compromises" my boyfriend was holding me and crying and saying sorry this had to happen.

I haven't talked to him since. I haven't been able to talk to him alone about any of this. He hasn't texted me and I haven't tried talking to him because I'm trying the no contact thing and I'm trying to give him space. So I'm just confused. I don't know what to think. It seems like he loves me and wants to be with me but it seems like he was influenced to pick this. I really miss him a lot and I have hope he'll come back but I don't want to.. Should I have hope??

The day after his talk his uncle called me and told him how great my boyfriend was doing without me and he's not stressed anymore and I need to move on from him and he didn't want to be with me and he was just being nice by talking to me and saying all of those things. Some people have told me he is doing great, and others have said he's sad. I just don't feel like it was him because I could tell how much he loved me. Before his uncle came he was saying he knows for sure we will be back together after he's done with his uncle he's positive of it. And he was supposed to visit his uncle this weekend and do therapy he was supposed to be there today but I don't think he's going anymore because my friend saw him driving around town today, yet he took off work 3 weeks ago for it and he's not there so he must not feel like he needs it anymore.

But now I feel like he's never going to talk to me again. I'm so confused. He texted my dad when I was helping my dad move a few days ago and said "what's up?" And my dad said "just moving with Sydney (me) and my brothers" and he said "is everything okay how is she?" And my dad said "yes and she's good" he then asked my dad how he was doing and my dad said he's doing good then asked my boyfriend if he's doing good. My boyfriend said "yeah, I'm alright" and my dad didn't answer. My boyfriend has also texted my little brother and said "I miss you guys" and asked how everything was going. I feel like he's not allowed to be talking to me. He deleted all of the pictures of us off Facebook and Instagram and is still my friend on Facebook but he unfollowed me on Instagram and blocked me on snapchat, yet he's still communicating with my family.

I don't know what's going on.. Should I just keep giving it time? Will he come back? I wish I didn't have this hope but there are little things that keep making me think he's going to come back. I'm just scared he will be turned even more against me when he visits his uncle this weekend. I just want to know what's going on with him.

Gosh, I feel like have left out a lot.. There's a lot more going on but it's hard to explain over text. Anyways, at about 6 months, he broke up with me because he came up with a lame excuse. I found out it was because he had feelings for his ex, who was in one of my classes at the time and it tore me apart. He wouldn't talk to me and broke up with me over text back then. So I tried talking to him to get an explanation and he wouldn't talk to me.. So I finally stopped talking to him and stopped trying and he came back to me and we got back together. He said he kissed his ex and realized he wanted to be with me... And he loves me and he has never loved anyone like me.

People always tell me how much he brags about me and loves talking about me. And things were good after we got back together, for a really long time until he switched from night shift to day shift at his work, and I got a new job while trying to balance school and college soccer, and whenever we both had free time I would want to spend it with him. So since the breakup I have realized my wrongs.. How I do see where they were getting the dependency factor. I wasn't being dependent, I was just wanting to spend time with him. And it's not a bad thing he's a people pleaser, I don't think that they should be trying to change that about him because that's who he is and it makes him happy, we have both just had a lot of stress lately, but it was getting better because we were working on it but his uncle made assumptions and I almost feel like he picked the easiest way out to try and fix my boyfriend since he has a limited amount of time and is being paid. I know it probably sounds dumb but that's how I feel.

I have been happier, I have worked on myself, I'm seeing a counselor to be happier, I have realized my mistakes, I just miss my boyfriend and want answers from him and I want to be with him. I'm just confused and I need advice. Should I continue no contact, do you think he will realize? I need an outsiders opinion on all of this nonsense.

This intervention was necessary. Your relationship was codependent, as his uncle said. You both need to grow up independently and stop leaning on each other as a crutch. Continue working on yourself, and let your ex boyfriend remain an ex. Everything will work out.

This intervention was necessary. Your relationship was codependent, as his uncle said. You both need to grow up independently and stop leaning on each other as a crutch. Continue working on yourself, and let your ex boyfriend remain an ex. Everything will work out.

Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it. I'm glad that this did happen in a way because it's helped me discover myself and focus on myself, but do you think he will ever talk to me again? I don't need to get back with him I just need answers from him.

You don't need any answers from him. He may talk to you again, months from now. But any effort by you to reach out will prove that you are dependent and that this was indeed a necessary intervention.

Focus on you...he focuses on him. You two have been dependent for a long time. It won't be easy to uncouple.

Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it. I'm glad that this did happen in a way because it's helped me discover myself and focus on myself, but do you think he will ever talk to me again? I don't need to get back with him I just need answers from him.

You will sabotage your healing/recovery if you reach out or hear from him. Remember the day you broke up, how you felt? You will be there if you reach out.

DON'T DO IT.

It's over, block/ignore him and assume you will never see him again.

Then it's all about time....in time, you will be just fine.

You will sabotage your healing/recovery if you reach out or hear from him. Remember the day you broke up, how you felt? You will be there if you reach out.

 

DON'T DO IT.

 

It's over, block/ignore him and assume you will never see him again.

 

Then it's all about time....in time, you will be just fine.

Thanks, yeah I'm not planning on talking to him first, I'll wait till he contacts me IF he does and even then I'm not going to answer right away, I'm going to leave him wondering and kind of make him feel how I felt.

Your immaturity is showing! Lol. Thought you wanted answers!

He has been instructed not to contact you. He won't reach out.

Your immaturity is showing! Lol. Thought you wanted answers!

 

He has been instructed not to contact you. He won't reach out.

Okay, thanks. No need to say I'm being immature haha. I just am trying to figure out how to cope with this. But I apologize. I just figured he can't avoid me forever. It's hard to give up on something you believed would be forever, you know? But I'm feeling better about it all today, sometimes I have good days sometimes I have bad days.

BF flipped his lid and put his hands on you in rage. Uncle recognizes the severity of this and wants to keep the kid out of jail.

You need to stay away from the guy. Skip trying to get 'answers,' when all you need to know is that he doesn't own the self control to deal with you--likely for a very long time.

When a guy puts his hands on you, you're not supposed to stick around. It doesn't get 'better' from there, it only gets more dangerous. Period.

Contact your local woman's shelter or domestic violence agency to get counseling yourself, and you will discover all the answers you need. You can find these agencies at a national level on the web, and they can refer you to someone local who can work with you. Start with domesticviolence.org.