Starbright1 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I recently met someone online, and we went out for dinner last thursdsay. It was a good date, and he asked me if I wanted to meet up on the weekend - I said yes and suggested a walk in the park. He said either saturday or sunday would work, so i said i would check the forecast and we could go on the warmer day. The following day (friday) he texted me to say that he might have something on sunday but that he would try to change his plans so we could go. I told him not to cancel his plans, and that we could always go saturday instead, or the following weekend. On saturday, he texted but didn't address going for a walk, so i didn't either as i didn't want to propose it again. On Saturday night, he texted to say he had to go into work the next day, so we'd have to postpone our plans to the following weekend - he said he wanted to spend the whole day with me next saturday and cook me dinner. I said that soudned good. This week, on tuesday, he asked me if i wnated to go for coffee or a drink on thursday (tonight). I agreed, but today at 4pm today he texted to cancel because he said he forgot he had a course from 6pm-8pm and asked if we could postpone for tomorrow. I told him I have plans tomorrow and we could try for another time. He then asked if we were still good for saturday, and said he would call me after his course to figure out when we can meet. He called at 9m but i didn't pick up because I don't know what to think. When i didn't pick up, he texted to ask if i was still up for saturday, or maybe sunday. I'm so confused - these cancellation make me uneasy (is it just me or do they seem sketchy?), but on the bright side he's trying to reschedule. He seems super into me because he texts me all the time, and asks me tons of questions about myself, but the actions -cancelling twice - seem a little off. What should I do about Saturday? Is he stringing me along? Do I agree to plans for a third time? I need to respond, so any insight would be appreciated. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 He sounds sketchy, and making a second date at his house cooking you dinner? That is code for a booty call. I think I would say thanks but no thanks then block his number. He might be asking questions, but he isn't making an effort to meet up with you. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 No-one forgets if they have their course to attend, so I don't believe that excuse. It sounds like he's trying to avoid the walk in the park in favour in getting you over to cook you dinner. Plans that involve his house. That's up to you, but those are my thoughts. Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I would give him the benefit of the doubt, the first time. But not the second time. He sounds flaky. Most likely he isn't that interested because of various possible reasons. He might be dating someone else, he isn't completely over an ex, If he's initiating these times to meet, he should be knowing his own schedule. If he makes an appointment to meet you, he should keep it. Always judge people by their actions, not their words Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I'm thinking.. go for it. Try once more to meet this weekend. Yes, at least he keeps trying. See how he acts with this visit. Link to comment
Starbright1 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thank you so much for these quick responses. I felt like I was being overly distrustful, and felt it was worth seeking an objective opinion. Our first date went well, but the two cancellations since have me questioning his sincerity. I agree it's hard to forget that you have a course. And last weekend's cancellation was just odd - he went from telling me he might have something on Sunday to then saying he had to go into work. I feel his efforts to reschedule are overshadowed by the subsequent cancellations. I'm just torn because his texts sound like he's so super into me, and tonight he called and texted after his "course" to follow-up on weekend plans, but i just can't shake the feeling of mistrust. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Okay.. so you met on a dating site? True, he might actually be meeting other's for a date, as well. Are you okay with this? You two did only meet up once, so far, right? Things aren't definite between you two at this time.. Link to comment
Starbright1 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes, I'm fine with him dating other people and i imagine he is. But i wouldn't be fine knowing he cancelled plans with me to go on another date (if that's what he's doing). Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Go with your gut feeling. If you feel like something is off then believe your intuition. If you do decide to go out with him again I would definitely not be doing dinner at his house! Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I agree with Shelly ,definitely don't go to his house yet if you decide to go out with him again.You can't possibly know anyone after meeting just one time.You might want to wait until you feel safe being with him alone and are confident that you can trust him. Why don't you pick a fun activity to do instead? It will keep your mind off things. 2nd date is WAY too soon to let someone know where you live. Always follow that gut instinct...always! Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Given how thin the excuses are this reeks of a married man or someone in a relationship trying to keep you on the hook until he can get free to "romance" you. Or he's deliberately doing it to test whether you have personal boundaries or will let him call the shots and jerk your around. Yes, some screwed up individuals do that to "test" whether someone can be easily manipulated or not. Either way I see nothing but red flags here. When someone really genuinely wants to date you they just do. Sane people do not trot out weird half-baked excuses that, come on, you know deep down are just phone baloney. And yet keep insisting on "just one more chance." I wouldn't even engage this guy in talk or explaining why you aren't going to out with him again. Just block and delete him and move on. Something stinks like old fish here and you know it. Remember, people are on their best behavior at the beginning of any relationship. If this is his best can you imagine how his worst will be? Also who in the hell invites a near stranger to their house for "dinner". Yes, that's code for booty call and it's also extremely dangerous. I'm surprised when I see people even considering doing that with someone they barely know. You've had one good date with the guy, you do not know him. Remember once you go to his house you are on his turf and the wrong time to regret your decision is when you're there and things have gone horribly wrong. Not meaning to scare you, but this is all just adding up to look like someone seeing if they can manipulate you. And that's scary. Trust your gut, it's trying to keep you safe. Block, delete, never respond again. At best he's someone clueless looking for a booty call with the girlfriend/wife out of town. At worst, well I don't think I need to paint that picture. Link to comment
Missed Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I'd go, we all get busy and I forget important meetings/courses until the day they pop up on my calendar. If he seems nice enough then let him do the chasing and arrange the date this weekend. If he cancels yet AGAIN, then yep time to let this one go! All the best! Link to comment
notalady Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I would go to the date but NOT at his place. Second date (well it's really a first date, as the first one is a first meet) is way too soon for going to the guy's home. Also way too convenient a location for sex to "just happen". I would suggest a different date location and see what he says. Every guy who's ever invited me to their place in early dating under some kind of guise (eg cook dinner, or watch a movie etc), has had sex in mind and tried to take things that way. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Sounds like something better had come up, and he decided to cancel. Not cool. Honestly, I would not waste my time on someone so unreliable. Good grief, if this is how he is in the planning of the second date, I can only imagine how things would be a month down the road. Dinner at house: booty call. Writing is on the wall. Move on. Link to comment
missmarple Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I would block and delete him. Cancelling twice + spend the whole day together and then dinner at his house for a second date? Just no. Link to comment
greta96 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Whatever you do, do NOT agree to go to his house as a second "date". And based on his actions, you shouldn't go there for the next 4-5 dates either. Don't reward flakey-ness! Call me paranoid, but the way I see it is this: he flaked on a few real dates because he has no interest in dating you, or spending money on you. He is taking a shortcut to sex, by having you go to his house as a second "date". Cooking, my a$$! This has been used by guys to get casual sex for ages, you can't possibly still fall for it, can you? Be smart about this, before you do something you can't undo. Personally I would bail on him at this point, block and delete, he's already showed his intentions. But if you feel you must give him a chance so you don't end up wondering "what if", fine, go on a few more dates with him, but NOT at his place and do NOT give him sex. Tell him in his face, plain and simple, that you only go to a guy's place after you know him well, that you are looking to go on real dates for now, and that cooking at home is not a date. Act like a woman who knows her value, because that's the only way men will (maybe) treat you as a valuable woman worth keeping. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Cancelling once, I could understand. But cancelling twice? Esp with a lame excuse as "I forgot I had a COURSE that day"? really? listen to your gut here. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I agree that the house invite plus the lame excuses are shady. I would understand two times if one of the times was illness or last minute work emergency (especially if he told you that he might have a work emergency at times) but he seems flaky at best and shady at worst. Link to comment
Starbright1 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thanks again for the feedback. Many have focused on the cooking me dinner part, which I agree is not a good idea as it's too soon to go to his house, and he could have ulterior motives. But given his efforts to reschedule, should I still go for the date tomorrow, minus the dinner? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Are you reading our responses, or choosing to ignore them? Block and delete! Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 But given his efforts to reschedule, should I still go for the date tomorrow, minus the dinner? People already gave their advice and feed back. The decision is ultimately up to you Link to comment
BigKK Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thanks again for the feedback. Many have focused on the cooking me dinner part, which I agree is not a good idea as it's too soon to go to his house, and he could have ulterior motives. But given his efforts to reschedule, should I still go for the date tomorrow, minus the dinner? This guy is quietly re-shifting plans to make them more convenient for a possible smash, while you want to reward him for his tenacity. Do whatever you want, if you're that desperate sure go on the date. Link to comment
greta96 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thanks again for the feedback. Many have focused on the cooking me dinner part, which I agree is not a good idea as it's too soon to go to his house, and he could have ulterior motives. But given his efforts to reschedule, should I still go for the date tomorrow, minus the dinner? It's up to you. Are you sure you can resist temptation and won't end up at his place? Because he will pull all the stops to convince you to do just that, he will sweet talk you, play up the "chemistry" that you two have, he will make you feel like a million bucks, because he's probably done it many times before and he knows how to get sex in the shortest amount of time possible. If you are 100% sure you are able to say no and stand up to him, tell him that going to his place is not a date by any stretch of the imagination and end the night with just a hug and be on your way, then go. If you have any doubts that you are able to do all that, then don't go, why put yourself in a nasty situation? My feeling is that he's only after sex; if not tomorrow, then the next time he sees you, and he will vanish soon after he gets what he wants. So be careful. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I dunno - sometimes I get excited about meeting up with someone, and totally forget that I had something else planned that day. And scary enough, I run three companies! Sooooo, I would just suggest checking out this new place you "read" about for dinner, and say, "after the park, while I love home cooked meals, let's check out this new place I've been itching to go to, and I know you'll love it...is that cool?" Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I wouldn't bother. If he wanted you he would make time, and wouldn't "forget" he had prior commitments. When someone wants you, it's perfectly clear. Link to comment
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