Has He Changed his Tune?

Dated someone casually for nine months. I abruptly ended it when he said he couldn't offer more than what we were right now. He said he wouldn't contact me, I guess, to give me some space to move on.

2.5 months later, he contacts me saying I'm an incredible woman and he thinks about me all the time.

I haven't responded. Not sure what to do.

Has he a change of heart or pulling my heartstrings? Or both?

If that's all he said, I wouldn't say anything has changed. Was it a text? He is likely hoping that this bait will get you to respond and resume casual.

I would think he would have to make a bit more effort than that to get my attention. I'm with the others I would not respond. I think his reaching out is a bit lazy.

He said some other things that are not worth mentioning. Quick catch-up sentences.

He said some other things that are not worth mentioning. Quick catch-up sentences.

Just not good enough. A man who is sincere would pursue you like a hunter after a 7 point buck on the last week of hunting season. He behaving more like a man with a full belly checking out the dessert section of a smorgasbord.

Then he is:

Bored

Drunk

Horny

Lazy

Any combination of the above.

I say that's called 'Breadcrumbs'.

I had an ex contact me here & there. Occasional small talk.

Even had one contact me twice in a month to meet him for drinks... he missed me, etc.

But, he was with someone new.

Meant nothing.

What do you think he could offer you now, that he couldn't 2.5 months earlier?

Is it reasonable to think a man will go from zero to 90 in just one email after 2.5 months of silence? What happened to baby steps? He has no idea if I have a new boyfriend or if I am single, so why put so much pressure on him to go in for the kill? (Not arguing; just asking.)

I rather think he's throwing feelers out there to gauge where I am at.

I would never pursue someone after a long bout of silence, but I'm a girl.

Is it reasonable to think a man will go from zero to 90 in just one email after 2.5 months of silence? What happened to baby steps? He has no idea if I have a new boyfriend or if I am single, so why put so much pressure on him to go in for the kill? (Not arguing; just asking.)

 

I rather think he's throwing feelers out there to gauge where I am at.

 

I would never pursue someone after a long bout of silence, but I'm a girl.

As others have shared some male exes behave this way. It does not mean much. mhowe's list pretty much sums it up. If he truly missed you and saw you were of value he would make a greater effort. His 'missing' you is lame at best.

IF he was ready to give you more, that is what he would have led with. This is as obvious as obvious gets. Guy's horny.

If he really wanted you back, don't you think he'd try harder? A few texts aren't really trying very much at all. He knows where you live - he knows how to send flowers or bring flowers. He knows how to reach your friends and sound them out and see if you'd be interested. He knows how to pick up the phone and call you or leave a voice mail. He knows how to send you an email. He knows how to ask to see you. He's not doing those things because that's not why he sent the texts.

This was a short note via email. It was not text.

This was a short note via email. It was not text.

My answer remains the same.

I went out a few times with a guy, went to his house for dinner, he fell asleep on the couch. I got my stuff & left.

Didn't hear from him for 6 months, then I got the "I think about you all the time" text.

I was bored so I played with him ( via text, not literally )

Turned out he was recently single, bored & horny.

I blocked his number.

I miss him too. I'm not sure what to do.

There's an entire million-page thread about this relationship. About me being aloof and not making myself vulnerable with him and him being an emotionless lizard.

Hearing from him is a huge shock. I did not expect this. For him to say he thinks about me all the time is crazy because he pretty much has no pulse when it comes to emotions. I miss him like crazy as well, so I don't know if this is an opportunity for me to put on the big girl pants and tell him how I really feel instead of being an aloof highbrow as I have been just about the entire relationship.

I think he contacted you because the well went dry. Either way, do you honestly want to go down that road again, Naomi?

I think he contacted you because the well went dry. Either way, do you honestly want to go down that road again, Naomi?

I don't think he ever filled the well after me. I know he has been alone…about 85 percent sure.

Ugh I want to throw up. I am slammed with work, don't know what to say to him, if anything, and i have a million texts from my GFs asking what the hell I'm going to do. Plus my heart is melting because I miss him like crazy and he has no clue.

I miss him too. I'm not sure what to do.

I know curiosity will get the best out of me . I can tell all this curiosity is stopping you from moving on too.If you decide to respond to him,you just have to be prepared for the potential outcomes. If it turns out that he didn't mean anything by his texts.... are you going to totally hate yourself for breaking NC? Are you going to feel like you failed ? Then don't do it. If you can imagine that happening but still wouldn't feel terrible about it, then do it.

I also read this book wherein the author says if you want a commitment and he won't give you one, leave him and do not contact him. If he contacts you within eight weeks, that is the amount of time it takes for him to realize he's got to step it up before he loses you for good.

I don't know if it's hogwash or not. Probably so. But how will I know if I don't try?

Do you really want to go back to an "emotionless lizard" ??

Look at my signature, he showed you who he is, he isn't going to change. You want him to be Prince Charming, but he is still the Lizard !!!

Do you really want to go back to an "emotionless lizard" ??

 

Look at my signature, he showed you who he is, he isn't going to change. You want him to be Prince Charming, but he is still the Lizard !!!

HAHAHAH!!

I don't know what he even wants at this point. Seems like everyone here believes it's because he's horny but my gut is telling me it isn't. He's had other issues going on too. I'm certain he didn't contact me solely for my lovely vagina. We shared more than that, you know.

Well contact him then & keep your wits about you.

Do you really want to go back to an "emotionless lizard" ??

 

Look at my signature, he showed you who he is, he isn't going to change. You want him to be Prince Charming, but he is still the Lizard !!!

Can we really fault him as an "emotionless lizard" when OP admits she brings her own problems to the old dynamic:

....an opportunity for me to put on the big girl pants and tell him how I really feel instead of being an aloof highbrow as I have been just about the entire relationship.