My dad says my mom is leaving him

So I was sleeping and my dad came and woke me up saying my mom is leaving him. She apparently left the house too. So I guess it got that bad. I was in shock and tired so I didn't say much and then went back to bed but then it settled in. But I feel bad for my dad because he seems pretty upset and now I feel like a bad son for going back to bed and not staying up with him. That's beside the point i guess. Does anyone know what I should do? My parents argue but I never thought this would happen. Part of me hopes it isn't actually going to happen.

I'm sorry kid, but there is actually not much you can do. Besides not blaming yourself for all this. You're not your dad's or mom's counselor. So staying up with him till late at night isn't your job either. I understand you want to be there for your dad or mom but they should be there for you more than you're to be for them.

Hey, Kid. I am so sorry this happening to you. How old are you? First thing, their issues are not your fault. Couples have fallouts and problems. These can cause them to need space. Your mom leaving does not mean finality, yet. There is still opportunity to fix this for them. You can't be the one to do it. It is up to them. Your job is to keep your focus on school and help support your dad the best you can. You can also speak to the school counselor, who will help you with any issues you are having. You need to have a routine and stick to it, as you need to prepare for possible changes over the next year. You control you in this situation. It may require you to grow up a bit sooner, but once you understand that you have no control over the actions of you mom and dad the better you will be. You choose how you feel and act and say. Good luck! I understand what your going through and I will help where I can!

Sadly, the vast majority of my friends who have kids are now separated. It's just life, unfortunately. I think you should speak to someone in a position of trust with you, your head teacher for example, and explain the situation so that your studies aren't disrupted any more than they need to be. Distract yourself with studies, sports, etc. Keep strong for both yourself and your folks, and good luck.

Without knowing more about the history of their relationship, anything we can say about them getting back together us pure speculation. Even if either/both of them cheated or was violent, we cannot guess precisely the outcome will be. Unless you know whose fault it was (and there's usually at least some fault on both sides) you should continue to have a relationship with both of them separately. I can say, though, that I really feel for you. Are there any aunts, uncles or cousins you could talk to.

Without knowing more about the history of their relationship, anything we can say about them getting back together us pure speculation. Even if either/both of them cheated or was violent, we cannot guess precisely the outcome will be. Unless you know whose fault it was (and there's usually at least some fault on both sides) you should continue to have a relationship with both of them separately. I can say, though, that I really feel for you. Are there any aunts, uncles or cousins you could talk to.

Sorry for not having much info this just kind of hit me like a ton of bricks and put me on shock. I have been up late talking with my dad not counseling just listening because I know I would want someone to be there for me. And I'm 22 years old lol (Sorry if the name throws you off). so I mean I can handle it if something happens but it just breaks my heart to see my dad so sad. I really just wanted some people to talk to because it's so late at night. But I understand that I can fix this situation and I haven't blamed myself. I'm just worried for him because they work together running a business and they both contribute a lot too it. And there was no cheating or violence. The business just hasn't been as good as it use to be so it creates stress and I think t has something to do with it.

Your Dad reaching out to you isn't so strange now that you've said you're 22 obviously if you were a teenager or younger I'd be a bit miffed that he's somehow dragging you into this. Without any other history or assumptions, when I first read your post it sounded like they'd had a big fight and she'd left to cool down. In what your Dad described, is this something close? Or did she have a calm sit down with him and tell him first?

With them owning a business and being married - with no reason other than stress, it sounds like this can be worked out. By them, of course.

It sounds a little bit harsh, but as I'm only a few years older than you from my point of view, yes my parents splitting up would be sad for me right now. But like you said, I'd be sad for them, not blaming myself or feeling like I need to be a counsellor. It wouldn't affect me directly as I have my own life now and it's not like I need them to be together for any selfish reason. I'd feel the way I always do now that I'm an adult, and that is that they're also my friends, not just my parents. Unless things get a little too intense for you, I feel it is a positive thing that your Dad can reach out to you and talk - it means he see's you as an equal now and not just his little boy.

But that's where your worries have to end. Your parents chose to start a business together, and therefore the scenario of what would happen if they ever broke up must have crossed their minds at some stage. This business is something they have to work out together still, as would anyone who was having trouble with their business partner. I'm sure your Dad is in shock at the moment, but in the morning things will look different for both of them and they will have to start figuring out what to do. Again, they will, not you. Hope you feel better about it once you get some sleep

Be certain of this..., you can't/don't know what's going on and it's not your fault or job to fix it.

Listening is good, and if you think he would; suggest this forum to him.

you can be the link to save the marriage. its never easy to be going through this. But try to convince them to settle things.

Sorry, I disagree. He can play a part but it is better for him to have no expectations.

you can be the link to save the marriage. its never easy to be going through this. But try to convince them to settle things.

I disagree. A lot. Lester has it right: your parents have more going on between them then ever their friends and family - including you and family THEY grew up with - know. Nobody can make an assessment about their relationship except for them, and nobody else can keep it together except for them. It is not, in any way, about you, although it affects you deeply.

I was sorry to read how your dad woke you to tell you the news. That suggests to me that he is leaning on you more than is in your best interests, and that is unfortunate. I am sure your parents are doing the best they can while they themselves are overwhelmed. They are human like the rest of us and make mistakes, and that hurts. But they will always always always be your parents.

Even though you are an adult and know your dad well, it doesn't take away the fact that they have been your parents your whole life, and married your whole life, and this is a fundamental change for you. You also need time and a way to process. I am glad you and your dad share the kind of intimacy that allows you to talk to one another. On the other hand, it would be nice if he were more available to support you rather than you supporting him through this time.

I hope they find a way to sort through their challenges and come together. Some couples with so much shared territory need a tune up around boundary-making, because so much of their lives overlap. My parents worked together for over 30 years, and for much of that time also managed a large family, a month-to-month budget, and chaotic economic cycles, travel schedules, and family dynamics. I know for a fact they didn't always find happiness in their relationship and sometimes stayed together as a sheer force of willpower and commitment and nothing else. I can not tell you I would have made the same choice; I can tell you when they were in their 70s they were glad they did.

In the face of their history, I was still glad to end my marriage. My kids are much much much more stable and happier now than ever before.

From my experience, the thing I learned is to accept whatever reality sticks, even if it breaks my heart, and then find a way to turn it into a good thing. The good things may pale in comparison to the heartbreak. Those things that paled in comparison have ended up making us all happier than we could have known. Over time, they have outsized the heartbreak 10 fold.

thanks for the advice guys. I'm just now finding out where my mom is because she called. She apparently wanted to get some space or something so she went to a house that we have. All I know is I hope everything works out the best for them wether it's being together or separated. As long as there both happy then I'll be happy. But I'll tell you one thing my dad was very sad so it was hard. I can't blame him for reaching out because I would want the same thing if I was in that position.

thanks for the advice guys. I'm just now finding out where my mom is because she called. She apparently wanted to get some space or something so she went to a house that we have. All I know is I hope everything works out the best for them wether it's being together or separated. As long as there both happy then I'll be happy. But I'll tell you one thing my dad was very sad so it was hard. I can't blame him for reaching out because I would want the same thing if I was in that position.

This is a beautiful post. However it turns out, it is obvious you all have a love for one another that will transcend the difficulties.

There is not much you can do. Just have to take what it come. Sometimes it's better if parents get divorced they staying married with no love.. I understand it can be very very hard for you to Adapt and only time will fix your emotions.. Do remember that they bought love you so much and you will end up in the end very happy this way also.. A happier mother, a happier father in the long run. It would be good if you sit down and talk to bought your dad and mom and let them know how you feel and i'm sure they will reassure you!!

You will find happiness again

Nothing you can do.

Apologize to your father for going back to sleep. Comfort him, tell him you are sorry to hear.......let him vent, be supportive son!

I wouldn't really do anything but just be there for him. Wouldn't advice him or recommend anything as you will only hear one side of the story.

You shoudl do the same for your mother as well. Let them settle/work on their relationship.

Nothing you can do.

 

Apologize to your father for going back to sleep. Comfort him, tell him you are sorry to hear.......let him vent, be supportive son!

 

I wouldn't really do anything but just be there for him. Wouldn't advice him or recommend anything as you will only hear one side of the story.

 

You shoudl do the same for your mother as well. Let them settle/work on their relationship.

I'm trying my best. I couldn't go back to sleep anyways so I stayed up till like 6 am talking with my dad. Mostly just listening though.

A lot of people do depend on their grown up "kids" for emotional support. Not sure it is always a good thing but I trust my daughter more than anyone else.

So I was sleeping and my dad came and woke me up saying my mom is leaving him. She apparently left the house too. So I guess it got that bad. I was in shock and tired so I didn't say much and then went back to bed but then it settled in. But I feel bad for my dad because he seems pretty upset and now I feel like a bad son for going back to bed and not staying up with him. That's beside the point i guess. Does anyone know what I should do? My parents argue but I never thought this would happen. Part of me hopes it isn't actually going to happen.

Sorry you've had to experience this. It's a very awkward and uncomfortable situation to be in. But please believe me when i say that both of your parents care about you and that when parents split up it's never because of the children. In an ideal world we'd all live happily ever after but people change.

I went thru a similar thing when my parents split up, but theirs was pretty nasty. Likewise, im going through a divorce with my soon to be ex-wife and we have a 2.5 yo in the middle. But we always tell him that no matter what, he is loved.

Keep your chin up. You'll get through this.