I'm 36 (f) he's 28 (m)

. There is a guy at work who is 28. I'm 36. The way this all started is he did the equivalent of corporate instant messaging to me. Like a random hello. Being a nice person I responded.

Cut to about a month later and man oh man I had forgotten what a real connection feels like. We laugh at same things, same interests, both similar family backgrounds. He asks if I want to go on walks at work (one to two times a day) and we message just light, yet not completely stupid stuff pretty much all day. This is accepted at my corporation lest anyone's hackles be up- (which I would get

My questions-

1) would a 28 year old guy ever be interested in a 36 year old woman? I bought some beer last night (hey-recently broken up with-let it ride) and the girl was aghast and said "Really? You don't look that old (uh thanks?) I pegged you late 20s max." I get that a lot. I'm single/no kids/but my dog is huge to me

2) The 36 year old ( who has dated a lot just same age or older) believes this guy is interested. Do the same rules apply? I've let him do the work and have been nice, complimentary etc. Could this possibly be a time where I should be like "we should hang out?" When I was broken up with I mentioned I had these tickets to future events in a group setting and he said " tickets? I will go". And I ignored ever so trying to play it cool.

Dear friends I would know exactly what to do if he was 34 or 40, but his 8 year young has me guessing everything.

Is this even a possible or do I keep it low knowing friends?

Go for it, considering the fact that both of you are adults.If you two get along, have common interests, are attracted to each other, it's just like any other relationship, than I don't think age matters. Give it a shot and see what happens, what's the worst that will happen?

Amd I would love to. My fear is it would be "wow- I viewed you as an older sister, I'm so sorry!" Like I was the older, didn't seem like that person in his life. "I love our walks and would attend and asked out of kindness because we get along but whaaattt? You're old!"

He is 28 and you are 36... not a big deal at all, you are both adults. Have fun!

But, seriously. If you want to try, just ask home out. He likely is interested.

My only question is, do you all work together? Just remember, don't poo where you eat!

One of you is recently broken up? Not sure if I understand correctly...

" (hey-recently broken up with-let it ride)"

If so.. maybe take it easy for a while to get yourself back to good.

Work place relationships are often NOT a good thing. Don't mix personal life with professional life.

In the end, it's up to you.. but I'm not totally sure this is the 'one for you'. He is stil in his 20's and you are just past your mid 30's. You could be way ahead of him mentally & maturity-wise. That might end up clashing for you.

i suggest being very cautious here and just keep things friends wise.

36 (F) and 28 (M). I don't see a problem. When I was 21 I was dating a 34 year old woman. Ah... Memories!

. There is a guy at work who is 28. I'm 36.

I will stop you right there. DO NOT PROCEED.

Keep your personal life and drama out of your workplace or EVERYONE will know EVERYTHING about you.

You are also putting your career and job on the line.

DO NOT date at work, EVER.

And don't play pretend either. A guy that is attracted to you (clearly) is NOT your friend. Also since you have attraction towards him, you are not his friend either.

Unless you want to change jobs, I would say nip this one. It's not worth it.

There is a WHOLE lot of fish in the sea. Why limit yourself to a little pond you swim in every day?

Thanks to all replies. Thoughtful responses and I appreciate it.

I think I got a bit caught up in the moment and needed perspective.

The one takeaway- it's a reminder to me that people I "click" with do exist. I somehow had forgotten that with my ex and shrugged off lack of similar interests, fun and easy conversations while desperately clinging to anything positive. Turns out I much prefer the ease of a like minded soul. How strange we can forget things like that!

Hope everyone is well and thanks again!

Does he even know you're 36?

I'm 38 people often guess I'm 28....especially at work. New younger people join a team and the first time I go out in a group it a fun game of guess how old I am and I have gotten 28 from the last 3 co-workers I asked. So does he even know is a valid question.

second valid question is....does he want the same thing you want? To me the main difference between a 28 year old man and 35 year old man is often what he wants in a relationship. It's more likely that a 28 year old is n't really looking for anything serious....whereas a guy in his mid 30's may be more ready for more commitment...of course neither is a given there are 28 year old who are ready to get married and 35 year-olds who aren't, but it's with it to find out where he sits on that spectrum.

Finally, dating at work can be okay if you don't work closely. I would not date anyone in my division or anyone on the sales team that is aligned to my team but outside of that I wouldn't see an issue.

I don't know if he knows the actual number, but yes, he knows I'm older than he is.

I've killed the romantic thoughts I've had so that's good. Finding myself single again at 36 brought out a tad of temporary insanity in me. Mostly- oh no, I will grow old alone! And I think that insanity made this guy look viable.

After deep breaths, clarity, and refusing to allow myself to dwell on the past or future I feel much more sane. Also reading here has helped a lot!

Thats why it's helpful to have sites like this. I can post and admittedly sound crazy to gain perspective. Far better than "on a whim" asking a guy for a cocktail only to think "what have I done!" And why! 😀

I am impressed how quickly you killed the attraction

That age difference is nothing. When I was 30 I dated a 45 yr old woman and even that was nothing to us at the time. If you don't go for it you're crazy. He likes you. He initiated contact, invited you on walks and said he'd like to do social things with you. Who cares if you work with him? I've dated a lot of people at work and it was never an issue. You are both adults, if it doesn't work out I'm sure you can be civil towards each other. A lot of companies are large enough that you can never see the person if you don't want to. My advice, don't second guess yourself and don't fight it. Life is too short.

Go Jasper I like your attitude towards age!

Ya know, we keep conversing daily through chat and real life walks and talks and I've decided to just value how nice that is. His sense of humor and smarts/wit makes my work day better. Should he one day try to advance it, I'd agree to a date. But for now, just pretty happy I have this really good looking guy I get to laugh and have pretty insightful conversations with throughout the week. Not a bad problem to have and will take it while I can!

Okay hopefully this will give you hope. I was dating a girl 2 years older then me. I am 31 she was 33. To me if she was 38 or anything wouldn't have mattered. I loved her but careful here " to her it was a big deal and it was always an issue, hence the break up ) just make sure once you start dating that he is okay with it since it's not something that will ever change in time, that age difference is always there.

Yes, a younger guy would be interested in an older woman. Also, 36 is not old imho, so don't worry what others think.

To put things into perspective, my soon to be ex is 8 yrs younger than me, but there was a lot we didn't see eye to eye on.

I too would avoid dating a coworker, well, because if things went south it would be awkward and uncomfortable to be near each other. Keep your love life separate from your work life

Wanted to provide a follow-up. This is very much the short version.

He asked me over to his house several times. I went and we had fun- we also went on a few outdoors type outings. All good times.

The age thing bothered him because despite saying he had "feelings for me" (and we all but acted like we were in a relationship)- the age gap was a big barrier he couldn't seem to get past.

We went to a concert that was not fun. He got mad at me- was borderline if not full on mean.

We ignored each other at work for last couple of weeks. I messaged him that should he one day want to be friends again- I would welcome a change from the extreme awkwardness. He didn't seem too interested in that.

Since then he's texted me a few times- just light things.

Moral- everyone who told me not to go there because of work situation was spot on!

thank you for the update. What was giving a red flag from the beginning is actually the degree of connectedness you felt. When everything starts as if there is no tomorrow and everything clicks all of a sudden, it usually means that one or both people are faking it.

In the past, I used to place more importance on age but to be honest it doesn't matter to me as long as the connection and chemistry is there. The past few months I have been dating this girl who is 37 (I am 31). Things have been going great so between us so far. We have brought up the age difference when we first started dating but it isn't an issue for either of us for now.

If I didn't know her age beforehand (we met on eHarmony), I would have assumed she was around my age as she looks way younger than her actual age.

Also, it doesn't matter what other people think. This girl treats me very well and has a wonderful personality.

. There is a guy at work who is 28. I'm 36. The way this all started is he did the equivalent of corporate instant messaging to me. Like a random hello. Being a nice person I responded.

 

Cut to about a month later and man oh man I had forgotten what a real connection feels like. We laugh at same things, same interests, both similar family backgrounds. He asks if I want to go on walks at work (one to two times a day) and we message just light, yet not completely stupid stuff pretty much all day. This is accepted at my corporation lest anyone's hackles be up- (which I would get

 

My questions-

1) would a 28 year old guy ever be interested in a 36 year old woman? I bought some beer last night (hey-recently broken up with-let it ride) and the girl was aghast and said "Really? You don't look that old (uh thanks?) I pegged you late 20s max." I get that a lot. I'm single/no kids/but my dog is huge to me

 

2) The 36 year old ( who has dated a lot just same age or older) believes this guy is interested. Do the same rules apply? I've let him do the work and have been nice, complimentary etc. Could this possibly be a time where I should be like "we should hang out?" When I was broken up with I mentioned I had these tickets to future events in a group setting and he said " tickets? I will go". And I ignored ever so trying to play it cool.

 

Dear friends I would know exactly what to do if he was 34 or 40, but his 8 year young has me guessing everything.

 

Is this even a possible or do I keep it low knowing friends?

You're recently broken-up with and he's instant messaging colleagues to flirt? Neither one of you seem ready for a relationship, IMO. Nothing wrong with the age difference at all, but he's imprudent / immature and in any case find guys outside the workplace.

. There is a guy at work who is 28. I'm 36. The way this all started is he did the equivalent of corporate instant messaging to me. Like a random hello. Being a nice person I responded.

 

Cut to about a month later and man oh man I had forgotten what a real connection feels like. We laugh at same things, same interests, both similar family backgrounds. He asks if I want to go on walks at work (one to two times a day) and we message just light, yet not completely stupid stuff pretty much all day. This is accepted at my corporation lest anyone's hackles be up- (which I would get

 

My questions-

1) would a 28 year old guy ever be interested in a 36 year old woman? I bought some beer last night (hey-recently broken up with-let it ride) and the girl was aghast and said "Really? You don't look that old (uh thanks?) I pegged you late 20s max." I get that a lot. I'm single/no kids/but my dog is huge to me

 

2) The 36 year old ( who has dated a lot just same age or older) believes this guy is interested. Do the same rules apply? I've let him do the work and have been nice, complimentary etc. Could this possibly be a time where I should be like "we should hang out?" When I was broken up with I mentioned I had these tickets to future events in a group setting and he said " tickets? I will go". And I ignored ever so trying to play it cool.

 

Dear friends I would know exactly what to do if he was 34 or 40, but his 8 year young has me guessing everything.

 

Is this even a possible or do I keep it low knowing friends?

Usually it's the other way around from my experience(guy being older), but I don't think this is a deal at all. You both are very much adults and 8 years isn't that big of an age gap(my parents were 10 years apart and met when my mom was 20). It's about commonality and chemistry.

I will stop you right there. DO NOT PROCEED.

 

Keep your personal life and drama out of your workplace or EVERYONE will know EVERYTHING about you.

 

You are also putting your career and job on the line.

 

DO NOT date at work, EVER.

 

And don't play pretend either. A guy that is attracted to you (clearly) is NOT your friend. Also since you have attraction towards him, you are not his friend either.

 

Unless you want to change jobs, I would say nip this one. It's not worth it.

 

There is a WHOLE lot of fish in the sea. Why limit yourself to a little pond you swim in every day?

I've known quite a few people who met through work and are now happily and successfully married with children. It depends on the people involved.

I've known quite a few people who met through work and are now happily and successfully married with children. It depends on the people involved.

It's not that it can't work out. It's that there isn't one perfect person, most relationships will end sooner rather than later, and if that happens in the workplace it can affect your job/employment. In simple terms, risk > reward. If you don't care about your job maybe it's not a big deal to use your workplace as a singles bar. Which is fair. And if you really think it's worth taking that bet and "breaking the rules" so to speak, it's your risk to take.

I wrote such a long post and it vanished! I'll try short

He asked me out many times

I said yes each time

Increasingly it wasn't fun because we are different

He's not good at above differences

Glad to say- we've since worked it out at work and are amicable

So worked out ok!