Lost Soul Looking for Guidance

Throughout my lifetime I'd like to think I've been a pretty strong individual who can handle most that life has thrown my way but right now I'm so lost and need some help. A little background information would probably suit my question.

My girlfriend and I have spent 5+ very happy years together with some minor bumps along the way. There have been some pretty traumatic events that have occurred over the course of 5 years including losing her grandmother, with whom she was very close to, as well as us losing a baby 3 months into the pregnancy. Every time she completely shuts everyone and everything in life out of her mind with the exception of her ex-boyfriend. Things had never gotten to the point where it went past the two communicating via texts or facebook. She would confide in him despite my desperate pleas to allow me to be her shoulder to lean on. She would realize over time that her ex, whom has cheated and physically harmed her in the past, was still the same "pos" he always was.

Fast forward to this past Saturday when i received a frantic call from her as she was on her way to a concert stating that her mother, who as she always stated was her rock, had passed out and was receiving a life flight to a hospital. Sadly to say her mother suffered a sever brain aneurysm and died almost instantly. This has thrown her entire life into a tailspin. She has 3 younger sisters, 1 of which has no father or mother now, which she was more than likely going to have to help in raising now. For 2 straight days she bawled her eyes out to me telling me how unfair life is and that she has lost her world in her mother. After we spent the day at her mothers house Sunday allowing the family to grieve and support one another we returned home for the night and fell quickly asleep. I woke around 4 am to find her not in bed and a note downstairs saying she went to her girlfriends. The next day I didn't see or hear from her until 2pm when she said she was going to her mothers to stay. Immediately thinking she contacted this kid again, I called her only to find out not only did she call him, she then went to his house and proceeded to spend the night with him. It's now to the point where she has told me that we can't be together anymore because she's caused me too much hurt and its not fair to myself or her. In three days she has barely spoken with me and I'm really struggling over the fact that I feel like I've been completely removed from her life and replaced by someone else. What can I do to help ease this pain and maybe comprehend what's going on a little better, because I've never been more lost in my life.

First, relax. Everything will be ok. You will feel crappy for couple of weeks but you will be JUST fine.

2nd, block her and ignore her completely going forward. This relationship is done. She is a cheating .......you don't want me to insert it for you as I don't want to offend you. You do NOT want this woman in your life ever again. She is no good and certainly not long term relationship material. She has been emotionally AND physically cheated on you for some time (most likely). Accept this fact whenever thoughts of her come up, it will help you deflect them.

Take 3-6 months to heal and get over her. DO NOT do what she did. Jump from one relationship into another. She will be abused some more and try to crawl back. DO NOT be the "stand by"/fall guy. Remember ANY contact or "friendship" = reset of your time investment into healing.

I usually tell people to do the following 3 things during this time. a) mind diversion - when thoughts of her enter your mind, deflect them and think of something else. Something you enjoy. Listen to music. Keep your mind off her. In time, with consistency, those thoughts will go away. b) do LOTS of physical activity (sports, hikes, walks, whatever you like) on daily basis and c) eat healthy diet.

You have 6 months to become the best person you can be, so that when you are ready to date again, you will attract the exact same kind of a person.

And going forward, stay away from girls that engage into relationship with ex, matter a fact any friendships with men in general.

99.99% of the time above is true. And if a girl (note I didn't say a woman) doesn't know this, she is simply either naive or starves for opposite sex attention. Speaks volumes about her intelligence levels as well.

In 6 months time you will think back to this day, read your post and laugh at yourself for sticking around this girl for so long and wasting your time.

Don't worry, it happens to the best of them.

Good luck

I think she had been showing you some very obvious red flags from the start, where she would turn to her ex every time something went wrong. You want to be with someone who does see you as their rock, and when they don't after 5 years something isn't quite adding up. It is tragic what happened to her mother, but it almost seems like the perfect excuse she needed to let go and just do what her inner self always wanted to do and that was sleep with her ex. If she is looking for more pain and torture, then she found it. Just be glad not another minute needs to be spent by you in a fake relationship. I have absolutely no doubt that she will regret her decision, at any point from today, however - her actions have consequences and blaming them on the death of her mother and hoping to get away with it just isn't going to work.