Has curiosity killed the cat?

So when my partner was 18 she went on a girls holiday to Greece where she was filmed on one these reality shows kissing a few guys on a night out. She has previously told all about this and i never really thought any thing of it. The other day however I came accross the old video tape when clearing out a cupboard and for some reason decided to watch it. Seeing her kissing those drunken guys tore my heart out of my chest. Now I have this vision burnt into my mind and see every time I look at her, it is tearing me up inside. My totally sane head tells me she was 18 and we didn't even meet until we were 26. We've been together for 9 years and have 2 kids together. Why is this effecting me like this?

You are not insane, this is a normal feeling.

I assume that it is not only her kissing drunk guys, but everything else this means (decision making, responsibility etc).

However, as you probably know, we all have our skeletons in our history closet, and hers just happen to be on film. it is not a big deal and if you two are together for so long you should accept that her history might have things you dislike or disapprove and in addition, appreciate the fact that she told you about it.

Let it slide, talk to her, come to the realization that things like that were the causes for her finding you afterwards and settling down.

Talk to her, she would probably be flattered that you are jealous and will appreciate your honesty.

Good luck, your life is sweet

i agree with the hulk ^^^

The human brain isn't fully formed until about age 25, specifically in the decision making frontal lobe. What she did then is something she wouldn't do as a mature adult, as she has proven by her present behavior. Nobody wants to see a video, under any circumstances, of their spouse kissing someone in the past. Time will heal you if you keep your thoughts positive. If your mind wanders there, tell yourself, "Every one does stupid things when young. The past is the past." Think positive thoughts about her and what a beautiful wife and mother she's been and is. You can train your brain to go wherever you want it to go.

Apparently seeing what you imagined in PG rating has altered your perception. I would suggest some counseling, because after 9 years and 2 kids, she should surely be "forgiven" for a harmless kissing incident at age 18 that she had told you about.

Your all totally right and that's what I'm at odds with. I don't blame her in any way shape or form. I was out doing exactly the same thing at 18. I don't even want to bring it up with her because I feel it would totally unfair to lay these feelings at her feet not to mention it is my own incredibly stupid fault to have even consider watching that tape! But I can't stop what I'm feeling inside.

Then talk to a professional about it and don't dump it on her.

I would like to add that there are a few extenuating circumstances. She is not affectionate with me and our sex life pretty much doesn't exist. She does however tell me she loves me and day to day we do get on really well. I think things have been bubbling for a while. She has always been very open about her past but it seems the more I learn the more jealous I become and the more I find her becoming a stranger.

When she goes out she drinks heavily and is very flirty, not necessarily in a sexy way, but very open and chatty. I love that she is warm and friendly until it comes to the point where she's off dancing with other men or every time I come back from the toilet she is be chatted up by some guy. Last year she went out to the work Christmas party and ended up at a well known London strip club with only a load of guys, which is totally out her normal character.

I realize that insecurity on my part had a hell of a lot do with my jealousy. In my head I keep coming to the conclusion that we are just two different people that aren't right for each other. But man I love her and love our kids. But I literally can't live my life feeling the way I do.

Really sorry to rant and explode this thread.

Her not being affectionate has NOTHING to do with what happened when she was 18 -- and her being flirty now has everything to do with her need for attention and validation.

Perhaps couples counseling is in order.

Her not being affectionate has NOTHING to do with what happened when she was 18 -- and her being flirty now has everything to do with her need for attention and validation.

 

Perhaps couples counseling is in order.

My goodness thats not greatly helpful ?

Personally I think a good chat is in order. You need to explain your sex and affection issues to her and explain that her living the more wild life style hurts/worries you. She might then explain why she does it and perhaps explains her reasons for it. Most of us have done it but at a certain age slow down a little.not everyone grows out of this but most of us.

Your explanations show up quite a few possible weaknesses in your relationship which I think you need to chat through before you go to a councillor for them to bleed you dry bringing out information that you could do yourself given a relaxed evening together and a glass of wine!

Coming back to the video well to be honest it's the sort of thing that needs throwing in the bin. Do yourself a favour and sod asking her permission. Sit yourself down in front of your open fire when she is not at home, use the video to light the fire and watch the old Her burn away not to be seen again, Treat her well, make her feel special, make her want to be with you and just you, thus epncouraging her to spend her free time with you not out with the girls getting flattered by anyone.

There you go problem solved.

Happy Wednesday. Col.