The scariest feeling ever..

So yesterday I decided it was time, I've been suicidal since I was 16 and I just felt like enough was enough. So I tied my dogs leash around my neck and the other half to the banaster of my loft. I cushioned the rope and made sure the noose was on the right side to block my carotid artery. After a few attempts of trying to do it I just kept sobbing and pulling myself back up (I was doing it sitting) when finally I just let my whole body go. I felt the air leaving my brain, I saw flashing lights, next thing I know I wake up in a panic with the rope still strangling me. It was the scariest moment of my life, I didn't even remember what I was doing I felt so out of it. I kept panicking to breathe and prying at the rope because I did not want to suffocate awake. I finally got it off and just sat there bawling for hours. None of my family or friends understand, I feel so stupid..

Call the suicide hotline NOW. Do not wait. Let them advise you. See your doctor or therapist, you really need some help.

You need to speak with a counselor right away. Please tell your parents of your attempt and get some mental health evaluations.

I have bpd, I used to be on medication but I stopped taking it because I have a history of abusing pills. My parents knew what I was going to do because I messaged them I loved them and that I was sorry. They live a few hours away but we had a very emotional conversation on the phone and I think I need to go be with them for awhile.. I just can't leave my job

I have bpd, I used to be on medication but I stopped taking it because I have a history of abusing pills. My parents knew what I was going to do because I messaged them I loved them and that I was sorry. They live a few hours away but we had a very emotional conversation on the phone and I think I need to go be with them for awhile.. I just can't leave my job

Have your parents come get you ASAP. I know your job is important to you, but your well-being is top priority.

Listen to people above. Call the hotline, get help and see a doctor.

Meanwhile, remember, never EVER make ANY life decisions during time of extreme depression or happiness.

Good luck

Don't worry about the job. You are in crisis right now, you need to deal with that. There will be another job if you lose this one; you only get one body and brain. Now is the time to take steps to cope with what is happening to you, to get yourself into treatment of some kind.