I hurt her.. What do you guys think?

I hurt my girlfriend of 2.5 years and she said she needed space. It's been a month now and all the changing I did, begging, convincing has been done on my part. I think I've done everything I possibly could, so now the only thing I can do is really give her space, go no contact, and stop playing detective on her social media. I know and understand what I did wrong that's why I am able to accept it and I guess not be as hurt as I should be. Owning up to my mistake..

She is a very emotional person and to be honest, she lives in a fairy tale at times. She kinda hides and runs from her problems and everybody who knows her well knows this about her. She is extremely hurt because she felt that I was ashamed of her. We've been together for 2.5 years and she's met my parents, grandparents, great grandma, and siblings, but never my aunts or uncles until my sister's graduation day. During my sister's graduation, she said I wasn't holding her hand. I did hold her hands, just not the whole time. I also remember very vividly holding her around her neck from behind her, but apparently she doesn't remember.. She also had that cliche in her head "If he can't claim you in public, don't let him you in private".. I didn't keep her from anyone.. Everybody I know knew that I was with her.. She also said we had too much sex and I always had to be taken care of and whatnot. I agree that we did have a lot of sex and I did at times get frustrated when we didn't, but I never took advantage of her. I told her from the beginning that I'm not her just for sex. If that was the case, we wouldn't have lasted 2.5 years and I wouldn't have done those things that I did for her. I also wasn't all lovey dovey.. And I know I didn't do all the small things as often as I should've.

Honestly, I did about 80% of the things I should've done. I did all the big things, just not enough of the small things. I bought her expensive things (Money doesn't buy love, I know.. I did it because I love her.), I was always there to listen and help, I hooked her up with a job, I looked past all her flaws and just accepted her for who she was. Of course I did other things for her too, and yes, she did things for me, so I can't use that as my only defense. She wasn't the easiest person to deal with, but I'm always willing to make it work and honestly, I would've never given up or stopped trying to make it work because I'm not a quitter.

In the beginning when we first met, she was at rock bottom. She was depressed, starving herself, etc.. At the time I was 18 and to be honest, I wanted to call quits because what 18 year old would want to deal with that? I stayed not because I felt bad, but because I saw what she could be and what we could be.. I talked to her about it all and took her out to eat a lot just so she wouldn't starve herself. If I left her for that reason, that would've crushed her. Don't you think that means more than all the small things that I shoulda coulda woulda done?

I honestly don't think that what I did to hurt her is that big of a deal. I didn't cheat or beat her. I was always loyal to her. What I did is not something you need a time machine to fix.. She called me a month after we broke up to vent because that was her norm. She said she's sorry and I have always been the person she vented to (she doesn't have too many friends). I was being nice and helping her as usual, but I ended up talking about fixing things and she got kinda mad.. I told her I was sorry for getting all defensive and trying to convince her and whatnot. And if she ever needs to vent, I've always been there for her and I always will be. I also said that we can be friends and just because this happened doesn't mean I'm disappearing off the face of the earth because all the memories we had are too precious (to make her think back at all the great times we had). Then I went on saying no need to act tough as we are only human. And letting her know that I understand the whole situation and know my position. I'm also not stupid and not going to let her play me..

I also found out that she has been talking to this guy and they hung out a couple times. I think it's just a rebound though.. She says it's nothing serious and she doesn't plan on jumping into anything. She also turned 21 not too long ago so maybe this is GIGS?

I know she will always love me, care for me, and even though she says she doesn't, she has feelings for me especially because I was her first. I think that it's just her emotional instability, thinking with her heart, deep feelings/jumping into feelings that makes her so hurt about it. Am I wrong here? Is she just overreacting? Is she unappreciative of what I did for her? I'm so hurt that she isn't willing to work on things right now and gave up on us. I know every relationship/person is different, but given the situation, do you guys think that she'll come back around or I can win her back?

Under the given circumstances, she hasn't given me a reason to not take her back or try to win her back after giving her some time. I know that she didn't fool around with this guy or left me for him.. I think. Well I guess this isn't something to think about yet.

idk.. what do i know... Just looking for some insight and opinions on what you guys think about this whole situation.

PS: I know I am skipping details, but I think I stated all the main points and some things may seem out of order because I'm just typing as I think.. If you guys need clarification or more info on anything, please ask. Also, there were no arguments leading up to this.

I didn't cheat or beat her

I will never understand guys who say this like there are extra bonus points for not treating her like an animal.

That being said, I think the relationship ran its course. You guys are young and she wants to see what else is out there.

so what was it you did that hurt her- that for a minute you let go of her hand in public? that's not hurting her, that's her being nuts.

however. what stands out to me is your list of "everything you did for her".

Is she unappreciative of what I did for her?

your greatness was noble enough to accept her eating disorder, her moody nature, her unrealistic emotional needs, your greatness introduced her to people (and lets not forget was kindhearted enough to not cheat or beat her) so now, after you've invested so much, you're asking whether your past investments oblige her to continue a relationship she chose to exit. No. One enters a relationship, does their best and hopes for the best, and if then things don't work out they don't have an endless claim on the ex because of what they invested while in a relationship.

she has some emotional issues she'll hopefully sort out on her own. you would be neither wise or within your rights to impose your presence on her while she does (or doesn't do) so. you can start by blocking her number and social media.

I think your ex is a bottomless well of insecurity and fault finding that has nothing to do with you and how you do or don't treat her. And really what you describe is actually manipulative behaviors of the gaslighting variety rather than someone who genuinely thinks you don't care. She is in short, the sort of person I often call an emotional vampire. And you're being drained dry.

Let her go, she has issues that really only a therapist and her own will to fix things will ever change. And you enabling her by leaping into the air every time she snaps is not helping her at all, frankly. It's enabling her to never want or need to change. And she simply cannot live like that in the world, because the majority of us do not accept or kowtow to such behaviors. And it keeps her from moving forward and forming emotionally healthy relationships and contributing to the world.

She's given you an exit, take it and never look back.

"I honestly don't think that what I did to hurt her is that big of a deal"

You haven't really said what you "did". Or do you even know?

The first thing you say is that you hurt her, but you don't say how.

She felt that I was ashamed of her.

The first thing you say is that you hurt her, but you don't say how.

She felt that I was ashamed of her

That's what she said, but what do YOU believe?