Cousins

Ive been thinking about this lately. I am an only child, though both parents had siblings hence I have many cousins. Most of them being my age to 15 years older. Half have married or are commited, and have children. A few others are single and even those past 40. Despite having a profession and all. I am starting this thread to know how things are with your cousins? Personally I dont have a problem with any of them but I cannot say either that we are really close. Its always nice to see them, but its like once or twice a year. Yes, some of them are hundred miles away or even overseas so its not like we can hangout often. Its mostly formal family diners.

 

I am wondering a bit how the family will be like when our parents will be gone. Well, not now. They are in their 60s early 70s for most but I thought Id share this and read a bit about your interaction with your cousins.

My Mums Sister married my Dads Brother, so I literally have 2 Cousins. That is my whole family.

Growing up we were very close, seeing each other every weekend but once my Grandparents died we all drifted apart.

The last time I saw them was at my Sisters funeral 7 years ago!

Pretty sad huh!!

I was raised thousands of miles from all my cousins. I'm not close to my father's family at all. And my father made it almost impossible to have any relationship with the cousins on my mother side. My father moved in with my mom's brother's wife and took over raising my cousins so they are too embarrassed to even talk to us for the most part . They are too embarrassed at the relationship between my father and their mother. My father and their mom have been broken up now for about eight years though. So basically I have no relationship with any cousins.

 

My son he's an only child. He is close to my brother's daughters. And he has other step cousins as well but he's not as close to them.

All of my cousins live in different states. Just as friendships change or dissolve, so have my relationships with cousins. There were two I used to be close to. One would visit, although maybe she just liked the warmer weather of my state. I would call one, but she stopped answering the phone. It could be she didn't enjoy the conversations, or perhaps because she seemed to become somewhat of a social hermit, even with her sister.

 

Right now, I'd only care to see one cousin. Maybe if we all lived closer, it'd be better, or maybe much worse. At least I have good memories of childhood fun together, when we did live close by to one another.

My Mums Sister married my Dads Brother, so I literally have 2 Cousins. That is my whole family.

Growing up we were very close, seeing each other every weekend but once my Grandparents died we all drifted apart.

The last time I saw them was at my Sisters funeral 7 years ago!

Pretty sad huh!!

 

My mom has three sets of double cousins. Her mom and three of her mother's sisters married my grandfather and three of his brothers. But her parents had eight brothers and sisters each so she has tons of cousins. Some have passed away now though. My mom is the third youngest of all her cousins and she 69 so a lot of her cousins are in their 80s.

 

My mom is super close to all her cousins.

I have cousins in the midwest but I don't really have a relationship with them. They live far away, don't call, and I don't call them. Last time I saw them was when my (our) grandparent died years ago. Haven't had contact since. I imagine I probably won't see them again until someone else dies, if they even show up, who knows.

 

I do have one cousin who lives far downstate but he and I aren't close, aren't in contact, and during the very rare times that we do see each other, well, honestly, I don't want to talk about it but it's weird.

 

Then I have one cousin who is in Canada who is probably involved in weird, sketchy stuff (long story) and I don't WANT a relationship with him so I don't have one. He lives like a fugitive. He has made bad life choices and he's alone and he never came to funeral. He should just keep away, imo.

 

I'm pretty apathetic about it all. In my mind, only my intermediate family is my family. I don't think of anyone else beyond that.

So... my grandma, in true Spanish Catholic fashion, had 13 kids. I've got 12 aunts and uncles and 31 cousins ranging from 6 months old to 24 years old. I'm the oldest. I love each and every one of them and get along with them. What's kinda funny is I'm actually closer in age to my aunts and uncles (my youngest aunt is 4 years older than me) than some of my cousins, so some of them call me "uncle" by mistake.

 

But of my 31 cousins, I've changed the diapers of at least 20 of them. It might be a Hispanic thing, but I couldn't imagine being indifferent toward them. I love them.

I have a lot of cousins. I dont know any of them on my dad's side, I did see some of them when I was a kid but not since then. There were 11 of us on my mother's side, and two have died. I have not seen any of them in years. It's ok with me as we were never close. I could walk past them and not recognize them. Some people come from close families, but I am not one of them.

My mom has three sets of double cousins. Her mom and three of her mother's sisters married my grandfather and three of his brothers. But her parents had eight brothers and sisters each so she has tons of cousins. Some have passed away now though. My mom is the third youngest of all her cousins and she 69 so a lot of her cousins are in their 80s.

 

My mom is super close to all her cousins.

 

So cool! Family is family in your crowd. I love it.

I remember many years ago, my dad learned he had some cousins in the area. My family went and met up with them one day. It was lame. My parents were bored I guess and I got upset because their kids sucked; they were being mean to my sister. Seriously, f those people. I was like "I don't want to see them again" and I guess my parents felt the same.

 

We never saw them again. For the better, IMO.

My mom has three sets of double cousins. Her mom and three of her mother's sisters married my grandfather and three of his brothers. But her parents had eight brothers and sisters each so she has tons of cousins. Some have passed away now though. My mom is the third youngest of all her cousins and she 69 so a lot of her cousins are in their 80s.

 

My mom is super close to all her cousins.

 

That is awesome!

I have never heard it called "double cousins" before!!

I haven't a clue how many cousins I have. 40 maybe? We've had huge family events, in fact my wedding included hardly any of my friends. Over 100 of fam.

 

I love my family. We are an extended family, literally and emotionally. Because of age and geography differences they generally know me better than I know them. No matter. If you're family, there is a base line of love that we do not question.

 

As an adult, I came to see that other people made tight friendships more than I did, whereas there were already so many people in my life I wasn't so available for others the same way. When there are lots of relatives, every event is a party. I thought it was a gas.

 

Now in the throes of being a one woman show, I haven't kept the ties that I inherited. Haven't broken them, but haven't invested either. I am so at home with my friends that is where my attention goes. My closest gfs, our kids all love each other too, and our home families the same. It isn't the same, but it isn't worse, that's for sure.

I remember many years ago, my dad learned he had some cousins in the area. My family went and met up with them one day. It was lame. My parents were bored I guess and I got upset because their kids sucked; they were being mean to my sister. Seriously, f those people. I was like "I don't want to see them again" and I guess my parents felt the same.

 

We never saw them again. For the better, IMO.

It's foreign to me, but I understand it. I remember when I'd first left my home town/family and I met a friend and they said something to the effect of, "I think I have a cousin in [x]," I was completely baffled. But I learned pretty quick that non-Latino/Hispanic families generally put a lot more emphasis on the core, nuclear model and a lot less on the extended folks.

 

I'll admit if I didn't grow up babysitting and looking after my cousins and really only had a name to know them by, it wouldn't be worth trying to get close with them just because they've got some of your blood.

Thanks for those interesting response. Ah yes, funerals how could I forget... Great-uncles/aunts who passed away in the past years. Sadly, I attended more funerals than wedding regarding cousins recently. But like almost everyone I have great childhood memories with them. When you are the only child and you are young, they are like bros and sisters.

I am closer with certain cousins than others - blood doesn't mean you bond! I am now a Great Aunt so my son has 2 new cousins who are 6 years younger than he is because my husband and I had him relatively later in life (pun intended). I recently reconnected with one of my cousins in part because of Facebook and I'm glad -she's one cool person.

That is true, jman. Non-hispanic families (I am white) tend to focus more on the intermediate, nuclear unit. If you grow up with them and the focus is different, of course you would all get to know each other really well and have those bonds. I have none really to speak of.

Yup, Im close with all my cousins on my Mom's side.They are like(and much more than) brothers and sisters to me.I don't really know anyone on my dad's side as there was a huge fight between my dad and his siblings and they aren't on speaking terms.I have 2 boy cousins and 2 girl cousins on my mom's side. Well 5 years before I had 3 girl cousins, but the second youngest one's parents died in an accident (she was 9, I was 13) so my parents took her in so she's my adopted sister now.

So cool! Family is family in your crowd. I love it.

 

Yes! My mom has something like 60 first cousins .

That is awesome!

I have never heard it called "double cousins" before!!

 

Yes, four sets of kids shared the same four grandparents.

Yes, four sets of kids shared the same four grandparents.

I am trying to get my head around this !! Lol