Note of thanks

Hey.

I just thought I would give an update, I have been posting over the last few months regarding a mess I managed to get myself into with a x colleague at work. Nothing physical but enough to constitute an emotional affair and certainly not the way I want to be behaving or treating my wife and family.

Anyway a few weeks ago After my last post and some decent advise I decided to man up and bring it to a conclusion. I wrote a letter to the girl explaining that I had to stop all contact and leave her alone as whilst we were friends there was more that In the background and it was disrespectful to all everyone especially my wife and kids.

I wished her all the best which I truly do and hope that she finds someone special who will make her feel like a million bucks. It's been a few weeks now and im trying really hard to be there and improve my existing relationship with my wife. It's hard not to I keep thinking about the other woman wondering if she is OK etc etc and I have considered txting to check but know how bad an idea that is so have opted to post on here rather than make contact.

I'd just like to say thanks to the those how gave positive advise to my earlier posts. You did make a difference and I'm grateful for your help

Regards

John

Delete her number, do not text her!!

Put your time & energy into your family, not some fantasy.

Good for you to NOT msg her.. don't need to string things along.. again!

neither of you need that...

What you DO need to do is get over it! And FOCUS on your wife & kids here.. isn't that what you want???

So, no need to 'wonder' if the other one is 'OK'.

Worry about yourself now and the family you have.

IF you find you cannot do that, maybe consider moving elsewhere for work?

John, I am so glad to read such an inspiring post! The way you handled your dilemma is exactly what differentiates good people, with moral values and respect for themselves and those around them, from the selfish, rotten, weak, cowardly ones who choose to step all over those who love them, just to satisfy their own needs.

I have been in your shoes a few times and I know how hard it is. Doing the right thing is always much harder than indulging and taking the easy way out, at least in the short run; but it does pay off in the long run!

It's natural that you will think about her at times, the key here is to not give in. Don't worry, she's OK, but by contacting her, you would undo all the good that you did, and you will give her mixed signals which will hurt her. You didn't hurt her when you sent her the letter, because, if she has any decency in her, she must have known she's playing with fire, and that what she was doing was uncool. I'm sure she knew it was coming and she understood. But if you were to contact her again now, you would be hurting her. Why mess with something that you finally put some order into? Whenever you have the urge to contact her, go talk to your wife, send her a text, or go do something you like, have a coffee, whatever, until the urge passes.

Congratulations on doing the right thing, I'm glad to hear good, decent people are still out there, in a world where cheating and casual have taken over.

Delete the number

You can write in a journal any time you have an urge. Write your thoughts and realize that It'll only lead you to more heartbreak if you contact her. Simple one is call up a friend, a good friend who would persuade you not too, read a book, realize the she is an ex for a reason.Good luck

I'm happy to hear you're doing the right thing. Keep in mind the urge to contact this woman is you just going through the cold turkey aspect of giving up something that was allowing you to escape reality. Sort of like giving up that two glasses of wine every night or that hit of coke in the bathroom you were using to be able to get through the day and not have to face whatever made you start looking for escape hatches in the first place.

In short, you're dealing with reality and the lure of addiction is still in the background, calling. Ignore that little voice, continue to focus on making things better for you, your family and your wife. Understand it's the fantasy you've given up that you're missing. And yeah, sometimes cold turkey hurts, but it is seriously the only way to go when giving up any sort of behavior, habit or substance that can destroy everything you've worked hard to have. And that includes an affair or unhealthy fixation on someone.

Stay strong, maybe look into couples counseling or even just some solitary counseling to talk to someone by yourself. You are likely unhappy about other things in life, the situation you found yourself in was a bit of an escape. Use it all as a wakeup call that you need to change things, you need to change your life, in a positive way. And then move forward.

In time it will get easier, but you need to maintain NC. You need to hang in and keep cold turkey and from there change your life around, so you aren't tempted. You can do that and I wish you nothing but the best. Good luck.

P.S. You have no idea how great it is to read an account from someone who decided to do the right thing instead of the "big deal, everyone does it, screw my partner and kids" thing.