She doesnt shower everyday!

Ok, a gal I started seeing just mentioned that she needed to take care of some hygiene things she didn't do over the weekend. Last night I had her ...uhm, but no sex. so ... I laughed and asked what that is, thinking maybe wash her hair, I know a lot of gals do not wash their hair everyday. She mentioned that she doesn't shower everyday. Now she cam on a date with me unshowered! Also the day before she had been hiking! I am totally freaked out! I shower everyday, and if I get sweaty at work I will shower again before a date. Especially if I think there may be some action involved. Am I over reacting? Am I insane!? I am so freaked out right now.

Well, you are freaking out. Some people shower every day, others don't. It is a personal choice.

Personally, I don't really wake up until I have had my shower. I will occasionally postpone a shower until AFTER a workout, but I have been known to even shower BEFORE one.

If it is a deal breaker, than it is.

Some people don't shower every day. You can either live with it or you can't. Considering you're freaking out, I think you should stop seeing her as I doubt she'd change her habits for you.

After reading your last thread, it seems odd that you're talking about taking "showers" after only one date.

I appreciate your advice, both of you. And this is more for another thread, but... a lot of times we advise, and do, to move on, deal breaker etc... I wonder if that is healthy? I mean do we keep jumping around hoping to find that perfect match? Does it actually exist? If we compromise, like here with the shower gal, do we lose a part of ourselves? DOes it begin to landslide until it is ugly and we have no idea how we got there? Just a curious thought.

If personal hygiene is a dealbreaker, than it is.

If you said she eats Cheerios for breakfast and you hate Cheerios ---- I would say that you are just looking to jump.

Oh , I have known her a bit. It was just a conversation about what she has to do today.

Not everybody showers everyday. If you are freaking out this much about it, she's not the right person for you.

But having said that, if you are in your 40s or almost 40s and still doing the first date thing, perhaps you need to learn to relax a bit.

Why are you "totally freaking out"? This seems like a bit of an overreaction.

Something like personal hygiene is a big deal breaker if they don't do it regularly, at least for a lot of people I know of. For me personally, I shower once daily, and would consider it gross if I dated someone that didn't. But that's personal preference. Like Mhowe said - it's up to you. If you find it gross, then remember that she likely won't change her habits for you.

I don't shower every day but I always showered/bathed before a date.

Would you have noticed if she didn't tell you?

All the women in my family have been blessed with un-smelly BO. Yup, never had to wear deodorant, and I'm a red-blooded American. Granted, I also don't sweat like a man. And I also don't grow hair in my arm pits. So, if a person showers every other day, so what? You know how much work having long hair is to dry and style?

Does she smell bad? Then, that would be weird, then. And stinky.

I shower twice daily, and so this would be an issue. Not showering after the hike, is pretty gross.

All the women in my family have been blessed with un-smelly BO. Yup, never had to wear deodorant, and I'm a red-blooded American. Granted, I also don't sweat like a man. And I also don't grow hair in my arm pits. So, if a person showers every other day, so what? You know how much work having long hair is to dry and style?

 

Does she smell bad? Then, that would be weird, then. And stinky.

I shave my head so I have NO clue.. ha ha

No she doesn't stink at all.

I just am looking at holes I suppose. Like does not showering mean there are other things in her life she neglects. Your stories about what you all do help me understand what is normal and what is in my head.

I ran a half marathon a few years ago, and did not need to shower, smell-wise, like at all. And took a road-trip with my bestie after the race. I don't get slimy after a work-out. Like at all. In fact, my friends, hubby, like to think I'm a mutant. But it's hereditary. Neglect? I dunno? I clean my kitchen everyday - oh, I do wash my face every day, and brush my teeth twice a day. And get a pedicure (rarely), but do when I can sneak a bit away from the fam on weekends. How I judge if a person leaves things unresolved?...They always fall asleep at the couch with the lights on, they always pay their bills late, or forget entirely, they play victim for just about anything.

Showering regimens are different for everyone, so I wouldn't hold that against her, unless she was stinky. Now if she didn't shower like at all, ewww.

Just wanted to put this out there:

"How Often Should You Shower?

Bathing on a regular basis is very important for several reasons. It can help prevent disease and will also promote good hygiene. The important thing to keep in mind, however, is that how often you should bathe depends on many different factors.

Experts tend to agree that most people should avoid showering too frequently and in fact, if they reduce the frequency it can be an incredibly healthy decision for their skin. The exceptions to this rule are people who commute in the subway or other crowded spaces, go to the gym daily or are in contact with potentially sick people (such as those coughing, sneezing or sniffling during the flu season).

In most cases you only need to shower twice out of each three days and some people can do so just every other day. When you avoid showering daily, your skin is better able to maintain its balance, making it radiant and healthy. The important thing is to remember to use a wash cloth on any specific areas that need daily attention for hygienic or smell-related reasons. If you feel the need to wash your hair every day, there is no problem with this.

You should shower more often depending on a few factors such as if you use public places that are filled with bacteria (like the subway or buses), have a job that is physically demanding or exercise regularly.

Why Should You Not Shower Too Often?

1. Make the Skin Softer

Your skin receives its hydration from two main sources. It attracts moisture that is in the air and it also gets hydration from the beneficial oils and water found within your body. It is important to keep in mind that when the air outside gets dryer, your skin will as well as there is less moisture for it to attract. Some people decide to use a lot of moisturizer to solve the problem but a better option can be showering less often. That is because when you use hot water (which most people do, especially in cooler months), it will soften your skin’s oils, making it easier for them to wash away and therefore dry out your skin. This means that ideally you should shower less frequently and opt for a nontoxic soap in the locations you need it. If you do this, your skin should be able to find a happy healthy balance by itself. If you feel you need more, opt for pure shea butter creams or organic raw oils such as olive, jojoba and coconut.

2. Give Off the Natural Scent

When talking about giving off your natural scent, it is important to clarify that this should only be obvious when someone gets close to you; if they can smell you from far away you should consider switching deodorants. Experts have linked smell with sexual attraction as well as selecting a mate both on the physiological and psychological level. This means that by showering less, you may actually do better at attracting a partner.

3. Preserve Helpful Bacteria

Most people realize that our stomachs need good bacteria to function but not everyone realizes that this is true of the skin cells as well. The New York Times had an article in which Dr. Richard Gallo who is the dermatology chief at the University of California pointed out that good bacteria in the skin cell help these cells learn how to produce their own antibiotics that can help protect us from bad bacteria. Body lotion and most soaps don’t provide this benefit; only showering less frequently does.

4. Protect from Harmful Chemicals

You may be surprised to learn that having oils and dead skin cells on your skin is actually beneficial. These elements provide a kind of protection from harmful bacteria. They also make it more difficult for certain chemicals to penetrate the skin. This is crucial as these chemicals can damage the skin and in some cases other parts of the body as well. When you shower, you remove these oils and dead skin cells from your skin and in the process make it easier for chemicals to get in. this is even worse if you are using harsh soaps or body washes that contain chemicals. Because of this, experts suggest always selecting a nontoxic soap with a minimal number of ingredients and only using it when necessary and in the locations that truly need it.

5. Reduce Skin Irritations

Skin irritations are fairly common and people who deal with these issues such as rashes, general irritation or even something specific such as rosacea and eczema know that taking hot showers makes the problem worse. In fact, their skin tends to behave better when they take fewer hot showers. Some people with psoriasis, eczema or other similar conditions will actually be allergic to the sensitizers found in shampoos and soaps. If you remove these toxic products from your routine, you are likely to notice a significant decrease in rashes and irritations. Some people will even see their problems completely disappear."

Would you have noticed if she didn't tell you?

Thats actually the issue. I dont want people tell me Im smelly. I shower everyday and twice on hot summer days. When I get a day off or on vacation Id take my time for a shower ie. An hour or more after waking up and eating breakfast.

I've read or watched about this. Although the OP thinks he's just looking to self-sabotage - like her pinky toe is too long kind of excuses. This is why I think the OP should not rush! No sex until you really get to know her. Sorry - baby brain moment - had a point and more to share. But OP, just keep in mind, there's a reason why you're still single. And I mean this lovingly. The only perfect person in the world for you is you. So, if you can make eachother laugh, you and actually like eachother, and are attracted to eachother, kick-back, and enjoy her company.

Agree with Ms Darcy!!! I cannot shower everyday. It dries out my skin and hair. I do try and plan my workouts around my shower schedule.

Ok, this would be an absolute deal breaker for me. I shower once a day, and twice, if I worked out. I also brush my teeth 3-4 times a day. I expect anyone who I am with to be just as clean. But, this stems from my ex husband going weekends without showering and only brushing his teeth in the morning. Gross. I do not want that kind of person again!

Yeah, OP I think if you didn't think she smelled before she told you then you just need to get over it.

Also another option for the shower comment: My mother actually takes a bath most days so when she says she needs to shower she means actually shower - which means washing her hair. So it's possible that this girl bathes every day in some way but just doesn't shower daily.

Well, you are freaking out. Some people shower every day, others don't. It is a personal choice.

 

Personally, I don't really wake up until I have had my shower. I will occasionally postpone a shower until AFTER a workout, but I have been known to even shower BEFORE one.

 

If it is a deal breaker, than it is.

I don't leave the house without showering, not even to go to the gym. My wife thinks its crazy but its how I am. But to your point, not everyone is the same.

For me it would only be a deal breaker if there was "funk" involved in anyway.

Yeah, OP I think if you didn't think she smelled before she told you then you just need to get over it.

 

Also another option for the shower comment: My mother actually takes a bath most days so when she says she needs to shower she means actually shower - which means washing her hair. So it's possible that this girl bathes every day in some way but just doesn't shower daily.

Still might be an issue, since I've heard that taking baths may help promote UTIs? (Not sure of the science about this, because I literally just heard about it this weekend. Anyone have some science?)

I personally don't shower everyday unless it's hot, I work out, or have a strenuous day at work. So about every other day, I guess, sometimes everyday. I live in a cold climate though, so I think it's different here. Very low humidity and it's a bit colder. I think if I lived in a warmer or tropical climate, I'd shower more often, or if there was a lot of humidity. Humidity makes me feel gross.

I wash my privates everyday with wet clothes and such. I would love a bidet of my own someday. But otherwise, hair/body? Eh, nah.

OP, if it's a dealbreaker for you, then it is. If you're absolutely disgusted and can't take it, then don't. Maybe you are being too picky, maybe not. I don't know. But if you're shuddering in your britches about someone's bathing frequency, you're not likely to give in and just accept it, so may as well let it go.