Really struggling to move on...

Well, six months after breakup of 14 year relationship and one month without any contact between us (longer period of time since the breakup), i'm really struggling to move on..

I can't think of anything but her all day long, i'm having a really tough time concentrating on my job, on my hobbies, everything.

It's been so long and i lost all hope of us getting back together...

I can't believe how a person who was so close to me, who loved me so much, could just walk away, and never look back.

How can she not miss me ? How can she not miss what we had, the only person in the world who really knows and understands her, who helped her through everything in her life?

I don't take pleasure in anything i do these days, and i have been travelling, going out, been with friends, changed my appearance radically, look much younger...

I can't even understand, after six months, how could she pull the plug on everything, why she did it, how can she not regret it...

Any suggestions on how i can turn this around, and really move on?

I just wish i wake up one day, and i am looking forward to whatever i have to do that day, instead of going around like a robot.

I think you have done really well with a month of no contact (stronger than me) keep going with it and in another month itl get easier and easier again as time passes, keep yourself as busy as possible, surround yourself in company,

I have found people have stopped asking how I am and they presume I'm okay after a few months since breakup so I have one or two friends who I can text or talk to about my ex, I just ask them if I can come round and have a cry or a chat to get my feelings out, people are there if you let them in

Keep strong

Totally understand Jones.

My suggestion is exercise and eating better. It really helped me survive the last 30 days no contact. A big project at work, also helps.

I wish I knew how people just leave. It is what is.

You have to have hope and focus on yourself.

You have made it 30 days

Make it another 30

Your doing fine.

We don't give ourselves enough credit, as we are still in love with our partners.

Keep strong! Live!

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I was married for 17 years. My husband left me VERY out of the blue, I literally did not see it coming. I was so depressed and even thought about ending my life. I had the how, when and where planned. But I didn't do it, I survived what I thought I couldn't. And so will you. It takes time, I moved on and found happiness again. I took it one day at a time. I had good days and I had bad days, but eventually there were more good days than bad. Hang in thee, it does get easier.

Totally understand Jones.

My suggestion is exercise and eating better. It really helped me survive the last 30 days no contact. A big project at work, also helps.

I wish I knew how people just leave. It is what is.

You have to have hope and focus on yourself.

You have made it 30 days

Make it another 30

Your doing fine.

We don't give ourselves enough credit, as we are still in love with our partners.

Keep strong! Live!

I don't have any problem with the no contact from my part, i really don't want to contact her, and don't have that urge.

I just wish she had the initiative to contact me, since she was the one who threw it all away.

In the past three months, i have only initiated contact with her once, and was to ask her to have coffee 6 weeks ago. She agreed, and we end up having dinner together and had a great time for 3+ hours.

I really loved being with her, and from that moment on, i knew that if she felt the same, she would reach out to me.

Apparently, she didn't, and she hasn't contacted me for 5 weeks. Neither did i.

I understand the need and wish for them to contact you.

Unfortunately, I think has to do with them being done before they tell us. We are in catch up mode when they do tell us. It is hard to believe the not wanting to contact. It is what it is.

I loved being with mine, too. Just fell off the face of the earth. Just missing in action

I don't have any problem with the no contact from my part, i really don't want to contact her, and don't have that urge.

I just wish she had the initiative to contact me, since she was the one who threw it all away.

 

In the past three months, i have only initiated contact with her once, and was to ask her to have coffee 6 weeks ago. She agreed, and we end up having dinner together and had a great time for 3+ hours.

I really loved being with her, and from that moment on, i knew that if she felt the same, she would reach out to me.

Apparently, she didn't, and she hasn't contacted me for 5 weeks. Neither did i.

We've all been through the whole fantasy of our ex coming and knocking our door down in the pouring rain, begging for us back. The reality is, that in their mind, we are pretty much like anyone else in their life. Pretty disposable and not necessary. It's a harsh reality, but it can help you let go of that need to be wanted by them.

And in all honesty, if my ex came crawling back to me, I would send him packing. It's more my PRIDE that wants that. It would be my self esteem that would benefit. In my head, I know the relationship was flawed and not ultimately what I wanted. I hope you will be able to come to a similar conclusion as you keep going strong with your no contact.

We've all been through the whole fantasy of our ex coming and knocking our door down in the pouring rain, begging for us back. The reality is, that in their mind, we are pretty much like anyone else in their life. Pretty disposable and not necessary. It's a harsh reality, but it can help you let go of that need to be wanted by them.

 

And in all honesty, if my ex came crawling back to me, I would send him packing. It's more my PRIDE that wants that. It would be my self esteem that would benefit. In my head, I know the relationship was flawed and not ultimately what I wanted. I hope you will be able to come to a similar conclusion as you keep going strong with your no contact.

If after 14 years together, half our lives, our entire adult lives, im disposable, not necessary, and like anyone else in her life....then ive been completely wrong about her during all this time, and i wasted 14 years.

I refuse to believe that.

If after 14 years together, half our lives, our entire adult lives, im disposable, not necessary, and like anyone else in her life....then ive been completely wrong about her during all this time, and i wasted 14 years.

 

I refuse to believe that.

Feel free to refuse to believe it, but it's the harsh truth. I'd say you and I are pretty unnecessary to our exes because they haven't tried to contact us and quite literally abandoned us. They have already started moving on and are working on loving us less and less. Once someone decides to let go, they have to stop caring, otherwise it would be impossible.

I don't mean to sound negative or anything, but we have to face what is really going on. They aren't invested in the relationship, even a tiny bit, anymore. It's done. Over. We're background noise now.

If after 14 years together, half our lives, our entire adult lives, im disposable, not necessary, and like anyone else in her life....then ive been completely wrong about her during all this time, and i wasted 14 years.

 

I refuse to believe that.

Well, personally, I don't think its simply black or white.

After 14 years together I'm sure she does miss you in many ways. I don't know the entire story behind your BU but in many cases it seems like one partner wants to experience other parts of their lives that they feel they can't do while being attached. They are only being honest with themselves, and as unfortunate as it is for those who feel left behind it probably is the right thing for the longterm. If you have literally spent half your lives together she probably just needs to discover who she is, outside of the relationship. That doesn't take away from who you were, or what you had. But it is in the past.

The idea of our ex reaching out to us initially seems appealing, it would validate that we are worthy, and would feed our ego a little. But in the grand scheme of things, these bread crumbs are really doing us a disservice, as it doesn't allow us to move on. So if it helps, her not reaching out can be seen as a sign of respect. She wants you to move on, be happy without her.

Man I know how bad you feel and I totally get the hope. My ex wife left after 24 years 19 months ago. The first year was hell. We had limited contact as our 18 year old daughter lives with me but over time I came to realize I do much better with zero contact. I've learned that there is no way I would take her back after what she put me through. Eventually you'll get there. I still think about her way too much but it was a long relationship like yours. We raised 2 kids and did it all, now it's kaput. She's moved on with someone else because she emotionally detached long ago. She was done. Now she lives with someone else (a mutual acquaintance) and believe me that hurt. I'm sure she had him in her sites on the way out and buried her claws in him. Well now he can pay her bills and deal with her crap. She's not my friend and your ex isn't yours. You don't want to be with someone who hurt you like this. They've changed and shown us their real selves now. It sucks but it's survivable. Don't worry what she's thinking because it doesn't matter anymore. Take care.

Lately i have some good days, where i am able to go work, take pride in what i do, talk to coworkers and everything seems to be going back to normal.

Then, i have some other days, like today, where i just feel really down on myself, wonder where she is, if she misses me, if she wants to reach out to me...

I miss seeing her, talking to her, touching her, her smell..

It freightens me that sometimes i have trouble remembering those things about her...she is really gone!

That is something really terrible for me to acknowledge....

We've together 14 years, spoke to eachother every day all those years, never been apart for more than 4 days!

How can she just move on, and not even have the urge to talk to me and see me?? I cant understand that...

We were together 14 years..and none of us ever dreamt of breaking up..until now.

Never had a break, a big fight, threats of breaking up, nothing...

She left me, our house, our dog, our future, everything, and never even looked back...

How is this possible?

Im really lost...

It happens every day. You'll go crazy trying to make sense of it. Just realize you cannot control someone else's feelings. My wife left me, our daughter, 2 dogs, a cat, the house...etc etc. More often than not someone else has caught their eye. That's what happened with me. And she admitted she was thinking of leaving for 2 years..(thanks for cluing me in)...later she told me it never felt right in the whole 24 years...yeah ok. Just focus on you now. It gets better with time.

Man...reading your stories really makes me feel my situation pales in comparison..I was only with my girl for 3 years...talking children,marriage..things I never thought of before...our relationship was awesome until about a month to go...and this chick really loved me with everything...but then it seems she just checked out..fighting ensues. Lots of it the last 2 weeks...then a big fight and that was that...I've only been able to get through 4 days of NC before I break...I waited for this women my whole life and now it's over..radio silence...like you I refuse to believe that we meant nothing..you know this person better then anyone..but now they're a complete stranger..a distant memory...it's hard man...I couldn't imagine being in it 14 years..so I feel for you and it's good to know someone else is out there feeling what I'm feeling