"best decision he made" dumping me :(

I have a thread on here that details the relationship. I dated my ex for 2.5 years and went out of my way to make him happy and give him the world. I really put my all into the relationship 24/7.

Basically we have one "mutual" friend. The guy is wayyyyyyyyyy more my friend than the ex's friend but they are working on a project together for school and will occasionally hang out. I've told the mutual friend a couple of times I do not need nor want to know what the ex is up to.

Yesterday the mutual friend told me he seriously doubts I'll ever hear from my ex again and that when the two of them were out the ex was saying how happy he is, how many girls he can hook up with, and how dumping me was the best decision he's ever made.

It stung a little but I've tried to remind myself the ex tends to tell people what he thinks they want to hear vs what actually is. I know when he broke up with me the first time he seemed so happy and great but in reality he was depressed and drinking alone (his cousin who lived with him told me this). He also really acted like he loved his summer job and has been telling our whole class how much he loved it when he would regularly call me over the summer and say how much he hated it.

True or not it still hurt to hear that he's so much happier/made the best decision in leaving me when I went so far out of my way to be great to him and treated him like gold.

My ex made a special point of telling me how happy she was with the guy she left me for.....of course she was, it was brand new. But the act of telling me that shows exactly how much regard she had for my feelings.

You can't really take to much form it. Maybe it's complete crap, maybe it's the truth. If it's crap you get a tiny little boost that he hurt too, but you can't really live there, you need to move on. If it's the truth, do you really want to be with an unrepentant man-prostitute anyway?

You sound too nice for some guy that's full of crap.

My ex made a special point of telling me how happy she was with the guy she left me for.....of course she was, it was brand new. But the act of telling me that shows exactly how much regard she had for my feelings.

 

You can't really take to much form it. Maybe it's complete crap, maybe it's the truth. If it's crap you get a tiny little boost that he hurt too, but you can't really live there, you need to move on. If it's the truth, do you really want to be with an unrepentant man-prostitute anyway?

I completely and totally do not understand why an ex would feel the need to do something like that! Especially because she left you. I don't know why my ex feels the need to tell MY best friend how well he is doing and how happy he is. My family/friends all think that it's a ploy and is a direct dig at me because he asked to be friends (because he now has no friends in school) and I just ignored him. He sits alone, walks every where alone and generally looks unhappy. None of my friends will talk to him so he's pretty much a loner.

You sound too nice for some guy that's full of crap.

Thank you. I've been reminding myself over and over that the guy is toxic and it's in my best interest for me to leave him alone. Doesn't change the fact that it stings to know someone I would bend over backwards for is happier without me.

my ex did the same but on the phone ot me... 'he feels like himself now' he is happier than he has been in years' bla bla bla. i know how you feel. its nasty and unnessary.

im trying to remin dmyslef that people always get a sense of freedom when they leave a realationship... its exciting and fun. that feeling does fade... it has for me on many occasions, then they look back. unless your relationship was toxic it will be fondly. i am friends will all of my ex's now. (apart from the latest one)

Life lesson #243 ---- don't "bend over backwards" for anyone. It justs twists you into a pretzel, and they don't appreciate it anyway.

You know what, it is the best decision he ever made, just not for him, for you. You are soooooooooo lucky that he is out of your life, anyone who would say things like that doesn't deserve your time or attention. Use it as fuel to go after the things you've always wanted to but where to scared to.

Check out this pic to - it helps me when I'm feeling hurt or angry about things that happened.

You sound too nice for some guy that's full of crap.

In any case, don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. And if this guy is volunteering details that you didn't ask for and you're getting hurt from it, then I'd stay away from this friend for a bit.

Life lesson #243 ---- don't "bend over backwards" for anyone. It justs twists you into a pretzel, and they don't appreciate it anyway.

Amen to this. In fact, people respect you more when you have a backbone.

I completely and totally do not understand why an ex would feel the need to do something like that! Especially because she left you. I don't know why my ex feels the need to tell MY best friend how well he is doing and how happy he is. My family/friends all think that it's a ploy and is a direct dig at me because he asked to be friends (because he now has no friends in school) and I just ignored him. He sits alone, walks every where alone and generally looks unhappy. None of my friends will talk to him so he's pretty much a loner.

I think a better question is why did you friend feel the need to pass that information onto you. Maybe your friend is trying to push you in the direction of acceptance that it's really over?

I think alot of times the "let's be friends" thing is half "i really do value you" and half "I want to keep you around just in case". The problem is it's often 100% "I don't care how much it hurts you as long as I get what I want".

Life lesson #243 ---- don't "bend over backwards" for anyone. It justs twists you into a pretzel, and they don't appreciate it anyway.

Do you have a full list of these somewhere? ;-)

I think I'd make this one "don't bend over backwards for someone unless they're willing to do the same for you" but I have this foolish part of me that wants to sacrifice for the people I love.

Do you have a full list of these somewhere? ;-)

 

I think I'd make this one "don't bend over backwards for someone unless they're willing to do the same for you" but I have this foolish part of me that wants to sacrifice for the people I love.

I do! As I have mastered each lesson, I write them down in my little book. Sometimes though, I think I have mastered them ---- and they pop up later in disguise and I fail the pop quiz.

I do! As I have mastered each lesson, I write them down in my little book. Sometimes though, I think I have mastered them ---- and they pop up later in disguise and I fail the pop quiz.

I think I'd be a little afraid to meet the person for whom that wasn't true!

my ex did the same but on the phone ot me... 'he feels like himself now' he is happier than he has been in years' bla bla bla. i know how you feel. its nasty and unnessary.

im trying to remin dmyslef that people always get a sense of freedom when they leave a realationship... its exciting and fun. that feeling does fade... it has for me on many occasions, then they look back. unless your relationship was toxic it will be fondly. i am friends will all of my ex's now. (apart from the latest one)

I'm guessing that my ex has the same sense of freedom that you're describing. He gave me several big clues that he wanted to be 21/22 and single and just isn't ready for a committed relationship but I stupidly chose to ignore them because I loved him. I'm sure he's enjoying his freedom even though I was a pretty relaxed SO and never cared when he went out and did things without me.

Life lesson #243 ---- don't "bend over backwards" for anyone. It justs twists you into a pretzel, and they don't appreciate it anyway.

I am definitely learning this one! To not bend over for someone who wouldn't do the same for me. I would have moved mountains for him and he wouldn't have kicked a pebble out of his path for me if it didn't serve him. I'm learning and taking what lessons I can away from this.

You know what, it is the best decision he ever made, just not for him, for you. You are soooooooooo lucky that he is out of your life, anyone who would say things like that doesn't deserve your time or attention. Use it as fuel to go after the things you've always wanted to but where to scared to.

 

Check out this pic to - it helps me when I'm feeling hurt or angry about things that happened.

My family and friends would agree with you Bluekb everyone who knows me/him is in total agreement (including his mom, sister, and cousin) that while he didn't make the smartest choice for himself in the long term he did me a huge favor by letting me go because he never appreciated or valued me.

She sounds way too nice, period. I'm always concerned when I hear or read someone saying "they put their all into a relationship" or "went out of their way to make them happy" or "treated them like gold." It smacks of smothering and/or dependence. But I don't know the context of the relationship.

 

In any case, don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. And if this guy is volunteering details that you didn't ask for and you're getting hurt from it, then I'd stay away from this friend for a bit.

I didn't ask the question the friend volunteered the information even though I've told him a few times that I don't need nor want to know anything about my ex. I agree with you that I'm "too nice" period. Even though my ex cheated on me and ended things by text message I still can't find it in me to be mad at him or hate him. If anything I feel really bad for him because he's always alone. I'm so used to putting him before myself that I have to constantly remind myself he is the one who ended things and the best thing I can do for me is to just ignore him. As far as dependency goes I don't think it was that. I just really really enjoy making the people I love happy. I have a naturally very giving and caring personality which the ex just kind of exploited and never appreciated.

Amen to this. In fact, people respect you more when you have a backbone.

I am using this time to really develop myself and strengthen ME. My ex was great the majority of the time but the last 6 months he treated me horribly. Told me he didn't want to see me when I flew out to see him. Would hang up when I called him. Would tell me to quit texting him when I tried to talk. All things I should have walked away from. I'm trying to learn from this and build my back bone so I won't tolerate such poor treatment ever again.

I think a better question is why did you friend feel the need to pass that information onto you. Maybe your friend is trying to push you in the direction of acceptance that it's really over?

 

I think alot of times the "let's be friends" thing is half "i really do value you" and half "I want to keep you around just in case". The problem is it's often 100% "I don't care how much it hurts you as long as I get what I want".

I think that my friend is really trying to push me to realize that it's over. The last time this guy broke up with me I "waited" for him for 1.5 years. Never even considered other people and basically pined away for him and wasted my time. My friend knows this and I think he's trying to get me to see that my ex is done and won't come back so I need to move forward. I have no idea why he'd want to be my friend if he truly was SO happy with his decision. I think if he really was in SUCH a better spot he wouldn't even think of being my friend but who knows with him.

I miss him like crazy. I have to see him every single day because we're in the same program for school. Thankfully this is my last semester so after December I'll be moving and I'll never see or hear from him again unless he actively seeks me out. I'm just trying to make it through this semester and ignore him to the best of my ability. I miss who I thought he was. I miss the relationship I thought we had. I don't miss who he actually is. He's a coward who cheated on me and blamed ME for his cheating. He dumped me by text message and later tried to "apologize" by text message instead of being man enough to do it to my face. He's not who I thought he was. I guess I mourn more for the loss of the person I thought I knew and loved not the one who is really standing in front of me.