" Weed or us ? "

Hi there !

I'm in a relationship for over 2 years, we've had many conflicts and overcame all of them, Let's cut the chase...when I met her she knew that I smoked weed regularly but not a lot, 3 weeks ago, she forgot her daughter's medicines in my house, I decided to drive to her place (50 min) and when I got there I realized that I had forgotten the medicines at home I got very embarrased and felt very bad about myself.

She told my “ you need to choose between our relationship or weed “ she added “ I wont tolerate a single joint anymore “

I tried to quit but I honestly don’t see any point of quitting marijuana, I’m smoking again and obviously she doesn’t know. Besides this issue in our R we have many others.

I don’t know what to do

You guys have had this problem ?

Whats the solution ?

Thanks a lot.

You need to date someone that smokes weed. She isn't that person and obviously thinks your brain cells are taking a hit from all the smoke.

End the relationship so she can meet someone that is a better fit for her life and you can go on smoking as much dope as you want until you meet a woman that enjoys getting high like you do.

Sounds like she is fed up and using this to trigger the end of the relationship. Might as well end it because you are smoking behind her back and she will figure it out sooner or later.

Lost

How much is "regularly but not a lot?"

Have you been forgetful before? The medicine was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back. It's not like you just forgot the milk. Did you show up high as well? Did you remember to bring your weed but not the medicine?

Not that it's a guarantee it's the weed as some people are just forgetful (she obviously forgot the medicine as well), but I'm assuming if she's got her daughter's health to consider, she's not chancing it.

It's not uncommon for parents to not want their partner partaking in anything "regularly," whether booze or weed. It sounds like she was aware going into it and should've known better, though.

I don't see this ending positively. Unless you wanna give it up, it's probably best to walk before she inevitably does.

Sounds like there is more to this story. Have there been other time your smoking has made you forget things?

I tried to quit but I honestly don’t see any point of quitting marijuana, I’m smoking again and obviously she doesn’t know.

Marijuana addiction and children do not go together. You can't have both. You need to find a person who does not have a child if you do not intend to give up your habits.

Personally, I hope she dumps you. If she's smart - she will. I've never met a person who smoked weed that had much motivation.

Good luck - you're going to need it.

It's rare that a person who does not smoke weed will ever 'get' a person who does smoke weed. I lived with this for awhile with my ex who smoked regularly. He didn't behave stupid or even bad at all when he was high but I just could never understand the why's and how's of him needing to have it. It's now one of my deal breakers.

lostandhurt: thanks for replying...Im not looking for someone to smoke with me, I don´t smoke everyday and in the day I smoke is always after working all day long, instead of drinking or smoking cigarrets I smoke pot, but I understand your point of view

j.man: thanks for replying...I can say I smoke 3 joints a week. Yes I have Always been forgetful before, I did not show up high that day, I undertand that she is now wants me to quit weed because her daughter is growing and she will eventually notice.

moontiger: thanks for replying...Yes many times I forgot something whether I'm high or not and it is scaring me out, yes there is more she smokes cigarrets, has had serious problems with cocaine but she says she is clean.

snny: thanks for replying...I will see how it goes, I still dont know what to do

I have motivation

I have 3 Jobs, I live with by brother and so I have to clean the house, cook and etc I take care of her all the time I treat her very well, I love being with her child and we are planning to live together, I'm not lazy.

But I understand those who dont smoke. here in Brazil people have a lot of prejudice with pot smokers.

I don't think it's on you to end the relationship simply be of your "activities"... She's the parent of her child. Not you. If she has a prob with your hobby(lol) it's on HER to end it; be it bc she has a child or she simply doesn't want a partner who chooses to unwind with weed.

I have seen relationships work where one partner is a smoker and the other is not; but usually it's bc the other has their own similar "vice" or equally bad habit...(bad being a very subjective view here)

People who smoke weed can most definitely be motivated. I know pleeeenty of motivated and successful people who partake. I don't smoke weed simply because I have an aversion to smoking, period. However, I drink alcohol, which is a drug as well. It's just more socially acceptable for arbitrary reasons.

I don't judge people for smoking weed or drinking alcohol and, honestly, three joints a week isn't bad. I can understand the mother wanting an altogether smoke-free household, though.

Even if you've been forgetful your whole life, this woman will always associate it with you smoking weed.. and really, it probably is exacerbating it, so she's got a point.

You can pretty easily find someone who's fine with you smoking three joints a week. Forgetfulness isn't the most endearing quality, though. If you're an innately forgetful person and partaking fairly regularly, I can't imagine this relationship being the last one you struggle with.

So she forgot something, and that's ok.

But when you do, she blames it on weed and is giving you an ultimatum and leave you?

Talking about double standards.

Nothing wrong with weed if it doesn't impact your life in severe ways. Heck it's way better for you than alcohol and even less addictive.

I would probably take her up on it and tell her, look, when you met me you accepted the fact that I smoke. If you don't like it now, cause I forgot something JUST LIKE YOU DID WITHOUT SMOKING WEED, than I will make it easier on you and end it myself. Good bye

People who smoke weed can most definitely be motivated. I know pleeeenty of motivated and successful people who partake. I don't smoke weed simply because I have an aversion to smoking, period. However, I drink alcohol, which is a drug as well. It's just more socially acceptable for arbitrary reasons.

Eating and vaporizing weed is the best way to consume it and completely gets rid of the smoking part.

I don't think it's fair of her to ask you to stop because she knew about it when you two got together and she accepted it. If it bothered her, she shouldn't have been with you.

I have motivation

 

I have 3 Jobs, I live with by brother and so I have to clean the house, cook and etc I take care of her all the time I treat her very well, I love being with her child and we are planning to live together, I'm not lazy.

 

But I understand those who dont smoke. here in Brazil people have a lot of prejudice with pot smokers.

"so i have to clean the house?" You should be cleaning up after yourself and paying half the rent, half the bills if you are living with your brother as his roommate. If you are not doing so, you are a freeloader and need to grow up. I think that kids and pot don't mix and if you won't quit pot, you should end the relationship. You have clearly made your choice in what you value. If you have your own kids someday (well, truth be told, pot makes a negative impact on male fertility), will you change your tune?

Let this woman find someone with the same priorities.

I don't think it's fair of her to ask you to stop because she knew about it when you two got together and she accepted it. If it bothered her, she shouldn't have been with you.

There are a lot of people who get together with people and like everything about them except for that one thing and think the person will change or it won't be so bad - they are true when they say its only occasional (once in a blue moon), but the truth is, when you get into a relationship, you see the reality of things and a hot bod or someone who can make the greatest cup of coffee or seranade you on guitar does not outweigh that thing you initially had apprehensions about. We also want to put our best foot forward in the beginning and it could be possible that he minimized it to her to attract her in the beginning.

And maybe she thought it was obvious that pot and kids don't mix, but he doesn't think so. Forgetting a kid's medicine when that is the only reason you were going somewhere vs forgetting what you were looking for in the fridge or forgetting your password are on completely different levels. I mean, if it was a med the kid was really dependent upon and had a severe medical issue his action could have hurt the child.

I am a smoker op ...I am also a parent and run a house , only away from work due to illness ..so dont feel judged on here ...There are many different levels of smokers and not everyone sits on their @rse all day negelecting their kids and jobs and partners !!!

She knew what she was getting into and you need to face reality ..if you want a marley you can't have her and it is as simple as that ..walk away or quit .

That's true, abitbroken. OP may have minimized his smoking habit. Who knows.

Personally, I hope she dumps you. If she's smart - she will. I've never met a person who smoked weed that had much motivation.

 

Good luck - you're going to need it.

my god fancy hoping someone gets dumped !!! do you hope people who have a bottle of wine on an evening to chill out get dumped ..do you hope all those who are going out tonight and having a skin full gets dumped ...

i want to know where people are getting that OP is a leeching freeloader whilst working three jobs. i may be wrong but i assume he does pay his half if living with his brother, and also does his half of the chores obviously.

that said, i'm not personally a fan of weed. i'm possibly influenced by an addiction issue in my family in early life as i generally dislike substances- but i can very much believe someone who smokes a few times a week can fucntion perfectly well, especially if they don't have a history where they increased toking during stressful times for example. heavy, regular tokers i am extremely distrustful of. have seen them literally waste their life away and develop such an extremely bizarre, psychotic worldview and interpretation of their surroundings that it was scary. i wonder whether the girlfriend has only known one side of marijuana use and is jumping the gun assuming op is listless, languid, doped, careless.

i had a look at his older thread where he's working two jobs while, as i understood, caregiving to his father. and i am impressed. i don't see the lack of responsibility.

forgetfulness could be related to many things- such as sleep deprivation for example. an adult with many, many responsibilities on their schedule may well be skimping on sleep.

and i am appalled at the suggestion that had something happened to the child it would have been this "stoner's" fault. a mother of a seriously ill child better keep her child's medicine at hand at all times or it is her dang fault if the little one has a dangerous issue- and she can't even "blame" it on being high or overworked from multiple jobs. what's her dang excuse? OH, THIS, HER BRAIN IS DANG COCAINE FRIED:

yes there is more she smokes cigarrets, has had serious problems with cocaine but she says she is clean.

OP. i understand a mum not wanting pot around the kid. if she doesn't want this exposure in her child's life then not associating herself with tokers or dumping them is on her. as is her kid's medicine (i hope it wasn't an urgent situation and that the child is well). I don't think you're supposed to do much here, other than see to your sleep hygiene and keep post it notes around (you can buy post-its the shape of clubbing bracelets so you can wrap your memo around your wrist. probably e-bay). and to tell her that you respect any decision she makes, but that you'll only be keeping up with your own responsibilities.

I am so angry at the crap on this thread you have driven me to roll one the size of russia . The ignorance and assumptions aimed at a person who smokes is almost obscene .

Too far a difference in your basic values and goals regardless of what the cause is. I would however urge you to look at why you forget the medications if that was indeed the purpose for your driving 50 minutes. And yeah, if you were stoned when you did it then you need to wake the heck up 'cause that ain't normal right there.

Marijuana does mess with the memory, particularly if you're a chronic user--I.e. you do it more than say once in a blue moon at a party. I've used it, it tore up my memory, I dumped it since my brain is to me at least the most valuable possession I own. (Well okay, my soul too, but let's just say the brain let's me operate my soul and leave it at that.)

Relationship issues aside, is it possible she's right about that?

i forgot to add: if cocaine use is in the past for her and she has completed a programme and taken therapy for her addiction, then what she may really be fearing is her own exposure to OP's psychoactive substances. so, adding to the list of things that you, OP, could do, is calmly ask whether she fears she might relapse if exposed.

i forgot to add: if cocaine use is in the past for her and she has completed a programme and taken therapy for her addiction, then what she may really be fearing is her own exposure to OP's psychoactive substances. so, adding to the list of things that you, OP, could do, is calmly ask whether she fears she might relapse if exposed.

If she is an ex cockhead than I would just tell the OP to run FAST and NEVER look back.

Now that's an addiction that will ruin a persons life and mind for GOOD.

Even if recovered, often scars are there for life......

i forgot to add: if cocaine use is in the past for her and she has completed a programme and taken therapy for her addiction, then what she may really be fearing is her own exposure to OP's psychoactive substances. so, adding to the list of things that you, OP, could do, is calmly ask whether she fears she might relapse if exposed.

This could be true. When someone is clean, they can be extra vigilant and value their sobriety or clean life over maintaining a relationship. If she used when they met, often people fall away once someone is clean - they just can't be around anyone using drugs or doing anything in excess. Often if you were addicted to one drug, you could pick up a different one and people want to prevent that at all costs.

At any rate, there has to be a reason why she is saying enough is enough on the pot. There must be more to the story than forgetting the meds the one time. The meds could have just been the straw that broke the camel's back. It could be as simple is that is not what she wants longterm for her child - a potential step father that smokes pot. Because she struggles to stay clean, she might prefer someone who was always clean.