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#freethenipple… What do I do?


nate198

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Here's some back story about me and my girlfriend: We've been going out for three years, I intend to marry her soon and I have no doubt that she'll say yes. We're both pretty young and she's beautiful and we party quite a bit. We have regular sex and our relationship is really quite healthy.

 

We find ourselves in lots of social situations, often involving moderate amounts of alcohol, and of course she, being as beautiful a she is, gets hit on quite a lot. I happen to be a bit of a jealous type, but I truly trust her when she says these guys she talks to from our parties are just friends, I mean, she's stuck around this long! Right? Haha. I usually meet up with most of them at some point and they're often the ones who invite us to our next parties. They've all been pretty cool guys, and her number is absolutely reserved for only the chillest of party friends. But it's taken me years to truly become totally okay with these relationships that she has with so many other men.

 

I'd say I've absolutely changed a lot for her, and I'm not complaining, I truly love her and I'm willing to change as I need. She and I are both strong feminists, and I try to support her in every aspect of her life, in everything she believes in. And I've truly made a lot of sacrifices for her because I truly love her. One issue, however, that frequently reaccures and gets to me each time is this thing she has about the desexualization of female breasts. About two years ago she told me, "Babe? I think I'm finally going to start desexualizing breasts." She wanted to start wearing clothes that show her bare nipples in public... And I tried to go with it, but I couldn't handle it... I can't bear the thought of all these sick perverts staring at her nipples, taking advantage of her open-minded progressiveness. Even if she doesn't believe they are objects of sex, the rest of America does! I don't think America, let alone the Republican, conservative part of Texas is ready for that.

 

It's not about the movement, I support the movement and I avidly support femenism! Any other girl could do it and I'd cheer circles around them! But with her, I would get so angry about all these sick pervs staring at her chest, even though she didn't seem to mind. I told her about how I felt and she said that she would stop, for me. She's willing to make some sacrifices just as I am... But she ocassionally brings it up and each time she talks about it she seems really pretty disappointed…

 

I've talked to her about it again later, and she says that she's not mad an she understands. I can't help it and I shouldn't apologize for who I am. It's not a severe source of tension for us, but I still feel like a sick misogynistic pig preventing her from aiding the feminist movement!

 

It's taken me a long time to stop getting so jealous about her many other male friends... This one I don't know if I can do... But two years later and she still ocassionally talks about it. Just every once in a while. I hate seeing her disappointed in me… Even if it's infrequent... Maybe this is one issue that /I/ should make the change for? But I honestly don't know if it's possible! I can't stand the idea of others checking out her for their sexual satisfaction!

 

What do I do? Keep things the way they are? After all, a relationship is a two sided street and she seems like she's, albeit a bit reluctantly, willing to give that up for me… Or... Somehow try and work on this? But I honestly wouldn't even know where to start... How do I even begin to get over that?!

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I think that after a few nights in jail for lewd dressing and public nudity, she will see the error of her ways

 

 

Seriously, tell her "have at it". She is seeking a reaction. Better yet, tell her you wish do the same for the male scrotum and will henceforth wear short shorts while going commando.

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This is the kind of movement that is going to take generations to have any effect. The value of her freeing the nipple at parties is really pretty low. If she doesn't mind keeping covered for you and tells you not to lose sleep over it... don't lose sleep over it! You're not a misogynist, it's just reality. Your relationship is really important to her, and you as well.

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I get the movement... but I DO NOT buy it for one minute that a girl showing off her nipples at parties is working towards something.

 

I've been to those parties...I wouldn't call the girls progressive...I'd call them attention seekers. To put it nicely.

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Jmo here, I guess u could easily say I'm an old foggy, so be it, I'll own it. Tbh if that was my gf wantin to show her nipples around I'd be pitchin a hissy and be madder then a wet settin hen. I'm sorry but certain things just shouldn't be done. She's your gf, while her body don't belong to you by no stretch of the imagination, her female parts should only be shown to you while yall are in an exclusive relationship

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I should clarify, she wears all this to parties and places where she is not at all likely to be arrested or at all reprimanded by the law.

 

I've no ideas about the laws. I'm all about free the nipples but if she is doing this on these parties where it is quite accepted than what's really the point? I also wonder why you would feel off about it if she shows her nipples in an environment where it is considered more normal (than on the streets). If I'm going to a nude beach or the sauna my boyfriend needs to have VERY strong arguments not to let me go naked. Actually: I probably wouldn't listen to him anyways whatever his reasoning is. How what you feel if you two go to the sauna or a naked beach? It's probably different but I'm not a party person so I can't really relate on it further than that.

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Honestly, if she's going to start wearing clothes that show her nipples, just wait for her to be arrested.

 

Here in Ontario, its quite legal for a woman to go about her business totally topless so she would never get arrested here. If men can go about without a top on while roller blading or playing volleyball at the sand courts then so can women.

 

Op: Your girlfriends breasts are being ogled by men whether her nipples are showing or they are not. I question why she thinks showing her nipples is being a feminist. I also think that she is more of an attention seeker more then she is concerned with "desexualizing" breasts.

 

If you do not like her showing her nipples then don't acquiesce to this. She's just testing you every once in a while to see just how gullible you are and how much she can actually get away with while maintaining your attention. You enable her enough and she's more likely then not to start losing respect for you because you've failed to show her you love her by being jealous... She sounds like the type that needs you to be that way.

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So guys, lots of you are saying that there are a lot of signs that she may be unfaithful to me. I would hate to think that. I would say that I feel pretty confident that these guys we meet at parties are not getting into her panties. I meet most of them and she has spent a lot of time working with me on my feelings of jealousy. She still devotes her time to me and she always comes home with me. I think that she is not cheating on me... However I am not shutting you all down and I'm open to advice on the idea...

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I should clarify, she wears all this to parties and places where she is not at all likely to be arrested or at all reprimanded by the law.

She's not being honest with you and maybe not even with herself over why she wants to do this. She wants a reaction and attention. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this, but she should at least be honest about it.

 

But at some point, you have to ask yourself how much of a dealbreaker this is with you.

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Yeah I don't think this one-woman crusade to show nipples is going to suddenly reverse hundreds of years of the way breasts are viewed in a sexual context by almost all straight men in this culture. Surely as a strong-minded feminist she could come up with something more effective and a better use of her efforts? Not that you should tell her that - probably wouldn't go over very well

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OH MY GOD. THIS IS WHY!!!!!! Why is there even a conversation about female nipples? THEY ARE NIPPLES! And why do you give a about who sees them???? Do people ever see YOUR nipples in public???? Is it a big deal? NO! And what a stupid thing to complain about after a 3 year relationship. Let her wear what she wants and stop being such a baby.

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So guys, lots of you are saying that there are a lot of signs that she may be unfaithful to me.
Where did you read that? Most of us are saying that she's attention seeking... we didn't say she was "unfaithful to you" We are saying she gets off on being noticed by the opposite sex. That's an issue in itself for YOU because you have to work on accepting her and her proclivities. Just how far is she going to push you as your relationship goes on?

 

I would hate to think that. I would say that I feel pretty confident that these guys we meet at parties are not getting into her panties.
Well good for you but we are not giving an opinion on the guys at the parties or her need to have them as friends

 

I meet most of them and she has spent a lot of time working with me on my feelings of jealousy.
Well, you best retain some of your concern and jealousy because the vibe I'm getting is that she NEEDS your jealousy because it feeds her need for attention.

 

She still devotes her time to me and she always comes home with me. I think that she is not cheating on me...
Good because we have no opinion at that
However I am not shutting you all down and I'm open to advice on the idea...
I think you would do well to re-read your responses then.
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OH MY GOD. THIS IS WHY!!!!!! Why is there even a conversation about female nipples? THEY ARE NIPPLES! And why do you give a about who sees them???? Do people ever see YOUR nipples in public???? Is it a big deal? NO! And what a stupid thing to complain about after a 3 year relationship. Let her wear what she wants and stop being such a baby.

 

 

wow 2 posts and already so judgmental of people..you wont last long here

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Okay, interesting points... So let's pretend she is seeking the attention of other men… And is, in fact, not doing this in the name of the #FreetheNipple feminism trend. How fatal would this be to the relationship? It is still possible that she's still only faithful to me, correct? And will she likely outgrow this?

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Okay, interesting points... So let's pretend she is seeking the attention of other men… And is, in fact, not doing this in the name of the #FreetheNipple feminism trend. How fatal would this be to the relationship? It is still possible that she's still only faithful to me, correct? And will she likely outgrow this?

 

She's never going to "outgrow" it with you enabling her and afraid to even tell her that you do NOT want her to show her nipples. She's got you wrapped around one of those nipples as if it were her little finger by all accounts and she very easily convinces you that you should just stop being concerned with her need to have lots of men fawn over her.

 

Bottom line: This has nothing to do with desexualizing or feminism and everything to do with her need to be admired for her sex. Tell her "No" and stop feeling guilty that you have. Your personal boundaries need to be strong with this girl.

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So let's pretend she is seeking the attention of other men…

You don't need to pretend. She is.

How fatal would this be to the relationship?

There's really only one person that can answer that -- you.

It is still possible that she's still only faithful to me, correct?

Not sure why you keep asking that. Dressing sexy -- or even being an exhibitionist doesn't mean she is unfaithful. Others in this thread have told you that.

And will she likely outgrow this?

Maybe. Maybe not. But if it's a dealbreaker for you now, you need to break up with her. Don't wait for someone to change.

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I've been layin here in my rack thinkin about this some. While I stand by my opinion on what I'd do. But think about it from this pov, if she's confident enough in herself to do that and you are secure enough in y'all's relationship not only will she get some attention from other guys, you will be the most envied guy at the party.

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