Ashamed of my weight.

I am an 18 yr old girl. I'm 5ft 8in and I weight 120. I know that's fairly normal for my height but I hate it. I did weigh 116 a couple weeks ago but gained some weight. And now I feel so ashamed of the pounds. I try to tell myself that isn't bad but I can't help to think I should be skinner. Some advice?

Get some perspective, for God's sake. You're well within normal body weight for a 5' 8'' female.

I'll tell you a secret, from a man's perspective. Don't be one of those women who obsesses over their physical appearance, most especially when you're perfectly healthy.

you gained 4 lbs and weight 120 and think it's bad?

You are NOT ready for adult hood or changes that will come with it.....not at all

It's quite normal to gain and lose up to 5lbs in a short space of time. It can be fluid retention. The only way is to check your weight daily and see how it changes over a long period of time. ALSO WEIGH YOURSELF at roughly the same time each day.

Now as far as men are concerned, most will not see 116 or 120 lbs as fat. In fact you will even be too thin for some men's taste. I once had a girlfriend about your height who weighed over 200lbs. OK, a bit extreme but I never found her weight a problem.

Could we trade bodies? Please?

Get some perspective. Do some research. You are healthy and beautiful. Stop listening to what others say. You are you and that's gorgeous.

run that through a calculator. your initial bmi was 17.7 and it's currently 18.3.

which means you're still underweight until it's at least 18.5.

please be extra caeful not to fall into unhealthy eating patterns. if you can't shake the feeling you need to be thinner, then confide to a trustworthy adult about it so they can help you address whatever underlying emotion before it becomes the fuel to an eating disorder.

Could we trade bodies? Please?

 

Get some perspective. Do some research. You are healthy and beautiful. Stop listening to what others say. You are you and that's gorgeous.

Thank you, I appreciate it! ❤️

run that through a calculator. your initial bmi was 17.7 and it's currently 18.3.

 

which means you're still underweight until it's at least 18.5.

 

please be extra caeful not to fall into unhealthy eating patterns. if you can't shake the feeling you need to be thinner, then confide to a trustworthy adult about it so they can help you address whatever underlying emotion before it becomes the fuel to an eating disorder.

would be careful on how the BMI is used....

Have you struggled with body image most of your life? I've weighed 125 and was skinny, and only 5'4". I would advise you to really look up Body dysmorphic disorder - cuz sweety, you're a twig.

At your age, I weighed the same (same height). And thought my thighs were big. I recently came accross some pictures of myself back then --- and I looked like the back end of a famine!

You are fine. And as you exercise and add muscle definition, you may gain a few pounds. But you have a long way to go to be unhealthy on the upside. Don't aim at losing weight.

would be careful on how the BMI is used....

it depends on ger genetics and the frame she's born with, her overall health, her tonus, the percentage of muscle tissue and the way the little fat she has is distributed, yea...so? fact is she is thin. fact is thinking you need to drop weight when you don't is the mechanism of an eating disorder.

if she has anything to worry about it's not a number on a scale, but the way she feels, sees herself and whether she places more value on meeting a certain (unhealthy) body standard or her own well-being.

she's young and beautiful. why not keep her health (and she will geopardize it if she diets at her weight), and also add a healthy dose of confidence to the list?

btw, mine is lower. partly due to a systemic disease and partly because that's how all of my family were. what i mean is i'm not screaming anorexia or something at people who are simply thin.

if her bmi is naturally low that's fine. her wanting to actively lower it further is an issue to nip in the bud.

at 18, whatever she looks like is beautiful. and suffering over a body image in young people often morphs into some pretty serious issues.

depends on a lot of factors

Do you have any passions? Artistic, technical, literary, academic, dreams, that sort of thing? What makes you get up in the morning, and make give meaning and purpose to your life? There are a lot of things that give us meaning and purpose in life, but a lot of them are fleeting, so it's good make sure you have some that are more permenant. As women, it is not entirely our fault that we end up marrying our physical appearance to our indentity. But you can begin the work now, at an early age, cultivating more meaningful things that run deeper and go beyond your physical appearance. If you haven't already, find a hobby, a passion, a hope or dream, an idea for the future, develop really strong, respectful, considerate relationships with people. Things that will last you longer than youth and beauty. It may be true that you are suffering from a self-image issue that needs to be addressed by a professional, but even posting this thread screams for attention and approval. And don't misunderstand and think I am saying you are bad for this, every body needs approval, attention or affection sometimes, but remember that you must cultivate a stronger identity. Getting reassurance from people about how you look will not take you far, throughout all of the trials and tribulations you will likely experience in your life. Yes, it is easy to say that you are innately amazing and special and unique, and it is true to an extent, but you must do some work, yourself. Cultivate character by using unpleasant circumstances as a tool for making your patience and compassion grow, instead of wallowing in self-pity or resentment. Then those dark times serve no purpose. Find meaning in life, be it developing a skill or talent, etc. Good luck to you, and I hope this helped, in some way. Be happy.Why? Because it's better than feeling some other way.

Think... "HEALTHY" Look. Not Fat look. Not Skinny look - But, HEALTHY Look! Healthy look is lean, tanned, no ribcage bones showing, no tummy tuck potential. A HEALTHY look is attractive. Guys prefer the HEALTHY look. You'll prefer a HEALTHY look when you get there. Your self confidence will soar when you get that HEALTHY look. Your self esteem will go through the roof when you get that HEALTHY look. Guys will fall at your feet, their hearts will melt, their knees will turn to jelly if you even acknowledge their existence when you achieve that HEALTHY look.

So... Do you REALLY want to be just skinny? If you get too skinny you'll blow away like a fart in the wind. You'll be called a skinny-Minnie. No butt, no breasts, no hips, no arms... Just skin stretched over bones. B-O-R-I-N-G

HEALTHY is EXCITING!!! HEALTHY is HAPPY!!! HEALTHY is ATTRACTIVE!!! HEALTHY is HOT!!!

Thank you to all for the positive comments. Means a lot!

I do believe I struggle with body dysmorphic disorder because I find myself thinking about how I look most hours of the day. I've always hated much about myself. And I do have a unhealthy view of how I want to look. Can't really blame, when all the people I look up to are thin. I do know that it's unhealthy but I can't seem to shake it.

My wife was 5"7 and roughly your weight for the longest time and was in perfect health. She actually put on a few pounds and looked better. If you are having issues with (the way you view your) weight, please go see your family doctor. My daughter is a little younger than you and I imagine her attitude is much like yours -- she sees every single pound she puts on as bad and horrible. It doesn't help to see magazine ads and sticks walking down runways and think, "that's how I'm supposed to look." No, that's how models who make a lot of money wearing clothes tailored for them with make-up artists all around them and eating or not eating what some so called "nutritionist" tells them to eat or not eat.

Then you very likely have "friends" who say things like, "that shirt makes you look fat" or "you've been eating a lot, girl!" when really half of them would probably kill to look like you.

These are things we tell our daughter and we pretty much know that it does little good. Be happy with yourself and screw the naysayers.

Being 120 pounds at 5 feet 8 inches in not by any means fat, not even close. Being in shape is what is the greater issue. Someone can be the perfect weight but if they have no muscle tone and walk around slouched down with sagging muscle on their bones they will not look 1/10th as gorgeous as the fit curvy woman who weighs the same or more.

Please don't fall into the whole "must have ropy muscle-y hard and skinny look" that too many celebs in Hollywood seem to favor these days. They look horrible and every time I see it I cringe. Like I would die if my arms looked like they belong on a 70-year old sailor weather and battle toughened. On a woman it just looks terrible.

Focus on other accomplisments and yes, go do something like martial arts or take up a sport. Nothing makes one love their own body quite like being able to master a physical activity and accomplish things with it. I still remember the rush of climbing up a rather famous mountain once and being able to keep up with my guide. I wasn't worrying about my weight or how I looked. I was just thinking how awesome it was when the guide looked back, startled, realizing the rest of the group was halfway down the mountain and here I was keeping pace with him. In that one moment as far as I was and always will be concerned I was the most beautiful woman on the planet, because I had legs and lungs that were carrying me up a mountain many dream of climbing and few dare ever try.

That's what you want. You want that rush. You want to look at your arms and feel satisfied that they can smack a ball into the middle of next week, that you were able to win that tournament or that race, that your gym instructor tries his or her best to keep up with you and not the other way around. And the discipline and care hard work you put in to get to those moments is simply one of the best rushes there is.

My advice to someone who was one like me.

120 lbs at 5' 8" is too thin. The bag of bones look is not attractive, at all and to be avoided. Slim and healthy is good.

120 lbs at 5' 8" is too thin. The bag of bones look is not attractive, at all and to be avoided. Slim and healthy is good.

Telling a female they're too thin is about as bad as telling them they're too big especially if they have already said they're ashamed of their weight.

Besides, everyone is different.

I am meaning it from a health point of view. I have been told at times I am "too thin", and at 5' 5" I am 125 lbs. Which is about right for my height and I feel fit. So I am quite satisfied. I don't tend to get too het up about things people might say.....also it depends on HOW it is said.

Here I am not remarking on any one person.

nobody is fat-shaming, thin-shaming or body-shaming. and i think we know hermes well enough from her posts to not frame her with that one.

i read OP's original text several times, carefully. and she clearly states she is aware that she does not need to lose weight, but that her thoughts compel her to do so. and she posted under Self-Injury so to me that clearly states she grasps the psychological component and the need to reach out before she spiralls into an unhealthy pattern. so if a young girl can get that, why can't adults?

from what i gathered she wants her psychological struggle and pain adressed, not dismissed or brushed away with yet more emphasis on her physical appearance.

at her age, the skinny, the chubby, the soft, the muscular...they're all damn gorgeous.that's neither disputable nor the point of this post, that, to me, reads "i think i may have a distorted body image and i fear it could prompt me to diet excessively". and she is wise to want to be careful about that. many young people didn't have the foresight and wasted the best portion of their life on dangerous disorders.

op, if the thoughts don't fade out, reach out to parents or a college counselor. you're insightful and it's early enough, so it sounds like something that could easily be solved with a little help if it gets that bad. has something specific made you feel bad about yourself or is it a general feeling of low self-esteem? have you talked to friends or parents about it?

Thank you, very warmly, RainyCoast. You are kind.

I agree with this:

".......and she is wise to want to be careful about that. many young people didn't have the foresight and wasted the best portion of their life on dangerous disorders."

The OP is very wise indeed not to diet excessively, and could I add, nor should she ever ever be influenced by the crazy media images all too often touted around as "ideal".

I wouldn't say anything "major" encouraged me to have such low self-esteem but I've always been the "skinny" one in my family so when my body started to change and develop I gained some weight here and there. Eventually became 130 lbs, and my grandmother & aunt once said "wow you've gained some weight huh?" So because I've always been the skinny I felt as if it was my job to maintain that title. I put myself (I want to say about 2 months ago) on a healthier diet and lost 10 lbs. As I am now 120. But I still feel unhappy & have unrealistic goals in my mind. Every time I eat ANYTHING I feel extremely guilty and spend 1 hr in the gym. I have times where I want to look healthy and fit but other times were I think I'd look better if I were to lose 15 more pounds. I can't seem to find a medium in my mind where I'd be happy with how I look.

Susie. Pay no attention to those remarks.

Heh heh when I was a kid (I have a lucky metabolism) my mother would at times sigh and say that it was like feeding a greyhound. I ate what I liked and when I liked.

I still do, in moderation of course. Definitely do not feel guilty if I eat something I like. Fortunately I do not have a sweet tooth, chocolate gives me a shocking headache, but I do love my food! Good to eat healthy, but committing a little sin now and then is no harm either

You are right to go to the gym. Keeps the body toned.