When rejecting guys gets you the reputation of a b!!tch

I have noticed this "trend" in the past year or so. Every time I nicely reject a guy (I always try to do it in a polite way), I get called a b!!tch. I am involved with someone, happily, and have zero interest in chatting up guys, meeting anyone, exchanging numbers or flirting, so I don't do it. However, I make sure to keep my "girls nights out" with my friends, and do so religiously, be it at a restaurant, bar, club, whatever we feel like doing that night. I get approached often, and I always smile, say "no thanks" and turn my attention back to my friends. Well, apparently this makes me a b!!tch. So what's going on? Are women no longer allowed to say "no"?

It goes beyond this. Each and every time we go out (different places too!), we get groped, have our private parts touched, or we have to fend off these nasty trolls (as I cannot call them men) who come on to us with unsolicited pick up lines, usually sexual, and who are a pain in the butt to get rid of.

And when we finally do...you guessed it...*we* are the b!!tches! It's not one or 2 or 3...it's tons of them. It gets tiring and ruins our nights.

Not long ago this troll was trying to get my attention for a big part of the night. In an attempt to avoid even rejecting him, I actively avoided his stares, because I know that once they manage to make eye contact, they approach. End of the night, he goes to my friend to angrily curse me to her and tell her what a b!!tch I was! Like....really? Granted, he appeared to be from one of those cultures where men treat women like trash, but still...he was not in his country. I couldn't even tell him where to go, for fear he'd wait for us outside with his gang and beat us to a pulp!

It doesn't happen only in clubs/bars either. It has happened while walking in the street, while stopped at a light in an intersection - they rudely try to approach, I say "no thanks" and I get cursed and have a few sexual slurs thrown my way, and there is not one thing I can do about it.

How and why do these trolls think it's ok to act like that, how can they be so self entitled and cocky, to take nastiness and rudeness and disrespect to such new levels?

Society nowadays sucks. I am a free person, I want to be able to be out and about and mind my own business, without having to fend off these sorry excuses for human beings, but it seems the only way to avoid them is to just stay home!

Unfortunately , misogyny is still very alive and well.

Unfortunately , misogyny is still very alive and well.

Yes... I just wish there was something we could do about it, but I know there isn't... ugh!

I was once out at a bachelorette party. A troll started hitting on the bride to be ---- she held up her hand and said "I am engaged". He didn't pause a moment before he turned to the woman sitting next to her and started the exact same spiel.

Everyone was aghast. I spoke up and said that we didn't want to be bothered, so it was best that he walk away while he had a shred of dignity left.

When necessary, engage the help of a bartender or bouncer. That is their job.

When necessary, engage the help of a bartender or bouncer. That is their job.

That's what I ended up doing, because I was scared to walk with my friend to our cars... But it shouldn't be like that!

And your story is exactly my experience, they do go from one friend to the other, seconds apart (do they really think friend #2 will say yes??? Lol), and when told we are not available (one of my friends is actually married) the usual answer is "so what? He doesn't have to know" or "so? I'm married too".

Yes... I just wish there was something we could do about it, but I know there isn't... ugh!

Haha I would do something worthy of being called a biatch. Lol. I would say oh you think I'm a biatch, huh? Well, I tried to be nice but since you don't care if I'm nice or not.....

Hehehe

Is the nasty self entitlement of some men, Bleck .

Haha I would do something worthy of being called a biatch. Lol. I would say oh you think I'm a biatch, huh? Well, I tried to be nice but since you don't care if I'm nice or not.....

 

Hehehe

OMG I would LOVE to do that, believe me, my imagination goes in overdrive in such cases, lol, unfortunately I have to stay quiet and bite my lips :s

As a guy I know there are a lot of dogs out there.

My best advice to you when a guy comes up and you are with your girls say, 'Hi, thanks we haven't seen one another in awhile and want to spend some time just us together. No offense I hope you understand. Have a good night.' If they follow up with anything other than bye Or have a good night ...I'd say 'Thanks again, but we are all in happy relationships and not looking. Good luck tonight.'

Any guy calling you a B for doing that is scum...you should t have to deal with that stuff...groping and names...sucks...but better to be prepared.

That way it's not just a no ...

Should no be enough yes...but guys are strange. I'll bet a ton if you follow what I said you'll see a much better reaction.

Good luck!

OMG I would LOVE to do that, believe me, my imagination goes in overdrive in such cases, lol, unfortunately I have to stay quiet and bite my lips :s

If someone gets in my face I tend to give it right back... Lol. But I've been like that since childhood I'm not the most diplomatic of people in those situations.

As a guy I know there are a lot of dogs out there.

My best advice to you when a guy comes up and you are with your girls say, 'Hi, thanks we haven't seen one another in awhile and want to spend some time just us together. No offense I hope you understand. Have a good night.'

That way it's not just a no ...

Should no be enough yes...but guys are strange. I'll bet a ton if you follow what I said you'll see a much better reaction.

Good luck!

It's funny, this is one of my friends' way of dealing with the situation. To those who don't just grope her or grab her arms or parts of her body, she tells them in a sweet manner that she is so sorry but this is just a girls night, but that she hopes they have a great night, and the answer is....wait for it...wait for it... "you effing stuck up b!!tch". Yep, lol.

Thank goodness for some nice men in the world! Most men are pretty good ,pretty decent. It's the rotten apples that cause the problem.

What does it matter what other person think about you or what they might call you?

This is an issue with YOU and your perspective IMO.

If the guy called you a for rejecting him, well, that should only validate that he was no the right guy to begin with. Good job on rejecting him before finding out the hard way or down the road!

Let go of what other people think or say, these things are worthless and there is no limit to how far people will take it!!!

If they effect you, you lose, if they don't, it's NOTHING. As you can see, there is NOTHING to gain from it!

If the guy called you a for rejecting him, well, that should only validate that he was no the right guy to begin with. Good job on rejecting him before finding out the hard way or down the road!

The problem isn't that an ape considers her a beotch. I'm sure she couldn't be bothered less by a lowlife's opinion. The problem is that simply being female nowdays means you're getting verbally and physically abused from the moment you leave the front door to the moment you walk back through it (not even mentioning the domestic cases). The problem is the male sense of entitlement being an epidemic and women being considered "on offer" simply because they're out, because they have breasts, because they're wearing such and such, because.....yeah, pretty much every "because" is somehow to do with the woman and not the abusive demeanour of these...these..these...ugh.

greta, unfortunately, the only thing i've found useful are ferocious counter-attacks. but you'd have to make sure you stick with the group and assess the chances of retaliation. i don't know where you live but are there places to hang out where this behavior is less likely to happen? Some places simply have a better rep than others and the prices aren't even always higher. Maybe ask female colleagues for new female-friendly spots?

Well, here is my advice.

SOMETHING is attracting these dogs towards her. It can be the way she dresses, the way she carries herself, way she talks, her atmoshphere.....movement....or 10 other things.

You might know or she might know.

But in general, we tend to attract people that are similar to us. I know this might sound harsh, but it's the reality.

My guess would be clothes......

It can be the way she dresses, the way she carries herself, way she talks, her atmoshphere.....movement....or 10 other things.

lol

yeah, pretty much every "because" is somehow to do with the woman and not the abusive demeanour of these...these..these...ugh.

i wonder what the highly subdued women in burkas are doing to provoke abuse. oh i know. their gaze, right? it just....turns men into rapists.

Well, here is my advice.

 

SOMETHING is attracting these dogs towards her. It can be the way she dresses, the way she carries herself, way she talks, her atmoshphere.....movement....or 10 other things.

 

You might know or she might know.

 

But in general, we tend to attract people that are similar to us. I know this might sound harsh, but it's the reality.

 

 

 

My guess would be clothes......

Really??? Even if I was to walk around half naked (not saying that I do lol), it would still be my prerogative, my right, and it doesn't give anyone the green light to act like a monkey in heat or be upset when I reject their unwelcome advances.

There is no need for aggression, cursing, name calling, just because they don't get what they want.

As for the "like attracts like"... I hope it was a joke. That's how I will take it anyway.

Maybe it's your attitude? Do you politely say no thanks, or do you say it like "Don't even try loser".

There is a common denominator here, and it seems to be you.

Well, here is my advice.

 

SOMETHING is attracting these dogs towards her. It can be the way she dresses, the way she carries herself, way she talks, her atmoshphere.....movement....or 10 other things.

 

You might know or she might know.

 

But in general, we tend to attract people that are similar to us. I know this might sound harsh, but it's the reality.

 

 

 

My guess would be clothes......

Mate, just no...

And it's not the names. It's the aggression. If you've never been a girl, you don't know how scary those situations can be, even in crowded places.

Greta. It is harassment, and it is an offence, on the street or in a premises.

This...spot on!

It's happened everywhere, and not only to me, but all of my friends as well. We are not super models, lol, we don't dress overly sexy, we don't provoke anyone, and we are of various ethnicities. It really is an epidemic. How can one expect these guys to make good boyfriends or husbands or whatever? And yet, that's what most women are faced with, as far as choices in men go. Sad really...

And the misogyny continues..... Lol

I guess that some people don't raise their sons properly.

This...spot on!

It's happened everywhere, and not only to me, but all of my friends as well. We are not super models, lol, we don't dress overly sexy, we don't provoke anyone, and we are of various ethnicities. It really is an epidemic. How can one expect these guys to make good boyfriends or husbands or whatever? And yet, that's what most women are faced with, as far as choices in men go. Sad really...

Sadly, it was always an epidemic.

Maybe it's your attitude? Do you politely say no thanks, or do you say it like "Don't even try loser".

 

There is a common denominator here, and it seems to be you.

Nope...all is said politely and with a tiny smile on my face. I am too chicken $hit to be rude, I don't want to be slapped in the face lol, so I try to keep everything very pleasant.

OP says:

"How and why do these trolls think it's ok to act like that, how can they be so self entitled and cocky, to take nastiness and rudeness and disrespect to such new levels? "

Evidently because under the law of the land they can get away with verbal, and possibly, physical assault...Yes?