So...I hear she might be pregnant...

I'm not sure if it's true or not (since I've been in NC), but I overheard the grapevine saying that she's now pregnant (not by me). After breaking up with me after 5 years and living with him immediately after for about 3 months now.

I know I should be like "whew, dodged a bullet there!", but I'm having a really hard time with this (especially since I don't know if it's true or not). I shouldn't care because it's no longer my business, but it's tearing me up inside. My ulcer has been working overtime since I first heard. I go through moments where I want to find out if it's true, but then I come to my senses. We're not together anymore, we're not getting back together, and she's not a part of my life anymore. I would tell the same thing to any friend I had going through the same situation if it occurred.

Problem is, I still care about her (even though I shouldn't), and I hate to see her rush full-bore into something like this with a guy that has a proven track record of being a flake. I would hate to see anyone screw up their life like this, much less her. She always said she didn't want to have kids any time soon then I hear this. I don't know this woman anymore, and I'm glad she's out of my life.

Still...

Please help me, I feel stupid for even being affected by this but it's tearing me up inside.

It's totally normal. It was five years of your life. You don't get over that in 3 months. Residual feelings often hang around for a long time.

I've found, and my friends as well, about 18 months to really get past a significant relationship. A couple of studies put it at about that. That's average time. Some take longer some less.

Keep the NC. She has made her choice and unfortunately you both have to live with that.

It will get better slowly. And then one day you'll think hey, life's not that bad and realise you've moved on.

Hang in there and best of luck.

Thanks. I'm not looking forward to 14-15 more months of getting over it, but I know they won't all be like this. Right now all of this is just sapping any energy I have.

Last night was kind of a miracle, though...I was sitting at my house wondering what I was going to do to distract myself after my workout, and lo and behold my friends call and invite me over for a last-minute birthday party. Thank God for friends and family.

After my divorce, about all I did was go to work and sleep. It is exhausting.

Friends and family are a godsend. Staying active helps keep you from having time to think.

I hope your friends include you in other social things going on, that will surely help you!

When I got divorced all I felt was relief that it was over! Maybe I'm just weird?

My college bf and I stayed together 2 years post graduation. He went off to grad school so it was long distance. The second summer, as I was planning my vaca to visit him, he told me he was seeing someone. We broke up.

In Nov, a mutual friend called to tell me he was getting married because she was pregnant. I told her..."I am going to obsess on this for the next five minutes, tell me everything you know. And then I never want to hear about him again."

And we did, and then I didn't.

Moral of the story: limit the obsession and put it behind you. That chapter is forever closed.

It's a very hard thing to know they're moving on without you. Especially if they're doing it quickly. You don't want to care. You use every ounce of your strength not to care. But you're still going to. It's human nature. You can't just turn off your feelings for them, even if they seemed to have turned them off for you.

I learned the other day that my ex of 2.5 years went straight into another relationship after she dumped me but kept it quiet for a few months so nobody would talk. It's literally all I've been thinking about since. I wake up thinking about them together, I go to sleep thinking about them together and all the time inbetween I think about them together. It's consuming my life. I know that it shouldn't. I know everything is over and I need to leave it all behind and leave her behind and move on with my own life like she has.

But I also know that for 2.5 years I loved that woman, unconditionally, she was my life and my best friend. So no matter what I HAVE to do or accept, that fact is still going to remain and it's still going to hurt and I'm still going to think about it.

You loved this woman for a long time. You cared about her. And you still do. So it's natural to feel what you're feeling, to think about it, to even obsessive over it at times. Don't give yourself hell for it. Just accept that it's out of your control and it's not your life anymore. Keep telling yourself that, keep living your own life. And slowly over time... it'll get easier and easier and one day you'll find you don't care anymore.

Just would be nice to be able to fast forward to that day wouldn't it?

Moral of the story: limit the obsession and put it behind you. That chapter is forever closed.

Thanks mhowe; I knew I could count on you to comment.

I definitely plan to. The hard part is the not knowing if it's true or not; I know eventually I'll hear the truth and be done with this whole mess.

It sure would. lol

I'm past the part about thinking of them together all the time; it comes and goes sometimes but it's more of an annoyance than the crushing blow it used to be. One of the issues I've had to deal with is the new guy's parents live right down the street from me, so every time they were there and I drove by I knew it. At first I was saying to myself "screw them, I live here, they don't" and continue driving by the house as per usual. Lately though I realized whether I live here or not it was hurting me every time I saw her car there. So, now I go out of my way to avoid passing by the house. It's a small step but it seems to be helping immensely.

The truth doesn't matter, what matters is that the chapter where you know each other has ended.

Ps....he is still married to her and had another son. This was 30 years ago. My brothers best friend ran into him in a grocery store a few years ago.

The truth doesn't matter, what matters is that the chapter where you know each other has ended.

I know you're right. What I meant was since I live in a small rural area, word always gets around. It's almost unavoidable (trust me, I try).

I'm probably just a horrible person, but part of me almost wanted to see my ex get knocked up by the guy she's with now just because she rushed into a new relationship despite both of them being very fresh from long-term relationships; his being a nearly 20-year marriage that was still some months from finalization.

This kind of news while earth shattering can actually help you move on. It's like the final nail in the coffin so you can kill the false hope of reconciliation. And 3 months is just really early. It will get better. Hang in there.

Well, it was confirmed to me today. She is pregnant with his baby.

Not sure how to feel about that. I'm hurt obviously but it's not any of my business.

Confused...

The amount of anger I'm feeling is...immense. I want to reach out to someone...anyone (not her though). It'll pass I know but I guess the betrayal is complete now.

mhowe, I need some sense kicked into me. lol

Go for a run, howl at the moon...allow yourself an hour to fixate on this. Then put away every momento, letter, cars and photo. Tape the box shut and get on with your life.

Well, it was confirmed to me today. She is pregnant with his baby.

 

Not sure how to feel about that. I'm hurt obviously but it's not any of my business.

 

Confused...

 

The amount of anger I'm feeling is...immense. I want to reach out to someone...anyone (not her though). It'll pass I know but I guess the betrayal is complete now.

It's pretty normal. The anger is because it's out of your control and there's a sense of injustice. It seems like she gets to be "happy" while you're healing. You'll be okay, just try not to feed the rage. There's no actual guarantee that she's happy about the pregnancy and there's no guarantee that she won't "get hers" some way or another in the long run.

When the temptation arises to "make her pay" you need to reach out and find another way though. Don't let her have that kind of power over your life.

Go for a run, howl at the moon...allow yourself an hour to fixate on this. Then put away every momento, letter, cars and photo. Tape the box shut and get on with your life.

I've already cleared my home of anything related to her so I'm good there. I'm just trying to process the level of betrayal here. Questions, questions...never to be answered.

It's pretty normal. The anger is because it's out of your control and there's a sense of injustice. It seems like she gets to be "happy" while you're healing. You'll be okay, just try not to feed the rage. There's no actual guarantee that she's happy about the pregnancy and there's no guarantee that she won't "get hers" some way or another in the long run.

 

When the temptation arises to "make her pay" you need to reach out and find another way though. Don't let her have that kind of power over your life.

From what I hear she's pretty happy about it. I don't know why; she's always hated kids. But, she's making plans for what the nursery is going to look like, stuff like that.

Karma is going to kick her ass someday. I don't know this woman.

Karma ALWAYS kicks people in the ass you might have to wait years and years ,but it happens. You can only hope that you're there to laugh about it.. Lol.

Karma ALWAYS kicks people in the ass you might have to wait years and years ,but it happens. You can only hope that you're there to laugh about it.. Lol.

Nope; I don't want anything to do with her ever again. I don't want to see her, hear from her or anything about her.

But, yeah...I'd love to be a fly on the wall when it happens.

Nope; I don't want anything to do with her ever again. I don't want to see her, hear from her or anything about her.

 

But, yeah...I'd love to be a fly on the wall when it happens.

That's what I mean.... lol

It's crazy...I had my suspicions (hence this thread) but I've been doing really well this past week. I've been actively avoiding where I thought I might run into her, and I've even been going out of my way to avoid his parents' house. I've been thinking of her less and in generally a better state of mind. Then a co-worker whose wife is sort-of friends with my ex drops the bomb on me (he's got a big mouth). I'm doing better but I feel like I've lost a little bit of progress. I just want this nightmare to be over and done with.

The thing that's been running through my mind a lot lately is...what the Hell is she thinking? How can someone drop a 5 year relationship for a total loser like this guy, then go against everything she felt before? Having a baby with the guy after living with him for 3 months? How can you determine someone is life partner worthy in that amount of time? I'm not naive enough to think that this hasn't been going on for longer, but a relationship built on cheating and lies? Never good in my opinion. I can't live someone's life for them, but damn...she's making damn sure she makes every cliche about crazy women a reality (no, I'm not saying all women are crazy).

And no, this isn't any attempt at trying to understand her to get back with her, but just an attempt to try and figure out the mindset a woman goes through. I think this will help me in future relationships.

The pregnancy may not have been planned ---- BC can fail. And her bio clock says ---- if not this one, will it happen in time.

It really isn't for you to judge. I know you are hurt, but continued focus on her/mindset is only hurting you.