I screwed up and need advice please

I've never written on a forum before, but I honestly don't know where else to turn for advice so here it goes... Last September I met an amazing girl while out on a buddy's bachelor party in NY (I live in MD). We instantly hit it off, in fact i pretty much fell in love with her right there and then, even though I was dating someone else at the time. Nothing happened that night, but we did keep in touch over text and phone after I went back to MD. A few months later I eventually got the courage to end the other relationship which was very difficult as we lived together and had been together for about 7 years. I knew it was the right thing to do though since I couldn't get the NY girl off my mind. The next weekend I went up to NY to see her and everything was great. So great in fact I didn't want to leave, but of course I had to. A couple weeks later she made plans to come down and visit me...got a hotel and plane ticket and everything. Three days before she was to leave I brought up that I thought maybe we should postpone her coming to see me until things cooled down at home since the ex and I were still living together (in separate rooms btw). I was only trying to avoid an awkward situation in case we ran into her or something with it being so recent that we had broken up. She took extreme offense to this suggestion, rightfully so looking back on it, and cancelled the trip. We spoke a little bit over the next couple weeks, but she was obviously furious with me. About two weeks ago she stopped answering my calls and texts all together and also deleted any record of me on her social media pages. Over the last few weeks I've sent flowers, letters, and other things to try and somehow apologize. Nothing has worked. The only thing left to do now is drive up to NY and try and talk to her face to face, but I'm scared she doesn't even want to see me. I'm deeply in love with this girl...I've never felt this way before about anyone. What do I do? Drive up to NY and hope she talks to me or do I give her space to maybe one day forgive me on her own? Please help. Thanks.

Contact NY girl once you move out and get your own apartment and you're ready to be with her and only her and have your situation with your ex sorted out.

If she paid for a ticket and hotel then no doubt she's mad. Did you offer to reimburse her?

I'd leave it be til you get your own place and then try one more time to contact her, and if she will talk to you, tell her you'll pay her back the money she spent. If that doesnt work, then you need to chalk it up to a bad experience and move on.

I offered to reimburse her a bunch of times, but she didn't want money. I promised I'd never hurt her and I did...I think that's why she's mad. The ex has a new place and moves out in a about a week.

Despite the living arrangements, I can't imagine dating someone who is still living with an ex. I'm sure she felt you were leading her on, by hiding this from her, as well.

I'm not sure why you started dating her, while knowing you weren't starting out with a clean slate. Either way, it's worth a shot to contact her when you're officially single and living on your own, but don't take that to the bank.

It's hard to say you fell in love after such limited interaction... Things that come that quickly/easily tend to go that quickly/easily...

Well, I'm almost inclined to think that the reason why this girl is now ignoring you is because she may be starting to put some stuff together in her mind and she's not liking it. For example, she's probably now realised that since you only just broke up with your ex recently and still even live together, that you were clearly not single when you hit on her at the bar and asked for her number. Then you continued keeping in touch with her for a few months while still being in that relationship. I'm guessing at no point during all that time did you actually tell her you were not single? Now she's realised and obviously she doesn't trust you and doesn't want to be that girl that you may do the same thing to as you did to your ex. I can see that you're in a real pickle because you did all this because you fell in love with her, but I think if you tell her: "I love you", it may actually freak her out. I mean, you have to admit that it was very quick that you "fell in love", you didn't even know her. I would say just write her a letter or E-mail and explain you actually liked her A LOT and actually ended your relationship hoping to be with her. Then just leave her be and see if she'll come to you.

I actually told her from the beginning that I was in a relationship and she was trying to reconcile things with an ex. We both tried to make it work with our ex's at first but neither of us could stop thinking of the other. I agree this whole relationship is unconventional. I've never really believed in love at first sight until I met her. We've both said "I love you" to each other already which I know is odd as well, but I know I mean it. I want to make it work so badly with her, but I fear I've messed up that chance and betrayed her trust.

You put your Ex's feelings above hers, that is why she is angry, and rightfully so.

Telling her to cancel her trip in case you bump into your ex is ridiculous.

I would have blocked you too.

You put your Ex's feelings above hers, that is why she is angry, and rightfully so.

Telling her to cancel her trip in case you bump into your ex is ridiculous.

I would have blocked you too.

I second this post.

I know it was messed up...and what you're saying is totally right. I've never been as sorry as I am that I did that and I miss her like crazy. I obviously screwed up huge...I guess what I'm ultimately asking is if what I did was unforgivable and/or how do I make it right?

^

Third....

I'm sorry kicks, but I really think you blew it.

There is no way to apologise for what you did. When a girl starts dating a new guy the last thing she wants to hear about is the ex and her feelings.

Did you really care about bumping into the ex, or did you get cold feet?

When I told her not to come I really thought I was doing a smart thing for us and avoiding confrontation. I now know I was selfishly doing it for me and my bad living situation. I wish I could take it back, but can't. That's why I want to make this right more than anything. I was afraid I screwed this up for good and looks like I did.

Have you told her that was the real reason?

I've tried but since she's not answering any calls or texts I haven't been able to.

As a female who has done a long distance relationship and is frankly in a pickle too (in a similar situation) here is my 2 cents: ((and I know its been a few weeks since you posted here so...))

She is hurt - deeply. She thought you had something great and when you told her Never Mind, she started to think(but to her it was more like realize) she wasn't really that important to you, maybe she was just a good time.

Blowing up her phone won't help. But I believe in one good well written, honest letter/email this is your best choice. It is the only thing you can do at this point to try to get her to understand. If it works then she'll be open to talking again (in time) and if it doesn't then try to enjoy the few moments you had together.

Did you offer to go back to NY and see her? I know you said you'd pay her back. Why didn't you just stay at a hotel?