Out with OLD and in with....older. Or....Matchmakers, why not?

I've been pretty vocal lately about all the things I dislike about OLD (On-Line Dating). I think that there are just too many choices and that has made OLDaters incapable of making a real choice. No one seems to be serious about dating....they want to meet people sure, but because "settling" has become the worst "s" word in a dating person's vocabulary commitment seems almost impossible. Now this is just my experience, and I fully own that it could have more to do with who I choose to date and how I choose to find said dates; but the only way to change that is to shake things up and try something new.

I moved to the PNW about 6 months ago. I tried PoF - seemed like it's just for hook-ups here - too many weirdos. Tried Match and went on maybe 1 date and overall just wasn't impressed. Tried OKCupid and while it seems there are some guys that are in it for a relationship if you dig deep...I went on 2 dates and both just weren't all that exciting. One was really bitter about dating and how women rejected him....the other was nice but seemed like too much of a homebody for me and was basically allergic to the sun, whereas I could bask in the sun 24/7 if it was possible and be happy as a clam.....we just didn't quite click.

I tried meetups. I got hit on by a BUNCH of guys who I just wasn't attracted to, and I had one short lived relationship with a guy who was just too busy and ultimately not that into me. The meet-ups themselves were often free but I was spending a lot of money on happy hour drinks and what-not and just not meeting the people I wanted to meet.

Oh, and there was the guy who lived in my apartment building. Boy, that was disaster.

I decided to try something else.....so I met with a matchmaker and I'm ready to do this.

Here's why I think this might be good for me:

1. What I have been doing isn't working....so why not.

2. It's not cheap. If paid OLD sites are better than free than this should be AMAZING! (read with sarcasm)

3. The matchmaker screens everyone to make sure they are serious. Sure they could lie to her but I would guess it's more difficult to lie to someone;s face and then fork over hundreds of dollars. I mean if you want NSA and you're willing to spend that why not get a call girl.

4. They have a high success rate. (so they say)

5. If my "picker" is off then maybe having someone else choose for me will yield better results

6. I'm not getting any younger and in the PNW people aren't as open to even making new friends so I can't wait for my group of friends to grow and meet people on my own...it could take years. They say people usually find a match between date 3-7. That I can handle.

The matchmaker does all of the "matching" personally so it's not fast like OLD. I filled out a bunch of forms stating my preferences and we talked for about an hour about what I want and my dating history. When she matches me I'll get a call. They will tell me about him but I won't be able to call/text him before the date at all. The matchmaking service makes a reservation and all we do is show up. After the date they call both of us up and get feedback on the date, which they share with us to help us on future dates. That alone could be worth the money. lol

So those are the basics. More about my meeting with the Matchmaker to come.

And yes, the title is a nod to the Melodrama....a form of theatre that I actually really enjoy, and I find it painfully appropriate for this topic.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I got there 15 minutes early. I had to wait outside (to be let in to the locked office building) for at least 5 minutes (in the afternoon heat) then they sat me at a table to fill out a form I hadn't been able to complete and e-mail in. I didn't actually see anyone again for 30 minutes! The matchmaker was meeting another prospective client and it went long. I mean, I guess that shows she takes her time when she needs to....right?

So we wind our way back to her office. The first thing she does is apologize for starting so late and then she apologizes if she yawns because she's preggers and it just hits her in the afternoon and she's not tired the baby just wants more oxygen. lol okay. Then we start going over the forms I filled out....it's basically like an OLD profile but much more invasive. When was your last relationship how long was it why did it end....okay and before that....and before that....and....WHEW! We talk about what I want....so I want marriage? YES. Do I want kids? YES....okay so I'm 38 and I know at this point it's not a given but I'd be open to a guy with kids who wants maybe one more. The basics.

We actually talked quite a bit about why OLD wasn't working for me and why the PNW is a difficult place to meet people in general. I mean just making friends is HARD. I feel like I'm suddenly a socially awkward 2nd grader instead of the the creative social butterfly I have always been. It's crazy hard. She said people don't invite other to get together because they are afraid of rejection...What The!?!? So if someone is having a BBQ for the 4th of July they only invite people they know are free and will come....and if you're talking about your plans the convo goes Me: "So what are you doing this weekend" Friend: "I'm having a BBQ at my place".......END no "Oh hey, you should come if you don't have plans." Nope. Nada. No invitations. It's almost creepy. I've only been here about 6 months and I have already noticed this. If people are this weird about inviting friends to a BBQ think what happens when they try to date.....oh the Horror!

Then there were a few free form short answer questions on the forms...basically describe yourself, describe your hobbies and passions, and describe your ideal match. I was really open and honest when I wrote my answers. She actually read them aloud to me word for word.....and WOW I had no idea how hearing my own words would affect me. I teared up and after she read it I told her how it was so different to hear someone else read my words and especially those words. They were so .....real.

We talked about the services they offer and all the business stuff. I decided I felt comfortable with her...it wasn't a stretch to think we could be friends or at least acquaintances that if she said...."I think you and my friend John would really hit it off" I'd probably ask her to introduce us...so I said what the heck I'd probably pay this much for OLD and a bunch of meet-ups in the then next 6-9 months so why not.

Well Now it's Wednesday....I sent her a couple pics of myself on Sunday as she requested (for their file) and although she did thank me for sending them....I haven't heard anything since. Okay I know the whole idea behind this is that it's not like OLD there's no instant gratification....and really I think the instant gratifications of OLD is what is ruining it.....so then why am I so in patient? lol Oh, who knows...but I guess I have no choice but to just wait. SIGH.

I guess I'll check my OKC inbox for a couple giggles.

Welcome the the PNW! Great if you want to go on a nice solitary hike in the woods or stay inside on a rainy day in November increasing your word count for NaNoWriMo; not so great for getting invited to things. Just like your description of OLD, where people are always hesitant to commit in case something better comes along, there is SO MUCH to do here that people often don't want to commit to an appointment for the weekend in case something else comes up. So when you invite people to things, it's always "oh yeah that sounds fun, maybe I'll show up I'll let you know". And then your BBQ where you expected 15 people only has 3. People who do the inviting learn who actually will show up and only invite them. And everyone who isn't the inviting type is an introvert. It's a vicious circle. You kind of learn to be a bit pushier, or you have to be the one in charge and force people to go.

The matchmaker definitely has it's appealing side. While I'm not sure you gave OLD a fair shake (1-2 dates and quickly moving on to a different service barely seems like a "try" imho) maybe this will work for you! I like the idea that there is a human rather than an algorithm in the middle who might have a good idea of how compatible you really are. And the slower speed has it's benefits as well, as impatient as you may be. You can focus on other things rather than dating while the matchmaker weeds out the bad apples for you.

Hmm... this gives me an idea. I wonder if there is room for an OLD manager type person, who uses the free tools that are out there, but keeps you from seeing the profiles or messages that may stress you out. Anyway, it will be interesting to see your results with matchmaking in the PNW!

Thanks Saluk! It is a bit of a culture shock coming from the ultra friendly mid-west. lol But so far I really do like it here.

Actually I've been "trying" OLD for almost 5 years. I'm not giving up on it based on 2 dates.

I feel like it hasn't really worked for me in 5 years and the couple months I've tried it here aren't any better (and actually if we're looking at the number of dates it's worse because 2 in 6 months is way less than I ever had in the mid-west)

Haha! Funny....that might be a good idea. Personally though I'm not sure another person would do any better are managing my OLD life than I could so I wouldn't pay for that.....but then again I'm kinda jaded right now. lol

Looking forward to hearing about your matchmaking journey!

You'll just have to be that friendly Midwest person who makes us rude people be social and thaws the "freeze". And I agree, 5 years is a good enough try. Enough!

For me, the concept of matchmaking just goes against my grain a little bit. I know that in the end it is still my choice, but I am wary of involving others in that process too much. Just the independent streak in me I guess. I wont even let people set me up. I'm all for it for other people though.

You'll just have to be that friendly Midwest person who makes us rude people be social and thaws the "freeze". And I agree, 5 years is a good enough try. Enough!

 

For me, the concept of matchmaking just goes against my grain a little bit. I know that in the end it is still my choice, but I am wary of involving others in that process too much. Just the independent streak in me I guess. I wont even let people set me up. I'm all for it for other people though.

I guess I will have to be THAT girl. Haha!

Of course not every path is going to be right for everyone. The way I see it though here I have a much better chance at meeting a guy IRL...at a gathering or sporting event or something like that and since it's impossible to get invited to those things I'm going to pay to have someone meet guys for me. Although I am starting to play soccer with a group of co-workers tonight is game #1, if there's a cute guy there I'll be open to that too.

They all go into her office and have the same kind of talk I had with her....and I just have to trust her to take what I wrote and what I said and find a reasonable match. Plus they get feedback so if the first couple aren't my cup of tea because they missed the mark I can tell them and hopefully correct it. In theory it sounds great, and because I'm too old to wait 3 years to break into the Seattle social life I might as well try.

Looking forward to hearing about your matchmaking journey!

Thanks! I never see anyone here talking about matchmaking service so I thought maybe this would be educational....and not just for me.

I do know people who have tried forms of matchmaking services -one did get married (it was a site where you were assigned a specific person from the community who had done matchmaking, to get you a match -worked for my friend.

What happened with the guy from your building -I thought things had been going well?

I do know people who have tried forms of matchmaking services -one did get married (it was a site where you were assigned a specific person from the community who had done matchmaking, to get you a match -worked for my friend.

 

What happened with the guy from your building -I thought things had been going well?

That's an interesting concept... community matchmaking. hmmmm.

Oh, THAT guy. Geesh. I have no idea what his deal was. I feel like he needed me to constantly stroke his ego. So I told him I didn't have time for a guy that was going to act consistently inconsistent. Hot and cold is not my thing. He's ignored me since.

I did a lot of informal matchmaking and often it was within the same community we lived in but the people involved didn't otherwise know each other.

I did look into going to a matchmaker at one point but I thought she was very pricey and I think she wanted to meet at her apartment which I was not comfortable with . I also was contacted by a few matchmakers who posted profiles of their clients on dating sites. I followed up with one or two but then did not hear from them again.

I did a lot of informal matchmaking and often it was within the same community we lived in but the people involved didn't otherwise know each other.

 

I did look into going to a matchmaker at one point but I thought she was very pricey and I think she wanted to meet at her apartment which I was not comfortable with . I also was contacted by a few matchmakers who posted profiles of their clients on dating sites. I followed up with one or two but then did not hear from them again.

Interesting. I've never had either of those experiences.

I do remember once in the mid-west I had a call from a matchmaking service. That service was VERY expensive. This one is at least half the price or less. I think they have more men than women and they guys are willing to pay more...I'm not really sure but that seems to be how it works.

Still nothing but it's a Holiday weekend and I'm having some minor family drama to deal with so maybe next week I'll have a date.

The most popular service back in my day charged women far more and were much harder on women in the screening/interview process because men could be far more selective (no biological clock, for one thing!). That matchmaker had a few parties/events -I went to a few and saw a lot of the same men I had seen on OLD and around at other singles events.

Do you know people who can set you up?

I hope everything works out with your family!

Thanks for posting this journal. I'm very curious to see how it goes, as I'm considering the same approach.

Does the service you hired go out canvassing on your behalf or do they just try to match you to someone in their existing database?

Hey LoveSoDeep, good idea for a journal! I'm very interested to see how your matchmaking experience goes!

The most popular service back in my day charged women far more and were much harder on women in the screening/interview process because men could be far more selective (no biological clock, for one thing!). That matchmaker had a few parties/events -I went to a few and saw a lot of the same men I had seen on OLD and around at other singles events.

 

Do you know people who can set you up?

 

I hope everything works out with your family!

Yes, they do have events as well. Not sure if the men at the events are her clients or not though because the events are open to the public as well and published on Meet-up usually.

No, I really don't know anyone who could fix me up. I'm new in town so most of the people I know are through work....most of those are much younger than I am, besides my boss who is older (and that would just be strange lol).

I think the family thing is just now working itself out although there will be some upcoming court dates and other fun stuff. Thanks!

Thanks for posting this journal. I'm very curious to see how it goes, as I'm considering the same approach.

 

Does the service you hired go out canvassing on your behalf or do they just try to match you to someone in their existing database?

Sure I thought it would be educational if nothing else.

No they look within their members. If you have very tough requests I think they sometimes do reach out to people who have attended events. I think that's how I got my first call from them....they had a couple guys they were trying to match that were tough jobs. One is Muslim and looking for the same or maybe and agnostic but I'm neither, and the other.... not sure but I wouldn't have liked him as the girl who called me admitted he is short and a little insecure about it.

Hey LoveSoDeep, good idea for a journal! I'm very interested to see how your matchmaking experience goes!

Thanks and welcome to my journal!

 

Still nothing. Hmmmm maybe I should call the off ice and just ask what the process is as I was really thinking I'd be getting a call with in a week or two.

Okay. I decided to call.

I just wondered what the the process was like and what kind of time frame to expect. I got a lot of good information.

There's a matching list and it basically first on, first off. So When you join you go on the bottom of the list and also when go on a date and it's not a match and you want to be re-matched you go back on the list. I joined 10 days ago and I'm now number 22 on the list. So it might be another 2 weeks. *sigh*

Anyway the nice lady who met me when I came to the office checked over my profile, she said she was glad I filled it all out if people don't fill it all out she just gets the matchmakers scribbled comments and notes and that's not as easy. She checked the races I selected to be matched with and I think the only race I didn't select was Asian (including Indian)....what can I say? That's just never done it for me.....same with red headed men. Anyway she seemed upset with that because we have a large Asian/Indian population here. Then she looked at the height range I gave which was 5'8" to 6'4" I think....and that seemed good. She looked at the age range I selected which was 31-48 (ideal is more like 33-42), that seemed good and then she saw that I would date a guy with kids and she was really excited about that. I think the 3 good things should out way the one more picky thing.

Now, of course if there's a guy higher up on the list that I might be a match for they can match me with him and that would speed things up. Maybe there's a bunch of Asian/Indian guys at the top of the list. lol

Her comments make me feel like I should give those guys a try...but then I remember I have, and it just wasn't for me. Plus that was in mid-west where most Asian/Indian guys are 2nd or 3rd generation...and even then the cultural differences were just too much.....here there are a lot of more recent immigrants who are more connected to their cultures, and don't get me wrong they are awesome people - I just don't really want to date them.

Call me shallow if you must.

I can totally understand the cultural difference being a dealbreaker, nothing wrong with have those preferences.

I don't get how the matching list works, are they matching the same guys with one girl for example, so girls down the list have to wait? Why can't they match two people both down the bottom of the list for example, if their criteria match up?

This doesn't sound like a personal matchmaking service. It simply sounds like they are a form of a dating site with the only difference being that they believe they are better at matching the people on the site/list than you are at matching yourself. From what I know of matchmakers, you meet with one person and for a fee she goes through the men she knows and suggests matches to you.

Don't feel bad at all for whatever physical or cultural preferences you may have. If it feels like a compromise, don't do it.

This service puzzles me too. First, it's odd they wouldn't have explained the process of matching up front. It sounds like they're just dedicating their limited resources to first-come-first-served which makes some sense.

Second, I'd expect them to do the work of finding suitable dates in places or ways I do not have time for rather than simply try to force me together with whatever persons they already happen to have on file, which will undoubtedly be a smaller sampling of singles than the popular OLD sites would have.... or if so, they'd need to be very convincing with respect to what makes the persons they have on file exceptional, and more importantly well-suited for me, before I'd pay for the services.

Wishing you success and a great learning experience! Thanks again for sharing.

I can totally understand the cultural difference being a dealbreaker, nothing wrong with have those preferences.

 

I don't get how the matching list works, are they matching the same guys with one girl for example, so girls down the list have to wait? Why can't they match two people both down the bottom of the list for example, if their criteria match up?

Thanks. I know you're right but every time someone calls attention to it I feel like I have to validate that feeling again.

I think they have the list to be fair....because it is a business and if they didn't have a list then the people who are harder to find matches for would end up getting no attention because the easy ones would all be matched up first.

This doesn't sound like a personal matchmaking service. It simply sounds like they are a form of a dating site with the only difference being that they believe they are better at matching the people on the site/list than you are at matching yourself. From what I know of matchmakers, you meet with one person and for a fee she goes through the men she knows and suggests matches to you.

The matchmaker does meet with everyone in person for at least an hour. The forms you fill out are just reminders and extra info for her staff. The woman I talked to last night is a staff member she does not do the matching. I think her commentary about my choices was just to give me an idea of how easy or difficult matching me might be.

The matchmaker has a list and I know she has hours set aside to match people. So she takes the first name on the list and pours over her current clients and tries to find a match. If number one on her list today is a man who I would match with then that speeds things up for me I guess. If she can't find a match in her clients she also has events that are open to clients and to the public and they sometimes call people who attend those (although all they have is name age and phone number) to see if they might match. and obviously they are always looking to add new clients.

Don't feel bad at all for whatever physical or cultural preferences you may have. If it feels like a compromise, don't do it.

 

This service puzzles me too. First, it's odd they wouldn't have explained the process of matching up front. It sounds like they're just dedicating their limited resources to first-come-first-served which makes some sense.

 

Second, I'd expect them to do the work of finding suitable dates in places or ways I do not have time for rather than simply try to force me together with whatever persons they already happen to have on file, which will undoubtedly be a smaller sampling of singles than the popular OLD sites would have.... or if so, they'd need to be very convincing with respect to what makes the persons they have on file exceptional, and more importantly well-suited for me, before I'd pay for the services.

 

Wishing you success and a great learning experience! Thanks again for sharing.

Thanks!

Yeah they explained that the matchmaker personally matches everyone but the list part and how long it usually takes wasn't really explained....and maybe I'm too nice but I chalk that up to pregnancy brain (the matchmaker is about 5 months preggers). I know from my friends, that when you are pregnant the kid seems to just steal your brain power and you forget things more easily. lol

I'm all for things being fair and I think the list makes sure things are fair. This is a business after-all. Honestly, the list makes sense to me....you can't just blindly pick who you want to match up....inevitably someone would get forgotten or left out and if they paid for it then that shouldn't be an option. This is what happens to the quirky people on OLD.....either they are a little outside what is generally considered a great catch or they have slightly different things they are looking for they end up getting overlooked over and over. For example, I'm 5'1 I bet that there are guys who are 6' who screen me out on OLD (because on paper an 11" height difference seems too much) and these same guys when they are too a point of paying for a matchmaker might open their minds up a little. I know I did. Personality is more important that a lot of things and when I have a person doing the screening for personality I can relax some of the parameters I set when there was no screener.

I agree they should help me find a date in way I don't have time for....and they do look outside the box if they don't have any matches for you. I think often enough though they don't have to resort to that.

I think of it this way if I had 50 friends who I knew every single one of them was single and wanted a relationship and wanted to be hooked up with one of my other friends....chances are there would be at least a couple options for each person in just the friends I already have. The thing is I don't know anyone who has that many single friends! lol Sure I know people who have lots of friends but many of them are married or not looking or don't want to be fixed up.

I really feel like I'm just paying for that one friend who knows all the single men.....and since i'm new and it'll take me a while to make friends here....it's worth it.

Excellent points.

I suppose if they have the ideal match in inventory, for lack of a better term, then so much the better. My presumption is that my match would not be in a database, in which case the company's willingness & ability to go out and find her would be a primary consideration and I'd pay accordingly for that.

Also with the model I'm describing, the potential match would've seen your pics first - when they go out canvassing they have pics and a bio to show potential matches - and ideally vice-versa so you'd get some indication what they look like too.

"Yeah they explained that the matchmaker personally matches everyone but the list part and how long it usually takes wasn't really explained....and maybe I'm too nice but I chalk that up to pregnancy brain (the matchmaker is about 5 months preggers). I know from my friends, that when you are pregnant the kid seems to just steal your brain power and you forget things more easily. lol"

Well, get that assumption out of your brain - certainly pregnant women, like all people who have something significant going on in their lives ,can get distracted but I hate to think that women who work until near their due date are thought of as having "pregnancy brain" (I absolutely did not, neither did the women I know). So if she is working, assume she is doing her job.

I hope you have good results but I do not think you should equate the "matchmakers" with the person who knows all the single men. Based on past experience my guess is that the men who go to this service are far more on the fringes and have not done well on on line dating sites -this is more of a last resort. By contrast a matchmaker who works one on one with clients for more than an hour are usually very pricey and they actually do have the inside scoop on the eligible single men (who usually pay quite a lot for the service). This is somewhere in the middle ground between a dating site and a traditional matchmaker. But then again my friend met her husband in her building's laundry room one rainy Valentine's Day eve. So you never know. I would read the fine print and make sure you can get a refund fairly easily as needed.

I set up many people and always have -getting married didn't change that. I was set up by a number of married/ coupled friends. (If that is what you meant).

Excellent points.

 

I suppose if they have the ideal match in inventory, for lack of a better term, then so much the better. My presumption is that my match would not be in a database, in which case the company's willingness & ability to go out and find her would be a primary consideration and I'd pay accordingly for that.

 

Also with the model I'm describing, the potential match would've seen your pics first - when they go out canvassing they have pics and a bio to show potential matches - and ideally vice-versa so you'd get some indication what they look like too.

Oh, sure if you're looking for something very specific they seem like they do go through other channels like recruiting from their public events, and yes I do believe that people who want this level of attention and help will and do pay more.

They do have pics of me, and I guess I'll find out when I'm matched if that's part of the process. I gave them some specifics about what I find attractive and that and what my type is....I think she's been doing this long enough to know what a "professional" type is. I guess I'll find out!

"Yeah they explained that the matchmaker personally matches everyone but the list part and how long it usually takes wasn't really explained....and maybe I'm too nice but I chalk that up to pregnancy brain (the matchmaker is about 5 months preggers). I know from my friends, that when you are pregnant the kid seems to just steal your brain power and you forget things more easily. lol"

 

Well, get that assumption out of your brain - certainly pregnant women, like all people who have something significant going on in their lives ,can get distracted but I hate to think that women who work until near their due date are thought of as having "pregnancy brain" (I absolutely did not, neither did the women I know). So if she is working, assume she is doing her job.

 

I hope you have good results but I do not think you should equate the "matchmakers" with the person who knows all the single men. Based on past experience my guess is that the men who go to this service are far more on the fringes and have not done well on on line dating sites -this is more of a last resort. By contrast a matchmaker who works one on one with clients for more than an hour are usually very pricey and they actually do have the inside scoop on the eligible single men (who usually pay quite a lot for the service). This is somewhere in the middle ground between a dating site and a traditional matchmaker. But then again my friend met her husband in her building's laundry room one rainy Valentine's Day eve. So you never know. I would read the fine print and make sure you can get a refund fairly easily as needed.

 

I set up many people and always have -getting married didn't change that. I was set up by a number of married/ coupled friends. (If that is what you meant).

I'm not saying pregnant women become useless later in their pregnancy, I'm saying little things start to slip their mind because they are so tired. Many of my friends felt that way while pregnant if you didn't then, hey that's awesome. I think it's common for anyone who is unusually fatigued for any reason though.

Good point....but I've been trying on-line dating too and I'm not getting results either. So if these guys are the ones who couldn't get a date on-line then maybe I really am their female counterpart because I'm right where they are in that regard. Also from what she told me she does have services that are much more like you're describing that cost much more (I remember one of the options being 9K) and she has people, albeit mostly men, that elect those services and are happy to pay more for them. They get make-overs and coaching and all sorts of other things. After talking to me for an hour she said she didn't think needed that.

I'm still going to go to meet-ups and all the things I was doing before so if the right guy is out there somewhere it's not that I'm not looking and putting all my eggs in one basket. Honestly though, I have faith that this will work for me....in my particular set of circumstances it just seems a good fit.

I think it's important to remember I just moved here and I have less than half a dozen friends....most of which are work colleagues. I have maybe one friend who will call me up and invite me to things. It sounds like I'm some sort of hermit or have social anxiety but I swear I don't. lol I just can't figure this new place out. Everyone keeps to them self here. I know this isn't normal and I don't have the time to figure it out. I have been told it takes a couple years to really fit in....in a couple years I'll be 40! I cannot and will not just sit and wait.

"I'm not saying pregnant women become useless later in their pregnancy, I'm saying little things start to slip their mind because they are so tired. Many of my friends felt that way while pregnant if you didn't then, hey that's awesome. I think it's common for anyone who is unusually fatigued for any reason though."

I've had that happen when I am very fatigued - my only point was it is not unique to pregnancy and I have an issue when pregnant women are labeled as somehow being controlled by their pregnant bodies and not able to function as well professionally -just not a good light for women generally because of the tired old stereotypes of how women behave in the workplace based on hormones, whether it's their period/PMS/pregnancy/menopause - I am sensitive to it for sure having been a woman in a male-dominated workplace for 15 years so that labels like "pregnancy brain" can be harmful to all the progress women have made. My workplace accommodated my physical limitations during pregnancy just as they would for any disability for either gender.

Anyway, I completely understand that you're in a new city and maybe your friends from your old city can't connect you with people in your new city (I was able to do that to some extent when I relocated 6 years ago for the first time in my life). It sounds like this service might be a good fit for you and I look forward to hearing more about it!

my guess is that the men who go to this service are far more on the fringes and have not done well on on line dating sites -this is more of a last resort.

As a likely future client of such a service, that describes me very well... in the best possible way. I live in a large city and have checked all the major OLD sites. To say the pickings are disappointing is being very polite. After viewing hundreds, perhaps thousands of profiles, already filtered by my preferences, I don't think I've found a half-dozen women worth even messaging.

I keep extremely busy, usually in activities that don't include many women or offer a chance to chat them up, and I am not into dating among my professional contacts or being set up by friends, so for me it'd be much less of a last resort and much more of a reasonable process.

On the flip side, if the stories I hear from women are any indication, they're besieged by poor and delusional choices too when on OLD sites, so we have that in common and they too would probably "resort" to a matchmaker.