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Thread: Recommended Books

  1. #81
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Brief and to the point. The best summary I have seen yet on the issue of Healthy Love versus Toxic "Love" (aka Obsession).

    The author is Sandra L. Brown.

    The opposite of healthy love is what we often call 'toxic' love. Sometimes understanding what toxic 'looks like' helps us to see what real 'love' should look like too.

    Here is a short list of the characteristics of Love vs. Toxic Love (compiled with the help of the work of Melody Beattie & Terence Gorski).

    1. Love—Development of self first priority. Toxic love—Obsession with relationship.

    2. Love—Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow. Toxic love—Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness).

    3. Love—Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships. Toxic love—Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

    4. Love—Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth. Toxic love—Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.

    5. Love—Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.) Toxic love—Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."

    6. Love—Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together. Toxic love—Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

    7. Love—Embracing of each other's individuality. Toxic love—Trying to change other to own image.

    8. Love—Relationship deals with all aspects of reality. Toxic love—Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.

    9. Love—Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood. Toxic love—Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

    10. Love—Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.) Toxic love—Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings).

    11. Love—Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship. Toxic love—Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.

  2. #82
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    A few bits and pieces from a PT articles by Jen Kim.


    Here are a few more truths that might be flying under the radar:

    Marriage is not in decline, it is in delay. At least, that’s what historian and researcher Stephanie Coontz tells The Guardian. By middle age, 80 percent of Americans will be married, roughly the same number it was a half-century ago.
    Highly educated women are most likely to get married—on their terms. A Brookings Institute study finds that women with advanced degrees are not only getting married more often than their bachelor earning counterparts, but they are also leveraging their newfound economic independence to “renegotiate the terms of marriage in a more egalitarian direction.”
    Millennials are better at marriage—even though they are getting married less often. Between 2008 and 2016, the divorce rate declined by 18 percent, according to research conducted by Phillip Cohen, a University of Maryland sociology professor. He credits millennials’ lack of divorce to their “increasingly selective nature of marriage… greater stability of couples who persist through cohabitation and enter marital unions at high levels of economic interdependence.”

  3. #83
    A Good Man Is Hard to Find and Other Stories
    by Flannery O'Connor

    or

    The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
    by Douglas Adams

  4. #84
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    I thought this rather good:

    "Love is not a meritocracy.

    Well-intended friends often say to single people, “It’s a shame that someone as smart and attractive as you is alone.” This implies that people need a special trait or qualification in order to attract a love interest—and that if we’re alone, we must be doing something wrong. But that message is unhealthy and unproductive. The search for a partner isn’t the same as a search for the "perfect" car or a job, although dating apps may make it feel that way. We’re searching for a whole person, not a bundle of desirable traits."


    From an article by
    Deborah Carr, Ph.D., is a professor and chair of the sociology department at Boston University. She studies stress and health, and the ways our relationships can help (or hurt) us.

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  6. #85
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
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    How to Stop Worrying and Start Living : Dale Carnegie .

  7. #86
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss.

    The story begins with the narrator, relating the decision of the unnamed protagonist (who represents the reader) to leave town. The protagonist travels through several geometrical and polychromatic landscapes and places, eventually encountering a place simply called "The Waiting Place", which is ominously addressed as being a place where everyone is always waiting for something to happen. As the protagonist continues to explore, spurred on by the thoughts of places he will visit and things he will discover, the book cheerfully concludes with an open end.

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