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Thread: Recommended Books

  1. #71
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    A selection of very insightful, precise and readable articles here:



    With shame often comes the expectation of abandonment and loss of love, it’s an overwhelming experience.

    In adulthood, despair, loneliness, depression etc. often are related to the fact that something had gone terribly wrong early in life when the self was beginning to develop. In early childhood, parents carry the archetype of the divine, which has awesome power and responsibility. If parents, because of their own woundedness or narcissism, cannot see the true nature of their child, they cause great injury. If we’re not appreciated for who we are, we end up with a self that is unacceptable. When we’re either not seen or disapproved of we experience shame resulting in a self-image of feeling ugly, unwanted, unworthy, unlovable etc.

    Shaming is one of the most dangerous child rearing practices to the child’s self-esteem. “What a fool you are!” “Everyone knows you can’t do anything right!” “You ought to be ashamed of yourself!” These attacks, often delivered under the guise of wanting to do ‘what’s best’ for the child end up in the child’s self-loathing and self-contempt. “I am stupid!” “I can’t do anything right!” “I’m bad” When shaming parents continuously turn away, withdraw love and ridicule they express contempt for the child which leads to the child forever feeling small, inadequate and unworthy.

    Psychotherapist Sheldon Kopp said his mother often told him, ‘I love you but I don’t like you.’ This implied that his mother loved him ‘because she was a good mother’, but that she didn’t like him because he was an unsatisfactory child. The message was ‘surely no one but my mother would have put up with me’ and led to a shame based personality, which he worked long on to repair.

    If we’re not accepted for who we are as children, we may lead a life looking for approval by others hoping of finding a self that is finally validated. Some approach the world with a ‘compliant self’ which eventually leads to depression and loss of inner authority. They have to be ‘nice and loving’ to everybody-it’s a life of pretense and leads to meaninglessness and loss of soul. Others are no longer able to carry the burden of overwhelming shame and secretly decide to misbehave. The natural self hides behind spiteful shamelessness. Many patients enter therapy because of severely limited self-acceptance. If therapy works and they feel safe, they will slowly face the hidden aspects of themselves. With greater self-understanding comes greater self-acceptance. Greater self-acceptance leads to a richer and more soulful life. Fooling others always consumes energy and limits freedom.

  2. #72
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    "Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man", by Steve Harvey......great insights into the mindset of men, and what they really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment.

  3. #73
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    It’s not a self help book at all but I think John D McDonalds “Free Fall in Crimson” is really good. Oh also “The 39 Steps” by John Bucan which is free via the Gutenberg project.
    Last edited by cantgiveup; 09-28-2018 at 10:22 PM.

  4. #74
    Platinum Member Jetta's Avatar
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    Mind Power by John Kehoe. Read it years ago rereading it. It's about the universal laws. Controlling your thoughts to create the life you want.

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  6. #75
    Silver Member Jellybean9's Avatar
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    Watchers by Dean Koontz is one of my favourite books of all time. I am about to start to re-read it this week as I've just found it when clearing my shelves.

    Can't wait to finish it all over again!

  7. #76
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree...excellent reading. Perhaps "He's Just Not That Into You" should be on this list? Also seems to be a recurrent issue.
    Originally Posted by Hermes
    Reading through the many posts, queries and replies on the forum I feel it might be an idea to have a "recommended books/reading" thread.

    Then there is "The Myth of Sanity" by Dr. Martha Stout, and her earlier book "The Psychopath next Door".

    and "Stop Walking on Eggshells" Paul T. Mason

  8. #77
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    [Register to see the link]

    About how we attach to our partners in long term relationships.

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