cat lover and dog lover not coexisting well

My fiance and i have been together for over 2 yrs now. I had a cat when he moved in and agreed to let him get a dog even though im not a fan of them. I developed an allergy to dog hair and was not happy living with the symptoms. Last week the dog died and my fiance is very upset. He wants another dog but i do not. We have been arguing about this alot. I am very upset that he isnt concerned with my allergy and wants a dog anyway. Not sure how to handle this as this is only real problem we've ever had.

How can you be allergic to dog hair and not cat hair? It usually is the other way around.

There's a lot of hypoallergenic dogs. I feel like there may be more going on here.

There are actually a lot of dogs whose dander doesn't cause allergies - google it. Perhaps you can talk to him about choosing a dog together and agree to take the dog into your home for a trial period to see how it goes with your allergies and how it gets along with the cat. There are a lot of rescue organizations, and many humane societies, that will allow a trial period.

I just think putting your foot down without trying everything isn't fair to your fiancé if he loves dogs (especially given the recent loss of his dog), any more than it would be fair to you if he said he was allergic to your cat and you aren't allowed to get one ever again. Maybe you can suggest that it be your dog "together" (not just "his") and this will create a bond for the two of you?

There are many dogs who don't cause a lot of allergies. Dogs that don't shed where you just have to clip their hair are good candidates... poodles, soft coated wheaten terriers, maltese, yorkies etc. Here's a list:

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But what's more important, you need to think about this from the standpoint of recognizing that it's not quite fair that you get to have a cat and he doesn't get to have a dog just because you don't particularly like dogs. So i think if you want to keep your cat, then you should tell him it is OK to have a dog as long as he chooses from among the hypoallergenic breeds (and there are lots of them, from small to large). That will fix the allergy problem.

I have a wheaten myself and she's a lovely dog, a sweet, happy, very easy to be around little creature .. there is no shedding at all, ever. Their hair just grows and grows like human hair and you have to clip or scissor it to shorten it (a few times a year) since they don't shed at all.

Since everyone has eliminated the allergy excuse, it comes down to you just not wanting a dog.

Switch the situation: how would you feel if your cat passed away and your bf said he didn't want you to get another one? Would you be upset? Think it was unfair?

There are specific dog breeds that are less likely to irritate your allergies (no dog is 100% hypoallergenic).

Check out these breeds and see if you both can reach a compromise....

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When researching a particular breed, make sure to do your homework to find out which breeds are more inclined to get along with other pets (like cats). Some breeds have higher prey-drive* than others (* the need to chase things, including small animals), and which have better overall tolerance towards other animals.

When at a shelter, also ask about the dog's individual personality (as all dogs, regardless of breed, age or sex, differ), and if it would likely be able to get along well with a cat or not.

*For safety precautions, also make sure your cat is declawed (if not already) for your potential dog's future safety. Also, supervise when they are together ( & have a separate area/carrier for at least one pet available to physically separate them when both you and your fiance are not home).

Keep in mind that you both & your fiance (when you moved into together) made compromises, and you both have/had emotional attachments to your (individual) pets. Just as you'd feel terrible if something happened to your cat, you should be able to empathize with your fiance and respect his emotions and feelings as well.

Disagree completely with LL about declawing a cat - in fact, there are many states that are trying to make declawing illegal because it's cruel and inhumane. And you do not not need to supervise everything with your pets - animals work it out.

I agree, never never declaw a cat. It is supremely inhumane and many vets won't even do it. If her cat was already comfortable around dogs, if he brings in a puppy or dog that is already familiar with cats, they should be fine together.

a previous family dog of ours almost lost an eye after one of our cats took a swat at his face. Scratched his cornea. So personally, it is not something I would risk.

I'd let him get the dog, put up with it, and then use it as leverage later on for something I want.

My fiance and i have been together for over 2 yrs now. I had a cat when he moved in and agreed to let him get a dog even though im not a fan of them. I developed an allergy to dog hair and was not happy living with the symptoms. Last week the dog died and my fiance is very upset. He wants another dog but i do not. We have been arguing about this alot. I am very upset that he isnt concerned with my allergy and wants a dog anyway. Not sure how to handle this as this is only real problem we've ever had.

Its also not fair that you are not concerned for his loss. he is grieving right now strongly and you should at least shelve the conversation right now instead of telling him no. You were also fine with having the dog before. Also, be honest - if two years ago you would have said he couldn't have a dog - would he have moved in? Did you go against your "better judgement" because you were in love and wanted to get the guy?? Or so that he would move in with you?

I would not adopt a dog "together" unless you were married, honestly.

Also, have YOU explored all options - going to an immunologist?

And...no no no no declawing. Its like cutting the first knuckle of your fingers off.

Sounds like your "allergy" is just not wanting a dog. Its unfair for you to just say no, relationships are supposed to include compromise. And declawing a cat is cruel, if you own a dog its your responsibility to teach it the cat is not a toy, not cut the cats fingers off for defending itself..