Fantasizing with Another Woman

I am a straight woman that has been married for many years and sex has always been absolutely awesome, no complaints. However, lately I have been looking at lesbian porn (by myself) and find it very very arousing. While having sex with my husband I will sometimes fantasize about a woman going down on me or vice versa. I would never be in a "relationship" with another woman, but do fantasize a lot about having an "encounter" with another woman...how weird is this?

It's probably whack fantasy material

I am a straight woman that has been married for many years and sex has always been absolutely awesome, no complaints. However, lately I have been looking at lesbian porn (by myself) and find it very very arousing. While having sex with my husband I will sometimes fantasize about a woman going down on me or vice versa. I would never be in a "relationship" with another woman, but do fantasize a lot about having an "encounter" with another woman...how weird is this?

I don't think it's weird at all. I have straight female friends who have experimented and enjoyed the experience. They were single at the time. A lot of it depends on how conservative or liberal you are. I think it's crazy to have hangups about sex. You're allowed to fantasize/do anything you want, as long it's among or between consenting adults. And you don't break the law and play safe.

What in the world is "whack fantasy material"???

Thanks Sportster2005, I was brought up very conservative, so yes I do feel guilty about feeling that way....but the desire is a lot stronger than the guilt...LOL. I think if I had the opportunity with another woman, probably another married “discreet” woman, I would definitely go for it.

What in the world is "whack fantasy material"???

Since you're married, it what you have in your mind to enhance your 'alone time" instead of acting on the urge.

Thinking about it and fantasizing are VERY different than acting on them.

As a husband who had his wife ACT on those feelings...just understand a whirl wind of hell comes with it. I'll clarify...I stayed with my wife and it's been 5 years...but to I always wonder if she's a lesbian or not. We recently had a conversation where I brought up having a divorce because I couldn't take it anymore wondering. There's a ton more to my story, but to keep it simple and sweet...if you do act on it while still married to him expect to get divorced, he's probably going to post it all over Facebook and everywhere he can that you are a lesbian and how you did him wrong...including eventually telling your kid(s) on a bad day how mommy likes other women. Divorce has a sad way of making people very bitter.

My best advice is A - talk to him tell him you are having these feelings and figure out if you can work out an arrangement where you can 'experiment'...but you better be open to him 'experimenting' with other women too...it's not a one way street.

B- don't cheat and think 'he'll never find out.' He will...you won't be the same around him and he's been with you long enough to know when things are different...it's strange, but married people have this weird thing about one another.

c- if you cheat expect all the bad things that go along with it and be ready for them...cheating and assuming all will go will is beyond dumb...

D- leave the marriage and experiment all you want...but I don't think you want this option.

good luck

Since you're married, it what you have in your mind to enhance your 'alone time" instead of acting on the urge.

Ok, if I understand you correctly, no it is not just to "enhance my alone time", as I fantasize about it while we are having sex...as I mentioned before, I think I would act on the urge if the opportunity would arise. I just wonder how many "straight" women actually fantasize about being with another woman. Just the thought of it is extremely arousing..

"I would act on the urge if the opportunity arose" = I am willing to cheat.

It would appear your attraction and commitment to your husband/marriage is no longer a priority.

Baily thank you so much for that...great advice! I don't think I can talk to him about it, even though he is not a prude, but he is pretty conservative. I would just be afraid that after I said that to him he would always wonder if I was attracted to other women, and I am not. And NO I am not ok with him experimenting, so that would not work either. I guess it is just a matter of whether I will act out on that fantasy, without him knowing, being fully aware of the consequences....as with anyone who cheats. Thanks again

Baily thank you so much for that...great advice! I don't think I can talk to him about it, even though he is not a prude, but he is pretty conservative. I would just be afraid that after I said that to him he would always wonder if I was attracted to other women, and I am not. And NO I am not ok with him experimenting, so that would not work either. I guess it is just a matter of whether I will act out on that fantasy, without him knowing, being fully aware of the consequences....as with anyone who cheats. Thanks again

 

trust me when I say You are no way 'fully aware of all the consequences' when you act on it. We had a storm that lasted a good year +. I separated from her and moved out...

understand everything I stated earlier will happen...re: he's going to yell it out to everyone how bad a person you are (his new opinion) and how you are a lesbian to everyone that'll listen and he's going to lose his mind.

He will NEVER fully trust you again...and that's a big one in a relationship to lose

 

I'm NOT saying you don't have a right to live your life the way you want, but with staying in a relationship a consideration for the other party is mandatory (thus the word relationship)...

it's very simple separate and play all you want

stay together and don't

 

funny how as a guy before my storm I thought lesbian porn was awesome...now I'm sickened by it...I turn my head in disgust now when I see two women kissing because it reminds me that my wife was doing this while we were still married.

 

just as you wouldn't want him 'experimenting' with other MEN. Yea...think if he had a gay experiment...it's NO different than you having a gay 'experiment'

Baily sorry for what you went through, but very interesting listening to a guy's perspective that actually lived it. Even though i think that a guy experimenting and a woman experimenting are completely different...at least in my opinion. To me a straight MAN would never experiment, however, I think women experiment a lot more than they actually admit. And no, I would not leave him to "live my life and act out my fantasies"...

I choose to watch lesbian porn and I am straight ..many of my friends have said the same ..it is very arousing ..I also will bring a fantasy woman into the bedroom as well ... don't worry .

Thanks Sportster2005, I was brought up very conservative, so yes I do feel guilty about feeling that way....but the desire is a lot stronger than the guilt...LOL. I think if I had the opportunity with another woman, probably another married “discreet” woman, I would definitely go for it.

I did ..twice ...thats how I know I am straight .... I didnt like the real deal and just accepted it as fantasy .

Baily sorry for what you went through, but very interesting listening to a guy's perspective that actually lived it. Even though i think that a guy experimenting and a woman experimenting are completely different...at least in my opinion. To me a straight MAN would never experiment, however, I think women experiment a lot more than they actually admit. And no, I would not leave him to "live my life and act out my fantasies"...

but what went through my head was, 'she had a gay relationship' along with many many many more thoughts....and a gay relationship is a gay relationship. Like it or not it's one thing before hand and a different one after.

I find it odd that you could accept yourself having a gay relationship, but not him. How would you react if he had a gay relationship and you found out. Trust me...I mean trust me he will see it EXACTLY the same way if/when he finds out...if you hide it.

I am not here to deter you from doing what you want in your life...at all. I'm just giving you my point of view from someone who went through it and see's the other side of it.

I'm no dummy...I have a bachelors degree and a masters degree and a professional job. I feel I can see things from many angels and I'm no religious freak so I get when people want to test boundaries and even jump them. We only live once ...I get it.

Let me emphasize You have NO idea of the storm that's coming if/when he finds out...because lets face it...if you try it and like it...you are going to want it and taste it again and again. Eventually he'll figure it out. You may be thinking the storm is going to be a 10 out of a 1-10 scale....it's going to be a 50 on a 1 - 10 scale. Be ready to move out if you take this dance.

I did ..twice ...thats how I know I am straight .... I didnt like the real deal and just accepted it as fantasy .

I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

Having fantasies is very normal -even during sex. I bet your husband has them too. But if you feel uncomfortable talking about it with him them it is okay to keep them to yourself. And you know him best, so maybe he would feel threatened by your fantasies.

Just because you have those fantasies doesn't necessatily mean you are gay or bi.

One thing that concerns me is the fact that you would be willing to cheat on your husband. Either leave your marriage if you want or need to act on your fantasies or continue to honor your marriage commitment. It is wrong to do both unless your husband and you agree on it.

Something for you to consider- if you watch porn would your husband be okay with it? I see so many threads here where someone's Computer broke so they went to use their spouse's and found out they watch porn. So be prepared for the cat to be out of the bag on that. Personally I think it is better to be honest about who you really are than to have to hide it.

I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

hahahahahaa oh well in that case I am as gay as they come ....

I think that you're assuming that just because it's a person of the same gender as you, it's not as bad as cheating with a man. I think cheating is cheating. You've both agreed to be in a monogamous relationship when you got married. There was no asterisk with "unless it's someone of the same gender."

Is it healthy to fantasize about women as a straight woman? I think it is. I also think it's fairly common. But I don't think it's healthy to risk your marriage by acting on it.

Baily sorry for what you went through, but very interesting listening to a guy's perspective that actually lived it. Even though i think that a guy experimenting and a woman experimenting are completely different...at least in my opinion. To me a straight MAN would never experiment, however, I think women experiment a lot more than they actually admit. And no, I would not leave him to "live my life and act out my fantasies"...

Ok, this is just justifying your actions. If you want to sneak around with a man or a woman, it's called cheating. Presuming you are married you took a vow to forsake all others.

If you want to have sex with women and it isn't just your whack fantasy, then tell your hsuband and either get his approval (unlikely) or get a divorce.

I see women all the time that i would love to have sex with, so I get the whole lust angle. But that is just what everyone experiences. You control that urge as a married person. if you can't you cause needless pain for all concerned.

I didn't actually read it all properly , I was too busy drooling over sporty ...

op unfaithful is unfaithful ..man or woman ...unless you can sit down and talk , which you said you can't and he is quite happy for you to experiment with a woman then this is just the same as coming on to say you are about to have an affair with a man .

keep it to your fantasies ...maybe your hubby would like to join in some verbal role play .. like pretending a woman has entered the room and she is doing A, B and C and you are both talking and role playing and both enjoying the fantasy of lesbian sex .

Sometimes I wonder if we'd overall have healthier relationships if we had a system like "The Purge" for relationships. Once a year, everyone gets 24-hours to go out there, hook up with whoever they'd like, then return back home to their partner.

OP, you might think yours is a special case because it's a woman you're desiring and not another man, but it's all the same. My girlfriend is gorgeous. A very fit body with good curves, beautiful dark hair. But she's not a busty redhead, which has always been a huge fantasy of mine. And honestly, if I could do it once, know I wouldn't need to do it again, and know that it wouldn't change the way I view my girlfriend sexually at all, I might go out cheat once and just never tell her. After all, I know it's not for any lack of love for her that I fantasize of such women.

But I don't know that once I were to do it, it would be a one time thing or that it wouldn't change things sexually with my girlfriend. What I do know is that the temporary sexual thrill wouldn't be worth potentially sacrificing what I have.

lol! If I had it my way marriage would be outlawed. People stop trying to work on the relationship and settle in... if there wasn't marriage you'd always have to work at it...or you (or the other party) could easily leave without all the issues that come with divorce (finances, child support...etc)

I did ..twice ...thats how I know I am straight .... I didnt like the real deal and just accepted it as fantasy .

What was it that you did not like??

I totally understand you and completely understand where you are coming from...and again thank you!

As to the double standard of him having a gay encounter and me having one....we are Latin and Latin men tend to be very macho, not that other men are not, but I am speaking from my perspective. Meaning, a Latin guy that has gay fantasies is gay, period. A woman that has "experimented" is not necessarily gay, maybe she got drunk with some friends and it happened.

You may be no religious freak as you say, but by the way things you say, you seem to have a religious background and that is fine...so do I, which is why I completely understand where you are coming from.

We have been married many years, we are a young(ish) and attractive couple...like I said before, I wish I could talk to him about it, but then I feel like he would be forever wondering if I am attracted to other women and that is completely NOT the case.

How would you have responded if your wife would have come to you first with this fantasy instead of acting on it? However, I think that your reaction now and back then before you went through this would have been different, don't you think??