"I can´t be friends with you, because things went too far between us for me to-"

What if you heard this from an ex "I can´t be friends with you, because things went too far between us for me to just forget everything"?

How would you interpret that?

 

Or what about when someone says, that they want all or nothing with you (and therefore can´t be your friend)?

What if you heard this from an ex "I can´t be friends with you, because things went too far between us for me to just forget everything"?

How would you interpret that?

 

Or what about when someone says, that they want all or nothing with you (and therefore can´t be your friend)?

 

You don't need a decoder ring for this one.

Let me guess. .you want to be a recent ex's friend and they don't?

Too far = too much damage to consider you even a friend.

I would interpret that to mean exactly what it says. Many people simply want to move forward, and not look back.

Ha ha, no. That´s not it.

 

Is that what too far means to you? That the person saying it, was hurt too much?

 

But what about if the same person says: I want all or nothing.

 

I understand what it means, but how would you interpret things, is what I´m asking.

It means "we are either in a relationship or you are dead to me".

Ha ha, no. That´s not it.

 

Is that what too far means to you? That the person saying it, was hurt too much?

 

But what about if the same person says: I want all or nothing.

 

I understand what it means, but how would you interpret things, is what I´m asking.

 

She wants all or nothing. .she isn't interested in being demoted to `friend'

Is it supposed to be hurtful?/Can it be interpreted as such?

 

the one writing "or you´re dead to me", I mean, that comes off a little mean-ish. So if someone said this to you, you´d just stay completely away from them?

Ha ha, no. That´s not it.

 

Is that what too far means to you? That the person saying it, was hurt too much?

 

But what about if the same person says: I want all or nothing.

 

I understand what it means, but how would you interpret things, is what I´m asking.

 

I think you're looking for a hidden message, and that's how I would interpret your thoughts. I still stand by my first response.

"Is it supposed to be hurtful?/Can it be interpreted as such? "

 

hurtful to you or her?

Is it supposed to be hurtful?/Can it be interpreted as such?

 

the one writing "or you´re dead to me", I mean, that comes off a little mean-ish. So if someone said this to you, you´d just stay completely away from them?

 

Yes, I'd respect their feelings. Perhaps you should too.

Is it supposed to be hurtful?/Can it be interpreted as such?

 

the one writing "or you´re dead to me", I mean, that comes off a little mean-ish. So if someone said this to you, you´d just stay completely away from them?

 

Yes...I would stay away from them. They don't want anything to do with you.

Eeeehm why are you attacking me? Forget it then. I thought this was a place of advice not judgement.

From my perspective they might just need time to process out the hurt and change their perception of you. When me and my most recent ex broke up I said roughly the same thing but given a month or two I was totally fine with being her friend. Space and time do wonders.

Yes...I would stay away from them. They don't want anything to do with you.

 

So what if they text you a week after trying to diffuse the drama by just giving a friendly hello?

Someone you dumped isn't interested in being demoted to "friend".

It is advice. When someone says that...they are done. Finished. Over.

Hmmm. Curious as to what you wanted to hear.

 

You invited people to interpret messages. .

They give you their interpretation and in turn you feel judged?

No one mentioned anything about you personally.

I was curious to hear exactly what you have told me. But without making assumptions. and jumping to conclusions.

 

Anybody see that I also wrote, that the person also texts after a week trying to diffuse the tension? That don´t change anything?

I guess it´s just the way things are articulated then.

I guess it´s just the way things are articulated then.

 

Maybe it would help if you could share with us some background.

You speak in second and third person so it's challenging to know which part you are playing.

I was curious to hear exactly what you have told me. But without making assumptions. and jumping to conclusions.

 

Anybody see that I also wrote, that the person also texts after a week trying to diffuse the tension? That don´t change anything?

How does one form an opinion without any facts without making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. The very nature of your limited information requires that one do both.

I've said nearly an identical thing to an ex who dumped me for another girl then wanted us all to hang out and be "good friends." Urg, no thanks.

 

It means, "We can't be friends, because we were romantic once and either I still want that and you don't and it hurts to be relegated to the corner seat at the kiddie table of friendship when I had front seat at the opera before as your loved one" or it means "Every time I look at you I remember the toxic way you/I behaved towards each other. And I don't normally sit there staring at my friends rehashing the awful night they told me they didn't love me every time they open their mouth, so yeah let's not go there."

 

Whatever it means one thing is crystal clear, they do not want to be your friend. Period. End of story. Like I said I've been there and it was irritating beyond belief that the guy broke my heart then couldn't understand why I didn't want to be friends.

 

Anyways I take it this is what's going on with the limited information I have.

From experience, I take it as them not being able to cope with just being friends when their heart desires so much more. When you're invested in feelings for someone, it's hard to cope when the rug is swept out from beneath you for just a friendship that could end up one sided. It's not that they don't want you, it's in fact, the opposite. They want you much more than they can handle and they are mature enough to let go for a time when they can cope with it and accept the loss. Sometimes the loss is great enough they have to let go for awhile to gather their grief and come to acceptance.

 

It's hard to let go of someone you truly care for when they don't seem to feel the same way. It's not a good-bye. It's "I am trying to let go because this is what you wanted, and I care more for you than you know so I am trying to let go."

 

It's not always the case of them not wanting to be friends, they do want to be friends, they want to be more than friends and their not ready to settle for scraps of what used to be and was handed to them. Understandable. Time heals. Give it time. They may still in fact think of you every minute of the day. Love never really dies, it just has to be reigned in before a person breaks beyond the point of no return. In my case..... It hurt too much to love on a one sided coin. Sometimes you have to let go for awhile.

 

You ever stop to think that maybe some of these people let go for your sake and not their own? Maybe they actually feel genuine love... just not reciprocated. It's a painful walk. I've been walking that road for years. It's not a walk in the park.

Im assuming you dumped your S.O. and you cant understand why they wouldnt want to be friends with you? Give me a break, sorry if i come accross harsh but this is a fresh wound with me and it astounds me.

 

Im going through the same thing right now, on the other side. She left me a little over a week ago and wanted to be friends and all of that. No. I obviously felt a lot more for her than she did about me.

 

You dont get to hurt me then expect me to be alright with taking the breadcrumb of a relationship that youre offering. You maybe dont see that because you arent in the same position as the dumper. You chose to leave that person, you dont feel the pain of the rejection or abandonment.

 

Respect his/her wishes and dont string them along or cause them more pain than you already have done. Unless you want to reconcile and thats usually unlikely for genuine reasons.

What if you heard this from an ex "I can´t be friends with you, because things went too far between us for me to just forget everything"?

How would you interpret that?

 

Or what about when someone says, that they want all or nothing with you (and therefore can´t be your friend)?

 

Why would you want to be friends with your ex?! that is so stupid to consider. And that he/she is so into you and have feelings for you to be your friend. Leave them be if they said that specially if you are the Dumper... unless you regret what you did and truly love that person try to work things out and take it very slow! And it all depends when the break up happened.... i think if 2 people wants to get back together after a break up it should go for at least 3-4 months or even more!