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Thread: My girlfriend left me because I am an alcoholic that can get out of control

  1. #11
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    And I do know I have to stay sober for me. Getting her back in my life is just very important to me because I love her so much.

  2. #12
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    A year is not that long. However, almost anyone can make changes that last for a couple months. It shows that you are serious about making changes, and is something to celebrate. But it is just the first step in your journey. If I were in her position, I would want to see not only that you want to be sober, but that you are able to function that way for a long enough period that I can be assured that you wont easily revert. She has seen you at your worst, and those memories are going to be fresh for some time.

    Those memories may be impossible for her to erase no matter how long she waits.

    After a few months, you move from getting sober, to staying sober. It's a much longer process - perhaps life long, and the staying is the hardest part. But if you stick with it you will unlock roads that are now closed to you, even if the road you want never reopens.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Briguy76
    A year is a long time. After a few months she should see I am serious about my sobriety, even after one month. Its something I have never done.
    It is suggested that you stay away from relationships in the first year of sobriety. A relationship could make one lose focus on their sobriety. Hindsight is 20/20; I started dating my ex when he was just four months sober. I was hesitant in the beginning if I should date him because of that, but did anyway. We ended up breaking up, and he started drinking again. I'm not saying us breaking up was the sole cause of this, but if I could do it all over again, I would've thought harder before choosing to date someone so new in their sobriety.

    It's imperative that you just focus on yourself for now. Yes you want her back, but it's detrimental to have the hopes of winning her back after some indefinite amount of time sober. It could be damaging to your process if you do remain sober and in the end she still doesn't want you back. Just focus on yourself and your sobriety. Good luck with your process.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Briguy76
    And I do know I have to stay sober for me. Getting her back in my life is just very important to me because I love her so much.
    Re-read and see how selfish this sounds. This is not love, man. What about "her" life and what is important to "her"?

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  6. #15
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    I'm not being selfish at all. I love her deeply. I want the very best for her. She loves the man I am when I don't drink. This is love and who are you to question my feelings for someone. How dare you belittle the pain I feel for having her see my ugly side and how much I want that out of my life. If I didn't feel like I can work on my sobriety and have her regain my trust I wouldn't even be posting here. If I felt like I couldn't become the healthy person I know I can be in the long run I would never drag her down that road.

  7. #16
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    I would also like to add that this whole experience has been life shattering and life altering to me. I care deeply for this woman and I have never had more resolve and confidence before in my life to stay sober.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by sky09
    Re-read and see how selfish this sounds. This is not love, man. What about "her" life and what is important to "her"?
    Selfish because he cares? whats important to her is that she didn't want to be with someone who was drunk & if he stays sober why shouldn't she give him a chance?

    I wish you all the best briguy76 & hope your woman will come back to you, but I think if she really loved you, she would have stayed while you were fighting the battle, my uncle is an alcoholic and I understand that lots of people feel that they have no time for people who drink a lot but if people really cared, they would help, not abandon!!

  9. #18
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    Well, my ex is an addict and I loved him almost beyond all reason. However, I certainly was not going to stay while he disappeared for days on end, got fired from job after job after getting the first paycheck (because he'd disappear on a bender), stole my personal property to feed his addiction, got arrested (and eventually went to prison), got into rehab only to walk out after 5 days saying he was "cured", stole from friends and family (again, to feed his addiction)...me staying wouldn't have helped him one bit since this was how he acted while we were together. He claimed to want to get sober but didn't follow through until he was sent to prison.

    Now, I understand the OP is actually taking steps to get and stay sober. And that's fantastic. But to expect someone who'd lived through the addiction with him to stay while he's fighting for his sobriety and saying they're "abandoning" the addict when they've finally had enough...that's just completely unfair.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    I agree with Boltnrun. Too often people feel obligated to stay with someone who is treating them poorly BECAUSE they have an addiction. That's quite unfair to the partner, who has every right to live without addiction.

    I say first thing's first. Focus on sobriety. One day at a time.

  11. #20
    Member anngrant's Avatar
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    hope you are okay now

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