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Thread: Did he cheat on me? He met another girl in the hotel

  1. #1

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    Did he cheat on me? He met another girl in the hotel

    Hi,

    I need your advice. I've been with my boyfriend(31) for 3 years this summer, we live together, and I thought we were happy, until I discovered that me might have cheated on me. Let me explain.

    Last Saturday we had a fight, nothing big, but we were kinda pissed at each other til the next day. Sunday he had to go to work, he's a commercial pilot flying national flights. He was supposed to get back home in the evening, but he didn't, because his company changed his flights. He usually sleeps at home every night, but sometimes his company changes schedules last minute so he stays in another city about a night per month. I knew he wasn't lying about that, because I can see his schedule online, he gave me the password to the intranet so I'm always informed when he's flying and when he has time off.
    Anyway, he told Sunday quite late that he would sleep in another city, and work the next day in the afternoon, and come back Monday night. I didn't think much of it, just said okay, since we were still kinda pissed at each other. I thought we'll make up when he gets back Monday night, and we did. But from Sunday night til Monday night he didn't even text or call me once and I found that odd, because he usually contacts me several times a day. I thought maybe he's still pissed. But there was some bad feeling inside of me which I could't seem to get rid off. I guess it's the gut feeling.

    So when I started his computer to use Spotify (he knows I do that almost every day, even suggested me to do so because his speakers are much better), his already opened email account popped up as usual. Usually I don't look. Monday I just had to. I checked his latest emails and saw that he just sent an email to himself. It only contained a picture- Of him in his pilot uniform, his arm around a girl, the girl's arm around him, both smiling. They don't necessarily look like a couple, could also be a friend picture, but that's not all to it. The picture was clearly taken in the hotel lobby where he's staying (I know this hotel, have stayed with him there once). Just minutes later, the picture was suddenly deleted (but he didn't delete it from the Trash folder). I found this really odd, I have never seen that girl and he hasn't told me about it. I first thought 'Maybe it's just a friend' but I couldn't shake off the bad feeling. When he arrived at home I asked him how the day in the hotel was (to give him a chance to tell me) and if he has done anything special. He said no, he was just in the hotel all day.

    Then, this morning when he got ready for work, I did something I never thought I would do- I took his phone an opened his Whatsapp messages to see if I cold figure out who that girl is. And there it was, a conversation with a girl who was definitely the same girl as the girl in the picture (I saw her Whatsapp pic). I read their conversation. She first sent him pictures of the Bachelor party he attended two weeks ago. It was her with him, also her with his friends etc, just normal pics. Then they had some random conversations, nothing really special, although I found it weird that apparently he just meets a girl there and exchanges numbers. In the conversation it was clear that she's British and just here on Holiday for a few weeks. Then, on Tuesday (two days ago) she texted him 'It was lovely seeing you yesterday' and 'I will never look at pilots the same way' (between other random stuff). So now I knew for sure they met, and he hasn't told me. He also sent her a picture of some watermelons saying 'This made me think of you because of the fruit juice haha'. The conversation itself wasn't THAT long. The city they first met in (Bachelor party) is another city than the one he stayed at the hotel. It looked like she spent her last days in that city and flew back to the UK from there.

    Now I really don't know what to think. Obviously it wasn't a coincidence that they met. She was in his hotel. I kind of doubt that they met the night before he slept there, because he arrived at the hotel at midnight and the hotel is quite far from the center, it's next to the airport actually. But who knows. The next day he had all day off there and he had to work again in the afternoon, so plenty of time. If he just wanted to meet her in a friendly way, he just could have met her for a coffee somewhere, right? Instead, she was at his hotel as I could clearly see in the picture. Regarding that he wore his pilot uniform, the picture was taken just minutes before he left to the airport to work, so she stayed with him til he had to leave. She was probably there when he showered, shaved and got dressed, and I guess she wouldn't wait in the lobby if she's at the hotel.


    My only guess is that he cheated on me. I trusted him a lot, but I just cannot imagine that there is any other explanation than that. Why would he take the number from a girl he met at a Bachelor party? Why would he meet her at his hotel and not tell me about it? Why would she be there when he got showered and dressed and left to the airport? Why would she say 'It was lovely seeing you yesterday' and 'I will never see pilots the same way'. For the record, he has cheated in the past. Not on me as far as I know, but he admitted he cheated on an ex-girlfriend.

    I want to confront him tonight in a calm way, but I just cannot imagine that there is any reasonable explanation for that. What do you guys think? What would you do?



    Thanks!!

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by marybell
    My only guess is that he cheated on me.
    Yes, a guess. I'd advice against jumping to any conclusions until you talk calmly to him about it.

  3. #3
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    It looks bad but theres no smoking gun. He will deny it if confronted I can garuntee that.

    So it comes down to if you trust him. If you don't, end it. Because once trust is gone the relationship dies.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    Confrontations are rarely calm.

    Here's what is gonna happen:

    You: I was looking through your computer and your phone and discovered the picture of the girl and the conversation. Care to explain?

    Him: Option 1 ---- get upset and deflect and start telling a story that isn't remotely believable.

    Him: Option 2 ---- she is the girl from the bachelor party and we ran into each other at the hotel. Blah blah blah.

    By the way, why was she at the bachelor party?

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  6. #5
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    Good point about confronting him. I don't know what the alternative would be. More paranoia? More phone and computer snooping?

  7. #6

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    Originally Posted by mhowe
    Confrontations are rarely calm.

    Here's what is gonna happen:

    You: I was looking through your computer and your phone and discovered the picture of the girl and the conversation. Care to explain?

    Him: Option 1 ---- get upset and deflect and start telling a story that isn't remotely believable.

    Him: Option 2 ---- she is the girl from the bachelor party and we ran into each other at the hotel. Blah blah blah.

    By the way, why was she at the bachelor party?

    I guess him and his friends met her and her friends in some bar or so. She sent him pictures of that night, posing with him and his friends.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    So, then they exchanged phone numbers. This you KNOW.

    BTW --- what was the fight about?

  9. #8

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    Originally Posted by mhowe
    So, then they exchanged phone numbers. This you KNOW.

    BTW --- what was the fight about?

    If they only exchanged numbers I guess it wouldn't have been THAT bad. But they stayed in contact and he met her at his hotel without telling me!


    The fight was nothing big, just about a random work thing. He basically got pissed, so I got pissed too.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    You may or may not be minimizing the fight. You say it is a little thing, and yet you guys didn't speak for a day or more, nor did he stay in normal contact. It doesn't sound little at all.

    They exchanged numbers and she knew what hotel he would be at on that morning. It is still a huge leap to figure that they spent the night together and that he would be stupid enough to allow you access to his accounts and post the picture there.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I think it's a bit of a stretch to leap to the conclusion that he is cheating based on the info. Looks like normal social interaction between people. The problem with snooping is that you are seeing bits of conversation without having any context to what it means.

    Also, I think you are minimizing just how angry he actually was at you in terms of not speaking with you for that long. You may have a problem, but it's not the one you are focusing on right now. Your fight seems a lot more serious than just nothing much that you are saying it is. If you often stick your head in the sand like that and brush it off as nothing much, I think it will eventually lead to something huge. Not being heard and a problem being brushed aside as nothing much can really become aggravating in the long run.

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