Did he cheat on me? He met another girl in the hotel

Hi,

I need your advice. I've been with my boyfriend(31) for 3 years this summer, we live together, and I thought we were happy, until I discovered that me might have cheated on me. Let me explain.

Last Saturday we had a fight, nothing big, but we were kinda pissed at each other til the next day. Sunday he had to go to work, he's a commercial pilot flying national flights. He was supposed to get back home in the evening, but he didn't, because his company changed his flights. He usually sleeps at home every night, but sometimes his company changes schedules last minute so he stays in another city about a night per month. I knew he wasn't lying about that, because I can see his schedule online, he gave me the password to the intranet so I'm always informed when he's flying and when he has time off.

Anyway, he told Sunday quite late that he would sleep in another city, and work the next day in the afternoon, and come back Monday night. I didn't think much of it, just said okay, since we were still kinda pissed at each other. I thought we'll make up when he gets back Monday night, and we did. But from Sunday night til Monday night he didn't even text or call me once and I found that odd, because he usually contacts me several times a day. I thought maybe he's still pissed. But there was some bad feeling inside of me which I could't seem to get rid off. I guess it's the gut feeling.

So when I started his computer to use Spotify (he knows I do that almost every day, even suggested me to do so because his speakers are much better), his already opened email account popped up as usual. Usually I don't look. Monday I just had to. I checked his latest emails and saw that he just sent an email to himself. It only contained a picture- Of him in his pilot uniform, his arm around a girl, the girl's arm around him, both smiling. They don't necessarily look like a couple, could also be a friend picture, but that's not all to it. The picture was clearly taken in the hotel lobby where he's staying (I know this hotel, have stayed with him there once). Just minutes later, the picture was suddenly deleted (but he didn't delete it from the Trash folder). I found this really odd, I have never seen that girl and he hasn't told me about it. I first thought 'Maybe it's just a friend' but I couldn't shake off the bad feeling. When he arrived at home I asked him how the day in the hotel was (to give him a chance to tell me) and if he has done anything special. He said no, he was just in the hotel all day.

Then, this morning when he got ready for work, I did something I never thought I would do- I took his phone an opened his Whatsapp messages to see if I cold figure out who that girl is. And there it was, a conversation with a girl who was definitely the same girl as the girl in the picture (I saw her Whatsapp pic). I read their conversation. She first sent him pictures of the Bachelor party he attended two weeks ago. It was her with him, also her with his friends etc, just normal pics. Then they had some random conversations, nothing really special, although I found it weird that apparently he just meets a girl there and exchanges numbers. In the conversation it was clear that she's British and just here on Holiday for a few weeks. Then, on Tuesday (two days ago) she texted him 'It was lovely seeing you yesterday' and 'I will never look at pilots the same way' (between other random stuff). So now I knew for sure they met, and he hasn't told me. He also sent her a picture of some watermelons saying 'This made me think of you because of the fruit juice haha'. The conversation itself wasn't THAT long. The city they first met in (Bachelor party) is another city than the one he stayed at the hotel. It looked like she spent her last days in that city and flew back to the UK from there.

Now I really don't know what to think. Obviously it wasn't a coincidence that they met. She was in his hotel. I kind of doubt that they met the night before he slept there, because he arrived at the hotel at midnight and the hotel is quite far from the center, it's next to the airport actually. But who knows. The next day he had all day off there and he had to work again in the afternoon, so plenty of time. If he just wanted to meet her in a friendly way, he just could have met her for a coffee somewhere, right? Instead, she was at his hotel as I could clearly see in the picture. Regarding that he wore his pilot uniform, the picture was taken just minutes before he left to the airport to work, so she stayed with him til he had to leave. She was probably there when he showered, shaved and got dressed, and I guess she wouldn't wait in the lobby if she's at the hotel.

My only guess is that he cheated on me. I trusted him a lot, but I just cannot imagine that there is any other explanation than that. Why would he take the number from a girl he met at a Bachelor party? Why would he meet her at his hotel and not tell me about it? Why would she be there when he got showered and dressed and left to the airport? Why would she say 'It was lovely seeing you yesterday' and 'I will never see pilots the same way'. For the record, he has cheated in the past. Not on me as far as I know, but he admitted he cheated on an ex-girlfriend.

I want to confront him tonight in a calm way, but I just cannot imagine that there is any reasonable explanation for that. What do you guys think? What would you do?

Thanks!!

My only guess is that he cheated on me.

Yes, a guess. I'd advice against jumping to any conclusions until you talk calmly to him about it.

It looks bad but theres no smoking gun. He will deny it if confronted I can garuntee that.

So it comes down to if you trust him. If you don't, end it. Because once trust is gone the relationship dies.

Confrontations are rarely calm.

Here's what is gonna happen:

You: I was looking through your computer and your phone and discovered the picture of the girl and the conversation. Care to explain?

Him: Option 1 ---- get upset and deflect and start telling a story that isn't remotely believable.

Him: Option 2 ---- she is the girl from the bachelor party and we ran into each other at the hotel. Blah blah blah.

By the way, why was she at the bachelor party?

Good point about confronting him. I don't know what the alternative would be. More paranoia? More phone and computer snooping?

Confrontations are rarely calm.

 

Here's what is gonna happen:

 

You: I was looking through your computer and your phone and discovered the picture of the girl and the conversation. Care to explain?

 

Him: Option 1 ---- get upset and deflect and start telling a story that isn't remotely believable.

 

Him: Option 2 ---- she is the girl from the bachelor party and we ran into each other at the hotel. Blah blah blah.

 

By the way, why was she at the bachelor party?

I guess him and his friends met her and her friends in some bar or so. She sent him pictures of that night, posing with him and his friends.

So, then they exchanged phone numbers. This you KNOW.

BTW --- what was the fight about?

So, then they exchanged phone numbers. This you KNOW.

 

BTW --- what was the fight about?

If they only exchanged numbers I guess it wouldn't have been THAT bad. But they stayed in contact and he met her at his hotel without telling me!

The fight was nothing big, just about a random work thing. He basically got pissed, so I got pissed too.

You may or may not be minimizing the fight. You say it is a little thing, and yet you guys didn't speak for a day or more, nor did he stay in normal contact. It doesn't sound little at all.

They exchanged numbers and she knew what hotel he would be at on that morning. It is still a huge leap to figure that they spent the night together and that he would be stupid enough to allow you access to his accounts and post the picture there.

I think it's a bit of a stretch to leap to the conclusion that he is cheating based on the info. Looks like normal social interaction between people. The problem with snooping is that you are seeing bits of conversation without having any context to what it means.

Also, I think you are minimizing just how angry he actually was at you in terms of not speaking with you for that long. You may have a problem, but it's not the one you are focusing on right now. Your fight seems a lot more serious than just nothing much that you are saying it is. If you often stick your head in the sand like that and brush it off as nothing much, I think it will eventually lead to something huge. Not being heard and a problem being brushed aside as nothing much can really become aggravating in the long run.

How is that innocent if he met her at his hotel and she apparently stayed with him there, also when he got showered, dressed etc.? I even asked him how his day was and he said he didn't do anything, just stayed at the hotel all day. He didn't mention that girl.

To clarify the fight again- It really wasn't big and no, I'm not minimizing anything. It was Saturday afternoon, he received his new work schedule for April, and because he was on his phone for so long I called him jokingly a 'phone addict' (which he also calls me often and it's just making fun), and he weirdly got pisse and said now he doesn't want to tell me about his schedule anymore. I laughed and we didn't fight and everything was still fine, I was completely normal to him because I thought it's just a joke and later he will tell me anyway. Saturday night- Many hours later- he still didn't wanna tell me and didn't give me a reason, so I got a bit pissed and said that this is not nice and I don't get why he's doing that. He got pissed of my reaction and then didn't want to talk, and since it was already 11pm we just went to sleep. The next morning we talked a bit, but just random stuff and no hugging or kissing. He had to leave for work again so there wasn't really time to talk things out and I didn't wanna rush, so I just let him go. There was absolutely no screaming, no name calling, no complete ignoring. I thought we just make up when he gets back and we did. So I don't think why that's a big thing. Also, this doesn't justify cheating in any way.

Where do you get that she was with him when he showered, dressed? The picture was taken in the lobby, wasn't it? Or was it in his room?

Perhaps when he got his schedule for April, he was checking to see where he was going. And planning on hooking up with her?

Where do you get that she was with him when he showered, dressed? The picture was taken in the lobby, wasn't it? Or was it in his room?

 

Perhaps when he got his schedule for April, he was checking to see where he was going. And planning on hooking up with her?

No, she already went back to the UK. Impossible to meet, it's another continent and he doesn't have any vacation. I think he just got randomly pissed because I called him a phone addict and in the end he just liked saying no when I asked. When we made up, he gave mis his schedule without hesitating.

Before he leaves to the airport, he gets showered and dressed and then goes down to the lobby to wait for the crew. I doubt that this girl came all the way from the city center just to say hi 2 minutes in the lobby and then leave. Plus, she said it was lovely seeing him. I don't think she would say that if she was only there for two minutes.

I think you are not going to listen to what anyone says.

Saying it was lovely to see him certainly implies that it was a somewhat random encounter in the lobby. Perhaps she had an early flight as well and stayed near the airport.

But ---- you don't trust him, so ask.

But be forwarned that your snooping will cause him not to trust you as well.

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