is it appropriate to take a 15 year old to jail to visit her mom?

my wife will be going to prison for eight months for being involved in a financial crime at the company she is at. I willing to stay with her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my daughter she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 16 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how "now her mother is the one being ordered around". I have no problem with that really as it is probably better to joke a bit instead of being hysterical. I am wondering if she should visit. I went and visited my wife it was one giant room with several tables and several guards around, I saw my wife at one table. She was dressed in her jail clothes. We talked for about 30 minutes then in the end the officers line the inmates up and walked them through one of the sealed doors. I wonder if I should let my daughter visit. Would it be wise to take her when she will see the prison environment, other inmates and even guards could be intimidating

if I do allow her how should I prepare her ahead of time?

Have you asked her if she wants to visit her? At her age, I don't see it as trauma inducing. She has seen as much on tv.

I personally think it would be a great way for a teenager to see there are often consequences for your actions. It might even be more telling since this was a white collar crime. Chances are your daughter won't be so quick to slip a 20 out of your wallet or to "borrow" a credit card.

To prepare her, just tell her how it is beforehand.

Have you talked with either your wife or your daughter about their wishes? Does you wife want to see her daughter? Does you daughter want to see her mother? Teenagers are old enough to understand what is going on. There is no reason for her not to go if she and your wife desire to see each other.

I think it would be good for her, if she wants to visit. Remember, you wife committed a non violent white collar crime. She is not in the same sort of prison that you would see on TV, with screaming men, violence, etc. If your daughter wants to go, I think it would be a good experience. A sobering reminder of what can happen.

I would check with your wife and see what are her wishes. I would also check with a counselor and see if that is a good idea. And have a counselor talk to your daughters first of all. What might not be traumatizing to one person is very traumatizing to another person it depends upon their emotional make up.

And then call your pastor to see what God thinks about it. Don't forget the accountant. Oh, and the real estate agent! And Dr. Laura, too.

Just kidding.

I'm assuming you know your daughter. If she wants to go and you feel that she is mature and can handle it, take her. I doubt she's going to see anything traumatizing. You're going to be in a white collar woman's prison in a visitor area. It's not like TV at all.

my daughter seems to be taking it fine and she says she has no problem visiting

One problem I have is she will see her mom in jail clothes and see other inmates and even guards who could be intimidating. Is that an ok thing for her to see?

I think you're over thinking it. Take her. She'll be safe and fine between you and the guards there.

She knows she is in jail...and than means a uniform and guards. I would just tell her what to expect and take her with you. Then plan on a bite to eat after where you and she can discuss the visit and her feelings. If she were

If your daughter is okay and wants to visit mom(and mom feels ok with her seeing her there), then yes I think it's okay at her age. I think family support and interaction for prisoners is probably very key in rehabilitation.

Yes it is a tough and unpleasant experience. However, I think your daughter needs to deal with it and see her mom. She loves her and needs to realize at this age that their are realistic consequences for breaking the law. Children see a lot of thing on television these days (as stated earlier) gut this is real life and more scary. Good that she is handling it fine especially since it was a nonviolent crime and she is not exposed to something worse or intimidating.

my daughter seems to be taking it fine and she says she has no problem visiting

 

 

One problem I have is she will see her mom in jail clothes and see other inmates and even guards who could be intimidating. Is that an ok thing for her to see?

You are being a wee bit ridiculous and way over thinking things. Don't try to hide life and reality, because you won't be doing her any favors. Besides, it sounds like your daughter is much more grounded about this than you are yourself. To prevent her from seeing her mother would be unfair and a disservice that is more about your personal discomfort and offended sensibilities than it is about your daughter.

remember it is not because of her mom, it is simply the environment. Also, I wonder if there is a benefit to visiting over phone calls.

remember it is not because of her mom, it is simply the environment. Also, I wonder if there is a benefit to visiting over phone calls.

The environment is not the big deal you are making it out to be.

Also, I wonder if there is a benefit to visiting over phone calls.

Yeah, actually being able to see each other for one.

I agree with those saying that if your wife and daughter want to see each other, then it's a good idea. I don't think the environment is that traumatic. I do think that if she finds that the environment is uncomfortable for her, she has every right to say she prefers phone calls. But she could at least try an in-person visit.

I also think that the damage to their relationship, if they don't see each other, will far outweigh any consequences from the environment. She might also need that physical contact with her mother. Eight months is relatively long when you're a teenager.

remember it is not because of her mom, it is simply the environment. Also, I wonder if there is a benefit to visiting over phone calls.

I would be more concerned about her emotional well being and stability now and in the future regarding her relationship to mom. Kids and teenagers who have had a parent in jail, regardless of offense, are at risk emotionally. I agree with Victoria in that, what is traumatizing to one kid is not to another. But I would cautious of taking what your daughter tells you and how she acts at face value, too. Some kids deal with emotional challenge differently than others. Some kids are good, real good, at putting on a good front. She is using humor and acting like everything is fine; but that doesn't necessarily mean that everything is truly fine. Something big happened in her world; I'm sorry, but a parent going to jail is a big deal. And a lot of times, you don't see how that impacts a kid until later. SOme act out of their feelings, some suppress them. Most need some help in processing such a major thing at such a young formative age; when you are still building basic personal security and rely on your parents/adults in your life.

So yeah honestly, I think the prison environment is going to be less a shake up for her than what has already happened and is happening; the reality that mom committed a crime and is in jail.

my daughter if she sees her mom in jail will no doubt ask her questions about how it is like in there for her. Is that OK for her to ask?

The answer will be...it is tedious and boring. This isn't SingSing or Alcatraz.

OP, usually, there are people who work in services as liasons to help answer these types of questions. Does your family have anyone like that working with you - social worker, councilor, anyone?

my daughter if she sees her mom in jail will no doubt ask her questions about how it is like in there for her. Is that OK for her to ask?

No, by no means should an inquisitive daughter ask her mother how things are. Make sure she doesn't ask about the food either. SMH. OP, it's fine. The reality of the situation is that your wife got caught doing something illegal and is in jail. Your daughter should ask what it's like for her.

OP may be a bit over cautious, but I think it's really great that he cares so much about his daughter that he is considering her needs in all this.

I really hope their family does well.

Yes, it is in fact kind of crucial you take your daughter and you both visit your wife. Prison is tough, no matter the circumstances, no matter how long or short the ride so to speak is for someone.

Even if your daughter acts like it's no big deal it will be. Call the prison and find out the rules for visitation, follow whatever they tell you religiously, make sure you wife and daughter maintain that bond. Tell your daughter she can talk to you if she likes about the experience afterwards. Use it as a way to bond the family together, your wife needs that stability and your daughter needs to see your wife is okay.

It will be all right.