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LRCalcium47

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I just want to admit that with as much personal growth that I've had (and there has been a ton) in the past couple years, the most stubborn element of my past that I cannot shake off so easily is my insecurity.

 

It takes a lot more to get it flared up these years than past, but when it does, it feels exactly the same as I felt when I was 10, 15, and 20. In fact, it kind of makes me feel that young (and immature) again. But there is something to be said about that, obviously the damage the little 10-year-old me had was significant and just doesn't want to let go of me.

 

I get weary to see how much reassurance, good fortune, good love, and healthy self-talk it still takes to weed out the negative self-talk. Why can't it be enough? Why can't I be like so many other women who seem to have absolutely no issue with things like female friends (of their boyfriends), exes, bachelor parties, regular parties, etc. Why can't I just 'get over it'?

 

Anyway, I just wanted to admit that I am still dealing with it from time to time. It is embarrassing and frustrating to me more than anyone else that it may affect - a real pain.

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I think that many of us have to keep working on our issue forever. It's just part of who we are and we have to go through all that self talk every single time.

 

Accept that this is who you are. You're aware of it, and your working on it. You aren't like what you think other women are like. You are you. I think self acceptance is a big part of dealing with some of the big issues we have to deal with about ourselves.

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I found it helpful to recognize the critical voice in my own head. We had a coach at work who said that it takes 21 days to form any new habit--that's how long it takes for new synapses to form in the brain. He said to make a list of habits we want to change and to isolate only 1 at a time, because linking them turns small problems into giant abstractions, and nobody can resolve those.

 

I identified my inner judge and jury as the first thing to tackle, because as you said, it's old tapes we keep playing out of habit. Whenever I caught myself going negative, I'd switch the voice into an encouraging coach, instead.

 

This didn't mean reaching for flowery affirmations that made me squirm. Something as simple as, "I can do this..." worked wonders. The idea isn't to notice jealousy and berate yourself as petty and small, but rather to say, "Hmmm...she just showed me what's possible for me, too..."

 

It also helps to explore new interests and find something you can become passionate about learning. Expecting instant expert skills can trash a hobby before it gets off the ground, but throwing yourself into a student role in everything transforms your most childish qualities into child-like openness.

 

Consider change as a process rather than a rigid goal, find the humor in your mistakes and roll with them, and reward every minor accomplishment as a step in the right direction.

 

Head high.

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