A year after my last post, I find myself in a somewhat better place. I still live in the same place I did before, but I am looking to make a move to a bigger (better) city that has better services and opportunity. I am back on my meds for my mental issues and my diabetes. At one point, I went off both because I just did not care anymore. The meds are making me feel much better. My blood sugar had been as high as in the 600s which is really, really bad, but with the new insulin, I'm back to an average of 130 or so. Uncontrolled diabetes, aside from being medically dangerous, also can make one depressed and irritable and hard to be around. So that's a place.

I feel much better now. I still have dark moments and I admit I am still not entirely ready to move on with my life. I still have moments when I think about my ex and remember good times. I am sad that I missed my kids high school years.

My ex and I were getting along from about September 2017 to February of last year. I thougt we had turned a corner from not getting along to both being able to be adults with the divorce. But then she turned on a dime and I became the enemy again. One day she called to fuss at me while I was in the hospital on another medical scare. It was pretty serious as I was so weak I literally could not do anything for myself but feed myself. It was touch and go for a while there. So she called to fuss at me about something that is not important, so I listened until she stopped talking and then said, "Look, we're not married anymore. There's no chance of us getting back together. If there were, you could fuss at me all you wanted. But we're not, so I'm going to hang up now and if you call back and can talk to me like an adult, then I'll take the call."

So I hung up and she never called back. LOL That was a telling point. Since then, she has gotten engaged to the guy she left me for in 2015. More power to them. Meanwhile, I look to make strides this year. I am interested in someone and while I do not think it will lead anywhere, it makes me feel good that I can feel anything for someone. And when she gives me attention, that i a plus to. Simply put, I see me getting out of this and as you know if you've kept up with the thread, that's a huge step forward for me.