Dad went downhill, i'm scared for him

I'll try to make this short and sweet (probably won't )

My mom (forty-eight) and dad (forty-four) became seperated in 2010 because my dad cheated on her and got someone pregnant. My mom moved out of the house and lived the single life, as for my dad....he lost both of his jobs because he was introduced to meth.

Everything seemed to be fine before 2010. We went on family vacations, they had really good jobs and we always bonded and had a good time. Once my dad cheated, he was feeling really guilty afterwards. He wanted her back, but she doesn't go for second changes. She believes "once a cheater, always a cheater," and I couldn't agree more. I never wanted my family to split, but I thought it was the right thing to do so there's no more hurt. My dad fighted for her. Wanted her back. But she just kept saying no.

Because of the refusals from my mom after, he went and became a marijuana dealer, along with the two jobs he already has. He became friends with the wrong people. He lost a lot of sleep. He's been working for one job for 22 years and the other job he worked for a year or so. (He started working for that job after my the separation.)

November 2013, he was introduced to meth. As he was working, someone came in (I believe a friend of his) and talked to him about his life, and what he was up to. My dad told him that he's been really depressed and always tired. The guy replied, "Well, I know what would help you feel more energized...meth." I don't know what he told the guy, but that's what I heard how he got started.

December 2013, my dad told me that he "quit" both his jobs.

January 2014, I noticed a huge change in him. He lost a lot of weight. He's awake at odd hours of the night. His truck got repoed and he doesn't have any sort of transportation. He's on the urge of losing the trailer he's living in, so my mom decided to take that away from him just so they can still have it. My dad started a relationship with this woman. Rumors have spread, as I heard that she got her four kids taken away because of meth use and abandoned her children. Unfortunately, my dad got her pregnant. AND SHE'S DOING METH AND DRINKING HEAVILY.

This past year, he's been stealing belongings from my mom and I and selling them on a local website, making money to buy drugs. He's been asking money from everyone and anyone. His mother, (my grandma who I'm very close with), enables him buy giving what my dad needs, (MONEY, car rides to places, more money for hotel rooms, food..) I completely disagree on her parenting and how she's enabling him. I guess she doesn't want to admit that he's a bad kid and that he's not doing drugs, but it's obvious that he is and he even admitted it to us. He is the youngest out of his siblings and I feel like he always gets what he wants from my grandma.

Anyways, he's just been going more and more in debt with everyone. He owes a lot of people money, especially my grandma and my mom. I know it's not my problem, but he's my dad and I will always love him. I just wish he would get his act together and know that everything he's doing, isn't right at all and should go to treatment, but none of us have the money for that. He's been trying to find jobs, but there seems to be no luck and I feel if he does get a job, he'll use all the money he earns, on meth.

I just want hope for him. I know he can improve himself and get rid of his nasty habits, but I'm afraid he will need to suffer the consequences.

It got as bad as him selling my cousin's car when he wasn't here in town! My cousin is going to report it stolen so my dad will go to jail, but we'll see what happens.

Sadly, we've been trying to get him into jail because I think that's the safest place for him. As much as we don't want to, but we think it's the right thing. He caused so much trouble and he denies it! He's been a really selfish person and he just gets what he wants ALL THE TIME. It sickens me that he's so immature and to me, he seems like a child all over again.

I honestly don't know what to do, as I lost contact to him because of what he's doing. He's hurting all of us emotionally. He always asked for favors and wanted to borrow more money, but I told him no. I told him to get a job and stop mooching from everything, so he blocked me from FB and of course, he doesn't have a cell phone because he doesn't have anymore bills of his own.

It's making me frustrated and all I think about is him and what he's doing. I know he's a grown man, and I already tried to help him...but I just don't know. My family's falling apart. My mom became an alcoholic once they seperated and I'm also scared for her as well.

Is there anyone out there that has someone in their life that has a meth addiction? Any idea on how to help them? What to tell them? Or how you cope with your feelings? It's hard and we've been through hell and back. Just hope he becomes healthier and it'll get better from here, I hope!

Thank you.

Unfortunately, with people around like your Grandma and other friends and family who will continue to enable his habit, nothing is going to happen. He hasnt hit rock bottom yet and from the sounds of everything he wont either as long as your grandma continues to keep a roof over his head.

Eventually his stealing will land himself in jail, not just theift from family members, if he cant get the money from any of you thats when the B&E's will start and auto thefts. Meth is not a drug to mess with, it changes people into the worst side of themselves and they feel no sympathy, empathy, or remorse. The person your father is now, is not your father.. he may look it your father but he isnt, he is an empty shell who will do anything and every to get his next fix. I feel sorry that you are going through this with a man who was normal a few years ago.

Jail may or may not be the best place for him.. he can still get drugs in jail, it happens all the time. I think rehab would be smarter but, you cant make him go if he is not willing too.

Personally, if I was in your situation I would write my father off. There is only so much pain and torment a person can take from a family member or friend for so long before they just have enough.

My heart hurts for you, you cant be more then early teens i am assuming. Breaks my heart. Only advice I could do is keep doing what you are doing... continue to say no and if you can, dont even achknowledge his exisitence.

Thank you for the advice. My mom and I tell my grandma not to enable him anymore. He needs to hit rock bottom to realize everything that he's done. I just hope and pray for him every day. I'm almost 22 and I moved out of the house about 3 months ago just because I want to escape all the drama that happens there. My dad moved of the house about a year and a half ago, but he still comes over, looks for things to take, and leaves. It's awful. I would love for him to go to rehab, but I highly doubt he'll go.

The thing to remember in all of this is that the person you're seeing is not your dad, it's the drugs.

I'm so very sorry that you have to see him spiraling down this way!

I haven't had dealings with meth addicts but I have with heroin addicts. Don't write him off. Inside that shriveled up husk of a man is still your father. It's very easy for another person to say 'write him off', but if any of us were in the same situation as your dad, we would want to know that there was still someone that loved us, and was wanting the best for us.

Sometimes in the sort of situations you've described, families and friends stage an 'intervention' - I don't know if this is practical or feasible in your circumstances. What happens is that the person is invited to a meeting at the house - they don't know about the intervention, so I guess you'd invite them for dinner. Once they are there someone says that they are really concerned about what is happening to them and tells them why they are there. Then every person talks about how they feel, how the person's behavior is affecting them, and what they would like the person to do. The objective is to get the person into a place where they can dry out and deal with the addiction. I do understand that this can be very difficult with meth addicts.

The other option, as you've already said is just to let things run their own course, retain a presence in his life if you can, and wait for his criminal activity to catch up with him.

I haven't associated with anyone who's tried meth, but heroin. Unfortunately, she is deceased now and I lost a friend. Her family and boyfriend has suffered greatly from trying to help her and coping with her death. They tried to help her, but sadly the only way to make an addict stop is within themselves. They have to be willing to go to rehab, listen to what their loved ones are saying, or else they'll keep using up until they waste away.

It is not easy to recover from an addiction. The mental and physical withdrawals are brutal and most people don't take it too well. It is easy to say to cut them out of your life, but addicts sponge off of anyone they can so they can continue to feed their addiction. Yes, I wouldn't enable your father anymore, or let anyone do so. I would try to see if there is some money you can scrape up to send him to rehab or make a campaign of some kind. I would talk to doctors or some kind of health official that can give you sound advice to help him on the road to recovery. Maybe there are centers online, I would look.

Thanks everyone for the advice and your input. I have heard of an intervention, I actually watched the show a few times. As far as I know, my dad wouldn't want to even try going. He's so caught up into it, that his brain is pretty much fried. The meth is pretty much eating away at him and all is left is his addiction. I just see drugs on the outside, but I know he's looking for a way out of his problem. I do still want him in my life. It's hard though because he lies about admitting to it and is in denial. He needs the most help he can get and I think having a support system is important. But my family is on the urge of giving up because we tried so hard.