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I'm starting this journal as a pastime. I'm in my lower 20s, work full-time, and also a full-time student.

 

I have been single for a month. I am active on OKC for a month now. I've used it on and off for the past two years, never been on for more than 6 months at a time.

 

I'm looking for a relationship that will last the rest of my life.

 

Typically I am very lenient when it comes to looks and dating, but now, I am way way stricter. Ultimately because I find that a lot of filtering is the way to go, for me personally.

 

What I learned moving forward from my last relationship: boundaries ! I set more boundaries by not responding to phone calls or texts at certain times of the day. I also decided that I will abstain from sex, so no hooking up, nada.

 

There are 3 men who I am talking to, I'll name them after colors : Blue, Green, and Red.

 

• Blue is 28, and works in the medical field. He is shorter than me. Okay-looking. We chatted online for about a month. He seemed smart and very articulate, based off the tone of his writing and how he texts. He suggested we meet but we didn't because he didn't follow through. Also it seems his schedule is much busier than mine. About 4 days ago we had a very short conversation on the phone which was very rushed, on his part. Again, sounded very articulate on the phone. He said he's gotten a new job and a schedule and wanted to meet this weekend. I told him I couldn't this weekend and suggested we meet in 2 weeks. He's agreed. So right now he's pending in my calendar. I already spot deal-breakers with this one. My mood toward him is negative.

 

• Green is 22, he is a student athlete. We chatted for about 3 weeks. I am not very attracted to his pictures. He's not horrible but compared to other guys, could be better. But I like his height and he may be the type who looks better in person. Also, online profiles do nothing for real life interaction. So I am giving him a chance. He texted me around noon today. I spot no deal-breakers yet. My mood towards him is so-so.

 

• Red is 20, he works part-time. I don't like that he's younger than me. But I am attracted to him. We met within the first week of chatting on the site. Met at a local store and then had dinner afterwards. So far we've met 4 times, within 2 weeks. When he first contacted me I thought he was looking for a hookup, because he asked for my # so fast. He said no he wasn't (of course) . He's definitely more of the emotional type. Affectionate and may be very intuitive and may be very good at reading body language. He's the more responsible one in his family. Seems to be taken advantage of by family and in his dating life, from what he's told me. I ended up going to his place late on Friday night (which I'm mad at myself for doing, and will not happen again). Nothing happened of course, I am just mad I didn't stick to my boundary rule. He texted me within 15 mins when I left saying he's glad I came over and bla bla. He said he'd let me know what his schedule was so that we could schedule another meet-up. Then Saturday passed and heard nothing from him, and he texted around midnight this morning, saying he'll let me know his schedule tomorrow. I won't be replying to that text. My mood towards him is positive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Red just let me know that he's available on Wednesday. But I'm not, so I tell him.

 

He replies with "Darn " but nothing else. So I reply "I assume you're not free any other day, right?"

 

He replies "Tuesday but idk"

 

I haven't replied yet but it doesn't matter because I'm not available on Tuesday either.

 

Now I have a bad feeling, so I doubt much will come out of this one too.

 

That only leaves Blue which I will probably end up cutting off in a month or so as well.

 

 

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Yea... I am practicing patience and it's hard work..

 

So I asked if he wanted my schedule instead and he said "let me take a look"

 

So I sent it and he said it might have to be Saturday because of the time he gets off of work

 

When someone says "maybe xyz" I don't consider it concrete, so I'll have to ask if definitely Saturday at some point ..

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Given that this Saturday is still up in the air, I made myself busier with errands & other things..

 

Red texted early this morning about the weather, and I replied similarly..

 

I didn't ask him if Saturday is definite yet because :

 

1) I get the feeling he suggested it to be nice but wants to do something else that day (I could be completely wrong)

 

And

 

2) I am trying to sloow down, and practice patience.

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New guy....I'll call him Purple....

Purple is okay looking.... I like his height... We initiated contact about a month ago.. Haven't met yet.. He called 2 weeks ago at midnight and I didn't answer... I called the next day and he didn't answer. On Tuesday he texted at 11pm which I replied on Wednesday asking when was he free to talk which he didn't reply to... Then I sent another text today basically to see if he's on the map lol..

 

To which he replied "Hey I know the communication has been bad between us. But I'm still interested in getting to know you"

 

So, Purple is in for now.

 

I asked Blue if we're still meeting up a week from now, and he said yea. We've had no communication since last week.

 

I still like Red. Looking forward to seeing him tomorrow. This is the 3rd or 4th time that he's asked to see me ahead of the day that we agreed to, which idk why. It makes me wonder if he's trying to move me around in his schedule so that he can make time for something (or someone else).

 

On OKC, I haven't had any messages from anyone I like. One guy who I dated briefly last year sent me a message. We had fun but he's promiscuous though and not in the good way, he's a liar, on the bad side looks-wise, and I just don't like people like that.

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Tonight I am going to a lounge with a guy that I met about a month ago on OKC as well. At that time I had "friends only" option. I am not attracted to him but he could be a cool friend. We've hung out like 3 times. Usually when I'm not attracted to a guy it greatly lowers the amount of fun I have with him. Hopefully he's entertaining tonight!

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I don't understand waiting weeks to meet someone.

 

Usually I would comb through a guys profile, if he had red flags (drugs, didn't like kids, mentioned that he had 5 pets, talked about going to bars a lot) I would disregard them. From that point, an email or two back and forth...if they mentioned a red flag, I would, disappear. Set up a date for asap. Meet. 90% of the time, I wasn't attracted to them, so I would move on to the next guy. The whole process took 3-6 days...and I would have multiple people going at once, so I was meeting 2-6 new men every week.

 

Why are you taking so long to meet them?

 

 

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Yea Red and I have met. 1st time was at the bookstore then we had dinner. Then we hung out like 4 - 5 times since then, including yesterday. And he's taking me out today.

 

Its the other guys that I haven't met yet.

 

And also I'm hesitant to meet guys so fast because I still get nervous and anxious lol .

 

So although the others are clearly blowing smoke up my butt, it works out favorably for me because then I skip out on the anxiety.

 

Also my schedule is pretty full already

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Do you know what will make you less anxious? Not investing as much.

 

Like when I met guys, I would have so many on the go that I had to put their picture in my phone with their phone number (and their occupation and hobbies) so that I could review it right before I went in to meet them. I just didn't care. Unless there was a "click" I didn't give it any thought.

 

What also helps with the anxiety is....practise. The first few dates I went on, I was so nervous I threw up before hand...but after about 10 first meets...I realized meeting my dream guy was going to take a while, so I should try to just look at it as a pleasant evening with someone new. *shrugs* that helped me a lot...don't know if it will you. But practise does make us better

 

Good luck

 

 

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Yes but I'm only attracted to very little guys now so its impossible (numbers-wise) for me to have so many in rotation haha ..

 

Also it doesn't bother me that these guys are so slow with meeting up

 

Soo update :

 

Red and I went out last night & he suggested something for this weekend.

 

And I deleted my account on OKC.

 

I estimate that my success rate is like 1/60 .... So of 60 men that I spoke with and went on 1-3 dates with, only 1 made it.

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So...you can take this for what it's worth (which may be nothing)...but online dating is a numbers game. I barely looked at pictures....because the guys that seemed hot in pictures were often awkward in real life (so I had no attraction to them at all after 30 seconds with them) and the guys that were just "alright" we're the ones that often swept me off my feet. Some people are just not photogenic...or their facial expressions, mannerisms and confidence make them way more attractive when they're animated, than a picture can depict. That's why I met so many guys. I met a TON of duds...but it wasn't always who I expected. I thought my bf was okay in pics...but when I met him, I wanted in his pants almost immediately.

 

I just cut out the guys that completely repulsed me...and tried to meet everyone else.

 

Your mileage may vary...but sometimes it's good to be open minded. Like even with hobbies and interests...I didn't care what a guy was into...I looked more for his values. Does he value family the way I do? How does he spend his free time? Like...does he have hobbies I'm okay with?....one of my exes lived at the bar...it was his hobby...and it caused a lot of conflicts. My current bf goes rock climbing. Not something I'm into, but it's something I fully encourage him to do. Does that make sense?

 

My bf is my complete opposite...not someone I would typically go for...but it works. *shrugs*

 

 

 

 

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