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Thread: Musings

  1. #21
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    i agree, but i also know my tolerance level and my behaviors, now true they could be changed by me, however im not putting myself in situations where i have to force myself more than i wish. i did that with my work , finally im in something where its not much of an effort for me to go and i actually enjoy it. not that everyday is gumdrops and rainbows but u know what i mean. i know my personality and what works for me.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by luxurylover
    i agree, but i also know my tolerance level and my behaviors, now true they could be changed by me, however im not putting myself in situations where i have to force myself more than i wish. i did that with my work , finally im in something where its not much of an effort for me to go and i actually enjoy it. not that everyday is gumdrops and rainbows but u know what i mean. i know my personality and what works for me.
    So then you accept the downsides of choosing not to challenge yourself. You can't have it both ways.

  3. #23
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    i can challenge myself in other ways other than doing things i know i wont stick to. i know my strengths and my weaknesses

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by luxurylover
    i can challenge myself in other ways other than doing things i know i wont stick to. i know my strengths and my weaknesses
    Right. I mean that the downside is the situation you've been complaining about - the lack of friends, feeling of isolation. I think part of growing/evolving is knowing that your strengths/weaknesses are not static -they can change (on both ends) and you have control over what you choose to change. If I had taken your approach I would have realized my life goals and dreams. It took a lot of work and a lot of going outside my comfort zone but I did it, thank goodness. I am sure that is true of many other people.

    You don't "know" you won't stick to something. All you know is that in the past that is how you have chosen to react. You can make changes. It's totally cool if you have changed your mind and are fine with what you complained about in your earlier posts. People make choices all the time to stay in their comfort zone rather than challenge themselves, and to accept the downsides (that you wrote about above). I made a choice like that and am experiencing the downsides of that choice almost daily. I may make a different choice in the future -not throwing in the towel just yet -I'm only 48 after all.

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  6. #25
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    i was referring to the volunteer part only. im just not a volunteer organization type. in any situation. also part of my problem is my anxiety which flares up sometimes and it hinders me from going on on that ledge of trying something new. certain situations are triggers for me. ive been ok so far but ever since the breakup it's come back ...not strong , but it comes.

    im not ok with my lack of social stuff. i just never knew how to "make friends". i try, sometimes, different things. i remember one time i actually went to a party, by myself, that i was invited to...nice pool party. from an online facebook group. i knew a few ppl there but most were just online interactions...kinda like this site--but not as deep. so i said, imma try and make new friends or talk to someone. so i went up to people and tried to start convo, or be friendly and outgoing and they were either looking like "why r u talking to me, ur not in my circle" or they talked to me and friended me on fcbk, exchanged #s and it never went further than that. I gave that example just to say i know not all things end up like that, but it sure puts a damper on me extending myself. ive had so many "new" friends abandon me

  7. #26
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    I made suggestions as to how you can make new friends. You can reject my suggestions of course!

    My other suggestion is community theater -but backstage work if you are not a front stage type. Many marriages result from that kind of activity/involvement. Making friends by cold approaches is far more difficult. That is why I suggested volunteer work and why I am suggesting backstage community theater.

    I moved to a new city a lot like yours 5-6 years ago and I've worked hard to make new friends with success. I was just giving you suggestions that I have taken myself.

  8. #27
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I made suggestions as to how you can make new friends. You can reject my suggestions of course!

    My other suggestion is community theater -but backstage work if you are not a front stage type. Many marriages result from that kind of activity/involvement. Making friends by cold approaches is far more difficult. That is why I suggested volunteer work and why I am suggesting backstage community theater.

    I moved to a new city a lot like yours 5-6 years ago and I've worked hard to make new friends with success. I was just giving you suggestions that I have taken myself.

    and i thank u for taking the time out ur day to do so. old habits hard to break, but not impossible

  9. #28
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    update on T

    in entry #17 i talked about T. the day after our meetup he said his mom was having some health problems, but truly i dont think he was feeling me. especially after i slowed it down when he was trying to get that kiss. no reach outs in a couple of days so i have let it go, which is fine. i like to know who's a flake b4 i get too deeply involved, so thanks T.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by luxurylover
    and i thank u for taking the time out ur day to do so. old habits hard to break, but not impossible
    You are very welcome!! Best of luck.

  11. #30
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    You are very welcome!! Best of luck.
    thanks

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