Another online daing journal

Oh, boo. Maybe it will fix itself while you are gone

fingers crossed :)

Every single time we are around S's friends, they joke about us getting married. We can be in a crowd and a stranger will ask us if we are married. The M word keeps coming up.

I honestly don't want to think about it. I think S wouldn't mind getting married. He seems to like the attention along with the idea. I did think about it what it would look like on my way to work today and stopped in my tracks.

His parents are currently staying at his house for the remainder of the week while we are away. They arrived last Thursday. His mom is 79 and father is 84 and his health is not good. They live in another state and S has circled around the notion of what comes of his mom when his father passes. Or if they both need care. The forgone conclusion is it is very likely his mom will have to move and likely have to move in with S. (financial reasons too long to go into)

That's where I put on the brakes. Cohabitation with S gives me enough anxiety. There is no possible way I could or would do that with his mother as well. It's nothing personal. It's just how I am. Enough said.

I never wanted any of our parents to live with us (and I adored his mother and love my mother, got along fine with my late father in law). Thank goodness none of them wanted to live with us, just maybe in the same city. I am not a person who is ok with having long term guests/roommates/people in my living space. It's good you're honest with yourself on this point.

June Lake and Yosemite, CA

Great photos reinvent :) . Took some days off to enjoy nature?

Great photos reinvent :) . Took some days off to enjoy nature?

S's birthday was last week and mine is . . .today!

It was a combined birthday trip. Relaxing, beautiful and fun.

Didn't want to come home ;)

S's birthday was last week and mine is . . .today!

It was a combined birthday trip we planned a couple months. Relaxing, beautiful and fun.

Didn't want to come home ;)

Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you

Happy birthday !!

Happy birthday!

What a beautiful place!

Happy Birthday, reinvent! Nice pics, and I have that same straw hat.

Happy Birthday!

Thanks for the kind words ;)

I had dinner with S last night, dinner with my youngest son and his fiance tonight. I will see a good friend of mine, who shares the same birthday on Wednesday.

My closest friends have arranged a small happy hour gathering on Thursday. I've taken Friday off because the painter is coming back on Saturday morning and I don't have 5 min's between now and then to prepare.

Saturday I am meeting up with my future DIL, her mother, sis and grandmother to go over bridal shower plans and Sunday I having brunch with 5 other girls and in that group another had her birthday this week.

I feel exhausted just mentioning it all. Quality problems, I suppose.

My mother is one of those who doesn't reach out. Any effort is made by me and I go by her house at least once a week or more. Yesterday being my birthday, you would think she would have at least called. But she didn't. She's always been this way but it was somewhat uncomfortable when S's mom was calling me to wish me a happy birthday and my own wasn't. I haven't mind doing most of the heavy lifting in my relationship with my mother. She comes from the mindset `I don't want to be a bother' But at the same time she shares stories with me on how others who don't acknowledge her hurts her feelings. She has a little bit of a double standard going on.

It's come to the point where I have to say something. It's really hasn't bothered me up til now. But come on. A phone call is too much?

I can't help but wonder how long she'll go until she reaches out if she doesn't hear from me. Up until now I was the one feeling guilty not knowing when I could squeeze in my weekly visit with her. But what she doesn't realize is that her daughter is disappointed to know that picking up the phone to say happy birthday is apparently too much trouble.

My mother is one of those who doesn't reach out. Any effort is made by me and I go by her house at least once a week or more. Yesterday being my birthday, you would think she would have at least called. But she didn't. She's always been this way but it was somewhat uncomfortable when S's mom was calling me to wish me a happy birthday and my own wasn't. I haven't mind doing most of the heavy lifting in my relationship with my mother. She comes from the mindset `I don't want to be a bother' But at the same time she shares stories with me on how others who don't acknowledge her hurts her feelings. She has a little bit of a double standard going on.

 

It's come to the point where I have to say something. It's really hasn't bothered me up til now. But come on. A phone call is too much?

I can't help but wonder how long she'll go until she reaches out if she doesn't hear from me. Up until now I was the one feeling guilty not knowing when I could squeeze in my weekly visit with her. But what she doesn't realize is that her daughter is disappointed to know that picking up the phone to say happy birthday is apparently too much trouble.

My mom was like that when I was a kid. Though, I have to say she's always called or sent me a card on my birthday. She's big on propriety. Otherwise, she's not very communicative. That sounds strange to say because she's very social and definitely a talker. And she's nosy! But she doesn't reach out. For example, one summer, I went to sleep-away camp for two weeks. I was 14. While I was there, I saw the other kids regularly receiving care packages from their families back home. A care package never came for me. When I got home, my mom actually yelled at me for not writing to her while I was away! She also yelled at me for using so much of my expensive hair conditioner. I didn't bother telling her that I'd used it to untangle some poor girl's horribly matted hair. That wouldn't have flown with her, especially when she was already pissed at me for my lack of communication.

To be fair,I did find a happy birthday email to an email address I haven't used in years. I think I found it 3 days post birthday.

I responded to her, telling her that I had just then seen the email - seeing it was an email I no longer use.

Her response. . well. .none.

I've been out every night this week and still in keeping with what is turning out to be my birthday weeeek, I am meeting up with my friends tonight. (can you say tired?)

I will have to find time to see my mom this weekend, but I am going to talk to her about her efforts, or lack there of.

No doubt in return I will get a bday card with check in it. I just assume she keep the check and maybe call consider reaching out to her daughter sometime instead.

SL's son, T is 34. He has no relationship with this mother and his father raised him alone from the age of 16.

T is very attached to his dad.

Did I say-very?

SL married a second time to a woman with three much younger sons. SL lived as a family unit with them, while his natural son was an adult and out on his own.

T got a little lost in the shuffle and felt neglected. Fast fwd, after 8 yrs of marriage SL leaves his 2nd wife and has been single for close to 3 years now. He moved back to his home town, close to his son T. They made up for lost time and SL spent alot of time with his son on the weekends.

Then came . . me.

Because I have young adult sons, I can relate to young men fairly easily. T trusts me and SL has added that he hasn't seen his son open up to women in his life the way T does with me. This is a good thing and at the same time could become an issue. The more comfortable T becomes, the more he's around and the weekends are turning into something like the 3 Musketeers. For the most part I don't mind, but T is a big boy and can drink his weight in alcohol. He's very animated and the evenings turn into the `T show' with his dad and I bbq'ing and entertaining him and his on and off gf and sometimes friend, B. He literally monopolizes the entire evening. It's been a few weekends now that T and the gf sleep in the extra bedroom because they can't drive home.

If this was just a one off sort of thing. . fine. But I can tell T is loving the arrangement and his Dad has a hard time saying no to him. I don't particularly enjoy waking up to the sound of 30 something year old's giggling in the next room of an extremely tiny beach home.

A couple weeks ago we woke up to hear the story of the drunk screaming match T's gf had with the next door neighbor girl at 1 in the morning? (somehow we slept thru that?)

I am trying to figure out how to nip this in the bud. I don't want to squash it entirely but it's getting to the point that I can see T taking things for granted and just assuming it's a weekly thing. I joked about hiding at my house this weekend.

I am not sure how I am going to handle this and just venting out loud to see what sticks.

I pretty much only see SL on weekends and in the beginning there was a pattern of T showing up on Sundays and I would just excuse myself, because I had my own things to take care of anyway. I could tell T was being territorial and for what ever reason, the Sunday (unspoken) arrangement worked.

Now we are a threesome ;/

SL has some compounded guilt attached to his son's relationship with his mother and feeling like he neglected him during his 2nd marriage. The word no isn't always easily come by for him either.

Just reread some of my journal from this time last year.

It's hard to believe I am sneaking up on being together with SL for one year.

It's been a slow roll, that's for sure. But one I am thankful for.

The intensity, good or bad has been replaced with an easy comfort I can't put into words.

All I know is it just keeps getting better.

Just reread some of my journal from this time last year.

It's hard to believe I am sneaking up on being together with SL for one year.

It's been a slow roll, that's for sure. But one I am thankful for.

The intensity, good or bad has been replaced with an easy comfort I can't put into words.

All I know is it just keeps getting better.

Awesome :) Happy for you :)

I spent the weekend putting my house back together. The contents of my kitchen have been boxes in my dining room for months. Now with the painters gone for the past two weeks I've worked on putting my house back the way it was but it's been so blasted hot, it's miserable doing so. I try to get a few hours in early in the morning but it just hasn't cut it.

An unexpected work project has popped up and it will have me traveling off and on for the next few weeks. Though my home remodel is only half done, I can't possibly handle the two at the same time. It probably explains why I've waited so long to do it. But now with everything in it's place the remainder of my list to will have too wait a couple months when things calm down.

In between all of this I have my annual girls trip, 2 states and 9 hours away for an entire week coming up in a few weeks. I have my youngest sons wedding which is at a venue 3 hours away, so that will take up the first week in October.

We are already having the bridal shower in 10 days and I have a list of things to do. Between that and the wedding I feel like I am bleeding money lately, just having dropped another $150 just for the tags to go on the gift bags that I somehow volunteered to take care of. . .for 200 guests. Eeek.

SL will house sit in Oregon for 10 days and in between the madness I will figure out how to spend some time with him there.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed by everything, but it's all good. I tend the thrive in a panic pace most of the time anyway.

I have the next 3 Fridays off, so I am excited for the break and short work weeks.

I've had small bouts of eczema my entire adult life. It's usually due to dryness, winter, water etc and it's limited to my hands. I've suspected I've had hives too. Usually when I am stressed and it's only happened maybe 3 times. It's very minor and typically around my mouth.

About two months ago I started with what I thought was bad run with eczema. It got worse, then better just to get even worse.

My hands are red, I have patches on my arms and my neck. At it's worst it itched insanely and I felt like I was on fire. I recently changed to an HMO health plan. It's only the second time in my life I haven't been ppo and I now remember why. 2 weeks to get into see my doctor and now waiting for a referral for an allergist. I am on 3 different medications, including steroids which is making me feel like I am superman or something else crazy. Sheez. I might need to go flip my car over.

My compassion goes out to those who have to take these continually. I feel like high as a kite and trying to work at the same time.

Any way the hives are abating and in it's place my skin looks like I have 2nd degree burn.

I guess I was in somewhat of a denial on how bad it was until I finally got some relief. Now 2 days left of medication and I freaked out in fear of what's waiting for me when the medication is gone.

Stupid HMO takes their time, so I just called for my referral and they tell me it's in the mail and I might get it on Friday. I asked if it's approved and they tell me yes, so what do you say you just tell me who the heck my doctor is now rather than make me wait some more?!

Anyway. . That's my rant. Appointment in week.

Let's hope I last that long.

No idea what I am reacting too but it's not fun and I feel a little like a freak.

Between now and then I'll live on jello and broth.

Remind me to go back to PPO come next May. Grrrrr

I’ve had issues with dry skin and hives and I get it. I hope you get a resolution soon and feel better.

Jeez, hope you feel better soon!

I haven't tried out my new insurance yet. They only had one option and I don't know what the hell it is. The guy said it was an HMO, but then it seemed to be something else. He's more of an accountant than an HR person. So, who knows what he knows.

Anyway, not too excited to explore down that road.

I am on 3 different medications, including steroids which is making me feel like I am superman or something else crazy. Sheez. I might need to go flip my car over.

My compassion goes out to those who have to take these continually. I feel like high as a kite and trying to work at the same time.

They put me on a tapering dose of steroids last fall, when I supposedly had mono. It was the worst. I couldn't sleep a freaking wink. How does it make sense for a doctor to put you on something like that when part of your treatment is to get a lot of rest???

If a doctor tries to prescribe any steroids for me in the future, I am going to ask her if she can prescribe something else.

I've been having trouble sleeping for the past few nights. I'm not on steroids now, but it feels just like it did when I was on them: so tired, so wired. I think it could be stress. I may have to resort to wine tonight.

P.S.

Glad things with your boyfriend are going so well.

I knew going in that's what was in store for me. I've never had to take steriods before but have seen the effects in my son and my mother. I told the Dr I run a little on the anxious side and I was nervous about taking them. Add in I have sleep because my commute makes me sleepy either way.

I've staggered the doses close together, where I take my last one around 4pm. By 9pm the high has worn off. Add in the antihistamine at bedtime and I am out like a rock.

Yah, it's pretty grueling. Right now I feel like my eyes are going to pop out and I don't think I've blinked in the last hour.

ha ha. I am keeping to myself because I afraid of what might spill out my mouth. Feelin' a little kooky at the moment but I am on the down side, tapering off.

Given your recent update, it's no wonder you aren't sleeping well. Wine fixes everything :)

I have been wondering if red wine is causing my hives. Tell me it isn't so!!!

Right now I feel like my eyes are going to pop out and I don't think I've blinked in the last hour.

LOL, that is an excellent description of the feeling. God, I hope I'm not catching insomnia. Ha.

I don't know about red wine, but I certainly hope not!