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I am meeting with a financial planner tomorrow. I have a (virtual) one through my work 401K plan. I inherited my mom's adviser while wrapping up her estate. He isn't a good fit for me because the conversations are very one sided and he loves the sound of his voice. I hang up each time more confused.

 

I have all a total of 5 accounts scattered about and no one will give me sound advise on what to do going forward. They all benefit from my accounts, mind you. I am hoping to fire everyone and start over with someone who is looking out for my personal best interest.

 

The proceeds from the sale of my moms house just happens to equal what the current balance of my home loan. One says pay it off, the other says doesn't. I am lost.

 

My carpool partner retired almost 2 years ago. This is the second season, back to school, after summer, where traffic is at it's all time high. My days just bumped from 11 hours to almost 12 hours a day. I just can't do it anymore. My wish is to quit and get a part time job close to home that would just basically fund my health care until I am of age to collect Medicare. It's a big leap of faith, but every day I can't think of a reason to stay here.

 

I just had some senior attorney b*tch at me about the scheduled carpet cleaning. It's in 2 weeks but he was grinding me about what would happen IF `he ate curry for lunch and threw up, would I make them wait until the 27th to clean it then!!???" Sigh. . I used to have a playful banter to offset nonsensical comments like this. But my tolerance is gone and I told him to call me if it ever happens. But until then, the carpet will be cleaned on the 27th.

 

Just a snapshot of my day. .all day, every day. I am the complaint department, even when there isn't anything to complain about. I'm in my 17th year here and I think it's just about run it's course.

 

Ahhh. . .breath. I leave Saturday for our annual week long girls trip to another state, 9 hours away. Going home to pack tonight AFTER my 2 hour drive home. 90 minutes if I'm lucky.

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When I read your post last night, I was like holy sht!

 

I am meeting with a financial planner tomorrow. I have a (virtual) one through my work 401K plan. I inherited my mom's adviser while wrapping up her estate. He isn't a good fit for me because the conversations are very one sided and he loves the sound of his voice. I hang up each time more confused.

 

I have all a total of 5 accounts scattered about and no one will give me sound advise on what to do going forward. They all benefit from my accounts, mind you. I am hoping to fire everyone and start over with someone who is looking out for my personal best interest.

 

The proceeds from the sale of my moms house just happens to equal what the current balance of my home loan. One says pay it off, the other says doesn't. I am lost.

 

I feel your pain. I called my accountant for advice on how to consolidate some 401Ks and it was like opening an artery in shark infested water. It was just a simple question, but instead of answering it he confused me with jargon and vagaries. Then tried to scare/pressure me into hiring him to manage all of these confusing things. It was so obvious that he had an agenda.

 

He's a decent accountant but there's no way I'm hiring him for financial planning. I want someone who works for me and he obviously works for himself!

 

As far as your house goes, I don't know what options they've given you, but you will have a guaranteed return if you pay off your house, which will be the interest that you don't pay every year going forward. That's always been my strategy with money. With a home mortgage, the interest is generally low, but the high principle and long term cause the cost of your loan (total interest paid) approaches the value of your home! It's a guaranteed return.

 

What if you ask those guys, "Give me one reason why I shouldn't just pay off my house?" And just hold them to actually answering your question.

 

Or just fire em, lol.

 

My days just bumped from 11 hours to almost 12 hours a day. I just can't do it anymore. My wish is to quit and get a part time job close to home that would just basically fund my health care until I am of age to collect Medicare. It's a big leap of faith, but every day I can't think of a reason to stay here.

 

I just had some senior attorney b*tch at me about the scheduled carpet cleaning. It's in 2 weeks but he was grinding me about what would happen IF `he ate curry for lunch and threw up, would I make them wait until the 27th to clean it then!!???" Sigh. . I used to have a playful banter to offset nonsensical comments like this. But my tolerance is gone and I told him to call me if it ever happens. But until then, the carpet will be cleaned on the 27th.

 

Just a snapshot of my day. .all day, every day. I am the complaint department, even when there isn't anything to complain about. I'm in my 17th year here and I think it's just about run it's course.

 

Ahhh. . .breath. I leave Saturday for our annual week long girls trip to another state, 9 hours away. Going home to pack tonight AFTER my 2 hour drive home. 90 minutes if I'm lucky.

 

I don't know how you do it. I b*tch if I have to drive 40 minutes to work! I would totally go for the nearby job. Even if you did a full time shift you'd probably gain 3 hours per day!

 

Quit!

Quit!

Quit!

Quit!

Quit!

Quit!

Quit!

Quit!

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It's like a little cheer leading squad when I come here and read the supportive comments. Very much needed. ((hugs))

 

I loved this financial planner. He's a CPA as well and I filed an extension for my 2018 taxes because I was a little over whelmed trying to reconcile my moms. Now mine is due next month. Next on the list of things to do is the Trustee taxes? The tax ID in my name and I have no clue the ramifications of this.

 

Phew. I had a 4 inch folder of photo copied documents and a note pad with 20 questions. We covered a lot. Of course I wanted the crystal ball answer to my question.

`When can I quit?' He smiled `Baby steps'

 

I signed over my moms accounts for him to manage. Bye bye to Dave the finance guy, who talked over me and wouldn't come up for air long enough to answer a question.

 

At one point the new planner vomited a bunch of investment jargon at me . ."the index of the gain, times the annuity", blah, blah. I glared at him and he laughed. `I just lost you, didn't I?' I asked him to dumb it down a little. Mind you, I am smarter than the average bear, at least I'd like to think so. But I need a dictionary of terms to understand all the nuances of investing. It's still a grey fuzzy area for me.

 

I left him with a list of things to take care of and we will, as he said, come up with a forecast for retirement before the end of the year. It's just a forecast, mind you. But it's a lot more than I had at the start of my day, today.

 

Tomorrow 6am . .Utah bound with 11 nutty women. Pray for me :)

 

Jibralta, This guy didn't sell me anything. He didn't even offer. He told me his views on things and ultimately put me in a position where I had to ask to work with him. And how much I wanted him to handle -which I really appreciated. So yah, your gut is spot on. Steer clear of the aggressive ones. Smart move.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Survived the girls trip but I don't think I'll be speaking to my best friend for quite a while. I don't want to waste much space here going on about it. I've whined about it enough and nothing changes. She's just toxic and I don't have the tolerance for it. I wasn't alone either. She managed to get under everyone's skin some time during the week.

 

It seems I can get along with her when it's just the two of us. Any others and I somehow have a target on my back for ridicule and corrections. Sorry, my ex husband did that and I divorced him. I know the drill well. You try to tear me down so you somehow feel better about yourself.

 

I come back to work to find my assistant, who informed me he was going to apply for another position in another department, got the job. This young man has been his own worst enemy for the first few years working with me, but managed to turn it around and mature some. Enough to actually get an opportunity in another department after being denied the first couple times he applied.

 

My boss is an idiot (I've whined about this too) and I came home to find he reports to his new position on Monday and the replacement posting hasn't even been submitted. I've been goat roped into updating the open position over and over, so it currently reflects the responsibilities and between my boss and someone in HR, they keep getting lost in the weeds over semantics. It's Thursday and it's still not posted. I have to sometimes get to the point where I honestly don't care. Getting worked up about it (which I have been) is just pointless. I'll be critically short staffed seeing we didn't fill another opening as a test over the summer and things will fall through the cracks and I'll just shrug my shoulders and say `oh well' Call P***. I have half tempted to call in sick one day next week. What are they going to do, fire me??

 

My office happens to be located amongst the team W is hired to join. I watch them all day, mull about socializing. I just peeked out to see 3 millennials hovering around one persons workstation, doing nothing. Yet, I am told that they are very busy and eager to have W start right away.

 

One thing I do know for sure, when I do decide to quit here, I will give maybe 72 hours notice, if that.

My staff are mostly entry level young people to leave this department for internal opportunities. I expect it. It's kind of the culture here. In turn they typically want them right away with out any regard to how it compromises my team and the work we do.

 

Alot of the things I do, no one here has the slightest clue. They wouldn't know where to start, who to call or where to find things. I am entertained at the thought of when I do leave, how my knuckle head boss will have to scramble. After all that's how we roll in this department, right?

Ideally, for my position, someone would have to be hired and trained before I left. Not happening!

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  • 4 weeks later...

In 2003 I started with the company I am at as a receptionist in an office that is 9 miles from my home. Within a year I was promoted to position I am at now and work 34 miles from my home and my commute is 90 minutes each way. I dedicate 70 hours a week to a job I am no longer happy at.

 

Things have changed over the years and I've written about it before but in so many ways my job is becoming redundant. We still have some very busy days and a project comes down the pipe when I least expect it. These things were typically budgeted for the previous year and I would calendar them to be completed during each quarter of a given year. Now, I never know when and if anything will land on my desk. So I wait.

 

My assistant took advantage of an opportunity 3 weeks ago and no longer reports to me. HR has been slow to respond to applicants. Most recently I was told by our hiring manager that she's been `too busy' to make phone calls. Outside of my weakest employee, there is pretty much only myself to hold things down in the corporate office. I went from not having much to do, to not being able to get much done.

 

Yesterday was an exceptionally busy day and I needed to borrow someone from another department to help out. I cried on my drive home, just to relieve some frustration, mostly due to being pulled into a closed door meeting with the COO and CFO to tell them my side of why something technical didn't work right during a very important meeting. which I had no control over)

 

By the time I do hire someone, it will take close to 3 weeks of one on one training to bring them up to speed. I've had one interview and she showed up to her appointment 20 minutes late ;/

 

I am so burned out. I so want to quit, but I need the benefits.

 

I am in the office that is close to my home today. The receptionist here that reports to me is applying to different police departments. She is currently in a process that could very well lead her to give notice and go into an academy after the first of the year.

 

I have some time to mull it around but I am contemplating stepping down from my position, taking a cut in pay and returning to this office as a receptionist.

I would consider it my pre-retirement job. I've been looking at employment opportunities and what stops me in my track is the customary 10 day a year vacation time. That and the pay of course.

 

As it stands now I have 7 weeks of accumulated paid time off. I wouldn't have the drive, the stress or the responsibilities I have now. Sorting mail and answering phones is not exactly my idea of fun, but the days of being hungry for challenges and seeing how far I can push myself are just about over.

 

My concern is if I were to decide to ask for this and as much as it makes practical sense, I can't help but wonder what the attitude or thought process behind it might be. Would they consider letting a supervisor step down and still be employed and how well would that be received? If they decide it's not a good idea, have I played my cards by letting them know I am not happy and giving other options some considerable thought? I don't trust my boss and he reports to the head of HR. (Long story, but a conflict of interest) I don't have an advocate at my work.

 

One minute I feel redundant and then when I least expect it I am reminded of my value, because not many know what I do, or how do to what I do, including my boss. If I were to disappear tomorrow they'd be in world of hurt.

 

Just right now it's the ideal time to restructure our department. With this receptionist possibly leaving forces me to consider what restructuring might look like. My boss has been trying to figure out a way to do it that makes sense for some time now. (he's just not smart enough to commit to anything)

 

When my mothers house sells, I could pay off my mortgage and easily live on a reduced income. For that matter I've been considering leaving here to do just that anyway.

 

I wish I was a little more religious because I would be inclined to pray about this one. I don't know what to do.

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Yes, they would to a degree. But this satellite office has less than 30 employees v 150 in the corporate office.

 

My home office is the corporate office and just because of the number of staff and proximity, that's where most of the work is. The remote offices I visit, but for the most part I am able to resolve issues by dialing it in.

 

My assistants position I am hiring for, I could train them to do my job.

 

There would be a transition period, no doubt and having just written this out, I'm not even sure I'm up for that. ;(

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. . Seeing I have a support team (barely) staff are coached to email certain mailboxes rather than contact me directly. More than one person can respond to their needs and I'm overseeing it. If I step down they continue to email the email address such as FACILITIES and my replacement and others can respond to it instead if me.

 

There's the over explained version ;)

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It almost sounds as though you're being pressured out. They took your assistant, they aren't rehiring, and your work load is overwhelming and unpredictable. That in itself would make me want to stay and fight lol. But that's really not always the best idea.

 

I'm glad that you're thinking about stepping down, actually. It's one thing if you felt rewarded for all of your effort, but at this point your job sounds more aggravating than challenging. Why not drop out and reward yourself with peace of mind? Let that circus march itself off into the sunset.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I finally hired someone but they don't start until next Friday. Things continue to be grueling and the conditions are sometimes almost unbearable. As much as I wondered if they were trying force me out, at the same time I've put out so many fires in the past couple weeks, they clearly need me. Not that I am all that special, but it's a reflection of how dysfunctional our department is. Someone has to show up and be accountable. Lord knows my boss and my boss's boss isn't. In the meantime the inmates are running the prison.

 

Next Tuesday is our All Employee Meeting, 4 regions, 200 plus people and I know I've been nominated for an award. It's so confusing sometimes. I feels somewhat like being kicked repeatedly and then hugged at the same time?

 

I've been very vocal lately and not holding back on my opinions. Some things that everyone else is afraid to address I've pretty much blown out of the water. Much to my surprise those that matter have listened. I can't figure if I've become more valuable, controversial or I have target on my back? At this point I am o.k. with any of the choices. I figure if I go out, I'll go out in flames.

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I've been very vocal lately and not holding back on my opinions. Some things that everyone else is afraid to address I've pretty much blown out of the water. Much to my surprise those that matter have listened. I can't figure if I've become more valuable, controversial or I have target on my back? At this point I am o.k. with any of the choices. I figure if I go out, I'll go out in flames.

 

Excellent!

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I don't know what I believe as far as religion and spirituality. It's always a big fat question mark for me.

 

I had a dream the other night that rocked me a little. It's the 3rd dream I've had like this in my lifetime. One maybe 15 years ago, one just before my mother passed away and one just a couple nights ago.

 

They are very vivid dreams. I googled it and came up with lucid. Still not sure of the significance of calling it something means. But they are so real calling it just a dream doesn't seem right.

 

Do I believe in people coming to you in your dreams? I really don't know. Is it just because of it's sensitivity I give more credit than it deserves? I just don't know.

 

I dream a lot. Almost non stop lately. So much so it's this constant buzz of nonsense I can't recall. Every once in while I can recall something in a dream. They just aren't very significant.

 

Two nights ago in the midst of some long running dream and my mom appeared. She wanted to tell me a story, so whatever other background noise that was going on had to stop. I wanted to give her my full attention. About 5 words into her story the dream stopped.

 

I am not awake, yet not asleep and I can feel someone pushing gently on my chest. The pressure builds just enough to start to cause concern and then it just stayed at this gentle firm pressure. As if someone placed both palms on my chest, applied pressure and held it for a minute. It wasn't that I was dreaming this, I was experiencing this. In that moment it felt comforting. Sort of like a hug. I didn't want to fully wake because I was afraid it would stop. I stayed calm, waking up somewhat and then went back to sleep. Just as slowly as it came, it went away. When I replayed it back in the morning, it made me cry.

 

I had a similar experience sleeping in the room my grandmother stayed in the last year of her life. She had passed the year prior but in that semi asleep/waking state I felt a breeze on my face that was waking me up. In the last moment I felt as if someone gently brushed my cheek and jumped up, startled. Like a vacuum, the breeze went away. I wasn't dreaming about her at the time.

 

Maybe it's just that part of my psyche that misses them and looks for meaning where there isn't any. But just recounted these dreams brings me to tears. I have other dreams of my parents that I can recall and move me to some degree. But there is just something so real about these other 3 dreams that are a little unnerving. They are just too real to be called a dream.

 

I want to believe my mom hugged me. I am going with that. I don't know what else to call it.

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That's really sweet. I know this doesn't compare in any way, but I had a beloved dog that grew up with me that passed away when I was 17. He was 17 also. I loved him so much and it really broke me when he passed because it was kind of in a traumatic way, and I've never felt right about it (just that I didn't get there to see him in time, he passed due to old age).

 

Anyway, ever since then, whenever I am feeling really awful and have had a lot of stress going on, he comes to me in dreams with such clarity that even in my dream, I recognize that he's there to give me peace and calm - like, whatever is happening in the dream will come to standstill when I see him again. This has happened probably half a dozen times since he passed. In my dream I always know why he's there, and it makes me acknowledge that I'm in a bad place, so it definitely helps me do self improvement afterwards, because he only ever visits when I need him.

 

I always tell my mom when he comes, because she really loved him, too, and wishes he would come visit her.

 

We don't deserve dogs.

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's approaching the one year anniversary of my mothers passing.

 

I am not sure how I got through last years holidays. It was just a blur.

 

Now the anticipation of them kinda freaks me out. My youngest son, his wife and in laws, coupled with S and I are going to Cabo San Lucas. The goal was to run away from the Christmas. For reasons too long to share, we return 12/23.

 

I keep thinking that I need to chill out some and take things as they come. But now my exact fears bubble up to the surface.

 

My sons didn't choose to come from a divorced family. They often feel torn trying to see both their parents during the holidays. For this reason I basically give them a free pass throughout the year, but press them for one night, Christmas eve.

 

For years I would have my sons, my brothers family and my mom for dinner. Christmas day they are freed up for their father and his family, girlfriends, wives etc.

 

Now without my mom nothing seems to make sense. My youngest son is often pulled two ways on Christmas eve. His wife's family traditionally celebrates on the same day. With some compromise on their end they come to dinner and show up late to his in laws. After all they are with them on Thanksgiving and Christmas day as well. My oldest son often has to work. If he isn't scheduled, the likelihood he gets hired anyway is almost a given.

 

S has his parents and his son. My home is bulging at the seams just to accommodate my family. No matter how I slice it, I can't include 4 more.

 

The way things shake out, I would likely end up cooked for my brothers family. My youngest son would make an appearance, my oldest will work and my mom wouldn't be there. S can't join us. And of course, my moms absence will be deafening.

 

I can't spend the holidays with those closest to me and though I am grateful, I now find myself in a situation where I have to chose and that makes me sad.

 

Thanksgiving my youngest invited me to join his in laws for their annual Thanksgiving at the Colorado river. My oldest son has to work both days, before and after so he can't join us.

S can't go. S's parents are coming into town and he will be cooking for them

My brother has invited me to go his wife's brothers house. It's an hour away.

 

I come home the day before Christmas eve and wanted to skip Christmas entirely. But it will there waiting for me when I get back.

 

I thought I was being silly. But this is exactly why I dreaded the end of the year.

I realize I could have worse problems. Thankful that I have choices, but I don't want to choose.

My mom was the glue that kept things together. Now I have to rethink how to handle the holidays and I don't want to:(

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I found it strange, that after my dad passed, HE was the glue that kept the family together playing cards etc. We always thought it was mom. Our last meal together was Easter....dad died 4 days later. But there he was at the table, we were all playing cards, and he could hardly hold them. After that, everything kinda went to hell in a hadbag. But then again, mom wasn't the best and died 4 years later.

The bf and I are totally done this year. I'll probably be alone for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I won't like it one bit. Oh. And my birthday is Christmas Eve. Sometimes I just run to Florida and get away from it all...but not gong til Jan. 5.

 

So. Christmas Eve you're going to be busting at the seams. And Christmas day...you're invited to family? Why not to S's. Heck...even in my 20

s and I had bf's I always went to his families for Holidays too. Would you rather be alone, because it's going to be empty without mom?

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So. Christmas Eve you're going to be busting at the seams. And Christmas day...you're invited to family? Why not to S's. Heck...even in my 20

s and I had bf's I always went to his families for Holidays too. Would you rather be alone, because it's going to be empty without mom?

For the first time in about 20 years I am not doing Christmas eve this year. It's a lot of work and I'll be returning from a trip the night before.

 

S will leave for another state to be with his parents Christmas Eve, so being with him is out.

I suppose I could be with him, but then I miss out on seeing my sons and my brother and his family. That I am not willing to do. But they will be at 3 different places.

 

I know I sound like I am whinging and suppose I am a bit. I just don't want to chose and how do you chose one over the other.? It's just a weird adjustment time to rethink how holidays were and how they will be going forward. Not to mention the anniversary thing. . .

 

I recognize that I should be grateful that I have options. If you were close by I'd invite you tag along with me. . .where ever it is I end up :) *Hugs RN

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Oh RIM, you are still grieving your mom. And traditions that would have included her have now gone awry, bringing to the forefront your mom's absence.

 

Sounds like you will go spend it with your youngest son and his family.

 

Maybe find a different day to spend some special time with your other son when he is not working?

 

I don't know that there is any good answer. The grief is there and times have changed.

 

Just know we all support you here.

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For what it's worth - I don't have dreams like you describe, because I am such a sound sleeper that I don't remember my dreams.

 

But I have a friend that does. And she gets premonitions. She had one about my mom, and I flew out to visit her (I was going through my divorce, and wanted to go out to tell them in person).

 

When I came home, I told my friend that my mom was just fine - premonition or not. Of course, my mom fell and fractured her neck the next day (long recovery, but she is fully recovered from that. She now has dementia and is almost 99, but that is a different story).

 

Anyhow, about my friend. She is visited in her dreams by her own deceased mother. It is comforting to her.

 

Personally, I believe her mom's spirit is truly visiting her. But that is because I have come to respect my friend's premonitions. While they don't always end up being exactly true, there is such a strong connection of truth that I take them seriously. (There have been several).

 

But even if you don't believe, it does not matter. What matters is this: your dream of your mom was comforting to you. Doesn't matter if it was real or not. You got yourself a "mom hug", something you needed at that moment.

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For the first time in about 20 years I am not doing Christmas eve this year. It's a lot of work and I'll be returning from a trip the night before.

 

S will leave for another state to be with his parents Christmas Eve, so being with him is out.

I suppose I could be with him, but then I miss out on seeing my sons and my brother and his family. That I am not willing to do. But they will be at 3 different places.

 

I know I sound like I am whinging and suppose I am a bit. I just don't want to chose and how do you chose one over the other.? It's just a weird adjustment time to rethink how holidays were and how they will be going forward. Not to mention the anniversary thing. . .

 

I recognize that I should be grateful that I have options. If you were close by I'd invite you tag along with me. . .where ever it is I end up :) *Hugs RN

 

I wish you the best holiday season!!! (Nothing else to contribute - I've had some involvement with holiday planning like this but we are blessed with being able to keep it simpler.

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