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Thread: Another online daing journal

  1. #1
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Another online daing journal

    I thought I would give a go at this journaling thing.

    My friends do not partake in online dating and I don't really get feedback from anyone that does. Mostly my friends shake their heads and ask `why?'

    I've been out of a relationship since May '14 and without rehashing all that has transpired I will say that online dating has changed considerably in the past 3 years. I've taken several breaks, mostly after meeting men looking for casual sex and men who are too afraid to put themselves out there and seem to put me in the drivers seat to pursue them and breath life into the situation. Neither of which I am comfortable with.

    I am a young (as so I am told) 50 something yr old professional with a rich social life, so I am definitely not lonely. If I sense there is no momentum in a man that I meet I am quick to let it go seeing that I don't have a lot of free time and being with my friends is often a much better option.

    After my last fail .. well I can't really call it a failed attempt, maybe a valuable lesson with dating someone I mentioned here in previous posts, that I had dated earlier this year and he made a return visit in Oct. He is clearly not ready for a relationship but I am very taken by him and we have amazing chemistry. With that being said he is dating others and at some point these things run their course and I opted out, not wanting to be part of the `rotation' and finding myself engaging in an intimate relationship with someone I did not have a commitment with. Mind you this is the first time in my life I tried to do this and much like I already knew I am not cut out for it. He still texts once in a while and says he misses me, but it messes with my emotions so the more distance I get the better. I wish things were different . . but it is what it is.

    To keep my sanity during that time I continued to date others (not intimately) and the pace was wearing on me and creating all sorts of unneeded anxiety. During the holidays I pulled my profile but continued to communicate with one person who's schedule is opposite of mine for the time being so meeting was a challenge. During my time off during the holidays we met for breakfast and as much as I really didn't want to go, I was pleasantly surprised.

    Now 3 dates later my current challenge is to see if this man can open up and let me in. Apparently I make him very nervous and at times he shuts down. I tried dating someone like him sometime ago and I thought in time he might let me in. After several weeks I realized it was never going to happen.

    What I do like about my new friend is that he has some old school values much like mine, maybe a little more conservative. He noticed I pulled my profile (only for a break) and pulled his as well saying he typically only dates on person at a time to see where it goes. It's nice to not have to interpret someone's intentions and refreshing to know I am not part of someone rotation. We haven't so much as held hands yet which builds up that anticipation part that seems to be so fun and he's a good `dater'. I have met so many men who don't know how to date. .funny as that sounds, but true. I am enjoying this.

    He is showing me that he does have sense of humor and enjoys giving me a hard time (playfully) I am optimistic that there is someone that I am able to connect with behind the shyness. He has assured me that he is typically not this way and has promised to open up.

    I still have another friend I will see tonight. T and I have been dating for about 3 months now and as much as I like and I am attracted to him I just don't think we are relationship material. He's gone most weekends to see his son 8 hours away. He's so sweet and endearing but not very active, pretty much a couch kinda guy, very Christian and not much of a social drinker. (my social circle is!) He has a very na´ve almost immature quality to him but I feel safe and cared for with him. I often wish I could see him as someone more than a friend but that certain quality is lacking. I don't see him often and have opted out a couple times lately, but I am looking forward to catching up tonight.

    So this it. . at least for now.
    I see my shy friend this weekend. M has invited me for a day trip to the local mountains and I am looking forward to it.

    For now my profile is down . .tomorrow who knows!?
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 01-06-2015 at 01:28 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    looks like I'll have to live with the silly typo in my headline . .good grief ;}

  3. #3
    Platinum Member missmarple's Avatar
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    HAHAHA I hadn't even noticed until you mentioned it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I spent the evening with T last night. He reminds me in so many ways why we aren't compatible but what's hard is that he's such a attractive & decent guy and I haven't met many of them in a some time. I've known him for over 3 mos now.

    He's transferred here from up north and rents a room and I don't doubt for a minute he would go home given the opportunity.
    He's gone most weekends to see his son (8hrs away)
    He communicates inconsistently or at least not consistent enough to consider him potentially romantic
    He logs on routinely to 4 different dating websites
    He is somewhat non assertive and I get the sense he is waiting for me to give the green light for something more
    I often wonder about his ex wife up north who lends him her only car while he's there and he takes her to and from work during his stay (at his own place) (don't want to be na´ve)

    She also shares her dating escapades with him so they appear amicable or more? (he doesn't appear to have a lot of respect for how she handles her life)
    She was really miffed over the holidays when he worked overtime. . apparently it ruined her dating plans.

    I honestly resist challenging any of this because if I did I may have to act on it and `I am not feelin' it . . at least for the most part so I leave it alone.

    He wants to go away for the weekend later this month but that would cross over into something intimate and therefore I would have to have some clarity about some things and I would
    need to be willing to do so.
    I am reluctant to even go `there' and open that door. For the most part we seem to be just friends. . that date.

    Besides my last two attempts at getting clarification about intentions didn't go well. Or I didn't hear what I wanted to I guess is a better way to describe it.

    At this point I am not asking a man what his intentions are, instead I will wait until they ask me. . so there!
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 01-07-2015 at 02:54 PM.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member missmarple's Avatar
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    I'm not sure why you keep dating T...are you attracted to him?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am . .but I have dated men I have been attracted to but because we had different interests and lifestyle obstacles I ended it.
    I don't want to get romantically involved with someone only to end it again.
    I really waffle about this one.
    I just keep figuring time will give me an answer
    Neither one of us seem to be in any hurry
    The proposed weekend trip may be the catalyst though

  8. #7
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    I don't know, the ex-wife thing is a bit too close for comfort to me. I mean, he takes the time to go visit his son, which is very admirable, but driving the ex to work, sharing the car, her getting angry over his overtime and that it affected HER dating plans? Ehh...... something doesn't seem right to me. But that's just my opinion.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member missmarple's Avatar
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    I just find it amazing how you've been dating for 3 months and nothing is clear yet. I've never been able to do that!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    . . so I just got a text from my new friend M.
    He's the shy one who is promising to open up. He is definitely a better match for me as for as interests and lifestyle.
    I don't know him well but what I do know of him I like
    He just proposed turning our day trip to the mountains Saturday as overnight with separate bedrooms.

    He is meeting a realtor up there to look at 3 different properties
    I haven't answered him yet but I am inclined to say yes

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by missmarple
    I just find it amazing how you've been dating for 3 months and nothing is clear yet. I've never been able to do that!
    Funny my friend says the same thing but the mere fact that I am not seeking clarification says a lot about my intentions. .

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