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Thread: Another online daing journal

  1. #41
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    Yea I don't think you can fix a bad kisser, I actually asked a few of my friends who have not-so-good-kisser partners when I was seeing the octopus guy (lol because he was such a nice guy I really wanted to like him, and they said they tried to "teach" them but it doesn't work. After that I had one more date (third date) with octopus guy to give it one more shot, it didn't work so I gave up.

    I do think though if it's just difference in kissing style or first (few) date nerves, it can be adapted/worked on. I think it's worth giving it a few more dates and actually telling him this, if it doesn't work, no harm done. I actually find it a good opportunity to "test" how receptive the guy is to constructive criticism / feedback. I would want to find out this early as I wouldn't want to date someone with a big ego or get defensive/offended with constructive criticism and simple honesty like that, it is often a symptom of low-ish self esteem, lack of confidence and insecurity (as seen in a number of guys I dated in the past).

  2. #42
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    "" I actually find it a good opportunity to "test" how receptive the guy is to constructive criticism / feedback. I would want to find out this early as I wouldn't want to date someone with a big ego or get defensive/offended with constructive criticism and simple honesty like that, it is often a symptom of low-ish self esteem, lack of confidence and insecurity ""

    This will be the beta test, if you will. Definitely not a big ego but more of a self esteem thing I think that's going on for him. I will say he's very eager to please so I am hopeful. . but part the other school of though thinks this part should be a natural fit.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I had another nice date with shy M last night, however I think this is running it's course. During dinner I am literally trying to drag things out of him and there were awkward silences. He had been assuring me all along that this was temporary and as he got to know me he would settle down and open up. I am convinced now that this isn't going to happen.

    I struggle with the idea of disappointing him. We've all been on the other side of someone telling you `I am not feelin' it' and as much as it's inevitable I am not ready to do it today but I will very soon.

    I am kind of processing the night and the things we did talk about. He does have that side of him where he asks for permission and apologizes unnecessarily at times. I felt frustrated more than once, not so much by his behavior but by the realization that this wasn't going to work. At one point he was telling me how much he liked me and told his mother and friends about me. I responded in kind and told him that I really was looking forward to having an emotional connection with him but at some point he was going to need to let his guard down in order for it to happen. I was pretty matter of fact about it and it probably came off as giving him notice. I suppose that was my intention.

    The turning point is when he said he wanted to share something about himself. . he prefaced it by saying it was hard for him to say and a little embarrassed. He was raised Mormon as a child and no longer practices. .But due to his upbringing he didn't believe in masturbation and never has? (he's been divorced for 2 years and I can assume celibate)

    I am not sure why he mentioned it . .after all he is sitting there with a beer in front of him. His previous upbringing doesn't prevent him from drinking but it stops him from pleasuring himself? So my mind immediately goes one step further thinking if he denies himself this basic pleasure, does he have sex outside of marriage? Was this his way of indirectly trying to tell me this? I do also recall early on he stated he wanted to get married again. (I lean towards not)

    I suppose I could ask but at this point it doesn't matter. .

    I am disappointed. .there are so many things I like about him . .but without a viable connection this doesn't have a chance.

    My profile has been down for the last couple weeks and I want to put it back up. . But I know he'll notice.
    Not sure that's how I want to handle this. . so for today. . I'll mull this around.

    We do have a bike riding date tomorrow that I plan to keep. . I'll take this time to think about what I want to say to him.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 01-17-2015 at 01:38 PM.

  4. #44
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    Geez that is a weird situation. I think it's good to take some time to mull if you are on the fence. But I totally understand not wanting to continue if by this point you are still having to drag info out of him...He sounds like a lot of work actually...I get shyness, I used to be the shyest person alive, but when I was so shy like that i also wasn't really relationship material...the shyness and essentially fear of letting my guard down enough to be open about myself made me emotionally unavailable....

    I also find it odd that he is shy in some ways, and that you have to pry stuff out, yet then opens up about his masturbation thing..which is a bit of an odd thing to disclose, just an odd admission this early on and a bit like TMI..?

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    He was just texting me and I came right out and asked him about his convictions about sex. His answer "I've been with both me wives and 2 others, my you're mighty brave over the phone. Does that answer your question?"
    It is odd that he shared what he did last night not to mention he practices one thing but not others.

  7. #46
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    seems like he is action-packed with issues. I think he needs to work on himself a bit more to overcome his hang-ups etc. Like he isn't "ready" yet...It reminds me a bit of that move "As Good as it Gets" where the Carole says to Melvin "...Your not ready, and you are a pretty old guy to not be ready, and I'm to old to ignore that"...lol.

  8. #47
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    Yea I'm not feeling this one.. Better let it go!

  9. #48
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    During our last date M had asked me to go for a bike ride yesterday (sunday) I kept my date and had a nice time. We had breakfast before and ended with watching football at a local sports bar.

    We had a chance to talk a bit about what he shared with me and why. He was definitely a little more open and engaging.

    I think sitting accross a table for him is where he fumbles. Get him doing something active he's a little more relaxed.

    One of our first dates we passed by a local casino and he showed me how to play Texas Hold Em'. I found him really attractive this particular day probably because
    he was in his element and comfortable.

    Suffice to say I guess I haven't given up on him. He has this playful, sarcastic side of him that I like. It's actually one of my favorite qualities in a man. Someone you can spar with and make each other laugh.

    We'll see.

  10. #49
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    I wouldn't give up him quite yet. Sounds like when he's comfortable and "in his element", he's a great guy, very engaging. Everyone has their comfort level limit.... Sounds like he just needs to find ways of becoming more comfortable.

  11. #50
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    so maybe the new game plan is to have your dates in his "comfy" places until he is over his shyness--activity dates are more interesting anyway, I think. It is really daunting to sit face-to-face for a few hours with someone that you don't know that well, are attracted to and want them to like you too....

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