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Thread: Another online daing journal

  1. #21
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    So my weekend up in the mountains was really nice and enjoyable. Too bad it rained the entire time. I was so looking forward to falling snow and it wasn't quite cold enough to turn the rain to snow or it would have been perfect. Weather wise

    My friend made a gallant effort at trying to open up and not be so nervous. But what I have come away with it's not only the shyness that has me concerned but it's an overall lack of confidence that is not very attractive.

    I mentioned before that I dated someone similar and hung in maybe longer than I should have thinking that once he was comfortable with me it would change. It's just another reminder that good bad or otherwise I need to accept people as they are, not as I hope they will be.

    Having said that I will go out with him again. I do enjoy his company, we have a lot in common, I am attracted to him in a lot of other ways, (physically and his sense of humor, work ethic etc.) and we like to do a lot of the same things.

    I am not hopeful that this will be forever after. I do know myself well enough that I prefer a man to be at least as assertive as I am or a little more. Not that I am overly assertive but can definitely hold my own.. .Maybe on a scale I would be a 7 or 8, kind of quite calm assertive person I would best describe myself. I am uncomfortable with the notion that I may be able to run over this man and he might just stand there and let me do it.
    He may surprise me. . hoping.

    . . to add: We got back from a wonderful dinner and he had the bathroom first to get ready for bed. I am sitting up on my bed watching tv and waiting my turn for the restroom. I am on the bed closest to the bathroom. He comes out and marches straight to his bed on the other side of the room and climbs in from the far side (I think walking between the beds to get in it was too close in proximity to me for him) With a sense of urgency he jumps in pulls the blanket up to his chin. All this in 5 seconds flat. (mind you I didn't expect, nor want anything intimate with him at this time)

    Now we are pretty playful and sarcastic with each other so I do play a little with him about his nervousness and he laughs about it as well. I stared at him a little dumbfounded and in that moment this 6'2" handsome, rugged looking man looked more like frightened little child who would not have eye contact with me. Silence.

    I got ready for bed and just to either rattle him and/or break the ice (because surely he wasn't capable) I came out jumped on his bed and put my head on his shoulder. Funny thing that the blanket was up under his chin. . I think he appreciated it and I did get a kiss or 2 out of him before I said goodnight and retired in my own bed.

    He did wake me up in the morning by climbing in my bed and held me for a little bit. It was sweet and innocent and he was obviously making more of an effort.
    Unfortunately he then apologized for it over breakfast and asked me, after the fact if it was ok. . .so much for the confidence.

    I am not ready to give up on him quite yet. . but close.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 01-12-2015 at 01:32 PM.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    I think maybe it was just nervousness about how much you were expecting. I get the sense that he didn't want you to feel uncomfortable, which is why he asked if it was okay. I thought all of it was rather cute!

    Now that he knows you were comfortable with the cuddling and kissing, I hope it won't be an issue after this weekend. If he continues to act spontaneously and then apologizes for his behavior, then I'd get a little worried.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    Now that he knows you were comfortable with the cuddling and kissing, I hope it won't be an issue after this weekend.
    I think her concern is his need for 'permission' to be x, y, z. It's the not taking the initiative.


    He did wake me up in the morning by climbing in my bed and held me for a little bit. It was sweet and innocent and he was obviously making more of an effort.
    Unfortunately he then apologized for it over breakfast and asked me, after the fact if it was ok. . .so much for the confidence.
    LOL ! !

    This lack of assertiveness in men has been a common obstacle in relatioships for me..dunno how I choose them. It's like I want someone emotional and then I struggle with him not taking initiative.

  4. #24
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    Couldn't it be that he's just not attracted to you in that way?

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Couldn't it be that he's just not attracted to you in that way?
    Maybe, but from what he tells me, it's because he is very attracted to me and that's what makes him nervous.
    He admitted that I am the first woman his kissed, post divorce from 2 years ago.

    Prior to coming back to room we went to a local bar and listened to music, he was very affectionate in a nice way which surprised me and then back at the room he locked up.

    He's been online dating for 4 mo's and says he typically doesn't call back after the 2nd date.

    Lucky me, I think . .He contacts me a few times daily, has pulled his profile and it's been 4 dates and an overnight.
    I am reserving judgment on this one for the time being. .time will tell

  7. #26
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Maybe he's nervous because he doesn't think he can trust himself in your presence!

  8. #27
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    I can see how the apology was unattractive, went on a second date with a guy once who wouldn't stop apologising for various things (including his shoes! Which I didn't even notice until he said it and it looked fine!) so unattractive. The date got so bad I just wanted to get out of there, the upside was it makes for a funny story.

    I also think the cuddle thing was cute and that he asked if you were in fact ok with it, I think it's considerate. How was he to know you weren't just being polite and just silently lying there in discomfort? Especially when you insisted on just sleeping in the same room, no sex, I think he may not know whether you would be comfortable with any physical touching at all or where you draw the line between ok and not ok?

    Assertiveness is good but I think focusing too much on it and you rob yourself the opportunity to potentially meet someone great but are initially a bit shy or awkward. I think give it at least a few dates and see if it gets better. My current bf was awkward during the first few dates, he actually told me beforehand that he's shy when it comes to initial dating and not good with dating in general (but good with relationships). Lucky for him I knew him before we dated so I knew he was assertive and confident otherwise, and thought it was adorable that I made him nervous haha...

  9. #28
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    Aww, I think it a bit cute that he got shy like that..but the cuddling was a step in the right direction...so there is progress, even though just a baby-step. Just keep rolling with it, I think it too soon to tell...and you seem to enjoy his company so what's the harm!

  10. #29
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    thanks Ladies. .
    this helps more than you know

  11. #30
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am looking forward to another date with M on Friday. We've been texting every day and he really does have a playful sense of humor that I like. We are currently working opposite schedules or we may have arranged to see each other mid week.

    Question . I didn't really care for the way he kissed! Yikes. . Kissing is HUGE for me. Is this a deal breaker?
    That and with the shyness I am again questioning whether we are a match.
    Would you consider addressing this and seeing if this is changeable or would it be deal breaker?

    I get the best way to handle these things is to not mention it as a criticism but propose it was a question. .
    Maybe `how do you like to be kissed?' and `I like it this way"

    Oh wow .. I am feeling silly for proposing this question but it leads my concern to go further.
    If I don't like the way he kissed is this indicative of the other physical aspects??

    Need to mention but with not too much detail . .It wasn't horrible, just a little too aggressive, especially for a first kiss.
    (I already had a tonsillectomy, I don't need another, if you get my drift.) <gasping> 2nd round actually caused me to pull away and stop.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 01-14-2015 at 03:50 PM.

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