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Thread: Another online daing journal

  1. #2361
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    If they have empathy and I don't, does that make me narcissistic? The circle goes around.

    I just have a different (strong) reaction to her. I just need to accept it for what it is and let it go.
    I would argue that you are simply not as neurotic as you once were, and that you're feeling anxiety because you're so used to being neurotic that you feel weird being stable.

    Your feelings may have been strong, but your reaction was not.

    Frankly, your reaction seems pretty even-keeled. You've given her the ability to help herself. That is enough.

    You do have empathy. You simply choose not to react like the other women.

    Your reaction was internal, and controlled. You felt sympathy for her, but you didn't try to solve her problem. You felt frustrated by her, but you didn't lash out at her.

    Your reaction was actually less powerful than your friends' reactions. Their internal feelings compelled them to abandon their own priorities to address hers. Yours did not.

  2. #2362
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Much to think about. You're one smart Lady J ;)

  3. #2363
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    2 years today my Mom left us.
    Much like the birth of my kids, I relive the moments. 'Where was i this time that year. This moment, this hour?'
    I'd like to erase those memories of my moms final days. But they played out in technicolor.

    I posted a small tribute to her on FB. I looked to upload a song but the links never work the way I intend them to. I had 3 choices of songs. They were ones that played repeatedly this time 2 years ago. I think of her everytime I hear them. I settled for a small acknowledgement and skipped the song.

    I am sitting here working with music playing and all 3 of those songs played within an hours time. My first choice played (on a different device) immediately after I gave up trying to upload it.

    I look around me. . coincidence?? I'd sure like to believe she's around. She'd be mad as heck that I was feeling sorry for myself and a little emotional today. But she didn't have a good relationship with her own emotions.

    That and the timing of the holidays. It is a little better, but I associate Thanksgiving and Christmas with a really painful time. We (kinda) skipped Christmas last year by going to Mexico. I still can't listen to Christmas music.

    My sons will spend Thanksgiving with their dad. I already wrote about it elsewhere here, but I won't be going to my brothers due to covid and number of people in the house. (that and they all think it's a hoax)
    It's a constant readjustment. I'll spend Thanksgiving with S and his parents. I privately boo-hooed about it a little bit the other day. I won't see any of my family. Something I struggle getting used to. I cut myself some slack. I don't think you're suppose to ever get used to it. It's that small child voice in my head, that I don't know where I belong anymore. I think a shrink would label it as a tad of abandonment. Dramatic but fair enough.

    I typically have Christmas eve at my home. But with babies and young couples, we've outgrown my dining room. I want to look into renting a tent, table and chairs for the patio, but i suspect there will be big run on these items. That and who knows what Christmas will even be like?

    Like Scarlet . . .i'll worry about it tomorrow.

  4. #2364
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    Oh the Gone With the Wind reference -use it often.

    I am sorry about your loss and I hope her memory is for a blessing. I cannot imagine. I hope your thanksgiving with S and his parents goes better than you think it will and I'm sorry about the family thinking it's a hoax. So frustrating.

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  6. #2365
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Oh the Gone With the Wind reference -use it often.

    I am sorry about your loss and I hope her memory is for a blessing. I cannot imagine. I hope your thanksgiving with S and his parents goes better than you think it will and I'm sorry about the family thinking it's a hoax. So frustrating.
    Thx Batya,
    I can always count on you to say the nicest things

  7. #2366
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Thx Batya,
    I can always count on you to say the nicest things
    I mean I try and it's all I can do - it's what I can contribute.

    But -not sure if this will make you "feel better" but check this out. My childhood friend is in her 50s like me. Her older sister is late 50s. Lives in another state about two hours away. The parents live across the street from my friend. For thanksgiving sister plans to gather with: her two grown children, her two young grandchildren, her son's girlfriend and her parents at the parents' home. A marriage proposal is planned now for Thanksgiving.
    For weeks now my friend's parents have been begging their daughter not to have a large gathering like this because of covid. Of course they will not go, neither will my friend and her family. Her parents do not know about the proposal but sent an extremely generous housewarming gift when their grandson and girlfriend bought a home together.

    My friend's sister is mad at her mother for continuously telling her not to do this (understand mom is in her 80s) - so she now plans not to tell her mom about the proposal (!!!!!). My friend has decided she has to stay out of this mess -what else can she do? How sad is that??

  8. #2367
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sending warm thoughts your way, reinvent.

  9. #2368
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Sending warm thoughts your way, reinvent.
    Thx Blue ;)

    I stopped feeling sorry for myself after speaking to friend who sacrificed her job and sold her home to move in and watch over her parents 80/90/early dementia/cancer. Yet she's learning she really can't stop them from doing things.

    An old friend takes the parents to lunch in a crowded a restaurant acouple days ago for Dads (with cancer!?) 90th bday.

    Lisa, her daughter's and their families had agreed to quarantine for the two weeks prior to Thanksgiving so they could feel reasonably safe celebrating together.

    Now all bets are off and everyone is pointing fingers, upset and poor Lisa, who already has given up so much may be eating alone.

    I think we are all a little kookie lately. How can we not be??
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 11-20-2020 at 04:13 PM.

  10. #2369
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I think we are all a little kookie lately. How can we not be??
    For sure! It's been such a rough year for so many. It is getting stressful to so many. I just keep hoping and praying that we get past the worst without too much damage done.
    Hope you're keeping warm and safe reinvent.

  11. #2370
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    For sure! It's been such a rough year for so many. It is getting stressful to so many. I just keep hoping and praying that we get past the worst without too much damage done.
    Hope you're keeping warm and safe reinvent.
    Same to you and yours, Sherry!

    As frustrating as it all is, in a weird way I am glad Im not alone. It keeps things in perspective.

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