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Thread: Another online daing journal

  1. #2301
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'm curious to how you'll respond to Jib. I like her take on the business you're sorting out, along with your own perspective.
    My response to Jib? Assuming you mean the anxiety part? Spot on. I just don't want to risk making a mistake. It's one of those `things aren't broken, don't fix it' moments.

    So what, we live a mile apart. Why do we always get twisted about assuming the next step is expected of us? Expected by who's standard standard, exactly?

    We get asked all the time, now especially approaching the 2 1/2 year mark, what our plans are. Moving in? Getting married?
    I need to good reason to do it. Just because someone said so isn't good enough.

    I've seen way too many people our age take that leap just to have it fall apart. In hindsight they wished they left well enough alone.

    On the practical side I could retire when my mothers home sells (that could be any minute), and if by either getting married or domestic partnership, S moving in would provide me the medical insurance I would need if I were to retire early.

    The adjustment to retiring would be huge, add in someone under my roof and together for a great deal of time may too much to handle at once. We wont even mention his mother. . . .

    But. . then I find myself financially dependent on someone. I was vulnerable and dependent on my ex H. It made leaving very challenging. I swore I would never be in that position again. But I am capable of cutting off my nose, despite my face kinda thing.

    Time will tell. I am waiting for the answer to show itself. Like a sign in the sky :)

  2. #2302
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I met a couple who moved into a new housing development 15 years ago. The live at opposite ends of the same street. They've been together for 14 years and never considered moving in with each other. This arrangement works for them.

  3. #2303
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Why do we always get twisted about assuming the next step is expected of us? Expected by who's standard standard, exactly?
    I love your attitude.

    I have always had an almost physical aversion to this idea of the "next step." My cynical theory is that people ask this stuff because they want to affirm their own steps, be it steps they've taken and are doubting or steps they think they "should" be building a life around and want that idea buttressed by others. It is very uncomfortable, for many, to be around people who are doing things differently than you, particularly when they don't seem to be a mess.

  4. #2304
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    My response to Jib? Assuming you mean the anxiety part? Spot on. I just don't want to risk making a mistake. It's one of those `things aren't broken, don't fix it' moments.

    So what, we live a mile apart. Why do we always get twisted about assuming the next step is expected of us? Expected by who's standard standard, exactly?

    We get asked all the time, now especially approaching the 2 1/2 year mark, what our plans are. Moving in? Getting married?
    I need to good reason to do it. Just because someone said so isn't good enough.

    I've seen way too many people our age take that leap just to have it fall apart. In hindsight they wished they left well enough alone.

    On the practical side I could retire when my mothers home sells (that could be any minute), and if by either getting married or domestic partnership, S moving in would provide me the medical insurance I would need if I were to retire early.

    The adjustment to retiring would be huge, add in someone under my roof and together for a great deal of time may too much to handle at once. We wont even mention his mother. . . .

    But. . then I find myself financially dependent on someone. I was vulnerable and dependent on my ex H. It made leaving very challenging. I swore I would never be in that position again. But I am capable of cutting off my nose, despite my face kinda thing.

    Time will tell. I am waiting for the answer to show itself. Like a sign in the sky :)
    I had a long time on and off boyfriend for 7 years before I got back together with my future husband. We'd constantly be asked by strangers, family, friends, acquaintances "so when are you getting married" -I started saying, with a small smile "when the kids are grown" (we had no kids, most people knew this).

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  6. #2305
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I met a couple who moved into a new housing development 15 years ago. The live at opposite ends of the same street. They've been together for 14 years and never considered moving in with each other. This arrangement works for them.
    Love it.

    Reminds me of Woody Allen and Mia Farrow, who famously had apartments opposite each other across Central Park. Yes, I'm aware of the heroic dysfunctions of that particular union, but the basic sketch has always appealed.

    There are the pieces of building something similar in my own dynamic, or our version. I have a long history of approaching conventional milestones from curious angles, as does she.

  7. #2306
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I had a long time on and off boyfriend for 7 years before I got back together with my future husband. We'd constantly be asked by strangers, family, friends, acquaintances "so when are you getting married" -I started saying, with a small smile "when the kids are grown" (we had no kids, most people knew this).
    perfect answer :)

  8. #2307
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Just returned from our family trip to Cabo. First time there and so much fun.

    I hadn't been feeling well for a few weeks before I left and after one thing led to another, I found myself sitting in a surgeon's office the afternoon before we flew out.

    What I orginally thought was the stomach flu almost a month ago ends up being gallstones and pancreatitis. The dr wasnt thrilled that I would still go on my trip but I figured I've been doing this for a month now, what's 4 more days.

    I didnt feel great the first day. Felt a little irresponsible being in a foreign country with some sort of ticking time bomb going on inside me. But luckily the rest of the time I felt good and as things would have it, it flares back up during our trip back.

    Here I sit in the hospital on Christmas Eve trying to get my pre op done for surgery next week.

    I kept saying I wanted to skip Christmas this year, but this isn't exactly how I pictured things. Oh well, that'll teach me.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 12-24-2019 at 01:52 PM.

  9. #2308
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about the health issues. My girlfriend's father had gallstone surgery yesterday afternoon—thought it could be put off a bit, but alas: it flared up. Surgery was successful. Sending all the warm, healing energy your way—not a far commute, for that energy, if I recall you and I living in the same part of the world.

    I know this is a tough time of year for you. Inhale, exhale—hang in there.

    Beautiful pic.

  10. #2309
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Thx for the kind words BC

  11. #2310
    Member Larkin's Avatar
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    Good luck with the surgery, reinvent. My grandmother kept her gallstones in a little box in her bedroom dresser drawer. When I was a kid, I used to sneak my friends in there for "show and tell" lol

    Merry Christmas!


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