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Thread: Another online daing journal

  1. #2211
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    Just to be clear I wasn't sure if I was misunderstood -I too had your back. Hope you are having a good week.

  2. #2212
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Just for the record, I wasn't calling you any of those things. I was in fact clarifying that your questions didn't make you those things.
    Thanks J :)
    The take away here is I need to not be so defensive.

  3. #2213
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I was here an entire year ago complaining about hives. One year later, half the camp says hives. The other half, eczema. I've changed insurance, changed doctors, had biopsies and taken a grueling cocktail of drugs just to be approved for Dupixant. Finally.

    My case is considered severe. In their own words. It got that bad. At one point it even turned into an infection.

    I've boo-hooed about it, even though things could be much worse. But it has affected my quality of life in some ways.

    Even with that, insurance, as a knee jerk response will deny it. Then the fight begins. I leave on a 10 day vacation on Friday. After several phone calls in the last two days, back and forth, the first shot will be delivered to my Dr. Thursday morning!

    I got news my copay would be through the roof, but I'd give them my first born to make this go away. I decided I wouldn't even flinch at the cost.

    The young man on the phone telling me my portion is $200 ea and the shots are every two weeks. Yah, my heart sunk at the news. As quickly as he tells me this, he says `it appears you qualify for co-pay assistance' ?? What that is I have no clue, but I didn't ask. He puts me on hold only to come back and say my responsibility is - zero.

    Not sure who my Secret Santa is, but it's been a long year and I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. Self administered shots no less. :) My doctor asked me how I felt about this. `highly motivated'

  4. #2214
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    Great!!! Hope it works....especially before you go on vacation! I don't have it...but I can only imagine it would affect your quality of like!!!! Good Luck!

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  6. #2215
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    So glad when something involving insurance works out for the better! Woohoo!! I hope the shots work!! Let us know how you're feeling on Thursday.

  7. #2216
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    My bf purchased a 30 foot travel trailer about 5 weeks ago. We went on one small maiden voyage to learn the ropes and work out some kinks. We leave Friday for 10 days. Woo hoo! I can't wait.

    The first leg of the trip is a place 5 hours north of us that we've been to and love. It's a sweet little winery town. What we didn't anticipate is the temps are in the high 90s at the moment. Good thing the trailer has AC. After 3 nights we hit the road again and go further north to yet another well known winery valley and have a river front rv space for 3 nights. The temps are a little lower there, but not much.

    Day 7 we leave the trailer and drive to another state up north to stay with his best friend and his wife for 2 nights. They have a beautiful home on top of a hill with a couple acres of land. A couple of their sons will be joining us and we'll be going to a blue grass festival in the woods. From there we drive back down to the trailer, stay the night and head home the following day.

    I spent a couple hours packing last night. I know why I was dreading it, 3 locations, outings and 3 different climates. All the while trying to be disciplined due to space and convenience.
    Tonight - grocery shopping.

  8. #2217
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Sounds like fun!

  9. #2218
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I need to vet out a small dilemma. (and I promise I won't be defensive :)

    S and I both have adult sons. S raised his on his own since T was 16. They are very close. Almost more like friends then father/son. T loves spending time with his dad. He calls him several times a day - and I will come right out and say it, T tends to be a little demanding and somewhat on the needy side. This young man is 34, never married. He had a challenging relationship with his mother, who is no longer in his life and it has definitely affected him a variety of ways.

    He drinks heavily and I suspect he suffers from depression. S's relationship with his son operates under a certain amount of guilt about his childhood.

    S is a pleaser and struggles with setting limits with his son. T owns his own home but when his father is out of town (which is often) T takes advantage of his dads home and stays there like he's on vacation. He eats all of his food and depletes the alcohol. He entertains girls and has them stay the night.

    Who am I to say anything, so I don't. Not my house, not my business. But I can tell S struggles with it. He doesn't complain much but I can tell he wants to put some limits on this stuff but hasn't been successful at it. S's demeanor totally shifts when his son is in the same room.

    Where I come in: T is on his 3rd girlfriend in the last year. T loves to double date with us and while Dad pays for everything, T will intentionally drink enough so he has the excuse to stay the night. I can bet money on it.

    S's home is very small with one tiny bathroom between the 2 bedrooms and the sleepovers feel more like a slumber party. I have gotten up in the morning to sit with now the third young lady with yesterdays makeup still on. S cooks us all breakfast and then there isn't that moment where T feels he's overstayed his welcome. We can spend the entire following day together. What gets me, is why is this all ok with these young women? I'd be mortified sitting there in last nights clothes with some guys parents. They seem unfazed.

    I found the opportunity to tell S how I felt about the sleepovers. There has been times we've dodged T and stated we were staying at my home for the night. At the same time I do like T and do want to spend time with him. I certainly don't want to pull S away from his son. My wish is we can spend time together with some healthier boundaries.

    T has asked us to go the fair Saturday night with he and his new girlfriend. I can bet my paycheck the same routine will happen. I am at my limit with sleepovers and I know by saying anything I am putting S in a difficult spot, trying to please the both of us.

    I have sons and none of this would be going on. I can see a one-off occasion where one of them had too much to drink and I wanted them to be safe. But the pattern in which T chooses his drinks is a deliberate act in order to not leave. S knows this.

    A few weeks ago S had a friend in town for the weekend and offered him the other room that T usually uses. I asked S if he considered checking the bedding before his friends arrival. S had been at his parents the week before and his son stayed at his home. S assumed that T would wash the sheets and he hadn't. Up until the moment his friend arrived, I pressed him to check and the sheets were soiled from T's rendezvous from the week before. (Sorry for the TMI but this might paint a better picture of what's going on) They were disgusting. It was such a close call, it makes me shudder. (the washer literally running while his friend walks in the door)

    S's birthday was a couple weeks ago. S insisted he didn't want anything special seeing his family threw him a party last year. I was schooled that if any of his family reached out to me about his bday, I was too shake them off. We were getting ready to go on a trip and we would celebrate both our birthdays then. Of course I would honor his bday anyway with a quiet dinner out with just the two of us. I assume his son can honor his dad in his own personal way. I know my sons would.

    T texts me wanting to know what the `celebration plans' where. Following his dad's request I told him there wouldn't be any, but I was taking him to dinner. From that point on S keeps asking me if I have communicated with T and I tell him yes. I tell him the exact nature of our text and at some point I asked S if he wanted his son included in the dinner. Apparently T had been texting his dad fishing around for plans with us. This catches me off guard because I wouldn't expect my sons to included in a bday dinner with my bf, especially when the conditions of `no celebrations' had been given over and over. I am now getting a mixed message. It's S's birthday, he should have this simple wish honored, right? But I sense his reluctance, as if he felt he had too. He so much as agreed he didn't want to include them, but felt he had too. From there he goes on about how I shouldn't buy him a gift because I will likely get stuck with the bill for all of us??? I sit in silence processing this. It makes me uneasy.
    How is this at all enjoyable with S worrying about everyone else and doing things out of guilt, I am thinking.

    My oldest sons bday was only the week prior. 6 of us went to dinner and my son picked up the check, even though it was his bday. Though I wouldn't never expect it, my sons were raised and influenced by their father and their grandfather who believe it to be honorable to fight for the check and not duck and hide from it. It's a well known fact that T is very thrifty and will never pay or contribute for anything. This bothers S.

    The next couple days pass by and S keeps asking me if I've talked to T. I come right and tell him that if either one of them now wants to turn this into some sort of celebration, they can let me know. But between now and then I can't bring myself to tell a grown man (T) that he'll need to pay for himself and his girlfriend. He should know better. And in all honestly, I couldn't afford it at the moment. I didn't say it < that bluntly.

    The plan was to take S out on a Saturday night for his dinner. His actual birthday was Friday. T and his girlfriend appeared Friday, late, unannounced and proclaiming they were hungry. S had already eaten and they proceeded to sit on his sofa and watch a movie all night. (I was out with some friends celebrating my bday) It was apparent (and S confirms it) that they merely showed up waiting for an opportunity.

    T and his gf stay the night, S cooks them breakfast and at no time was there any effort to honor his father. I don't think they expected we were going out the following night instead. They stayed the entire following day and at some point S said he needed to get ready to come to my house and left them there to themselves.. .and yes they stayed that night too.

    I apologized later for maybe overstepping when it came to his son. He totally agreed and said he is working on it. I have seen some change or at least S giving a
    lot of thought about this. But any change will be slow coming.

    So now the weekends here and double date in the works and I literally feel like I want to put my foot down about the sleepover I can bet will happen, but at the same time I could easily be the bad guy here. The rest I can handle, besides that's between him and his son. The sleepovers not so much.

    Sorry if anyone read this far. . . .needed to get this out.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 07-25-2019 at 01:41 PM.

  10. #2219
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Look.... I know that you love S and you want to spend time with him and include each other in your decisions and stuff. But this is now affecting you, too, because you're there. If S has an issue with boundaries and you don't want to step on his toes, perhaps you can remove yourself from the issue altogether. When you learn that T and his gal pal is coming over, simply go home alone. Tell S that it makes you uncomfortable and that you just don't want to be around T once he's been drinking, and that you're saving money for a trip and don't want to try to deduce who will be paying for the evening out.

    S has issues and he needs to work on them, as you've said, and you also said that he's been doing thinking on it. So maybe you can give the time to do so - without you there.

  11. #2220
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Also, can S not simply change his locks, so T doesn't have a working key?


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