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Thread: Another online daing journal

  1. #2181
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Thank you Batya. You're so sweet.
    I just got out of a 2 hour long meeting where he handed me the pencil to draw my ideas.
    Pretty suuuurrreee I already did that. I sat motionless and stared at him. Besides, draw out what exactly? The furniture I can no longer buy?

    2 hours later and we have a plan. <<<sigh>>>
    I am a little relieved but it doesn't need to be so d*mn difficult.
    Going home to hide under the covers.
    Yes, I can relate - honestly it feels like a parenting challenge -when the most basic of tasks take forever and get stressful, unnecessarily.

  2. #2182
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes, I can relate - honestly it feels like a parenting challenge -when the most basic of tasks take forever and get stressful, unnecessarily.
    Sorry to interject but oh my god, what an interesting perspective. Yes, my boss is exactly like a big child!

  3. #2183
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Sorry to interject but oh my god, what an interesting perspective. Yes, my boss is exactly like a big child!
    Yes- I wasn't even thinking of that but I can relate to that too! It's not true that "nothing can prepare you for parenting" ;-)

  4. #2184
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Wow, I totally understand the situation with your boss. I think it's a lot like what I'm going through with mine. I feel for you, I really do.

    I try to reassure myself with the fact that I'll probably only be staying at this company for a couple years--just enough to get some good experience, then I'll move on.

    How have you managed to work for this man for 15 years?!?!
    It's a challenge is an understatement.

    I have to remind myself all the time that it is a choice. No one is holding a gun to my head, so I choose to stay.

    I do have to acknowledge that I do have a certain amount of autonomy and respect from the senior staff. My pay is close to double if I were to leave and take my skills elsewhere.

    I might be able to retire early and I wouldn't be able to if I left at this point.

    I do have to 'dumb it down' when projects come up and I have to work along side of him. It's hard because projects are stressful and often high profile. Balancing bring my A game and assuaging his fragile ego is kind of mind bending.
    As my bf puts it, 'he breaks your spirit'.

    Outside of projects he pretty much leaves me alone when it comes to daily operations.

    I consider the difference they pay me as combat pay. That and 7 weeks paid time off that's accumulative. I consider those my mental health days.

    If I thought I'd still be working 10 years from now, I would have left a long time ago.

    I've come this far, I can finish out the year or maybe two.

    And if the timing is right, I light him up on my way out.

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  6. #2185
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I got a tattoo yesterday!
    First one, last one.

    When I was going through my divorce I was in therapy. My mother brought up the fact that in therapy one of the main things people discuss is their family upbringing and was curious if there was anything I wanted to share with her. This came up a couple of times and each time I avoided the topic or changed the subject. I told my therapist about my moms interest and he encouraged me to talk to her. I still put if off for several months.

    After I had some time to think about it, I came up with a way to share some things with her that were probably hard for her to hear. Don't get me wrong, my parents were great, but at the same time they came from a generation that wasn't necessarily taught parenting skills. My only brother was a handful and while they spent our entire childhood trying to save him from himself, they basically forgot they had a daughter. I reinforced this by being the perpetual good girl with no voice and therefore I didn't require a lot of attention. I thought I was the lucky one and managed to stay off their radar.

    But from there I spent most of my adult life inadvertently choosing men who would parent me and in turn found myself in controlling relationships.

    My mother and I were in the car for a 90 minute car ride, shortly after my divorce where she reminded me that I promised that I would tell her what I learned in therapy during our trip. Here it is, the long drive home and I was counting on her forgetting. I ended up telling her that and a lot of other things in the most respectful, compassionate way possible. She cried the entire time and in the end she said `Everything you said is true'

    You read or see in the movies the exact same scenario, where people share with their family what they learned in therapy, only to never speak to their family again. Instead my mom validated my experience and apologized. I dropped her off at home and she asked if she could share what I told her with my Dad as she was getting out of the car.

    90 minute drive home alone. . pre-cell phones, I get home to a ringing phone. I answered it and my Dad immediately choked up and couldn't talk. All he could say is `You know I love you, don't you' he said through a cracked voice. `Yes, Dad I know'

    I shared with my mom a saying the therapist told me. `Fathers should treat their daughters like a princess, then they will go and marry a prince' From that day on my mom would buy me little princess crowns. Just a few. I still have sweet little tiara that sits on the buffet in my entry way. You might miss it if you walked in, but it's symbolic of my parents acknowledgement of my experience and the little bit of regret on wishing they could have handled things differently.

    I often joked if I ever got a tattoo it would be princess crown or a tiara. I've been saying this for almost 15 years now. I walked in the door of my moms house about 8 years ago and she was sitting at her lap top, waiting to show me pictures of tiaras tattoos. I asked her who she was because I couldn't believe my 76 year old mom was goading me into getting a tattoo at the time. I tend to talk a lot of smack about things I'd like to do. My follow through kinda sucks.

    Days before my mom passed away she informed my brother and I of letters she had written for each of us that were in her safe, at her home. My brother opened his immediately. I waited a few days after her passing to open mine. The latter part of the letter she writes `be brave, be braver then you ever could have imagined'

    My youngest sons friend is an incredible tattoo artist. For Christmas my son gave me a gift certificate and challenged me to the tattoo. He did say either way he'd understand, but the tattoo was paid for when and if ever decided.

    I had it done yesterday. It's a small tiara with the words, in cursive `be brave' under it. I had it done on the inside of my left wrist. That way I have the option when wearing my watch and the typical several bracelets I wear, you might not see it. If you met me on the street, you might not think I'd be someone who would get a tattoo. But at this stage in my life and having lost my mother, I am not remotely concerned about someone's impression. Funny how life is. A few years ago I might have fretted about what other people would have thought. Today, not so much.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 06-17-2019 at 06:28 PM.

  7. #2186
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    I'm so glad that your mom and dad validated your feelings....and said you were right.
    Mine said, Play me a violin.

  8. #2187
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Realitynut
    I'm so glad that your mom and dad validated your feelings....and said you were right.
    Mine said, Play me a violin.
    Ouch RN. I'm sooo sorry.

  9. #2188
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    What a beautiful post! (# 2185). I normally don't click on people's journals, but for some reason today, I felt compelled to click on, and read, your latest entry.

    What a terrific story! I love how you intertwined the healing that occurred between your mother and you, and your future life, in one small tattoo that you can see for the rest of your life. I can envision your tiara and your verbiage, "be brave". I'm not a tattoo lover myself, but this one.....this one....wow, I absolutely love it.

  10. #2189
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Oh Reinvent, I love it. I just love it. <3

  11. #2190
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    I love that story


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