Can women be trusted with birth control?

So, this is sort of a long story. I already feel like many of the posters are going to chide me with comments about wearing condoms etc. however, this is unrelated to the question being asked.

Two days ago i had unprotected sex with a girl who i had slept with months before and i came inside of her. She told me that she is on birthcontrol and has an IUD (i question why she is using two forms is this normal). She also claims that she gets tested monthly . . . She has slept with people since we last slept together and assures me that she doesn't want children. Currently, i am sleeping with someone who is also using birthcontrol and we have unprotected sex at least 2 - 3 times a week. I've seen her tampons lying around and i am seeing her sort of regularly.

My question is this: should i be allowed to see pregancy tests from this girl or the one i slept with recently. I am really worried, that there is a possibility that she may have lied to me and others who i have spoken with also agree that i should be worried as well.

I think for the most part that i am paranoid and that everything will be fine, and i have been in this sort of situation before, and had these feelings before. So, my question remains, can women be trusted with birth control?

Some can. Some can't. The only thing you can control is yourself.

And no, you don't get to ask them to take pregnancy tests. If you're that paranoid, if you can't handle sex without one, use a condom.

If you can't trust or believe what they tell you, then YOU need to make sure that YOU are responsible for your own actions. You don't want to be a daddy? You don't want any unexpected surprises? Then stop being irresponsible. You are 28 years old. Not 14.

And no, you don't get to ask them about pregnancy tests. Cover up or stop having sex.

That's a generalisation. You either trust this one particular person to do the right thing or you don't. Clearly you don't. And there's good reason to as well, you're just casual, there's no foundation for a relationship nor trust, so why would you trust them?

As agent said, only person you can control is yourself. So if you're worried, using a condom is the only way to be sure.

If you don't want to because it doesn't feel as good, well I guess then you gotta accept the risk that comes with it, and keep wondering everyday if one of them will show up one day telling you they're pregnant. Your call.

Women you trust can be trusted with BC...women you sleep with at your convenience likely cannot.

What about STDs?????????????????????????????????????????? UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once it's done, she is under no obligation to show you a pregnancy test or tell you anything. It's out of your control.

The only time you do have control over the outcome is before getting into bed and once you are in it by protecting your own body and interests with the choices you make.

It sounds to me like it is good sense causing you worry, because to me, you are gambling big time. It's a roll of the dice.

What about STDs?????????????????????????????????????????? UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, i know, i know . . .

This is also upsetting because now i think i will have trouble facing the girl i am currently seeing. I shouldn't have made such a rash decision, but what's done is done and i have to deal with the consequences at this point.

 

It sounds to me like it is good sense causing you worry, because to me, you are gambling big time. It's a roll of the dice.

Yeah . . . Well, thanks for the perspective.

^

Hopefully you'll tell her, as she's an innocent party and certainly doesn't deserve to end up with an STD.

Well yeah you generally can, though there may be rare cases when women will use you to have a baby or trap you with a baby if they're really fixated on you...But this is very rare. Do you hate condoms? Why don't you use them? Also think about STD's...Do both these women regularly get tested and do you get tested? Many people don't even know if they have an STD because sometimes the symptoms are not obvious, so I would be very careful about both pregnancy and infections.

Are the women aware you are having unprotected sex with multiple partners?

Sadly there are women who will lie about BC so they get pregnant ...and thats a fact .

however you can't make demands on what they then do ..

NO. period.

Well yeah you generally can, though there may be rare cases when women will use you to have a baby or trap you with a baby if they're really fixated on you...But this is very rare. Do you hate condoms? Why don't you use them? Also think about STD's...Do both these women regularly get tested and do you get tested? Many people don't even know if they have an STD because sometimes the symptoms are not obvious, so I would be very careful about both pregnancy and infections.

Actually that is MUCH MORE common nowadays then rare. Notice the rise in baby mamas/baby daddies?. An epidemic these days.

Making a case for not using condoms, I can admit anonymously that finding condoms that fit all people isn't always easy. For me, normal condoms squeeze me quite painfully, but the Extra Large Magnums are too loose. I have to order mine online.

As for whether I would trust a girl with birth control... well, maybe I'm weird, but I wouldn't sleep with a girl I didn't 100% trust. Even if she's on birth control, though, I'd still pull out. It's just not worth the risk. Like someone else said, you're not a kid, so you need to act like an adult.

And I totally agree, you have no right to ask for anything. What would you hope to accomplish by asking? You're going to offend her (ruining all chances for future sex), and whether she is or isn't, the damage is done now. You might as well keep everyone happy, and wait a few weeks to find out the natural way.

Actually that is MUCH MORE common nowadays then rare. Notice the rise in baby mamas/baby daddies?. An epidemic these days.

It's also true that more and more abusive men trap women into the relationship by getting them pregnant. It's not just about scheming women.

Well I think if these women don't act like they have strong feelings for you or don't seem interested in children (you said one of them doesn't even want them), then in this particular case I don't see why they would lie. BUT neither of these women is your girlfriend, this is casual, they may be sleeping with other men too. Even if they get tested regularly, did you know HIV takes six months to show up in blood tests after being infected? Also they don't get tested every day, one of the women may sleep with one guy and the next day sleep with you and the guy may have an STD. You just don't know...Also even birth control pills are not 100% and can be strongly affected by things like antibiotics, diarrhoea, vomiting, skipping even one pill. If it stresses you so much I would say definitely use a condom. You're in your late 20's, where is your sex ed knowledge? Lol

I already feel like many of the posters are going to chide me with comments about wearing condoms etc. however, this is unrelated to the question being asked.

How is this unrelated? Not viewing birth control as a responsibility that YOU SHARE with every partner along with STD prevention is a problem, have you noticed?

Nobody here can predict who you can trust and who you can't--everyone is different, and that's why it's YOUR responsibility to protect YOUR SELF.

It's not about gender or about "women" in general -it's about who your partner is. If you trust your partner then you're all set. If you don't or you can't because you don't know the partner well enough then of course there's a risk that either she is lying or being careless with birth control. Same with women and STDs -should a woman write "can men be trusted with revealing STD information?" Of course not.

Some women lie about birth control in order to get pregnant. Some men lie about STDs in order to get laid (as do some women)

If you're having intercourse with someone you don't know well, then use protection or abstain. If you use a condom you lower the risk but of course there is always a risk of pregnancy even with birth control so accept the risk of pregnancy and STDs every time you have sex and figure out whether it's worth the risk with that particular partner. (well the STD risk is zero if you're with a partner where you both got properly tested and are monogamous and the pregnancy risk is zero if you're both 100% infertile).

Simple answer is if this is someone you can't see having a child with, then no glove, no love. Why chance it?

Definitely wrap it up. Esp if you're sleeping with someone else unprotected. I dunno maybe I'm a bit ODC but I only ever have unprotected sex in a committed relationship. Believe me I know the temptation... but it's just not worth it.

As others have said, this has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with the individuals you are sleeping with. When we were dating, my husband and I made the decision together that I would go on birth control and he trusted me to take it every day, which I did. If I forgot, we used other methods of birth control.

This is a decision that could have gone badly for him if I had not been someone he could fully trust. And the same goes for if women trust a guy to "pull out".

The bottom line is, that ANY time you allow someone else to be responsible for birth control you put yourself at risk. My husband and I are an example of trust that does exist (I would NEVER go off bc and not tell him), but that doesn't always happen.

If you are having casual sex, the WORST thing you can do is "trust" someone else to handle the birth control. That is WAY too important to trust to someone you barely know.

Not to mention the STDs you could end up with.

Wrap it up in the future and tell ALL your partners that this happened. AND GET TESTED.

The rise in single parents and unwed parents is in no way primarily (or mostly, or probably significantly) due to women tricking men into getting pregnant! Most single parents exist because they were casual about birth control with people they were not committed to. To suggest that "many" women try to trick their one-night stands into getting them pregnant is ludicrous. Few women want to raise children conceived with a f-buddy alone.

That being said, accidents happen, people are forgetful, people do things that interact with their birth control without knowing it (these are the most likely scenarios, IMO), and yes, some people want to have a baby no matter what the circumstances. I think it's better to be safe than sorry.

And as almost everyone else has said, it's much more likely than an STD will be spread by multiple people having unprotected sex with multiple partners than that anyone is trying to get pregnant on the sly. (Though, I must say, I doubt any doctor would advise that someone take the pill and have an IUD, so that sounds weird and fishy).

Well, the girl who I am currently seeing doesn't know that this happened and I don't plan on telling her.

The girl who I hooked up with knows that I've seen other people yet she didn't seem that concerned with me wearing protection. Which worries me even more.

My biggest problem will be seeing this girl when she comes back from South America on Wednesday and trying to explain to her why I don't want to have unprotected sex until I get tested.

I'm upset at myself because if I tell her the relationship will be for the most part damaged or ruined and if I don't and she gets an std its still ruined or damaged.

I looked up testing options but it's too soon and I'm not paying 600 dollars for an insta test. I will go to the clinic on thursday and I guess just try and stall for time . . .

I'm deff more serious about this girl then I was before.

My biggest problem will be seeing this girl when she comes back from South America on Wednesday and trying to explain to her why I don't want to have unprotected sex until I get tested.

Not that I condone lying or keeping secrets, but since you're planning to do it anyway, then for the sake of her protection...

There's a wide selection of condoms available that are pretty interesting: ribbed, spirals, heating, cooling, vibrating, climax control, etc. Buy a few packs, and tell her that you want to try them out, just for fun.

From a relationship point of view, though, I'm sure you realize that getting serious about her at this point is a mistake, because you're building the relationship on a lie. She's going in to it thinking that you've been faithful, and you're going in to it with the knowledge that you betrayed her trust by banging another girl less than a week ago.

Relationships are all about trust. If you don't trust her to be understanding, then it's not going to work. If she can't trust you to be faithful, then it's not going to work. All you're doing at this point is putting her in a position to get very hurt by you when she finds out the truth. Worse, if she's 28, too, then you're wasting her time that she could have spent finding someone more compatible.

The exception to this is if you both have never said or implied that you're being exclusive, and now you're wanting to take that step. Using the phrase "let's be exclusive" implies that you've been of the understanding all along that you haven't been. If she says yes to that, though, then neither of you should really ask if the other has been with other people recently, in which case this relationship might have a chance.

And honestly, if you had any real feelings for this girl, you wouldn't have been interested in the other girl, anyway. I'm 39, and I only realized this recently myself. I was previously in a long relationship where I found myself attracted to other women on a regular basis (I was faithful, just sexually interested). After meeting who I consider to be my soul mate, though, I seriously don't even fantasize (sexually) about other women. I've tried, but it just doesn't work.