Dating Journal

I need this to keep my mind sorted and to keep track of my feelings so I don't get confused.

I joined eHarmony a few days before Xmas. So far, I am completely overwhelmed--and not necessarily in a bad way, but I just wasn't expecting this much attention. The first 3 days were nuts, I had over 100 messages, a dozen guys skipped all the guided communication and messaged me directly. I picked the worst time of the year for this, lol. But, I wasn't sure what to expect, and I certainly didn't expect this much.

I have been communicating with about 20 or so men over the past week. I have a few dates lined up for next week, I am texting one very promising guy, and I had a my very first date last night.

Date 1 with S.

Cool guy, we have some things in common, and others not.

Good Stuff

He was very easy to talk to and we made each other laugh.

He has nice eyes and keeps in good shape.

He lit up when we discovered that we have the same breed of dog.

We have the same political views too and he is a bit of a homebody too

He seemed very easy going and I enjoyed our conversation and stayed longer than I had intended.

He seemed to enjoy himself too and seemed to not want to leave, he asked if I would like to get together again some time and go to a movie. He does not have my number but I have his, so it will be on me to arrange this.

Bad Stuff

He was clearly 2 inches shorter than he said in his profile. He said he was 5'8". He was not. I am 5'7" on the nose. I know this because I was weighed and measured by my doctor 3 months ago. S was shorter than me. I don't really care about height, but I don't like dudes that lie about their height.

He had a bit of a roving eye, he noticeably checked out a pretty young thing that walked in.

He said some negative things about eharm and OLD in general and complained about some women who don't look like their pictures--he didn't mention me specifically here...but then I felt bad because I have longer hair in my pics, but I JUST got my hair cut on Saturday to a chin length bob, but I have no pics of myself yet to put up. I love my hair this length and I think it suits me better than long hair, but it is a very different look than what is in my pics. That's the only thing different though-in my opinion anyway. I haven't gained or lost lots of weight, and my face is the same, I don't wear a ton of makeup or anything...so hopefully I look like my pics! I'm actually a little paranoid about it now....

He doesn't cook much, but he claims to eat really healthy...so this one is in the middle. I would prefer a guy that enjoys cooking, or is willing to learn, and I need a man that eats healthy.

Texting with A

I dig this guy so far! We have mutual appreciation for animals, cottage country, staying-in, cooking, and Star Wars. He is also a homebody. We had tried to plan a date this week but our schedules don't allow for it, nor on the weekend, so we are going to get together next week. We had a text convo all day yesterday--I would prefer talking on the phone, but I am thinking that maybe he feels more comfy texting...I think he might be a bit on the shy side and I'm cool with that. We exchanged pics of our dogs. So far all I can say is that we seem to have a lot in common, so chatting probably wont be an issue on the date. So it looks promising anyway.

Messaging with M

So this guy is a bit younger than me. He has a doctorate, but terrible grammar and punctuation in his messages with me. His profile is pristine though...so I think he is communicating primarily through his smart phone and doesn't use the spell check feature....It bugs me a bit actually, but I am overlooking it until I meet him in person. We have a lot of shared interests, both like photography and good books. He liked the fact that I have a little photography-art project on the go. He seems very much a romantic

R

R went straight to messaging me right away. He is a tech CEO with an artsy side. We have a shared interest in the symphony, museums and charitable work. He is also very handsome. Last week I accepted a coffee date for sometime in January, but he is in Europe right now so we haven't messaged one another to get more familiar. I am looking forward to this date though and I hope he follows through.

T

T started guided communication but I stopped responding when we got to the Makes & Breaks section because it seemed like he was really into looks. He listed style and appearance as a big deal, and that made me think twice. I am NOT stylish....I pretty much live in yoga pants. I also don't wear much make-up. The only thing I do now is my hair...because it's shorter now so I actually have to--can't just put it up and leave it alone....but I am not high-maintenance...don't do mani-pedis, don't get facials, eyebrow waxing etc. etc. I just don't care that much....And I think that is really obvious in my profile pics too. I am very casual and natural in my pics...so it's obvious.

So a few days with no response on my side, he skipped a step and went right messaging me and asked me out for next week. I accepted, so we shall see.

I

This guy also skipped all the steps and went right to messaging...he is younger and lives in the 'burbs. He is very into mentoring and charity work which I like. We messaged back and forth last week and then I was getting kinda annoyed with it so I sent him a message asking if he wanted to meet up for a coffee to chat more, and I have not heard back since. Maybe he was just into online chatting, I dunno, lol. Maybe he will respond after the new year, we shall see.

A

A messaged me straight away too and really wanted to get to now me, we have similar artsy-craftsy interests. Last I heard from him was on the 21st, I responded to his message but have yet to hear back. we will see if he starts communicating again in the new year.

....there is more but I'm tired of typing for now....and the others aren't as promising so I will leave that for now.

Great to see that you're having some success with online dating. Between Match and EHarmony which one have you liked more?

Are you going to go on a second date with S? How come he doesn't have your phone number? How did you arrange the date?

Great to see that you're having some success with online dating. Between Match and EHarmony which one have you liked more?

This s really my first foray into OLD, I have never used Match. So far I am finding eHarmony to be really good, The first week I was bombarded, but now I get around 10 matches a day, and they all seem like really interesting mature and positive guys. I do find though, that I am getting matched with a lot of travel bugs. Guys who travel like multiple times a year and are looking for same...and I'm not that girl at all. I travel one every couple years...I can't afford it every-year. Also I'm being matched with a lot of really successful and driven career types that seem to (maybe) put work ahead of everything else...so I don't know if this is bad per se...but when I read profiles like that I think twice.

Are you going to go on a second date with S? How come he doesn't have your phone number? How did you arrange the date?

Ya, I don't think I'm gonna go out again with him....I'm still not really curious about him, I'm not thinking about him after that date. We set up the date through the message system online, he provided his number to me prior to the date in case I have to cancel or was late etc. I never gave him mine though...I dunno why actually. Though, I don't have a problem calling and setting up a second date with a guy IF I am into him, I wouldn't expect a guy to do all the heavy lifting in the beginning.

I see. Oh, well, since you're not interested in him, it's for the best that he doesn't have your number

I have been texting more with A the past few days and we have so much in common it's a bit uncanny! I am excited to meet him next week. I am definitely keeping it in check though because we could meet and feel absolutely no chemistry whatsoever. But I feel that even if there is nothing there, I would want to remain friends with him, I feel like we are on the same wavelength...well, as much as you can tell via text messages anyway. I wouldn't normally continue such a prolonged conversation via text, but...this one is different...like every message from him is interesting, and I find myself more and more curious. It's odd. But I also know that there is an end date to the texting, we will be meeting in person soon.

I haven't logged in to eHarmony since Monday because I have been visiting family and haven't bothered going online, and I don't like surfing the web on my phone. I do see my emails though as those come through on my phone. I know that S messaged me on on New Years Day, M messaged yesterday and I have had about 7 direct message requests from new guys, about 15 guided communication requests from new guys and its my turn to volley some communication back to several guys that I was communicating with prior to this week.

TBH, I'm gonna need a few hours to go through everything with appropriate attention, and I don't have the energy today! Maybe tomorrow, we are supposed to get some sort of snow storm so I will hibernate this weekend and sort through all of this stuff. It really is overwhelming!

I see. Oh, well, since you're not interested in him, it's for the best that he doesn't have your number

Yep....I feel reluctant about giving my number out until a successful second date with someone, though I realize that will be hard to do...it's just that my stupid Blackberry does not have a number block feature

Also with S, his profile was quite sparse and he only had two pics up (on was a bit blurry and the other he was wearing sunglasses)--It was hard to get a handle on his personality, unlike most of the other profiles I had read. I wasn't sure what to expect of him, and I think that made me even more reluctant to disclose my number.

So if S needed to reach you to reschedule a date (or anyone) how would they reach you if they don't have your number?

As far as the height difference he may have been including his height with shoes -2 inches is not such a big deal IMO. That's interesting about A!

So if S needed to reach you to reschedule a date (or anyone) how would they reach you if they don't have your number?

 

As far as the height difference he may have been including his height with shoes -2 inches is not such a big deal IMO. That's interesting about A!

Ya, I know the number thing is weird...I don't really understand my issue with it...especially because I give out my number to cold-approaches....lol.. I think maybe I am reluctant because I am overwhelmed with the sheer number of men that I am communicating with and have planned dates with...I feel like there would be too many numbers in my phone....maybe I will have a hard time keeping track of who is who? It's silly

Ya, it's possible S was including height with shoes...but he was wearing heavy winter boots on our date and he was still shorter than me....so I dunno...

So you'd be ok if the guy was not able to reach you if there was a problem meeting up?

So you'd be ok if the guy was not able to reach you if there was a problem meeting up?

Lol, you're right, I need to just get over it and give my number.

Lol, you're right, I need to just get over it and give my number.

I think especially these days if the person who has plans to meet you has no way to reach you that's stressful. I used to give out my landline and tell the person to call my machine if he was running late, etc and I would check my messages (at that point I did not have a cell yet and only could receive email over my blackberry.

^^Ya you're right, though they could always message me through the service if they needed too, but that is a bit of a hassle in that they would have to take the extra steps to log in and whatnot. I'm just being too cautious I guess.

A texted me last night, apparently just when he got home from work at 8:45pm---and texted me. So we had a little text chat but then I went to bed at 10. So part of me is a bit weirded out with all the texting just because we haven't even met yet!

But then, the other part of me likes it, because well, I kinda want to stay in his mind until we can meet....I don't want him to forget me!!! If his experience has been anything like mine, he is also getting 10 awesome matches every day. He is also very handsome so I'm sure he is getting loads of attention and probably has lots of options too. So I don't want to get lost in the deluge. And, well I like texting with him, he's interesting.

We have been communicating like this all week, except for Wednesday. He did not contact me on Wednesday, and I didn't want to contact him because we had already spent 2 days having text conversations, plus it was NYE and I was busy with family stuff. He has initiated most of our convo's, 3 of 4. I really wasn't expecting to hear from him last night, and I knew he was working so I didn't want to bug him with texts during the day---especially because we haven't even met yet!!! This weekend he is having an NFL weekend with his buddies....I don't want to bug him.

Texting like buddies or like flirtatious buddies with a stranger is not how you keep someone thinking about you. He will think about you if you are in touch when you need to be -to make or confirm a plan or to respond briefly to a hello text. Don't be the one who is so in his face in cyberspace that he gets bored or doesn't see you as someone who's interesting to get to know like unwrapping layers of a package.

ya, I am trying to not get too in-depth about myself via text, I don't want to give it all away without meeting the guy. It's weird, like I have never texted this much with someone prior to a date--it's just never happened...I don't know if this is bad or what... I don't mind a bit of communication before a date though, just to get a better sense of someone's personality so there is more of a backdrop to go from on the date. I have only initiated one convo with him on NYD to wish him a happy new year. Annnd the convo just kept slowly rolling for the rest of the day...though that was not my intention when I initiated it. I have also always been the one to end the convo's too.

I have to say though, since we already know a bit more about one another and have established a multitude of similar interests already, I think we will still have loads more to talk about, and I know that I will feel much more comfortable on the date when it happens.

I think this situation is the very reason why I am reluctant to give my number out too. I was reluctant to give my number to A too, and now we having a prolonged text message convo that I wasn't expecting. I dig the guy so I'm letting it happen...but I gotta say that this is usually not my style, and I have had no desire to communicate extensively (via eharmony message) with any of the other guys that I have planned dates with next week. But then, maybe this is what makes HIM more comfortable too, right? Otherwise why would he keep initiating and rolling with it? It can be daunting meeting a complete stranger.

I think it's essential to have a phone call before meeting -I used that phone call as a great screening out method even after we exchanged great emails and instant messages. I learned about safety concerns as well as realizing we would not have a pleasant time on a first meet.

I think that many people text a lot to avoid meeting in person. If you don't have a time/place plan to meet yet I would not text at all. It can be daunting to meet a complete stranger. Texting beforehand still means, for practical purposes, you are complete strangers. I found it worth it to take on that risk/challenge because of my ultimate goal.

Oh this is awesome to see the other side of online dating lol. You're getting lots of chances so I'm sure you'll meet someone soon! Not to be a downer... cause I hope it isn't this way for you.... I've never had good luck when I've texted a bunch before the date. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's pressure? I usually try to keep communication to an absolute minimum before dates... but I guess I'm a terrible texter too. I hope this one goes great for you seems you two have a lot in common!

I am too excited about A myself now !!! Romance in the air, I love those sweet, curious connections Let's see how it pans out. I know what you mean about too much texting and it's so damn hard when they are genuinely interesting and interested. I have experienced both scenarios of too much texting killing the vibe and enough texting helping a connection. Try and focus on your overall online dating experience until you meet him.

Hey thanks guys

Ya I'm not a big texter either...and I am also ok with not talking on the phone before a date either. But I'm just rolling with it this time...If we didn't have as much in common or I wasn't genuinely curious I would probably be totally annoyed by now and would have stopped.

So I finally logged into my account this morning. S had messaged me on NYD to wish me a happy new year. That was sweet...I don't know if I should respond though....My default is to be polite and shoot a response back, but I don't want to see him again. I'm thinking I should just write something like "Happy NY to you, all the best" and leave it at that.....I don't know...

I messaged M back, so I will probably have a date with him at some point this week. R messaged to to ask for my availability this week too.

another guy, MO, jumped the questions and messaged me...we had already completed most of the guided communication anyway and also seem to have a lot in common. He asked if I would like to have a quick phone chat this week, so I agreed and gave my number.

What I find interesting is that of all the dozen or so guys that jumped straight to messaging, only 2 have actually followed through, or continued the conversation...R and T....the rest stopped responding after I asked them if they wanted to meet up and chat in person....I find that interesting. I hve had more luck with the men that have participated in the guided communication.

I really do appreciate the the guided communication, it really is helpful in weeding people out, so I think that for the guys who try to skip that step and go straight to message, I am going to decline their messages going forward and try to start the guided communication with them instead. I find it makes ME more comfortable going through that process.

I was previously communicating with some dudes that live a bit far away..still in my Province, but several hours away and I am torn as to whether I should keep responding. One of the guys in particular seemed really cute and funny, but I don't drive so logistically, I just don't know how we would really date.

A texted me this morning. We did not communicate at all yesterday. Today he texted me just as I had my phone right in my hand and was debating whether I should text to ask if his team won...funny that!

I get all the texting now...I viewed his profile again (hadn't done that since before the texting began). He describes himself as someone who is on the quiet side and opens up when he gets comfortable with you. So I think maybe the texting is helpng him to feel comfy so that when we go on the date, he will be more comfortable and therefore probably more talkative. I appreicate that because there is nothing worse than a date with someone that just sits there...not talking....

This s really my first foray into OLD, I have never used Match. So far I am finding eHarmony to be really good, The first week I was bombarded, but now I get around 10 matches a day, and they all seem like really interesting mature and positive guys. I do find though, that I am getting matched with a lot of travel bugs. Guys who travel like multiple times a year and are looking for same...and I'm not that girl at all. I travel one every couple years...I can't afford it every-year. Also I'm being matched with a lot of really successful and driven career types that seem to (maybe) put work ahead of everything else...so I don't know if this is bad per se...but when I read profiles like that I think twice.

One thing about eHarmony that I liked when I tried it was that the matches were pushed to you. Whereas on Match its like looking through the job ads and time consuming. Sounds like it's been time consuming for you with all the responses you're getting.

Yes that's why I joined it, so that I wouldn't have to do so much sifting. But yeah, it's been really time consuming. I responded back to several guys today, but there are still others that I was previously communicating with that I have to go back find, I really need to take notes while doing this so that I don't forget anyone. It's a bit nuts. Totally not what I was expecting.

Four dates lined up this week and I think I am going to hold-off on communicating with the other guys that are still coming through the pipeline until next week. I want to give myself some space to really enjoy these dates and give them the attention I need too and see what happens before I dive back in, I don't want to get distracted with all the messaging with the other dudes.

I see A tomorrow night and I am kinda nervous already!

This is rare, as I don't normally get nervous with first dates anymore--usually the nerves show up on the second or third date, especially third date because if we get that far it means I'm crushing. But this situation has progressed more because of all the texting.. I already feel like I know a lot of basic info about the guy, the sort of info that you learn on a first date. I feel almost like this is akin to a second date, in a way.

Wednesday I see M, and I'm not really feeling it anymore. Today I became a bit more turned off by his horrendous text/message grammar and punctuation, and they way he writes....he comes off like a spaz. I dunno. I'm going to give it a chance but I'm not all that excited about this date.

On Thursday I hope to see R. Though I am still waiting on a response for that. Originally I told him I was free on Wed and Thurs, but then I didn't hear back so I ended-up giving Wednesday to M. Then I got a response from R agreeing to Wednesday.....so I'm trying to reschedule with R.

I spoke with MO on the phone tonight and he seems very sweet--I could tell he was nervous. We are going to get together for coffee at some point on the weekend, so I am excited about that too.

So here is what I would do if your goal is to be in a long term relationship sooner rather than later. You have one first meet scheduled - treat it that way -it's not like a second date at all because if you act as if it is you might make the wrong impression. The other 3 men have not yet given you an exact time and place so assume none of those men is going to meet you in person (and that's realistic I found when making plans through dating sites).

I kept everything straight on a piece of paper and kept moving along meeting people because all these men you wrote about are complete strangers and by this weekend you could easily be back to zero with no one on the horizon. Of course you can focus on the person you are meeting for 45 minutes over coffee even if you are talking to 20 others. Just don't communicate with any of the others while you are on the first meet ;-).

If you are not as focused on finding a long term relationship in the not too distant future (if your goals have changed) then sure, communicate with as few people as you like and start from scratch as often as you like. I was just giving my opinion in the way I approached meeting men when I was looking for a husband.

Hey, just make sure to put all the ones you're communicating with on here - we'll be sure to keep track of it for you!

I remember with Annie, she had started talking to a guy way back on, like, page 3 of her dating journal... wrote him off as a serial canceller, then found him again near, like, page 80... and couldn't remember why she wrote him off the first time! So it helps to put the info down on here