The magic of a movie: inspiring or ...?

My first semester at college was one of the most difficult times ever in my life. I went home every weekend, and when I did, my father and I would watch the same movie. It gave me hope and inspiration during that time. (I'm not going to say which it is, because I'd rather not end up reading someone else's opinion on it.)

Obviously, I still love & adore that movie. And sometimes when I feel like doing something out of the norm for me, I feel like I'm betraying that movie in some way.

Example A guy friend I've known for awhile might be visiting me next week. We've been keeping in touch, and have been flirty. I've thought about what it would be like to have a one-night stand with him.

...and when I think of my movie, I feel guilty for wanting to do that.

A "lighter" example One time, I was craving a Bic Mac really badly. But thinking of another one of my cherished movies made me feel bad about wanting to eat something so unhealthy. (I eventually just relaxed and let myself have it, lol. But the idea is the same.)

It's almost like the movie reminds me of who I am and what I stand for. But a part of me also suspects that perhaps that's not healthy in a way...like the movie is keeping me from growing up somehow. (Which side is right? Or are both legit?)

Thank you,

Tulipwriter

It's not the movie that's doing anything. It's your choice to focus on the movie to an extent that you make choices based on it. The movie has no control over choices but you are a human being and you can choose to tell yourself, as appropriate, that it doesn't make sense for a movie to dictate what you do or don't do. My guess is that you're blaming the movie instead of making a choice as to how to behave because it's easier to blame a movie than to take responsibility for your own choices.

Three words: COGNITIVE BEHAVIOUR THERAPY.

You are not the movie and the movie is not you.

My guess is that you're blaming the movie instead of making a choice as to how to behave because it's easier to blame a movie than to take responsibility for your own choices.

Well I wouldn't call it "blaming," lol. But I see what you're saying.

Three words: COGNITIVE BEHAVIOUR THERAPY.

 

You are not the movie and the movie is not you.

Can you explain more, please?

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They use it to change maladaptive beliefs and thinking patterns.

Blaming -you are claiming it is the movie that is "making" you feel a certain way and making you make certain choices. It's not the movie. It's all you. Which is the good news. The hard part that comes with the ability to make choices is that then you can no longer blame others (whether other people or other things -or movies) for why you make certain choices.

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They use it to change maladaptive beliefs and thinking patterns.

I did look it up after you posted that. So obviously, you're saying that's what I need?

I have no idea. That would be up to a dr or therapist. But being controlled by a movie is not a healthy way to have a life. A movie has no feelings ,a movie cannot be betrayed. You are projecting human emotions onto an inanimate object.

I think it's normal for you to want the life that someone else has, which is basically what you are doing when you want to be like the people in that movie. But you are taking it too far: you are not living your own life because you feel like fictional characters would not approve. If this was trying to make your friends/parents/teacher etc proud, it would be different. But you are trying to make fictional characters in a movie proud. If you feel as if these characters are moral and you want to be like them, fine. But don't deny yourself what makes you happy in order to pretend like you are someone else. Have sex if it seems right next week, eat food when you are hungry (even bad food). Live your life to make YOURSELF proud, not someone else.

But being controlled by a movie is not a healthy way to have a life. A movie has no feelings ,a movie cannot be betrayed.

You do have a point. But by the same token Other people can hurt me, leave me, use me. But not that movie...not those characters. No matter what, those characters are always by my side. That movie and its characters don't judge me, tease me, make me feel bad. Those characters are there. Forever and always.

But those characters are not with you ,they are not real people. Again you are projecting human emotion on to something that's inanimate. The characters are not real ,they do no not uphold you ,they don't comfort you ,they are just not real.

hey do no not uphold you ,they don't comfort you

Yes, they do...they uphold & comfort me in their own way.

They are just not real.

I know you won't agree...but to me, they are.

Ok, but that is a severe problem. That means you can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. That is a severe severe problem.

You do have a point. But by the same token Other people can hurt me, leave me, use me. But not that movie...not those characters. No matter what, those characters are always by my side. That movie and its characters don't judge me, tease me, make me feel bad. Those characters are there. Forever and always.

You need to learn how to make yourself happy. It's not about other people hurting you, it's about you doing what you want to and taking the risk that other people may not be in agreement with you but that is ok because it isn't their life. I don't know your relationship status (I'm assuming single based on what you said about your friend visiting) but I highly encourage you to learn to be alone and ok with that. I have a lot of friends who can't be happy without their boyfriends/girlfriends approval. They are happy occasionally while they ride the high of approval, but then a slight change in their relationship status and they are crushed. Learn to love yourself. Nothing will teach you this expect for yourself excepting who you are. Try out some new hobbies (whatever seems interesting to you) and find ways to entertain yourself (local adult sports leagues, going out with friends, making art etc).

It sounds to me like you went to school, probably expecting to have an amazing experience, and instead it was really overwhelming to be away from the comfort of your home and family. So you turned to your family, and they gave you a comfort item: that movie. So now you are living your life to the standards of that movie bc that is how you define joy. The movie is like a baby blanket or a pacifier. It is a comfort item that you turn to when you are stressed. You need to let that go the same way a baby is forced to quit depending on their pacifier for comfort. Find comfort in yourself instead of a movie.

Ok, but that is a severe problem. That means you can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. That is a severe severe problem.

lol nonono ~ yes, I'm well aware it's just a movie! And that the characters are just actors, and that I can't communicate with them! What I meant was, in my heart, I feel those characters truly do comfort me and that, again, in my heart & soul, they are a part of me.

They aren't real. Perhaps what they represent, is real. How they are depicted - Realistic. But they are only fictional characters in a movie.

They can't judge or tease you because they don't exist, you cannot interact with them. I suppose that makes "them" safe. Is that the appeal to you?

They aren't real. Perhaps what they represent, is real. How they are depicted - Realistic. But they are only fictional characters in a movie.

 

They can't judge or tease you because they don't exist, you cannot interact with them. I suppose that makes "them" safe. Is that the appeal to you?

It's a number of factors. The atmosphere of the movie, the storyline, the way the characters live.

Okay ,but ever since you've been posting you've been posting about movies and how they apply to your life. And how real they are to you ect etc... You really need to address that aspect of your life or you're never going to be happy.

You really need to address that aspect of your life or you're never going to be happy.

But I am addressing it. And what do you mean I will never be happy otherwise?

How are you addressing it?

How are you addressing it?

By talking about it here and getting feedback.

Addressing it would be discussing it with a therapist. Have you done that?

Addressing it would be discussing it with a therapist. Have you done that?

Vaguely, with a former therapist. Didn't really help. I suppose I should print out this forum and show it to my current counselor next time we meet. (Obviously, I get a sense from you, Victoria66, that this is a severe problem that I have, even though I'm well aware they're just movies. Am I correct?)

Well, it is nothing that any of us can effectively help you with.