I have MAJOR insomnia while raising my newborn!

I had my son on November 22, 2014 and the first thing I came to realize while taking care of my little newborn, is the lack of sleep I am suddenly faced with. He is definitely "a cryer" and if he isn't sleeping he is crying very very loudly! I love him with all my heart and I know this phase will pass, but as for right now I really wouldn't mind some tips for getting through this stage in his life. Before I was pregnant I had chronic insomnia. I could stay up for a week at a time on 2 hours of sleep and this was quite typical of me. I would often just lay in bed at night and rest my eyes but they would keep opening! My mind would keep thinking about all these random topics and would keep me up all night. I always knew I was (and am) a deep thinker...but this was ridiculous!

When I became pregnant I was diagnosed with an iron deficiency which sort of saps all the energy right out of you, so for the first time in a long time, I slept...like a baby, for months! I actually had a regular sleeping pattern and even had naps. Now that my son is here my body has returned back to it's usual insomnia state. The thing is, with a newborn who needs your attention 24/7, you HAVE to sleep and take naps, otherwise you will literally start to shatter into tiny little bits as you struggle to keep the little guy happy and content through all hours of the day and night.

Last night, I found out, with a lot of patience and commitment, I can actually fall asleep. It actually takes me 4-5 hours to finally fall asleep even if I'm exhausted. I have sleeping meds, but I am afraid to take them because if I fall asleep on meds and my son needs me, will I even wake up? So far the solution to my sleeping problem is to let my boyfriend do the night shifts at least 3 days per week even though he works 15 hours per day! (He works in the movie industry and sets up lighting for t.v. shows).

Then on weekends he does the night shift and most of the day shift while I struggle to get in a sleep. He knows I suffer with this. I used to be able to "settle down" my thoughts and sleep easier if I wrote stories before bed, and journals, but with a newborn baby that's not possible. By the time my mind settles down, he will cry for his feedings.

The thing is, my boyfriend needs sleep too! He can literally fall asleep within 2 seconds anytime and anywhere, so he tends to get more sleep while taking care of the baby then I do when I am not taking care of the baby! It's crazy! He is like the sleeping champ, he is really good at falling asleep and staying asleep. Me on the other hand, it's like I was never taught how to sleep (even though it's natural to). During the weekdays I do the full 5am-midnight day shift every day. Then I do 2-3 nightshifts with next to no sleep at all.

I don't have any postpartum depression or depression issues thankfully. I somehow stay happy, even though my eyes are red and my memory doesn't even exist any more. I have been forgetting entire days. I actually will have amnesia like symptoms from the lack of sleep. There were doctors appointments we had for our son that I couldn't even remember until my boyfriend told me in great detail what happened (and he had to tell me over and over until I vaguely remembered maybe something...)

So my question is....should I take the sleep meds? If not, what can I do, to fall asleep more quickly so I can take care of my son easier? I know parenting literally means you have to schedule your sleeping and compromise your sleeping...and so far, thanks to my insomnia, that is very very hard for me to do!

Talk to hour doctor! If you are breast feeding I don't think sleeping pills are the answer!

Also...my Chiro recently had a baby...and a cryer...and it turned out the baby was hungry as she wasn't producing enough milk.

Congrats on your newborn!

I do remember those days of no sleep...and now my oldest is 19!

I really think you should talk with your doctor about all of this. If you are breast feeding then you need to be careful about what might get through your breast milk to the baby.

Also, as you pointed out, you need to be able to wake up if the baby needs you.

Sleep is very important for your body. There may be some changes you can make environmentally to help. Do you consume caffeine? If so, make sure you do not have it after noon or so. And this includes chocolate as well.

There may be other foods that keep you awake like sugary foods or spicy foods. Keep track of what you eat and when, to find what works for you.

Some people have found it helpful to eat protein before bed- like a cheese stick or handful of almonds.

Others have told me that they take their calcium with vitamin D3 and magnesium citrate all together at night and it helps their muscles to relax.

I do take magnesium citrate myself to help with muscle cramping and to be able to metabolize my calcium. But you have to read the label and find the citrate form. It took me a while but I found it at the health food store.

You might get a book to help you learn progressive relaxation techniques. In fact, you might even seek out a counselor to guide you through some sessions of that, to give you tools to work with when it happens.

Make sure you are aware of any light triggers that mess up your sleep cycle. Stop all computer and tv use for an hour before bed, to allow your brain to rest and begin to produce the sleep hormones.

Get yourself and the baby out into the fresh air and sunlight about 20 minutes about the same time each and every day. This is important for your bodies to be in the natural light because your sleep hormone production will follow the rhythm. It is called the Circadian rhythm.

Most people's Circadian rhythm are about 24-25 hours, so that follows our days and nights well. Some people's rhythms are longer than that, so their sleep hormones hit at the wrong time.

I once met a person whose Circadian rhythm was measured to be about 30 hours, so her sleep schedule was usually off, unless it intersected with normal night time.

A sleep study clinic can measure your sleep cycle.

Another issue for you might be sleep apnea, little seizures, teeth grinding, etc. Again, a sleep disorder clinic can determine that.

Good luck with your new little one!!!

I have a thread about this from years ago because I suffered from insomnia when my son was a newborn because the disrupted sleep finally got to me in an insomniac kind of way. I would not take sleeping meds whether or not you are nursing because you never know when a newborn will need you and you need to be alert (yes even if the dad is around, with a newborn I'd try to have both parents at least accessible as much as possible). Also sleeping meds will be ok short term only and won't re-train you on how to sleep normally.

What I would do is practice visualization techniques, avoid all computers/tv before trying to sleep for at least an hour and use lavender oil on your pillow.

A few more things- make sure the temp in your room is about 65 or lower at night. Also, make sure your room is completely dark when you want to sleep. Even your alarm clock can interfere with your sleep cycle, so research what color is the least affecting and go with that.

Try to rest when your baby naps.

At night, even if you can't sleep, trust that rest will help you. If you have thoughts racing about your head, then you can use a technique of letting that thought float like a cloud through your head and right out of your head.

If you have unwanted and stressful thoughts then write down a quick note to remember for later, and then if the same thought comes back into your mind, then say STOP in your mind and switch your thought to pictures of a serene beach or a walk in the woods.

During the weekdays I do the full 5am-midnight day shift every day. Then I do 2-3 nightshifts with next to no sleep at all.

Is there any way you can change your hours? Because swing shifts in a normal person, even with no baby, are detrimental to a person's sleep patterns (and interestingly, it's been found that swing shifts over a liftetime seem to correlate to cancer rates), but this schedule is ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. Either of those time slots is insane, by itself (19-hour work days, 5 days in a row?? Then all nighters??) -- and then the two together? Anyone's sleep center would be utterly trashed with this, it's against everything your physiology demands. No sleep drugs or gimmicks can help you until you stop this pattern which is SO unnatural. Human beings were not made to sleep like this. This is like eating 4500 calories in a sitting to last you the next 3 days, so that you don't have to eat at all in those 3 days; then binging again. The body needs regularity more than anything else. You can't hope to achieve healthy biorhythms, sleep hormones, etc. with this schedule even without a baby, but with one? Our society is chronically sleep-deprived even with more normal schedules, and doctors in the know will tell you that humans were meant to put the lights out when the sun went down, and wake up when the sun came up, like they did before electricity, and people slept 9-10 hours, with a REGULAR routine. We've deviated so far from that, but yours is an extreme.

I hope you can talk to your employer and boyfriend about how to overhaul this schedule. It's extremely unhealthy, not just in the short term and with a newborn, but over time it'll take its toll. It's unsustainable for your health.

This is an actual disorder which you may have...and the only real answer is to change a work schedule like yours. I would not continue with this pattern, if you want health and longevity. But here's some info:

link removed

I think she is referring to the swing shift with the baby...not a job with a company.

Is there anyone who can help you out during the weekdays? I don't have children, but from what I understand, having a baby is just like having a full-time job, so TOV's advice about swing shifts would still apply. If you look at it that way, you are working some pretty crazy hours OP.

Is there anyone who can help you out during the weekdays? I don't have children, but from what I understand, having a baby is just like having a full-time job, so TOV's advice about swing shifts would still apply. If you look at it that way, you are working some pretty crazy hours OP.

If she has insomnia though it might not help to have someone there if she can't sleep. I thought about that too - and didn't do it -also because I didn't want to introduce the risk of poor hygiene/infection with a newborn.

this was my thread

Congrats on having your son. It's such an amazing and exhausting time. It's gets better, I promise

Have you ever taken melatonin? Your body naturally produces it...I take it to reset my sleep schedule. It doesn't leave me groggy, and when my daughter wakes up in the night, I have no problem getting up with her. If you're breastfeeding, you'll need to talk to your doctor first.

My daughter cried a lot too. If she wasn't attached to my boob (which was pretty much 45 minutes out of every hour during the day) she was crying. My saving grace was a baby swing. It was the only time I could get her to shut up. With love. It was a hard time. The first four months, I thought I was going to go crazy. There were times when she was crying...and I couldn't get her to stop...and I would sit there crying too. All I'm trying to say is...you're not alone. Newborns are a lot of work. You need to find things that work for you and him. Try out a swing. See if those heart beat stuffed animals help...and for you...maybe take a bath before bed?

(((Hugs)))

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Thank you for all the ideas and help. I like the lavender idea and the eating protein and calcium before bed. I might try that because I actually do have hyper leg syndrome when I am trying to sleep. My legs will be really hyper and drinking a glass of milk used to help a lot. I do drink coffee, but only 1 medium cup in the morning and that's it. If I didn't have that coffee I don't know how I'd make it through the long days. I seem to have trouble with "winding down". If I am allowed to wind down, I can sleep, but if anything wakes me up (I am a light sleeper) then that is all over. A good night for me is if it takes an hour for me to fall asleep. To me, that's a good thing usually followed by a good nights sleep! I usually feel the best with 8 hours of sleep but usually this is impossible. Right now 3-5 hours of sleep is a good nights sleep to me. Even if I do fall into a deep sleep, if I am woken up, my thoughts just switch on like a match being thrown into a fire...and then I can't turn them off or go back to sleep. I will literally stay awake and even get up and start my day at 4am in the morning if I am woken up. I usually get up saying "now that I am awake there is really no point wasting my time laying in bed". Then I will start making formula or doing other tasks (I formula feed, not breast feed).

I really want to change my patterns but really don't know how. I turn off all the lights and try turning on a fan to tune out things, but even that doesn't work anymore. I can't seem to reach that moment people get to right before they fall asleep. I seem to stay in the moments before that...and stay awake. I can be really relaxed but not asleep or even close to being asleep. Thinking of the ocean and laying down on a drifting boat or piece of plankwood used to make me fall asleep but even that doesn't work now. The classic counting sheep technique used to work (I tried it out of desperation). I'd usually lose count at 14-28 sheep and fall asleep. Now I tend to lose count at 58 sheep but instead of falling asleep I just start thinking up random numbers like "58 sheep...67 sheep...88 sheep" it's really weird! I think my insomnia comes from stress based from the thoughts that seem to litter my mind.

I will always be thinking of things like "I wonder what time it is? How much time do I have left until the sun comes up? I wonder when my boyfriends alarm will go off? I wonder when my son will want his next feeding? I wonder if I will be able to go outside tomorrow? I wonder if my boyfriends asleep right now or somewhat asleep?" It's like crazy obsessive sleep deprived thoughts! I worry about it a lot and then it makes it hard to sleep. If I'm not worrying about sleep it's other things that arn't even really issues, yet at night time, they seem like issues as my mind drifts. I will worry about stuff like "If I ever traveled to Africa's remote areas, would I get attacked by a lion and if so what would I do?" Like really weird non-realistic thoughts that would never happen in my real life. They are usually stressful thoughts. I think my internal clock is really off, because back in the days when I used to actually sleep 8 hours per night I always fell asleep at different times each night instead of around the same time. So even along time ago my sleep patterns were off.

Whether this is stress related or an actual disorder...I am not sure. I found even in my least stressful times in life I was still that night owl...except I didn't sleep in the day either. Sometimes I actually like it when I am sick (with a cold or ailment) because it helps me sleep since my body will need to recover. That's how bad it is.

I agree that my schedule is really crazy (and so is my boyfriends schedule). My best friend also has insomnia, and he is awake all hours of the night and is used to 4 hours of sleep. He can be irritable sometimes but is usually a happy guy. His memory is terrible, just like mine He will also forget entire days and sometimes entire weeks because having insomnia makes all the days run into each other. He actually does take sleep medications but they barely work. He doesn't want to take meds but he said he gave up and really doesn't know what else to do.

I just want to be there for my son and have a lot of energy for him. I know exercise can help with insomnia, and perhaps these days, staying inside with the little guy, is making it hard for me to use up alot of energy so I actually can wind down later. I need more exercise. A lot of the times while I am trying to sleep, I actually hope for my son to wake up for formula just so I have something to do during those sleep deprived nights. That's how much energy I have when I really shouldn't have any energy at 3am in the morning! I am going to try everyone's ideas on here, and I made a list. If this continues for one more week I am seeing a doctor about it. I don't plan on taking sleep meds at all and hopefully can find what needs to be done in order for this to get better!

Huh...that's interesting. I average 3 hours of sleep a night (according to my fitbit). I didn't realize that was classified as insomnia. My grandmother slept like that...and I always have. I thought some people just need less sleep.

Sometimes I take naps. I find that I fall asleep with my bf on the couch when we're watching tv (which I wish we did everyday but it only happens a few times a month. Glorious sleep). I often take a few minutes and just close my eyes and...I guess people would call it meditating...I focus on nothing- like not thinking at all. It helps.

Interesting.

Really? I guess I am not the only one. Someone once told me not to worry about it and maybe it's as natural as getting 8 hours of sleep for some people. Who knows! Because, usually in the past, it never really interfered with my days. I wouldn't even be tired at all despite sleeping only a few hours. The only reason why it's bothering me now is because I need to take care of my baby, so you pretty much have to sleep even if you don't want to or can't, otherwise you would probably pass out eventually lol. Today he's 1 month old exactly and healthy. He eats a lot too so he put on the reccommended weight, and also is meeting his developmental milestones (I practice them with him all the time), so despite having next to no sleep, I can still function. For me it's always my memory that takes the worse hit. Other then that though, it's somehow doable to get no sleep!

I have an update. Last night I tried "winding down" and finally managed to sleep for about 6 hours. My boyfriend did the night shift with my son. I tried the lavender idea, and also had some warm milk before bed (now I sound like the baby haha!), and then after that I put on a nature documentary on a really low volume. After about an hour of letting myself wind down (which I don't tend to do anymore), I fell into the deepest sleep I've had all month! I had to wake up early to help my boyfriend with the baby but today I feel very well rested. Thanks everybody for the ideas! I will keep trying them to maintain a sleep schedule (even if it's not the best!) it's better then it was before, already! My problem was I'd just go ahead and lay in bed while my mind was still really active. Spending time to wind down is probably the best option (and only option lol) for me. I used to draw before bedtime, and write and that always made me sleepy. I guess I just really need to zone out before I can sleep. I wish I could just fall asleep the moment my head hit the pillow, but I don't think that will ever be.

Thank you all!

Faraday, Thanks for the idea I should get one of those swings. It definitely helps to have people to help out. My son tends to actually sleep at night (except for when he's hungry), during the daytime though, he will cry for almost no reason. He will be fed, diapered, cuddled, clothed, and maybe he will be content for about 10-20 minutes but he's like a little ticking time bomb. After that he just cries and cries until he falls asleep again! We did have him checked by a doctor (several times now) but he gave us this look like "newborns will definitely do that!". He sort of smiled and didn't seem concerned. From what I read online it's pretty normal for them to cry for no reason until later on.

My theory is...he's probably crying because he doesn't know how to do anything else yet! He can't laugh or talk or walk around, so he probably has pent up energy he just needs to use up by crying. Crying is his only skill, so I guess he cries because that's all he can do so far. I will always make sure he's okay, but he literally cries for no reason no matter what we do. He seems to really like music a lot but his taste is really funny. My mom and the doctors told me to put on classical music, but he doesn't seem to really like it. I tried putting on a rock n roll station (on really low volume) and he loves it. It makes him pass right out every single time. It's so funny. We will even leave it on all night for him. Sometimes he will be screaming, kicking and crying, and the moment I turn on the rock n roll music he stops and looks at me all content, then starts to fall asleep! Yet when I put on calming classical music or soft music he starts to look really upset! I think he does this because when I was pregnant my boyfriend always put similar sounding music on in his car (like the beatles). I think my son remembers the guitars and music so it calms him down (even though it's rock n roll haha)

Sorry I got way off topic, but thank you for the advice

My daughter cried all the time until she hit 4 months....and at that point, she wanted to stand and look around at everything. By 6 months, if we weren't holding her hands while she was walking around, she was screaming. It was exhausting. I was so happy she she learned how to walk on her own! She just wanted to move. She would never sit In a stroller she didn't want to be home- I took her out constantly or she was miserable. She's 6 years old now...and she's still crazy active. Maybe your son will be like that. Just needing a lot of stimulation.

Do you guys go for many walks? It might help him....and you'll get moving, which helps with sleeping.

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I am so happy for you that you had a good night's sleep. I had some insomnia because my son had his first day of winter break camp today (see it doesn't end, the worrying). But I think your approaches are great -especially the winding down before lying down -I had to learn to do that and it works great.

Can your boyfriend set his alarm more quietly or sleep in another room so that you can't hear it?