How to stop obsessing over a co-worker?

Or in other words, how can I at least get to a point where I'm not up at 5am asking a forum about her?

Someone I've worked with for about 2 years, in an organisation where we all feel like part of a 'mission' and spend quite a lot of time socialising outside of work, has recently been working much more closely with me in a bit of a 'siege-mentality' situation. Naturally this has meant we've been a lot closer at work, but now its getting to the point where I'm thinking about her, and what she would think, ALL the time, almost to the exclusion of other colleagues/friends/girls.

I obviously wouldn't be feeling quite this way if it was another man, but I'm also not sure how much of it is romantic: I'm not imagining/wishing we were together, and most of the thoughts are about how she's getting on, or whether she approves of the way I'm handling situations at work, whether she approves of me.

Assuming that I'm not just being in denial about being hopelessly in love, how can I get back to a more balanced relationship as a colleague and friend? I've had this a little bit before in old jobs with female co-workers where professional admiration got conflated with personal crush, or I just went all-or-nothing with friends. I used to have similarly obsessive traits about hobbies/sports/study/food, so I wonder whether there are similar techniques for getting over this?

Really appreciate any thoughts, or clarifications - I'm new to this.

Get a life of your own. The moment your emotional life depends on others, you giving the power and control of your life in a place where it doesn't belong, namely in the hands of others. You risk becoming an emotional soccerball for others to play with. You need to bring the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in your own hands. In this moment you are just dreaming of all the could have beens. But you need to get your feet grounded and land back on earth again.

Stop believing in fairy tales, and take a concrete look at how you can really improve your life , your situation, and how you can build up your life in a concrete way, with concrete people who add something in your life, and who's lives you can add something worthwhile back.

I mean its natural to be in love with someone , but that doesn't mean you don't need a life of your own to fall back on. Remember, a partner can leave your life any day, so you better have a life of your own to fall back on when that happens.

I used to dream like you all the time, and at one given point i needed to realise i need to get back to reality, and how things really work. So i suggest a 180 degree turn in how you do things.

This happened to me once. It was even escalated to the point where things got physical. That just made things even worse.

Never in my life have I had such strong feelings for another person, and things started to get ugly when it didn’t work out and every day at work became a living nightmare. Even after I stopped working there the feelings didn’t go away, and eventually I got to a point in my life where I realized that my obsession with her was not healthy.

All I can say for about how I solved the problem was to stop thinking of her. The trick is everytime you have a thought of her try to replace it with something else or a negative or neutral experience. It becomes easier to obsess about someone when you only see them through gold lenses.

Also, realize that the quickest way to get over her is to start dating and seeing other women. Later I would learn that all of my obsessions was a mild form of austim. I think I realized I was a really high functioning austistic person, which is part of the reason I am so smart.

However these patterns that I have with repetition and familiarity also bring me a lot of anxiety and depression when they are being channneled in a healthy way.

Exercise and mediation and diet help a lot. This may not be what’s going on in your case, but remember your a man so it’s normal to have these feelings. How you decide to deal with them will determine the type of person you are.

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