"The List" of things you didn't like at all about your EX

This is just a good exercise to help move from the denial stage to the anger stage. It is good to remember that there were very good reasons for things to go south in a relationship. And that while you might be putting your ex on some sort of pedestal in your mind, it's really just an illusion... and they were not at all perfect and obviously not perfect for YOU....

I can write a short novel about the stuff I couldn't stand about the ex that brought me to this site. But here, I will start...

1. She was selfish as hell and so self involved in her life she never gave a rats a$$ about anyone else but herself and her world.

2. She was beyond cruel when fighting with me. Took it to levels that simply should never be taken with anyone.

3. She thought just because she was a beautiful girl that she was entitled to be a total jerk sometimes.

4. Had a HUGE issue with men and without a doubt was a man hater on some level.

5. Every ex-bf she ever had was constantly pining for her and texting her and harassing her (I am so glad I was never ever one of those fools.. the NC force is strong with me

6. She didn't respect my wishes to stay NC and while it should have ended a year ago, she made things way harder by randomly texting me to get my attention.

7. She had a SCREWED up past and while I never judged her on it or used it against her (although she used mine against me)....I would rather not get involved with someone who has that much baggage again...ever again.

8. No matter how many times I was there for her and showed her compassion and helped even when I shouldn't have.... she never once made it a point to do the same for me.

9. She hid parts of her life and simply had no interest in bringing someone in and opening completely up.

I can go on and on but I have to get some work done lol

But holy craparachi that felt damned good

My question is --- why were you dating this man eating pirhana?

My question is --- why were you dating this man eating pirhana?

Because I attract man eating piranha's like a dog attracts fleas. They seem to flock to me like the Swallows of Capistrano. And because lets be honest....crazy can be really tough to deal with BUT the incredible sex is usually "almost" worth dealing with it for a while..

She suffered with depression, it got really bad and she thought she was a burden on me so let me go over text.

I looked at myself went you did nothing wrong and if you had to do it again you wouldn't change anything.

I accepted it was her issue and her personal life to solve and that she wasn't ready for a committed relationship so i wished her the best and let her go.

No anger stage at all just acceptance and let it go. Holding on to anger is only detrimental to yourself and your healing. Yes it's natural but what I'm saying is don't dwell on it for too long. Change your mindset and focus on what your doing. If you do that then you don't have time to focus on them.

Back to the OP all the things you've listed are red flags and when you were in the relationship these should of been discussed and dealt with. Next time round don't be so accommodating, if your not happy with anything in a relationship raise it. If you don't nothing will change.

Good luck on your continued journey.

Lets see if this makes me feel better.

1 - He never had any initiatives for dates, asking me out, making plans with me, I was the one always doing everything. And then would panic when I would get upset with him fearing I would leave him

2 - He was not that good in bed

3 - He has a strange, too close relationship with his mom, which makes me believe he will always have commitment problems (mommy issues)

4 - He never complimented me nor told me he loved me

5 - He loves plying his computer and playstation games more than anything

6 - He thinks its very normal and acceptable to stay friends after a break up

7 - He has bad music taste, or none at all

Nope, not feeling better. Was worth a try though.

He contacted me today again asking if I want to go to the cinema next week, with him and a few friends, to see the Hobbit. I want to see the film, yes, but said I have plans with someone else on that day. Still it upsets me that he contacts me, it brings me back to square one, when I was already feeling better and ignoring him.

Excellent thread Chama. I think it's a healthy idea and can certainly help anyone overcome an ex.

I believe it's going to be a matter of time before I add my own list on here... ugh... ambiguity in a relationship is terrible. I don't know what's worse, false hope or uncertainty.

Oh that was the ex before my last ex brother. I am 100% healed and over her and had a decent relationship with someone since her and I am dating someone really awesome now too. Although she made recent contact with me and it did not end well at all. She is once again blocked on every device I own. I can honestly say that I think that I've heard the last of her. Fingers crossed! lol

And I don't agree with you about the list. Sure, eventually you need to accept and move on and sometimes even forgive if you can get there. But initially....it is very good to not obsess over what your brand new ex's good qualities were and think you can't do better. That's not at all the truth, and there were many things that we all can list out and look to avoid in future endeavors.

The list is for the beginning stages of a breakup. It's to move from denial... its to realize that they were far from perfect. And sometimes the list helps you get mad enough about their treatment of you that it makes it a lot easier to start progressing...

Because I attract man eating piranha's like a dog attracts flees. They seem to flock to me like the salmon of Capistrano. And because lets be honest....crazy can be really tough to deal with BUT the incredible sex is usually "almost" worth dealing with it for a while..

It is "fleas", not flees.

They are the swallows of Capistrano --- not the salmon.

Crazy is as crazy does --- to paraphrase Forrest Gump!!!

He contacted me today again asking if I want to go to the cinema next week, with him and a few friends, to see the Hobbit. I want to see the film, yes, but said I have plans with someone else on that day. Still it upsets me that he contacts me, it brings me back to square one, when I was already feeling better and ignoring him.

Have you tried telling him not to contact you? That you need to heal and move on?

Have you tried telling him not to contact you? That you need to heal and move on?

Yes, I wrote him that there is no reason to contact me asking how I am, that there is no reason for me not be doing well (he asked me how I was doing early this week).

And that he can contact me when he really needs something from me or if he changes his mind about a future in the relationship (broke up with him because living together was not an issue for him). That we are not going to be friends, he doesn't get to have me partially in his life, it's either all or nothing at all.

Lets see if this makes me feel better.

 

1 - He never had any initiatives for dates, asking me out, making plans with me, I was the one always doing everything. And then would panic when I would get upset with him fearing I would leave him

 

2 - He was not that good in bed

 

3 - He has a strange, too close relationship with his mom, which makes me believe he will always have commitment problems (mommy issues)

 

4 - He never complimented me nor told me he loved me

 

5 - He loves plying his computer and playstation games more than anything

 

6 - He thinks its very normal and acceptable to stay friends after a break up

 

7 - He has bad music taste, or none at all

Those are some good ones. And number 2... seriously

When you decide you are worth more to yourself than his contact and the pain that it causes you....you will block and delete.

It is "fleas", not flees.

They are the swallows of Capistrano --- not the salmon.

 

Crazy is as crazy does --- to paraphrase Forrest Gump!!!

lol Shud it mhowe

Those are some good ones. And number 2... seriously

 

Well yes, I guess I have a higher libido than he does.

lol Shud it mhowe

Salmon/swallows ---- you have given me my chuckle of the day (and my office mate) ---- thank you sir!

Well yes, I guess I have a higher libido than he does.

Just wait until you find another dude who you have actual real chemistry with. The one who has the libido that not only compliments yours but enhances it as well... I am sure that guy is around the corner for you. But your ex's contact is an obstacle to finding him...

Excellent thread Chama. I think it's a healthy idea and can certainly help anyone overcome an ex.

 

I believe it's going to be a matter of time before I add my own list on here... ugh... ambiguity in a relationship is terrible. I don't know what's worse, false hope or uncertainty.

Scoe... I know you have it in you. Just give three...

1. He lied to me about having an ex-wife and son.

2. He hated his own family and thus never wanted to get to know mine.

3. He was very anti-social.

4. He pressured me into doing sexual things that I wasn't ready for.

5. He didn't understand my depression/anxiety and bipolar; neither did he respect or tolerate it very well.

6. He had no idea what to do with his life and after 5 months, couldn't tell me where he thought our relationship was going.

Scoe... I know you have it in you. Just give three...

haha... you know this is premature right?

Well here goes:

1. She never seems to be happy. I try to lighten the mood and I get stonewalled. (She attributes that to stress in her life.)

2. There always seems to be so much drama in her life... it's seriously wearing me down. Friends and family have mentioned that I haven't been happy lately. (I'm usually upbeat.)

3. It seems like her opinions are always right about any topic. It doesn't matter what I say. It's gotten to the point where I just listen and don't say anything.

Thanks Chama... stay tuned.

1. He lied to me about having an ex-wife and son.

 

Red flag 1

 

2. He hated his own family and thus never wanted to get to know mine.

 

Red flag 2

 

3. He was very anti-social.

 

4. He pressured me into doing sexual things that I wasn't ready for.

 

Red flag 3

 

5. He didn't understand my depression/anxiety and bipolar; neither did he respect or tolerate it very well.

 

Red flag 4

 

6. He had no idea what to do with his life and after 5 months, couldn't tell me where he thought our relationship was going.

Sounds like three strikes and you're out- and you gave him a "gimmie". Glad you're no longer with him. You need someone who's going to be understanding and compassionate to your needs.

I knew we wouldn't be long term, but enjoyed the companionship, so held on as long as I could. I think he did too. It was an amicable break up (if there is a such thing!). In the end though, I knew I couldn't accept that he hated family - his or mine. That's the reason I ended it.

1. She had a substance abuse problem

2. She had a lot of baggage when i first met her

3. She didn't value family, never wanted to be close to mine, only wanted to take me away from them

4. Her feet weren't firmly planted on the ground, she was very impulsive

5. Her life decisions were all over the place. (we bought a home together, but she wanted to move away shortly after)

6. She chose her friends over me

7. She didn't respect me

List of things I don't like about my ex....Hmmmm. She dumped me. What more do I need not to like.

List of things I don't like about my ex....Hmmmm. She dumped me. What more do I need not to like.

Well, if that's enough for you then maybe no list needed. Although, not liking that she dumped you could be one of the things that making the list helps with...

You may find that you are more happy to be rid of her than you think.

My who?

1. That he had never traveled on his own, only for work.

2. That he was risk averse in all things.

3. That he was ignorant of his emotional underworld.

4. That he obsessed over sunscreen, diet, exercise and avoiding a slow death.

5. That I was so "other" to him.

6. That his sister and BIL were racist sexist and classist.

7. That the sex would never have gotten any more interesting.

8. That our dates started to feel routine.

9. That he never asked me out for a weeknight.

10. That he wanted to marry because he realized he was going to become an older, single man.

Hail to the end of a long chapter that started... decades ago.

I used to be able to fill a book with the things about my ex I hated. Now I just have one thing to say about it all. "I hate that you were a jerk, but I think what I hate the most is that I stayed and put up with it when I didn't have to."